Monday, April 30, 2007

Day 72 - 182.4

Getting closer and closer to the 170s. Hoping by next week I'll see them.

I did back to back classes at the gym yesterday - 60 min of power cardio which was the hardest class I've ever taken (jumping jacks, running around the track, medicine ball stuff, drills up and down the floor, step aerobics stuff, kick boxing, more running around the track- but I did it!) and then 60 minutes of pilates which was lovely after the jarring cardio class.

I was exhausted afterwards. Had to take my two kids and go to the grocery store, get them and me dinner, get the boy to bed, get the girl a bath and to bed, and then I did laundry. I was even more exhausted. So what'd I do? Read People magazine until 11 p.m.

So this morning I'm really tired since I only got 7 hours sleep (an eternity for some, about 2 hours shy of what my body truly needs). But all in all it was a great night. I feel so GOOD that I did those classes. And my kids had a fun time in the Kids Club and I got two whole hours just for me. Precious.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Day 71 - Bites of This and That

I posted a comment over on Jen's Weight Watcher's blog, which shows some of my frustration from the past few days:

"I have been taking bites of food lately-- a bite of cake at a wedding, a bite of the kids' breakfast. The bites are adding up, not just on the scale, but on the "it doesn't count" food intake list. I've even had two off plan biscottis at night before bedtime this past week. NOT good habits to be falling back into.

Emotional eating, stress eating, envy eating-- whatever it is, it's eating, and the Inner Fat Girl is smirking and hoping she's going to win the war. Let's tell the Inner Fat Girl that we love her, we
understand she has needs, but she needs to go take a nap because Skinny Girl lives here now. She may have lost a battle or two, but Skinny Girl's here for good and is flying her flag high! "

This morning was a tough one, after a difficult Saturday. Husband is sick with a chest cold and has basically been in bed for two days straight. My son was up at 5 a.m. crying-- I let him cry for 30 minutes hoping he'd go back to sleep, and when he didn't I got up, changed his diaper, gave him some milk in a sippy cup, rocked him a while, then put him back in his crib. He started crying again until about 6:30, when I got up again, gave him tylenol and his passy, and prayed he go to sleep. At 7ish, I asked my husband to get him because I'd been awake for 2 hours and needed to sleep (I didn't go to bed until after 11, and I need my sleep!).

So with my sleep messed up, husband sick and tired, and the baby a crabby mess, we skipped church. Which I hate doing. My daughter loves Sunday School and I don't like keeping her away from it. And I NEED church at the beginning of the week to get me some perspective on life.

On the food front, this lack of sleep, stress because I have no help with the kids, and guilt for keeping the family home from church-- all adds up to the slippery slope of WANTING comfort food. And I did the "bite" thing this morning-- a bite of leftover wedding cake (from my mom's wedding yesterday-- a post for later), a bite of toaster scrambler off the baby's tray. And wanting more.

So, I've read the blogs this a.m., and the baby's down for his nap, my little girl is making a masterpiece with Playdoh, and I'm going to do laundry. And now I'm feeling stronger.

Going to take the kids with me to the gym at 3:30 and I'm doing a power aerobics class and a pilates class -- 2 hours just for me and my Skinny Girl. It's not church, but I'll be working on my body which is God's temple and that's much better than communing with sugar and fat temptations.

Friday, April 27, 2007

What a difference a few hours make

So after my grumpy and tired post, I had to go do 2 1/2 hours of continuing ed on a computer at the local Prometric testing center for my securities license CE requirement. There's nothing like mind-numbing scenarios and hypothetical ethical questions related to the stock market to help you get a good nap. Seriously, I practically slept my way through it.

After that I went to LAWL for my Friday weigh in, and was down 2.4 pounds. Yippee! A total of 21.2 pounds. Wow oh wow, I've crossed the 20 pound mark. I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal. And, more importantly, I'm really excited about working out and can't wait to get to the gym every day.

The big question is-- how do I keep up the momentum? I'm gonna have to figure that one out.

