Thursday, June 28, 2007

Day 131 - 169.2 / Fartlek Run / Body Image

The scale is slowly inching down this week, but at least it's the right direction.

I ran 1.5 miles tonight in about 16:30. It was my speed-play run, and dang it was tough. The fastest was 6.2 mph for I think a tenth of a mile, and then I just upped and downed my speed every tenth of a mile or so. It was mentally difficult to keep changing the pace, which surprised me. I guess I like zoning out and just moving steadily along. My full workout was 45 minutes, 3.41 miles, a little over 400 calories.

Tomorrow starts Week 2, a normal 1.5 mile run.

So today I wore a really cute beige fitted light sweater with a brown skirt. The skirt is the most forgiving jersey fabric and hangs perfectly. The top is fitted too, and even though it looks good on me, I can still see some belly roll if the fabric isn't placed perfectly on my hips.

Fabric doesn't stayed glued down in one place when one is going about daily life.

And hence my screwed up thoughts today about how I look. Gosh, I really need to get more weight off. Look how thick my waist is and oh man is that a muffin top? Why are my boobs still so big? Oh and my ankles are swelling and not so thin this afternoon.

What the ? I look great -- compared to where I was 36 pounds ago. I have the clothing labels to prove it!

The Fat Head is already attacking my self esteem. And I don't like it. Not one bit.

Now, I know that there are clothes that will make me look better and clothes that will make me look fatter. That's not what's going on here.

Vickie has talked a lot about body image and I'm going to read more of her past experiences to get some perspective. Because this (fat head) aggression will not stand, man.


Vickie said...

Actually my post today - is king of like that - Thin Enough To Go to the Gym says that I am one of the only bloggers that talks about that - She might be right - I haven't read anyone else talking about it. It will be interesting to see what happens to you - I was almost exactly 20 pounds heavier at this time last summer. And the last 20-30 pounds is when IT really happened. IT took me a LONG time to figure out what IT was that was happening. I would gripe about my belly fat without really understanding WHY - now - I know.

Lori said...

The other thing, Laura, is what we see is usually magnified to the nth degree -- everyone else usually doesn't see it and thinks it's crazy.

(And yet, they probably have some areas that they're sensitive about too...)

Great run!

The outfit sounds really nice and pretty. You have made tremendous progress.