Friday, August 31, 2007

Progress Pictures

February 2013: WDW Princess Half Marathon.  152 pounds

June 17, 2010: 162 pounds, size 12 shorts, size Large shirt

October 31, 2008: 149 pounds.

June 28, 2008: Weight 152. I'm proud of my arms and shoulders because I've been taking weight training classes for about a month.

At my heaviest I was around 220 pounds, after the birth of my son in November 2005. This picture was taken that Christmas.

At my daughter's birthday party in May 2007, I weighed 179 pounds, size 12s and size L shirt.In July 2007, I was in size 10s and a belt! 165 pounds.

July 2007--165 pounds.

September 3, 2007 - At the park with my kids, I was comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt, at 159 pounds. I'm in a size 8 pants and medium/small tops.

October 20, 2007 - 155 pounds (photo courtesy of my 6 year old)

March 20, 2008: I've been maintaining around 152 - 154 pounds for about 6 months.

Day 190 - 159.4 - Jeans

I may still be 15 pounds away from goal, but I'm wearing skinny jeans today.

Last week I decided I needed a pair of jeans, so I got on a jean fitting website and found that Old Navy has a pair that should fit my body well. I have a shape where if pants fit in the hips, they gap hugely at the back of my waist. Guess? jeans were huge when I was in high school in the glorious '80s, and even though I wasn't fat, I felt like a total jeans failure because I had a curvy body and Guess? jeans were made for stick figures. I think I got a size 11 on, but they looked horrible because of the giant waist band.

Anyway, jeans and I have had a long history of not getting along. My last pair fit me relatively well, and I totally lucked into them--a size 16 Levi's that I found at JCPenney that even the sales lady said shouldn't have been in her department because they were too "young looking." They were low(er) waisted, which turns out is exactly what I need for jeans to fit me well.

At Old Navy last week, I tried on 4 different styles in 12s and had a couple 10s just in case. The Flirt Flare is the pair that fit, in a size 10. They are mid-waisted, don't gap at all, and don't pinch any muffin-top over the waist band. I've got a black cap sleeved v-neck t-shirt on, with a black belt.

I feel like a skinny girl today. If I don't lose any more weight, and can just hold on to this feeling, I'd be okay with that.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Day 189 - 159.8 - A short workout and a chocolate attack

A funny thing happened on the way to the gym yesterday....

Actually, a couple of things, which conspired against me to ensure I only worked out 15 minutes. I had planned to do 60 minutes, with some running but mostly walking, and was dressed and leaving the office at 4 p.m. I peaked my head into my husband's office to tell him I was going (we work together) and he said he wished I was staying so I could help him with an email.

Okay, I thought. He could just ASK instead of wish these things, but men, whatcha gonna do? So I stayed and helped for about 20 minutes. That set me back but I figured I could still get a good 40 minutes in.

Then as I'm walking to the car I see a lightening bolt and 2 seconds later a huge clap of thunder. Uh oh.... the drops started to hit my head before I got to the car. On my 3 minute drive to the gym it started to pour down rain with some hail thrown in the mix. I got to the gym and sat in my car for 10 minutes watching the wind and rain and listening to the ping-ping-ping of the hail. It calmed down enough that I decided to bite the bullet and get out of the car. I was able to keep my umbrella open, but my shoes and socks got soaked.

The funniest thing-- there was a sign on the counter that said "POOL IS CLOSED." I got my belly laugh for the day at that one. The guy working the check-in counter said they put it up when the lightening started, before the rain, but I just couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of such a sign during a raging storm.

So I filled my water bottle, retied my shoes, grabbed a towel and hit the treadmill. I ran one mile in 10:30, which is a fast pace for me. I walked a few minutes to warm up and cool down, stretched, and left about 17 minutes after I'd entered the gym.

It wasn't much, but it was better than completely giving up. My leg muscles are still really sore today, but they felt fine while I was running. So, not sure what today holds, workout wise.

I did great yesterday with food, until last night. I totally had a chocolate attack. I've got a lot of stress with work right now and it's just been building and building, and I caved and had 1/2 pint of Edy's chocolate ice cream that was left over from Sophie's slumber party last Friday night (we did fun foods--pizza crackers the girls made themselves, Jiffy Pop popcorn, and chocolate ice cream. Cornerstones of a sleep over with your best friend!), 2 SlimFast chocolate snacks, and a cereal bar. About 650 calories in 10 minutes. Frankly, I felt better. It's sad, but food is still my drug of choice when I'm really in need of a fix.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Day 188 - 159.4

I. Am. So. Sore.

I know your muscles are usually in worse shape on day 2, but I was praying it wouldn't be the case this time. That somehow magically I'd be immune from the effects of all those squats and lunges and pushups.