Day 69 - Grumpy and Tired

We are not in a good mood today. We are quite irritated that the new $279 microwave we bought last week did not work properly, which we did not discover until after having it installed for $75. We are further annoyed that the replacement microwave we fetched from Best Buy does not line up properly with the existing holes in the cabinet, causing we and husband to have words and a still non-functioning microwave sitting on the kitchen counter.

And we are further not amused that the installation gent who we are hoping can get the microwave installed successfully, will probably charge another $75, which we will hand over with glee because really, we are lucky to have this bloke coming to the house on a Saturday to do something that neither we nor husband can do.

We are also not amused that husband was a bossy grouch this morning. We are not amused that the scale is the same as it has been since Tuesday (yes, we know, we are impatient). We are also not amused that we are PMSing, zit-faced, tired, and generally in an utterly pissy mood.

The final insult is that we did not stop for our morning latte, as we planned to drink an LA Latte at the office, only to discover that we had finished off the LA Lattes yesterday. We are without caffeine and we are not happy about it.

We are hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

One year anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary on blogger. Last year on April 26, I weighed 207 pounds and was a depressed, lost mess. Last year was a tough year.

This year is, thank God, shaping up to be a good one. Our business is going well, Husband's health is stable, the kids are healthy and growing, and I'm feeling more in control of my life.

And today I weighed 183 pounds.

More later...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

A new food plan

Today at my LAWL appointment, I stayed the same-- 187.8. And the counselor (Jodi, one of my favorites) said "I have exciting news for you!" Waiting to hear she's set a wedding date or something else wonderful in her life. "You get to move to a new plan today!"

I knew at 187 I'd go down to the next level plan, meaning LESS FOOD. I was just expecting to have .8 more pounds to get there. No biggie, I like new things and I got a cool new "gold" food plan book with my portions, etc, in it.

I now get to eat less protein, 2 oz less in general--thank goodness, I was having a hard time eating 5 ounces of cooked pork chop yesterday. 5 ounces of meat is A LOT! when you weigh it on a scale. And 7 oz of cooked chicken is HUGE-- much better to eat 5 oz of cooked chicken. So I'm good with that.

But I also lose a vegetable. WHAT? A veggie gets taken away? It's ONLY 1/2 a cup of cooked veggie or 1 cup of salad, but I love me my veggies and I don't wants to lose 'em. I never thought I'd say THAT. Has hell frozen over? Anyone? Anyone? This from the girl who grew up eating peanut butter (Jiff) on bread (white) and Campbell's (accept no substitute) tomato soup made with milk; oh, and cereal a couple times a day. (Seriously, this was my diet for most of my childhood and teens.)

One of my friends from church who started LAWL a couple months before me, had said she doesn't measure her veggies. She figures they're vegetables, how many calories can they have? I couldn't believe it when she said that, and thought to myself-- um, yeah, that's true but there's a REASON they give you portion sizes instead of saying "unlimited" veggies. I haven't seen her for a few weeks, and am not sure how she's doing, but I think her loss was going okay but not fast. And that's fine, if that's the way she's going to do it. It's her body.

I personally measure everything (okay, sometimes I'll grab a handful of lettuce because I've measured it enough to know my handful = 1 cup). Cause I want this weight off this year and I'm not paying an arm & a leg to LAWL to languish about with 1/2 pound losses every week. So if they say 3 veggies, I'm eating only 3 veggies, measured properly (okay okay, I'll start measuring my lettuce again).

So this is week 10-- 10 weeks of filling in my food diary every day. 10 weeks of meeting with a counselor and weighing in 3 times a week (two of those weeks I went only twice because a kid or I was sick). 10 weeks of weighing my proteins, fixing my eating faux pas (too many frozen meals! too much cottage cheese! don't eat 12 baby carrots at once, only 6 at a time!), measuring broccoli, asparagus, lettuce, salad dressing, peanut butter, etc. 10 weeks of feeling better a week at a time. 10 weeks and 19.2 pounds gone.

