Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Day 166 - 161.6 -- Well, so much for not eating my way through this stress

Just when I think I've got a handle on my diet life, it falls off.

My husband had his men's group last night, which I'd forgotten about, so he was gone until 9:30 p.m. and I didn't get to the gym or get any work at home done.

So after I'd put the baby boy down to sleep, and after I'd snuggled and connected with my daughter who I hadn't seen since Saturday afternoon, and then set her up with a movie, I gave in. The desire to numb myself got the better of me.

I grabbed my new paperback (Literacy and Longing in L.A.--it's good so far) and just shut down. I couldn't face everything that has to be done and the uncertainty of whether Luke would be well enough to go to the sitter or if I'd have to figure out something for him. So I immersed myself in my book, which is ironic because that's what the book is about. A woman who O.D.'s on books--only hers are the high brow kind and I gravitate towards chick lit.

Around 7, I ate my dinner of an apple & peanut butter, and then my LA Lite bar, but then couldn't stop. I just kept eating. I had Luke's McD's ice cream that I bought for his sore throat that he only ate a few bites of, and because the texture wasn't quite what I wanted, I added a handful of frozen white chocolate chips. Then I had 2 packaged Rice Krispie treats, then a cereal bar. Then I went back to reading. Then I fell asleep, the sleep of the food coma.

Sophie's movie was over and she woke me up, so I set her up with PBS Sprout and started reading again. Then Luke woke up coughing, and I gave him medicine and put him back to sleep. It was after 9 and my husband still wasn't home. And then I ate the spare McD's ice cream, the one that was supposed to be for Sophie.

I really felt sick at that point, and didn't want any more food. Mark got home around 9:30, and he and Sophie hugged and talked and then it was her time for bed. She got to sleep around 10, and I washed my face and went to bed, thankfully still numb from the ice cream.

This morning I expected a gain from being bloated, but what the hell do I know about my body--I had a big loss. I'm guessing it won't stick around long and I'll be back up a bit tomorrow, which has been my pattern. But once the lower number is on the scale, it reappears within a week or so.

My lesson I'm trying to learn from all this is-- I'm not perfect. I'm going to have these food blowouts once in a while. They are still better than they used to be. A pint of Ben & Jerry's used to be my ice cream sin. Two of McD's faux ice creams aren't going to put 40 pounds back on.

And I'm back on plan today. I even waited to eat this morning until I felt really hungry. I craved that numb feeling from food last night, but you know what? The over full stomach and the bloating was really uncomfortable, and I hated it. And I used to live with that feeling on a regular basis. But it's not worth it any more.

At least, not on a regular basis. Last night, I needed the escape. And food was the only thing that would give me what I needed. Sad, but oh so true.


ws said...

sorry to hear about the increase in stress. misery loves company and I feel like sustaining myself on baked doritos and macaroni & cheese.

and, while I can see the benefit of faux McD's ice cream, having scooped ice cream for a few years at Ben & Jerry's, I think if you are going to eat ice cream, you should eat the real thing.

Lori said...

I'm sorry to hear about your stress level. And I can see WS's point in eating the real thing. I'd definitely do that if you had planned this out to have ice cream.

BUT, Laura, dear, those McD are about 150 calories each and even the extras weren't that bad. Compare this binge to what you would have eaten a year ago -- I think you should be pleased with the progress you're making. I'm sure it would have been real chocolate, lots of it and extras on top of that.

Are we supposed to perfect 24/7? No, and you should see the progress in your slips. A long time ago, I would have eaten fudge frosting from a can. Progress was eating it and measuring it in a teaspoon and now I only sometimes dream about eating it. So you are doing so fabulous -- I really all the moms (and dads) out there because you guys have all of those responsibilities and stresses (but the fun, the kisses, love) and it's got to be hard to get your exercise in, eat well, and get everything done.

I looked at your photos and WOW! You look so awesome! When I grow up (and have a lot of plastic surgery), I wanna look like Laura!

(BTW, your book looks good. Chick-lit is nothing to be ashamed of. This particular book looks really interesting too.)

I hope today everyone is feeling better, including YOU!

Grumpy Chair said...

I agree with Lori - the slips are not large binges (even my healthy cookie binge yesterday did not rack up the calories).

Hope that the stress is on the downslope this week and the stock market on the up.

Vickie said...

Hope things are better. Sick kids are so hard (especially when they are little).