Ho, boy, was I wrong.

I can barely sit down and stand up, and getting up and down off the floor (I have a 21 month old, so I spend quite a bit of time down there) just about did me in this morning.

How in the heck am I gonna run this afternoon? We shall see. It may be some hobbled walking on the treadmill instead of anything resembling a run. And I've got to do something today, because the only exercise I got yesterday was 75 minutes of the Cha-Cha at dance class with my husband (which, while entertaining and fun, certainly does not qualify for aerobic activity unless you are in your 80s).

On the food front, after reading Debbi's post yesterday which contained a link to an article on the Biggest Loser, I've decided I'm going to ask LA to drop me down to plan 1, which is less food. When they changed all the plans back in early July, they increased my calories by about 300 and now I'm eating around 1600 calories a day. I think that's just enough to have put a stop to my weight loss and make my body think it's maintaining.

The article says to eat 7 calories for every pound you weigh, which means I need to be eating 1116 calories to lose at a rate of 2 pounds a week. I'd probably round that up to 1200 for good measure.

It also says to workout 60 minutes every day, and while I would love to do that and would feel great about it, I just can't make the time right now. I'm in the contemplation mode of some morning runs (Wendy is my hero!), and hope to work myself up to a few A.M. runs before my first ever Race on September 16. Morning workouts would be a major accomplishment for me, but also a tremendous shift in my core personal belief that exercise and mornings just don't mix.

ETA: Just got back from my LA weigh in. I was up .6 from Monday. I asked about being moved to plan 1, and the counselor said she'd take away a starch for a week and see how that goes. Plan 2 is supposed to be about 1400 calories. We'll see if that works.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Day 187 - 159.8

Well, back up a pound. Oh well.

Last night I had an awesome cardio class at the gym. My legs are so sore--we did a ton of squats and lunges. I can tell my cardio endurance has improved because I could do the whole class and wasn't exhausted during or after. It wasn't easy, but I hung with all the moves and didn't have to rest during the workout.

I didn't eat dinner until 8 p.m., and I hate eating that late. I was asleep around 10:30 so that's not much time for my fish, sugar snap peas, and toast with cinnamon (dessert!) to digest.

I've discovered Orange Roughy! We had a box of it in the deep freeze from GFS, and I needed a 3rd protein choice on my 2 day Take Off this weekend. I had no idea how easy this could be to make. I thaw it for 20ish minutes in a bowl of cold water. Then heat a tsp of olive oil in a non stick skillet, dry the fillets on a paper towel and lightly spray them with cooking spray. Then I shake on Mrs Dash lemon pepper seasoning. I put the seasoned side face down on the preheated pan, and spray and shake the other side. Cook each side 2-3 minutes and YUM. So good, so healthy! It's not fishy tasting at all, and the lemon pepper gives it a lovely flavor. I am not a cook by any stretch, and usually my protein is chicken or ground turkey or sirloin tip on the Foreman grill; those are getting old, let me tell you. The fish is a nice change.

Sophie did great at swimming. There were 4 girls, including Sophie, at the level 2 class who were moved up to level 3, which is great because that class is at 5:00 and easier for me to get to. She was so excited, had such a fun time, and did very well. She loves soccer, too, since she's started with the new instructor (who is a 1st grade teacher and a total sweetheart with the kids) on Thursday nights. I am just tickled--getting her started in these activities at age 6 is the key, I think, to helping her be physically fit the rest of her life.

Not sure if I'm going to run today or not. We have a client coming at 4:30 that I need to be here for, and then dancing tonight, so I may skip a lunch workout today. My legs are pretty sore, so I'm working myself up to a lot of excuses to skip it. If I do, it's not a big deal. Life, after all, is more than working out. ;-)

Monday, August 27, 2007

Day 186 - 158.8

Saturday's weight was 161--it was exactly what I needed to see to get on the Take Off juice program over the weekend. And I did it, but it was so hard. Especially on Saturday because it's tough getting used to not eating much.