Day 67 - another 1/2 pound down

Scale this a.m. was 183. Lowest I've been in almost 10 years.

Worked out yesterday, doing the Group Power class (weights) and 35 minutes slow(er) walking on the treadmill. I can finally do lunges with weights, and can feel my quads getting stronger. I did 16 triceps dips in a row (those are killer). It's so cool to feel my body getting stronger.

We have a funeral for a client this afternoon, so I don't know if I'll make it to the gym or not. She died suddenly, in church on Sunday-- a heart attack, right there in church. I had just talked with her on Friday, so it got to me yesterday when I learned she had died. We'd just met with her a few weeks ago and she was fine, happy and healthy. Life turns so quickly.

Okay, on a lighter note, I need new gym clothes. My pants are getting really loose, but still look alright. I'm thinking when I hit 175 I'll reward myself with a few new pairs of pants. The tops will still fit for a while, unless my boobs just decide to shrink overnight (I can only hope). So far, they aren't shrinking at all. I'd really like to get into a single LETTER bra size. Eventually, I'm sure I will be down to a D cup, but when oh when?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Day 66 - 183.5

Yay, the scale is moving down. Another pound today, and closer to a new "decade."

I ran 13 minutes straight yesterday @ 5.0 mph. I pushed through that extra minute after I'd finished a mile. Today I'll walk only, planning on 45 minutes @ 4.0 mph with a 1.0 incline.

Had Brussels sprouts yesterday for dinner, with a tsp of butter. Oh. My. Gosh. I have never cooked these at home, and have only had them once at a family dinner. In my effort to try new foods and get out of a food rut, I thought I'd try them. They were so very tasty, especially with the butter, which is totally allowed on my plan. I'll be making those little tasties again, for sure.

This morning I had a pork chop for breakfast. First time I've had pork on my plan. They were okay. I'm not a real fan of pork unless it's smothered in BBQ attached to a rib, or in the form of crispy bacon. But I had something new, and I'm sure it will contribute to the scale going down some more.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Day 65 - week 10

This is the beginning of week 10 with LAWL. I'm .8 pounds away from a total of 20 pounds lost. Today's official weight was 187.8 (home scale = 184.5). I am almost 1/3 of the way there. And I'm still on track and even getting more into exercise and feeling better, so the food demons are staying away.

Pilates again on Sunday night. It was a tough class but gosh I love making my body work like that. I'm planning on walk/running today and a trip to the grocery store with the kids afterwards. I've eaten all the fresh fruits and veggies in my house, and not a thing went to waste, which is a new one for our family.

My collar bones are starting to emerge, not really visible to anyone but me, but coming closer to the surface. I've got muscles in my shoulders I can feel the curve of, even though the fat is still covering up the definition for the outside world to see. My calf muscles are visible when I stand on my tiptoes (I love that). And I can climb the stairs at our office in heals while loaded down with my laptop, purse, and bag, and not feel like my legs are going to give out.

I can only imagine how different my body will look and feel in another 10 weeks. Picture it:
Scale = 165 pounds
I can run 3 miles at a time-- my first 5 k!
I've got collar bones!
My original wedding band and engagement ring fit again.
I've got a new bathing suit from Land's End in a size 14 (maybe even a 12) that looks great on me.
I wear shorts and skorts all the time to show off the muscles in my calves and quads.
Sleeveless shirts are the norm in my summer wardrobe.
I wear my hair pulled back and off my face because I no longer hide my double chin with my coif.
I'm in the gym 5 or 6 days a week, and it's my favorite part of the day.

Yep, this is going to be ME the week of July 4. I'm sure to enjoy the fireworks and pool parties more than ever.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Day 63 - Belly of the Beast

Today was the big yard sale-- I've functioned all day on 4 hours of sleep (plus a double espresso latte, but who's counting). It went well, as those things go. I'm just glad it's over.

Here's the thing about my sister's house, where the sale was and where my kids and I slept last night--

It's a junk food junkie's paradise.

