Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

I hope you all have a blessed & peaceful Christmas! Thank you for all your support this year. It has meant so much to me.

Last week I reached 154.8, which I haven't weighed in ages. I can wear my 10s comfortably & I just feel more comfortable in my skin.

My running has not been what it needs to be, though. I have only run once this week, & have an 8 mile group training run tomorrow. I'm going to run 3 miles today, hopefully. So the running thing needs to get better pronto because the mileage for marathon training is already increasing, and April 11th is quickly approaching. I'm hoping now that Christmas is here I'll have more time soon.

New Year's Resolutions (which I don't usually do but might this year) are just around the corner.

Hope you have a great holiday with your families!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


The past week & a half have been pretty crazy, but I'm surviving. I have made some positive changes though. Here's the scoop.

I didn't run 3 times last week like I was supposed to. I only ran one 3 miler, but I did run the 6 mile group training run on Saturday. It was good. I'm really slow still, just under 12 minute miles, but I ran more than I usually do (as opposed to taking a lot of walk breaks) and I finished at least. It was cold but not rainy or very windy, so the weather wasn't a factor. That's not always going to be the case, I'm sure. This Saturday's run is 7 miles.

I ran 3 miles last night--left the house at 7 p.m. after Mark got home & went to the gym. (THIS is why I want a treadmill. But, alas, still no cheap deals to be had. I keep emailing Craigslist people, they keep ignoring me. I guess they are sold by the time I email.) I didn't want to leave the coziness of my warm house, but I did anyway because I have to.

In other news.... I decided that desperate times call for desperate measures, and I'm putting the "better living through chemicals" slogan to work on the diet front. Yes, I went to a diet doc and got diet pills. They are Adipex, which is phentremine. I'm on 37.5 mg a day, split in two doses. I've been on them for a little over a week. So far I haven't had any negative side effects. It really does work. My appetite is squashed. The doctor explained how the drug works on the brain--telling the brain you aren't starving yourself when you are eating 1500 calories a day & you don't need to eat everything in sight right before bed. And that's exactly what's happening.

These aren't miracle pills. You don't lose weight if you don't eat right & exercise. For me, they are keeping me on track, taking away that desperate feeling of NEEDING to eat junk food. I eat healthfully because I need to fuel my body. The pills take away the desire to eat just to eat, and also to eat to comfort or soothe. That's the problem I needed solved. I use antidepressents to help keep my moods stable, so I figure if it's not hurting me, then why not use a diet drug that's been around for decades to help me keep my eating desires stable?

I've lost a little over 3 pounds since starting Adipex, but I'm down 6.4 pounds from my high weight in mid November. My mom asked me Monday if I was losing weight again, & my clothes are definitely fitting better.

The next thing I need to do is add weight training back in. I think my best bet is the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD, as far as a time commitment goes. Even though it's only a 20 minute workout, I still haven't found time to squeeze it in yet.

My dad continues to get worse, health wise (he has ALS). My sister takes care of him during the day & my cousin & uncle take care of him at night. He can still use his power wheel chair, can still use his fingers enough to use the computer a bit, can still lift himself up from his chair (but he's getting weaker & weaker), can still feed himself. But he can't do anything else. We've watched him decline so quickly that we figure he will be bed bound in another month. But, who knows. He's pretty stubborn. I'm responsible for all the bills and paperwork, and there's tons of paperwork--VA, Social Security, long term disability, insurance, MDA, bills. It's overwhelming and takes a ton of time.

Business has been good. Mark is working like mad and it's paying off. I'm so thankful we are doing OK and are still in business. Last year at this time it was very, very scary.

Sophie & Luke are doing well. Sophie had not been having dizzy spells until last week, when we had some big low pressure systems go through & knocked her for a loop. The days it was sunny again she was fine, & then another system went through Monday & she was dizzy again. She's only missed one full day of school, though, the rest of the days she is fine by mid morning/late afternoon. So the meds are still working, they just can't eliminate the migraines completely.

One piece of bad news--we are losing our health insurance in March. The company we work with (they don't employ us, they are our broker/dealer & we pay them to use their services but our sales & commissions flow through them) had to cancel the group health plan they started 2 years ago, because they didn't have enough people participate and the group is costing money instead of making it for the insurance company.

So we have to apply for Medicaid, get turned down, and then apply to the State insurance pool. I have heard it can take 6 to 8 months for this whole process to work. Luke & I will be on regular individual plans (I actually already have one--I switched over to a new plan in October when they raised our rates on the family plan 60%). But Mark & Sophie are uninsurable, because of their health issues. We tried to get them coverage in 2007 & they were both declined, so I'm not just assuming they will be turned down. They already have been.

We've been watching the health care bill more carefully than we ever would have before. I don't care what your politics are, this is what I've learned--if you have to pay 100% for your own health insurance coverage, you're a lot more affected by how expensive good insurance is. And when you don't have insurance and you can't get insurance, then a public option sounds like an awesome idea. Unfortunately, that's apparently not going to happen any time soon.

Just one more thing I have to deal with. At least the wellbutrin, fish oil, calcium, SAD light, xanax, adipex, and running are all doing their jobs & keeping me (relatively) sane.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

I ran today--YAY!

It was yet another rough week. I think I cried every single day. By Friday night I was completely fried.

Today was a better day. Mark & I cleaned & cooked & did laundry. The kids were wonderful. Everything I did today was for ME & MY FAMILY.

It was about time.

I even got to run 3 miles this afternoon while Sophie was at a birthday party & Mark & Luke were home playing. They were glorious miles. Nothing special, nothing fast. Just me on the treadmill at the Y, listening to U2 and walking to warm up, running a full mile in 11 minutes, then walking a bit, then running again slowly and increasing my speed every minute until I got to 7.0 mph (that last sprint was rough, but I was channeling Jillian Michaels yelling at me, and it worked). It felt so unbelievably good to move & sweat.

Monday is THE DAY that marathon training starts. I need to run at least 3 times during the week next week--two 3 milers and one 4 miler, then a 6 mile group run with the training group on Saturday. It may be prayer alone that makes all these runs happen, because God knows my life certainly doesn't have room for training right now.

We are on hold for the treadmill for a bit. I'm hoping to find one for cheap on Craigslist & haven't gotten a response from one seller yet. I'm wondering if next March there will be a flood of them, from people who buy them in January and use them for one week and decide to cut their losses. Their loss might be my gain. We'll see.

I've got a clean house, most of the laundry is done (more to do after I finish here), and I have a healthy family. That's good enough for this girl, for today.