Quick recap of what Take Off is-- 6oz protein (spread over 2-3 meals), 32 oz juice, unlimited green veggies, 2 LA Lite bars, lots of water. And that's the menu for 2 days. So it's not "no sugar," just very little food. But it works. Sunday was easier because your body seems to get used to it after a day. It's amazing, though, how spacey I felt and how listless, without the calories I'm used to.

I know I've gotten rid of the water weight from Saturday and just hope the lower weight sticks and the scale will start moving down again.

Tonight Sophie has her first swim lessons. After she's finished, I'll take her to the Kid's Club (day care at the gym) where she'll join her brother for about an hour, and I'm doing an aerobics class. No running until tomorrow. Hopefully that will continue to shake things up.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Day 183 - 159.8

Thank you for your helpful comments yesterday.

Vickie, that is the pep talk I needed and it's really helped turn my attitude around this morning. I appreciate your comments about the LA people--you are right on about them following the program and not necessarily dealing in nutrition reality.

Wendy, I was wondering if running more and doing fewer other activities could cause things to stall. I know your body gets used to the same activity and mixing it up helps move things on. I probably need to add back some aerobics classes, which I haven't done in weeks.

Alicia, thanks for your faith in me!

I did feel petty in some ways, complaining about a plateau when I've had a good run so far. But that's what cyberspace is for, I suppose-- complaining to the ether when no one in your real life wants to hear it.

Okay. So. I'm shaking it up with the Take Off juice plan this weekend. I'll work in some aerobics classes next week instead of just running. And I'll take what I get on the scale and keep living a healthy life and enjoy my success so far.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Day 182 - 160.0 The P Word

Have you ever been trucking along, happy as can be, when someone plants a tiny seed of doubt or uncertainty and that seed grows and grows and then you're a total wreck?

Well, on Monday the seed was planted, and now I'm a head case.

I have been floating around 160 for a week and a half, which in and of itself is no big deal. My weight has stabilized before for a while, then dropped a couple of pounds in a few days. This is not the first time I've not lost weight over the past 6 months.

But Monday my LAWL counselor said I had hit a plateau. I was in complete denial Monday and thought she was bonkers. But the seed is growing in my head and this morning when I got on the scale and it said 160--after 3 days in a row of workouts and decent food & water intake--I was pissed. I was upset, mad, and frustrated. I got on the scale again and expected a different result.

How stupid.

This whole thing-- being upset about not losing anything significant in a week and a half--is ridiculous. I know it. I'm sorry to put it out here but I've got to because my head and my heart are warring with each other. And I need to clean up my heart pronto before I get discouraged.

So. I can do this. I feel great, I look good. I will continue to eat well and live like I'm maintaining. I will keep running, longer and faster. And the scale will move down, or it won't.

I am not ready to call it quits on losing, but I'm also not willing to make myself crazy and unhappy because I'm not meeting my goal by a certain date on the calendar. LA Weight Loss has been a huge reason I've been able to lose this weight, but I may have to take charge of this situation if I continue to stall. I'm not going to be miserable just because I'm not meeting the time frame they say I should.

Okay. I hope that pep talk works for me. I'll let you know tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Day 181 - 159.8 Wedding Dress Story

I got to wear my wedding dress twice.

The first time was for our wedding, which was on March 18, 1995. We had planned an October wedding, but found a little yellow house that we got for a steal, and knew we couldn't live there "officially" without being married (we were attending our church regularly and even though we were living together, it wasn't official and all that).

So we planned a wedding in two weeks. My mom and my husband's mom called all the guests (we had around 100 people attend), we had a string quartet from the Youth Philharmonic Orchestra, and a small cake & punch reception at the church afterwards. My sister and aunt are the flower makers/cake decorators in the family, so I had those bases covered (and everything was gorgeous). Mark has a friend who's a commercial photographer, so he took our pictures as his wedding gift to us.

My dress, I bought off the rack. It was a simple tea length, cream gauzy thing with 3/4 length sheer sleeves and a portrait collar, with a wide lace band around the waist. I think it was around $150 and was a size 11. I weighed about 150 pounds on my wedding day.

Since we had planned for an October wedding when we got engaged in July 2004, we had booked a big reception hall and couldn't get the $500 deposit back, so we had our Big Reception on our original wedding date, October 28. To get people excited about coming, we made it a Halloween costume party. Again we had about 100 people, but many there were those who couldn't make it to the wedding, so it was a different mix of people. Every single person got into it-- fabulous costumes, a jolly good time it was.

My husband and I went as a Bride and Groom. What else?