She has every imaginable junk food. Last night when I got to her house after my daughter's school play, here's what I scoped out right away:
*fruit loops, lucky charms--new boxes unopened, still in the grocery bags on the counter
*pop tarts in cabinet
*Easter candy, lots of chocolate types
*chocolate ice cream in the freezer, my favorite brand (Edy's slow churned)
*mini muffins, chocolate chip
*cereal bars (not so bad, but hard to eat just one)
*white bread
*Mt Dew

My sister knows I'm doing LAWL. I explained to her I'd have to bring my own food, unless she had fresh fruits and veggies, which I knew she wouldn't. God bless her, she called me Friday afternoon and asked what I wanted and she'd get it for me, since she had to go to the store anyway (I would have had to, because the fridge is empty at my house too, but because I've eaten it all and need to restock).

So I was protected with my carrots, cauliflower, apples, LAWL shake, and chicken breasts. But don't think for a minute it was easy to pass by all the CRAP just laying in wait. The food in her house is the stuff of my childhood, the comfort of comforts, the Luckiest of Charms. Which is why it's in her house, since it was in her childhood too. She just hasn't chosen to deal with her food demons like I have (she's also significantly overweight, size 20ish, and she smokes).

I was really proud of myself for sticking to my plan and not indulging even a little. I love my sister, and she's one of my best friends, so I'm not even going to go there about how I wish she'd change her ways. They are HER ways, she's a comforter of others, and needs a lot of comfort herself. She does that with food. She doesn't push food on me, so it's all good. At least, until she gets about 10 years older and starts to have serious health problems, but I can't make her change and instead I choose to love her for who she is.

That was the landscape I was in today. The lack of sleep, abandunce and availability of junk food, the weight gain yesterday, the stress of being around Mom all day and seeing my Dad and his wife this afternoon-- all could have contributed to a "what the hell" day. It didn't. I stuck it out and had an OP day.

I just hope the scale plays along tomorrow morning and rewards me with a loss.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Ran a Mile on Friday

Wanted to mark the occasion-- I ran a mile Friday, at 5.0 mph. I had walked for about 10 minutes, picked it up and planned to run for 5 minutes, and then pushed it to 10, then thought, what the heck what's 2 more minutes? And by golly I had run a mile before I knew what had happened.

I had no problem stopping after 12 minutes, because I was beat! But it felt great. I finished with walking, for a total of 30 minutes on the treadmill, then did 15 minutes on the elliptical, which I'm starting to like as a complement to the treadmill.

I also did some sit ups after and had a good stretch. Loved the workout on Friday.

Day 62 - 185.5

My scale's kind of stuck. I've been at this weight all week at home, and had reached it last week. I know it's normal to level out for a while, and it's definitely not a plateau, I just don't like it that it's not moving down .5 to 1 pound every few days like it has been. I've got to adjust my mind set, now that almost 20 pounds is gone. The weight might not melt off some weeks, but I'm going to continue to eat healthfully and exercise. ETA: At weigh in today at LAWL, a gain of 1.4 pounds, for official weight at 190 (suck-y :( )

A momentous day yesterday for me. I found two grey hairs. Finding only 2, but know there's more. I'm very vain about my hair, always have been. So this grey, old lady hair thing has me a little freaked out. My Nice & Easy color won't cover the grey like it does my normal mousy brown. And the grey is just one more reminder I'm getting older. Before you know it, I'll have to get glasses due to presbyopia.

My mom got glasses when she turned 40, and had had perfect vision until then. So you see, this whole getting old thing making me nervous is really about me being afraid of turning into my MOM. When I look at my SIL, who is in her mid 50s and in fabulous shape physically thanks to yoga and walking, I know it's not age that's the issue. It's NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AS YOU AGE that's the issue. And I'm taking care of myself. Now. But my mom-- never has. She takes care of everyone else, let's people (including me) take advantage of her giving nature, and doesn't stand up for HER time, HER needs, HER self. Low self esteem, or whatever.

She's a lovely, giving, kind person. I love her very much. But she drives me nuts sometimes, and I have major emotional, guilt issues with her and how she raised me and allowed me to raise myself in many ways. IF MY DAUGHTER ever came home at age 12 and told me she had ridden a motorcycle with an 18 year old, and later that same daughter came home with that 18 year old's high school ring, and later continued to "date" that same 18 year old, you can bet your life I would have stopped that "relationship" before it even got started. I cannot fathom letting my darling Sophie EVER date an ADULT at age 12! It makes my head spin, what she and my dad allowed, now that I'M the mom.

There's too much pain still here about this. I know I need to work through it, and have some, but it's buried so deep I can't dig it all up right now.

But, to get back to the getting old thing, I think it's about not wanting to turn into my Mom. I'm NOT my mom, and have made a wonderful life and have an amazing family, and I'm getting older and BETTER. By the time I'm 40, I'll be in better shape physically (and mentally) than I ever was at 30. So I'm going to hold onto that, and keep telling myself that.

And probably make an appointment with my hair stylist for a color and highlight.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Day 61

I'm finally feeling so much better today. No fever last night, none today. It hit me after I got out of the shower-- Hey, I feel GOOD!

I made it to the gym last night, and my daughter was fine in the Kid's Club. She had this gym confused with another that we used to belong to, which my DH had taken her to last year. That gym's idea of a kid's center is an old office with some baby toys in it. So it's no wonder she didn't want to go back there. My gym's Kid's Club has gobs of toys and lots for her to do, and even other little girls just like her! She immediately went to the toys and soon after I left her there, she made a new friend. My son--he's the hit of the club... he is always happy and quite low maintenance for a toddler.

My workout was good, although I had in my head I was going to Pilates instead of Group Power, so I was a bit disappointed when I got to the exercise room. The Pilates workout Sunday was SO good, my muscles really were feeling it for a couple of days. Group Power was good, though, and I'm feeling muscle tightness from that class. This afternoon I'm doing the treadmill--walking with incline and some running.

I did something different for breakfast. I had a ground sirloin burger. Been trying to figure out how to get protein in for breakfast, when I can only have eggs 2 times per week and I hated the oatmeal/peanut butter concoction yesterday (blech). DUH eat meat at breakfast. It was strange, I admit, heating up my Foreman-esque grill and patting out meat at 6:30 a.m. But, it tasted good and I was screaming hungry and it fit the bill. I was full all morning. Think I'll be eating meat for breakfast on a regular basis now.

Just got back from a two hour lunch (when the husband's away, the wife will play...). Got my nails and toes done. Yummy. They are so pretty and French now. Ooh la la.

While in the pedicure chair (with magic massage fingers), a lady came over to get her toes done as I was getting finished up. We chatted a bit, and she got on the topic of coffee flavored ice cream. She and her girl were talking about this great flavor by Edy's and I nodded my head, agreed I love ice cream, but said I hadn't had any for 2 months. WOW! they said. Yeah, LA Weight Loss. "How much have you lost?" 19 pounds (it seemed simpler and less goofy than 18.4, which is the actual number), I said, 40 more to go. (You'd think I'd know better.) "What? You don't need to lose that much!" (And what do I say to that? Something monumentally embarrassing.) Well, yes, thanks, but I do. Because I weigh 185 pounds. "Well you sure don't look like it." Well, thanks. And then I'm done and have to walk my fat @ s s across the room to dry my toes and the stranger clearly gets a look at my 185 pound body. "Okay, now I see where those 40 pounds will come from," I'm sure she's thinking. I just tell her to enjoy her son's wedding this weekend and her nails look great.

WHY would I tell a total stranger, and the girl who regularly does my pedicures, what I weigh? I am officially seeking attention on this weight loss thing and obviously have issues. Oh. My. I'm gonna have to noodle on this one. And remember to keep my mouth shut and just smile and nod when people talk food porn in front of me.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Day 60

I'm feeling better, but just barely. Still had a low grade fever this morning and my energy isn't what it should be.