I barely fit into my wedding dress this time. I had gone through a really tough 6 months since we'd gotten married. I did all those wonderful stressful things that can cause weight gain--got married, moved into a new house, got a new job. On October 28, 2005, I weighed 165 pounds.

I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to wear my dress to the reception. And of course, that just made me eat more. So when it was time, I put on the dress and it just barely zipped up. I had a ton of cleavage spilling out of the portrait collar, which no longer rested nicely against the outsides of my shoulders but now formed a V-neck to contain my boobage. When I compare pictures from my wedding and the reception, I can totally see the 15 pounds gained.

I could get that dress back on now and it would look great, I think (maybe a little tight around my waist), even though I'm still 10 pounds more than I was on my wedding day. I'd try it if it weren't for the $100 I paid to have it preserved and packaged in an airtight keepsake box.

But there's something about knowing I'm oh so close to my wedding day weight that is exciting.

Our next anniversary we'll be married for 13 years. By then, I'll weigh what I did when we were dating. Which was 145 pounds. Which, ironically (NOT!) is my goal weight. I wish I'd saved some of my clothes from the summer of 1993, which is the year we met. It would be fun to see how they fit. I think, though, it will be just as fun to buy new clothes.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Day 180 - 160.0

My gym shorts were literally falling off of me yesterday on my run. I wear spandex tighty tight shorts and cotton roll-waist shorts over those. The cotton ones were falling off my waist down my hips and stopped to rest on my lower hips (saddle bags). I had to keep pulling them up the whole time I was running. I had no idea they'd gotten so big. It's like it happened over night.

So I'm off to Target this afternoon to by size Medium workout shorts.


My run was great - 3.1 miles in 34 minutes, my fastest yet.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Day 179 - 159.6

Two days in a row, I've been in the 150s. Yesterday was 159.4. But what do you know, I go to my LAWL weigh in today and I'm 162, up .8 from last Friday. The counselor--who I really like and respect--threw out the "P" word and said I needed to do the 2 day juice thing, where I eat 6 oz of protein, unlimited veggies, 2 LA Lite bars, and drink 32 oz of Take Off juice--that's the menu for 2 days--to "break the plateau."

So, okay, my weight has slowed. I went on vacation in July. The past 5 weeks I've not been working out 5 days a week, what with vacation, work, whatever. I have "only" lost 5 pounds in the past month (since July 20). But a plateau? Isn't that a bit much? I've always thought of a plateau as several weeks or even months of no weight loss. So, excuse me Miss LA Counselor, but I don't think 5 pounds lost since July 20 counts as a plateau, even if I did gain today.

Here's the thing-- those bottles of Take Off juice sell for $25 a pop. I have one at home, so I'll do the stupid Take Off this week, but they aren't getting any more of my money because of a non-existent plateau.

Okay, that's my rant. I'm done now.

Friday's run was excellent. I did my 3.5 miles and it was practically cake! I could have run 4. No running this weekend, except for some brief jogs while outside with the family yesterday. Sophie kept yelling at me to slow down. "Mommy, why are you running away from us??!!" So I didn't get to run much on the family stroll, not that I expected to.

Planning on something today, probably a 5K run, although my training plan calls for only 2. I just don't think I can scale it back that much. =)

The doctor appointment was fine--he was happy but not as impressed as I would have liked (where were the fireworks? the balloons? the streamers?) with my weight loss . I have to go get bloodwork done one morning, but need to fast so I'll need to write myself a note at night to remember not to eat, then succeed in getting out of the house in time so I can let the vampires take my blood before work and before I pass out from hunger. I really like my breakfast now that I stop eating around 8 or 9 p.m.

On a book note, I finished Anybody Out There? last night. It's sticking with me, haunting me a bit. It was a good read, mostly, but sad in so many ways and I didn't need sad right now. I'm just glad it's done. I'm re-reading HP book 6 next, since DH is finished with it and is now on book 7. There's so much in book 6 about Vold-, er, You Know Who (ha) that I want to read it again before the next movie.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Day 176 - 160.8

Yesterday the scale read 159.8. I got to see that "5," even though it was fleeting. Today I was back up a pound. But the 5 is in my future next week, I am sure.

Running planned for after work is 3.5 miles, according to my training plan. That will be the longest I've ever run. I'm feeling good today, so I expect it will be entirely possible. Wednesday when I ran 3.1 miles, I was pretty spent at 2.5 but at 3.0 I felt like I could keep going and going. I ran out of time, so had to stop at 3.1. But that feeling of "Wow, okay, now I'm in a groove I could really keep going on" isn't a feeling I get very often. I liked it a lot. I hope I find it again this afternoon.