DH is leaving for a business trip to NY this afternoon and will be gone until Sunday. Something I have to share which is a huge improvement mentally for me. When DH used to go anywhere without me, on business or whatever, I'd get excited because I could plan to eat whatever I wanted. I'd buy Ben & Jerry's, cinnamon rolls, pizza, cookies, donuts, and do nothing but eat while he was gone. I'd hide the leftovers and containers at the bottom of the trash can so he wouldn't know.

Today I'm bummed he's leaving because he usually picks up the kids on Wednesday's so I can go to the gym and workout. NO thoughts of Phish Food or the Pillsbury Dough Boy, just bummed I might miss my weight workout. This is HUGE for me.

The gym has a Kid's Club, where I can take my kids so I can work out, but DD is having major issues with me leaving her there. She says it's boring, it's no fun, she doesn't want me to leave her there, and she's cried over it. We quit this club almost 2 years ago, and I just rejoined recently and she hasn't been back yet, so I don't know why she hates it so much from when she was 4. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I need to workout, but I don't want my almost-6 year old throwing a tantrum at the gym. Oy.

Official weigh in at LAWL has me at 188.6, down .6 from Friday. Only 1.6 more pounds and I'll have lost officially 20 pounds. It feels really good to be "solidly" in the 180s, another digit safely distancing me from the 200s (shudder).

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Day 59

There's nothing like feeling like crap for a few days to make you appreciate your health.

I still have no energy, feel slightly feverish and achy, yet I came to work today and will take care of kiddos tonight. Fever has racked my body every night since Saturday-- freezing cold even under a down blanket and in a thick robe, then hot sweats when my fever breaks and I'm damp and disgusting when I wake up. I pray that there's no more fever tonight. It's really not pleasant.

I've had no desire to eat today but have made myself so I don't go into starvation mode and esp. so I don't get a headache from no food. I do have a desire to go to the gym, but what my mind wants, my body is clearing not cooperating.

Husband goes to New York for business tomorrow and will be gone until Sunday, so I'm a single parent for a few days. My daughter's school play is Friday (she sings and dances with her class--she's a Rocketship). Husband will miss it, unfortunately. Saturday I'm going to my sister's house for a garage sale. I'm supposed to be bringing my stuff to sell, but have done little to get ready for it. As I'm feeling crummy still today, I doubt that I'll do much more.

I'm mentally gearing up to lose another 10 pounds-- I really really want to be down to 175. That's a significant milestone. It means I'm close to being in a size 12. 10 pounds by June 1 is a totally doable goal, so that's what I'm shooting for.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Day 58 - sick day

Had a flu-like virus that has kept me down today. Fever, chills, aches, ugh. I hate being sick. I even went to the doctor, since I had to miss work and wanted to make sure it wasn't something besides a virus. Yep, it's a virus, he said.

Friday was a great day-- My birthday! It was a day of beauty for me, first getting my eyebrows done with permanent makeup... I have tweezed away my eyebrows into oblivion, and decided to get them tattooed back on (they look great, by the way, even though it hurt like heck). Then I had a massage and a facial, then went to the gym, then out to dinner and a movie with my husband (saw "The Hoax," which was really fun). It was a great day.

Sunday I took a Pilates class at the gym and loved it! I hope to add that class to my weekly routine, since it's really a nice way to end the weekend from 5-6 p.m. and better than my typical lazy Sunday afternoon routine.

I've gained a pound, not exactly sure why. I did eat an extra fruit on Saturday and an extra protein on Sunday, and I'm probably retaining some water. I'm not freaking out about it, just pondering the scale's number for the past few days. 186 today.

I still feel crummy, although I did pick up kids after school/daycare, and have been out of bed for the past hour. I think I'm quickly running out of what little steam I had.