I'm off to the doctor for a physical. He used to prescribe my Lexapro, and so this would be my annual check up for that, but since I'm off the drug it's going to be my "Look at me! I'm so healthy and fit! Let's get bloodwork done to prove it!" appointment.

My weekend will likely be insane just as the week has been, but hoping for cooler temps (the 90s! oh joy!) and cooler heads and hearts. Best wishes to you fabulous people who stop by to give me kudos on a regular basis. You're da bomb.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Day 174 - 161.2 Consistency & Motivation

Today's official weight at LA was 162.0, which is 45.2 pounds down. 17 more to goal.

I started my 7th food diary today. There are 4 weeks in each. Up until a few weeks ago, I could say there were zero blank days--that every day was a food-tracked day--but I skipped logging food over vacation and I skipped this past weekend when I had the PMS meltdown. All in all, though, that's not a bad track record for 6 lunar months.

I know that the consistency is what's made the difference this time. And the accountability of 3 weekly weigh ins/meetings at LAWL has been the motivation for the consistency.

But it's not just food, it's exercise too. Thanks to my trusty exercise log in Excel, I can see that I've been exercising since March 23rd. That's almost 5 months of working out regularly. The motivation to stay consistent is definitely running--working up to that 5K on September 16 (which I officially registered for today) wasn't just going to happen overnight. I needed weeks of consistent effort.

So now what's my motivation? I look good and feel good. I'm in smaller clothing sizes. Several people have told me to stop losing weight or I'll be to thin (as if). So I must admit, I'm feeling less vigilant about my pursuit of The Goal. I want to reach 145 pounds. I'm going to reach 145 pounds. But how quickly? It's not a huge deal right now.

The most important thing is getting the weight off so I can run faster and longer. I want to be able to run a half marathon next year, either in April in Indy or in October in Evansville (maybe both, dare I dream it!). And 17 pounds is still a lot of extra weight to carry when running 13 miles.

And I'd love to be sans muffin top (God, I hate that description but dammit, it's what it is). But truly, other than that, I'm happy with my body. I'm not happy with my saggy boobs (sorry, TMI), my saddlebags, and my stretchmarks, but these things aren't going away when another 17 pounds are gone. So I've got expensive underwear and I look good in clothes, which is cheaper and less invasive than a visit to Dr. 42420. (we have a plastic surgeon in Henderson, Kentucky who advertises himself as "Your Local Dr. 42420." Like I'd ever go under the knife for a "discount" boob job for only $2995.)

Off to the gym in an hour. Hope you are having a super day!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Day 173 - 160.8

I think I sweat out two pounds last night with my fever. I woke up around 4 a.m. shivering, put on a sweater and took 3 advil , and woke up at 6:30 soaking wet with sweat. Perhaps that's why I weighed two pounds less this morning than yesterday.

I did make it to the gym yesterday afternoon, and it felt great. Did 5K in 36:35, alternated between running and walking. I was just so glad to finally get back in there and sweat (the good kind, not the fever kind) and feel my body working.

Sophie ended up having a good 1st day of kindergarten, of course. She said, "Mommy, I made two boyfriends!" I am in SO much trouble-ha. This morning she was going to ride the bus, but we just missed it. The schedule said 7:34 but the bus actually arrived at 7:30, so it wasn't my fault, really! ;) I called the driver today and notified her she'd have another rider on Wednesday. Sophie was so cute this morning as I drove her to school-- until she missed it, she didn't really know how much she wanted to ride the bus. So tomorrow, I have a feeling it will be no problem getting her ready for school.

Tonight the husband and I are back to our dance classes at our church. They were such a hit, the church and the dance instructors decided to do another 5 weeks. We really liked the Rumba last time, and we are learning two more dances during this 5 week series. I joked with my husband that if we start now, by the time we're old and retired we'll finally be good at it and will have something we can do together.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Day 172 - 162.8 Bad Sunday, Kindergarten Monday

Thank you all for your well wishes. Luke had a rough day Friday at home with my mom, but Friday night slept great and Saturday he was much better, and yesterday he was back to his old jolly self.

And, yes Vickie, now I have a sore throat and feel puny today. My husband and daughter don't have it yet, and man I hope it skips them.

I had a really bad day yesterday. Partly PMS, partly this sore throat thing starting, partly food induced. I ate badly Saturday and Sunday, and I wanted to just crawl in a hole because of the PMS. I've not had it this bad in a long time. Days like that, I can tell I'm completely off of antidepressants.

When I was on Lexapro, I'd feel a bit of a blip once a month, but could still function. Yesterday I wore my nightgown all day (which, I am happy to report, is a size Medium Ralph Lauren that my husband bought me in March for our anniversary and it finally fits), didn't take the kids to church, didn't brush my teeth or shower until 6 p.m. My husband took Sophie for the afternoon, so I napped while Luke napped, for 2 hours. I read my new book (Marian Keyes Anybody Out There? which I'm really enjoying. I finished Literacy and Longing in L.A. on Saturday--highly recommend it.) and sat Luke in front of the TV with his toys after he woke up.

And the not eating right and not getting any exercise has to make it all worse. I didn't make it to the gym all weekend, and only worked out Wednesday last week. I am not beating myself up about it--I have done the best I could with all the insanity going on. I'm just stating that when I'm off my routine, it contributes to feeling lousy.

So, despite feeling poorly today, I will go to the gym, even if it's only for a walk this afternoon. And I am back on my food plan, writing everything down. I'm going to LAWL today to weigh in, and will surely show a gain because my period is just barely starting (why does it take 4 days of spotting before I start? I may be in the early stages of perimenopause, do you think? I'm 37) and because of my salt/sugar/carbs/no veggies fest from the weekend.

Oh, and Sophie started Kindergarten this morning! She was so nervous, and last night we talked for an hour before she went to sleep, about how she's not ready, she can't skip, she doesn't know how to spell, doesn't know her all her letters, is afraid she won't make friends, is afraid there will be bullies, is upset she's not going back to Montessori (her preschool for 3 years). She cried and I held her and reassured her.

And this morning she was up at 6:30 like a big girl ready to go (normally, this child sleeps till 8:30 or 9 if I let her). My husband and I took her to school together (with Luke in the stroller), and she was okay until it was time for us to leave, then she started looking scared. I told her to look around--the other kids were probably scared too (one child was crying, poor thing), and Mrs K would help her and the others through their day. She was okay then, sitting on the big octagon rug, in front of a rectangular piece of construction paper with her name on it. I didn't cry, although I was close to it.

Here's to a better week!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Day 169 - 161.6 The day from h_e_double hockey sticks

Oh my gosh.

Let me preface this with, I am sleep deprived. And I don't do well on lack of sleep.

My son was up and down almost every hour last night until 3 a.m., when his temp finally spiked to 104* under his arm, and I took him to the ER at 3:30. The sore throat from Monday is now full blown croup and an ear infection. He got a shot, a chest X-ray, a breathing treatment, and two prescriptions. We got home around 5:45 a.m., and Luke was asleep in the car and stayed asleep, bless his heart. My mom, thankfully, took half a vacation day and came down and kept him for me. She is a saint.

I got about an hour's sleep from 6:30 - 7:30, which was a waste really and probably made me more tired. My husband comes in and wakes me up and says, "It's going to be a bad day, so we need to get in early." This, when I clearly can't get anywhere early at this stage of the game. Plus, Sophie had a play-date day which started at 9 a.m. at a friend's house downtown. I really would have liked some supportive words from my soul mate instead of this edict, but whatever.

And the other assistant is out today, a planned vacation day, which she totally deserves. And, we have 4 prospect appointments between the two advisers today. And, I've been making calls to seminar prospects who really don't want to hear from me. And, I've been dealing with the same client (the other broker's, not ours) on the same issue all day, and just got chewed out by his accountant from Chicago for an IRA contribution coding error from freaking 2006 that I had absolutely nothing to do with.

I must interject here with I am a highly trained with years of experience client support person, who has dealt for years with major stress, much worse than this.

But I'm not self employed for nothing, and this absolutely sucks.

I don't have time to go to LAWL. I don't have time to workout. We are having 8 couples to our house tonight for dinner and a couple's marriage study (thank God the kids are at another couple's house) and my cleaning girl cancelled on me this morning.

I still have to pick up my daughter, pick up chips and dip for our TexMex night dinner, clean up the house a bit (I don't want my friends knowing I live in a total pigsty, just a moderate pigsty).

And I'm blogging when I should be working. But I needed a tiny piece of myself to be out there today, since no one in my immediate vicinity gives a rat's ass I'm having a bad day.