Dinner will be broccoli and salad, and lots of water. Gotta get more poundage off this week.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Day 53 -- Meltdown Plan

Yesterday I started my two day "Take Off" plan with LAWL. Today I was rewarded at weigh in with a 2 pound loss. The loss is partly that I had let myself get very dry--drinking very little water before weigh in. Usu. I'll have had 2-3 cups of water in the a.m. and don't eliminate it all before weigh in. But hopefully it's a loss that will hold the rest of the week. A total of 18 pounds.

Here's the Take Off plan (for Vickie =).
Breakfast= 8 oz Take Off juice (OJ blend with vit/min)
AM Snack=8 oz TO juice and LA Lite protein bar
Lunch=3 oz protein and 1/2 cup cooked green veggies
PM Snack=8 oz TO juice and LA Lite protein bar
Dinner=3 oz protein (same type as lunch) and 1/2 cup cooked green veggies
1/2 tsp Morton Lite Salt for potassium
Lots of water

This is the 2nd time I've done this plan, and it's not easy, but by day 2 I'm pretty used to it. And when it's over, I'm thrilled at how MUCH food I have to eat on my regular plan. That's the best part of this, I think-- that is makes me appreciate the healthy food I'm eating every day.

This modified juice fast is nothing like the Master Cleanse, which is what some people have done with success, including my husband, which is how I know about it. The Master Cleanse is brutal-- NO FOOD. It's a true liquid fast and supposedly your body gets what it needs from the water-lemon juice-maple syrup-cayenne pepper concoction that you drink. I don't remember how many ounces of this drink my husband had each day, but he lived on it for 10 days. It actually got him through a difficult time getting off of nicotine gum, caffeine, and junk food. He used to consume massive amounts of Diet Mt Dew and Nicorette, and the "all or nothing" of the fasting diet saved his life ('cause I was gonna kill him if he didn't stop with the excessive consumption of this bad, bad stuff).

The Master Cleanse is a paperback book you can get from Amazon, which we have and I've read part of and I think is pretty goofy in it's "science," but many people swear by it. My brother-in-law in Colorado does it on a regular basis, and he's in fabulous shape and extremely healthy (and in his 50s).

At the rate I'm going, finishing up month two on Saturday, I'll hit my goal in September, as planned. I'll be in a size 12 by summer, which will be a real thrill and a size I haven't seen in 10 years.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Day 51

After a not so great weekend of eating a little too much Easter candy and having rich eggs and a wee bit of pastry on Sunday, I stayed the same at weigh in this afternoon. Official weight = 191.2
Starting a "Melt Down" program for the next two months, where I do the 2 day juice drink plan every 2 weeks. I'd love to be melted down by summer!

More later....

Saturday, April 07, 2007


Last night at our friends' house, my friend Paula gave me her pictures from Palm Sunday's Easter egg hunt. There were some sweet ones of the kids. My daughter is getting so grown up and looks beautiful in the sunshine in her pink flowy dress with her straight hair and fair skin. My son's picture is of him after eating some candy, his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. He is getting taller and more slender as he grows, losing his baby belly.

Then there's the picture of me holding my son. Oh. My. I could have done without seeing that for the rest of my life. A week ago I felt so confident about my new outfit and how I looked in a size smaller clothing. All it takes to shake that apart is a photo of the truth-- I still weigh over 190 pounds and it's not pretty on film! Fat arms, very full thighs, double chin, and full cheeks (and when did my eyebrows get so thin? I think I've overtweezed lately). The baby was hiding my belly, so at least I didn't have to see that on film.

I'm surprised at how bummed it made me, and how my reaction was to WANT junk food. I ate my LA Lite (double chocolate bar) in the car on the way home (which I NEVER do). Thankfully at home I was distracted by my daughter's meltdown of not getting the eggs she decorated that night, so I didn't have the opportunity to stuff my face. But I am afraid that I would have. I was so ready to just toss it in, so depressed at what I saw in the picture. I did have about 6 spoons of cool whip free, which weren't "free" and didn't fill my emotional emptiness.

It's not rational, this reaction. I know that. I'm falling back to my comfortable old habit of stuffing down my uncomfortable feelings with food. At least wanting to stuff them down. It frightens me how closely to the surface that habit still is. How close I was to just throwing away the past 7 weeks of hard work.