The cherry on top? I'm getting ready to start my period.

I know it will be better. I just had to throw all this sh!t into the blogosphere in hopes it would get off of me.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Day 168 - 161.2

Yesterday's weight was 162.4, but today it's back down to below my lowest weight on Tuesday. I am oh so close to a new decade. With a "5" in 2nd position. Those will be glory days, my friends.

My official weight Tuesday at LA was 162.8, which is 17.8 pounds from goal. My original goal date was in mid September, which is only 6 weeks away. So I'm not going to hit the date goal, but frankly a consistent 2 pounds per week is unrealistic. And I knew that I would lose the last pounds slower than the first. And as long as I'm not at a plateau, I feel good about my progress.

Yesterday's run was hard. The gym was so hot--not like outside of course, but it was stifling nonetheless. I even had a fan on me and was having a hard time breathing. I am such a wimp when it comes to heat. I ran a solid mile, then walked, then ran a half, then walked, then ran a quarter, then walked, then ran another quarter. I did 5K in 36:40. So if it's hot on September 16th for my first race, which it likely will be, then I expect I'll be running slow.

I'm a little better mentally, but it comes and goes. Yesterday's trip to the grocery store, after work and after the gym, wore me out. My son whined a great deal, my daughter would not stop asking me for stuff, and by the time we got home I was done. Long story short--I let Sophie stay up too late working on her project stuff (she creates animals and their accoutrement from paper, and then breathes life into them), and she had a melt down. And so did I. It was not a pleasant evening. I am ready for school to start so we can get back on a schedule.

On the good side--I got a lot of reading done in my book while Sophie played, and I really like it. And tonight is our last seminar. And at last, our account system is back up.

Now if the heat would just break, life would be much peachier.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Day 166 - 161.6 -- Well, so much for not eating my way through this stress

Just when I think I've got a handle on my diet life, it falls off.

My husband had his men's group last night, which I'd forgotten about, so he was gone until 9:30 p.m. and I didn't get to the gym or get any work at home done.

So after I'd put the baby boy down to sleep, and after I'd snuggled and connected with my daughter who I hadn't seen since Saturday afternoon, and then set her up with a movie, I gave in. The desire to numb myself got the better of me.

I grabbed my new paperback (Literacy and Longing in L.A.--it's good so far) and just shut down. I couldn't face everything that has to be done and the uncertainty of whether Luke would be well enough to go to the sitter or if I'd have to figure out something for him. So I immersed myself in my book, which is ironic because that's what the book is about. A woman who O.D.'s on books--only hers are the high brow kind and I gravitate towards chick lit.

Around 7, I ate my dinner of an apple & peanut butter, and then my LA Lite bar, but then couldn't stop. I just kept eating. I had Luke's McD's ice cream that I bought for his sore throat that he only ate a few bites of, and because the texture wasn't quite what I wanted, I added a handful of frozen white chocolate chips. Then I had 2 packaged Rice Krispie treats, then a cereal bar. Then I went back to reading. Then I fell asleep, the sleep of the food coma.

Sophie's movie was over and she woke me up, so I set her up with PBS Sprout and started reading again. Then Luke woke up coughing, and I gave him medicine and put him back to sleep. It was after 9 and my husband still wasn't home. And then I ate the spare McD's ice cream, the one that was supposed to be for Sophie.

I really felt sick at that point, and didn't want any more food. Mark got home around 9:30, and he and Sophie hugged and talked and then it was her time for bed. She got to sleep around 10, and I washed my face and went to bed, thankfully still numb from the ice cream.

This morning I expected a gain from being bloated, but what the hell do I know about my body--I had a big loss. I'm guessing it won't stick around long and I'll be back up a bit tomorrow, which has been my pattern. But once the lower number is on the scale, it reappears within a week or so.

My lesson I'm trying to learn from all this is-- I'm not perfect. I'm going to have these food blowouts once in a while. They are still better than they used to be. A pint of Ben & Jerry's used to be my ice cream sin. Two of McD's faux ice creams aren't going to put 40 pounds back on.

And I'm back on plan today. I even waited to eat this morning until I felt really hungry. I craved that numb feeling from food last night, but you know what? The over full stomach and the bloating was really uncomfortable, and I hated it. And I used to live with that feeling on a regular basis. But it's not worth it any more.

At least, not on a regular basis. Last night, I needed the escape. And food was the only thing that would give me what I needed. Sad, but oh so true.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Day 165 - 162.8 - Stop the Insanity, please!

This is going to be an absolutely insane week.

What's going to drive me batty:
1) Day camp ended last week, but school doesn't start until next Monday, so Sophie will have different babysitters every day this week.

2) Luke is sick today; I had a sitter for 3 hours this morning, but now I'm home from work. He has a Dr. appt this afternoon, and I just hope he's okay to go to his regular sitter tomorrow.

3) We have two seminars for work this week-- Tuesday and Thursday nights. I have baby sitters lined out, the same girls watching Sophie during the day (two sisters taking turns, since they will be here for 12 hours straight). The prep work is mostly done, but phone calls before and after seminars are my job, and they are time consuming and make me a little nervous.

4) Our work internet system has been down all morning. I have new accounts to book and service to existing accounts that needs to be done. Not to mention we're in the middle of a stock market correction. (AHA! It's just now back up. Well, at least that's better now.)

5) My husband is a total ball of stress. Work, the Markets, sick kid and me out of the office-- he doesn't handle this stuff well.

6) I have a muscle injury under my right shoulder blade and it hurts like the devil. I have no time to visit the doctor/chiropractor/massage therapist. My husband will have to do his best to work it out through massage & pressure, when there's time.

7) My usual afternoon workouts are going to suffer. Not sure how, but I'm going to find time to get to the gym. Tonight, it will have to be after the kids are asleep if I'm going to go. We'll see.

But there's always something positive, if you look hard enough:
1) I got a great run in yesterday, and spent 69 total minutes on the treadmill for a total of 5.32 miles.

2) I do not have the desire to eat my way through this stress.

3) We had a date night Saturday, saw The Bourne Ultimatum (LOVED IT), and I had most of Sunday afternoon to myself, which was awesome.

4) I got two summer skorts on sale at Dress Barn and a couple of dress pants for work, all size 8s. EIGHT!

5) I finished Harry Potter 7 on Friday night. It was the best ever. Sad that it's over, but I plan to re-read book 6 when Mark is finished with it, because there's so much I forgot and want to revisit. And there are still two movies to look forward to which will be amazing and the best yet.

6) The scale is still moving down.

If my posting and commenting is spotty this week, you'll know why. Positive prayers and thoughts sent my way are always welcome!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Progress Pictures

I've added a couple of pictures from a few weeks ago, right after I hit 165 on my home scale. Scroll down, they are on the right side bar.

I also added a picture I found when I was at my heaviest weight back in December of 2005. Seeing that picture next to the others really shows what a difference the weight loss has made.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Day 162 - 163.6 Thoughts on My Body on Vacation

Vacation was great. Lots of fun, relaxing... everything it should be with 2 kids in the summer in Cincinnati. We did the Newport Aquarium and the Cinci Zoo the first two days. Then we moved from the Kings Island hotel to a new place and didn't budge. If you have a Great Wolf Lodge near a vacation destination and have kids, I highly recommend it. We didn't leave there for 2 days--the indoor water park and the kid's center were all we needed for fun.

I didn't exercise a lick while we were gone, and still haven't made it back to the gym. Planning on an easy run tonight to get back in the swing of things. Food wise-- I tried to make smart choices, eating like "a skinny person on vacation." I indulged some, I restrained some, I listened to what my body wanted. And I gained a couple pounds which are now gone, so all in all, I think it was a success.

It was refreshing to go to a water park and be comfortable with my body. I could get in and out of the inner tubes on the lazy river with ease. I walked around in my skirted suit bottom (love that suit style--no worries about saddle bags) and striped tankini top, and felt good.

Same with the rest of the trip. I had packed simply, and I felt good and looked good in everything I wore. The last time I remember being happy about how I looked on vacation was when I was 23 and went to Europe. I was a thin 140ish then, and didn't even know I looked as good as I did. But I was comfortable with my body then, as I am becoming now.

I still want to lose the rest of this weight and get to goal. My stomach is still very flabby and my waist is wide. My hips and thighs need some serious reducing. But I can dress in clothes to look like I weigh 130 pounds. Which is what my Niece-In-Law from Indianapolis said to me last week--that I look like I weigh 130 pounds. I just beamed with happiness at that nicest compliment ever.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Back from Vacation - 165.8

I gained a little, but expected it, and will have it off in no time.

I am swamped at work, and have no time to post, but will comment on your blogs when I'm back and have something meaningful to say.

Hope you are all doing well!