Today and tomorrow will be busy days, which will at least keep me out of the way of food --notwithstanding the birthday cake and pizza I'll say no to at my daughter's friend's birthday party today, the Easter candy I'll say no to tomorrow morning, and the Easter delights at Sunday brunch. The food temptations in public aren't the problem. It's the all alone food that haunts me.

I'm down 16 pounds in 48 days. I'm exercising. I'm still On Plan. I'm going to be all right. And next Easter? I'm gonna look hot not only in my mind, but on film.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Day 48

Scale at home was a solid 187, even 186.5 one time (I am a scale wh*re, getting on and off until I know it's "right"). I am wearing a size L cotton print shirt from Dress Barn, and size 14 pants from Crazy Horse (JC Penney brand). And they fit and look good.

I am not skinny, I am not at goal, I am not a perfect size 6. BUT, I feel better about myself, more confident, happier to put on clothes that FIT. And that has to show in my attitude.

My DH commented last night, after I had my hair cut yesterday, that I was going through a total makeover and it looked good on me. FINALLY he is noticing and saying something.

My muscles are s-o-r-e from Wednesday and yesterday's walk/run. Thank goodness for Advil. Not sure what exercise I'm going to do today, but I'll do something.

Last night I didn't get to do any pilates (Vickie, I got the Gaiam combo pack from Target with Abs by the Caban girl, and Legs by ?--I'll check who it is). I laid down with DD at 8 p.m. and fell asleep. DH had gone to Maundy Thursday church service and didn't get home until 9:30, when he woke me up and I ate my LA Lite and went back to bed. I slept until 7 a.m. this morning. Man, what is with all this sleep? I wish I didn't need so much. Must be partly this sinus infection, 'cause I feel like crud.

Easter weekend-- going to be a cold one, only 40-50* Sunday. Will be a challenge to stay away from the "I'll just have one" chocolates in the kids' baskets. At least I'll look pretty in my new size 14 dress; whether anyone notices my weight loss or not this week, I'll feel better about myself. And I'm wearing my strappy sexy sandals. Regardless of the temperature outside, it's spring time in my heart.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Day 47

DH said to me this morning "Bye skinny." It's the first time he's really said anything about my weight loss. I was in my black underwear when he said it, and I don't look skinny by any means, but it made me feel good.

My back fat rolls are almost gone. Just a slight roll in mid back. My stomach is still huge, which I'm sure will take another 20-30 pounds before it looks better. My butt has always been big, so I'm used to that and can deal with it and know what to expect mostly on how it will change when the weight goes down.

It's this middle section of fat that's new to me since having kids. And I know it gets worse the older you get. So it's gotta be gone soon.

I did my first "Group Power" weight lifting class last night. I really liked it. One of the last things we did was lunges, and I was surprised at how weak my quads are. The instructor thought I was probably just tired by then (I had to put the weight bar down to keep my form, so she noticed I was struggling) but I have bad knees and think my quads just need to be stronger. She said I need to come twice a week and that's all I'll need to notice a difference. So Wednesday's and Friday's are my weight days. I am excited.

I bought a DVD combo of Pilates last night, one for Stomach and one for Legs. 25 minutes each. Going to try to do one of them at night after kids in bed. Starting tonight.

Started TTOM last night, and I hope that will result in a loss by Friday. I had a one pound gain at LAWL yesterday which I think was water retention and heavier pants. My scale at home is holding steady at 188, and even showed 187.5 this morning. My size 16 Levi's I'm wearing today are pretty loose.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Day 45

A new number on my scale at home this morning - 188. Only 3 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight before Sophie, which I haven't weighed for 4 or 5 years which was after I did the Atkins diet (that loss didn't last long).

I pulled out some of my size 14 clothes from 5 years ago, and am wearing a pair of pants I bought from JC Penney. They're cotton, chocolate brown, and are snug but they fit. I'm so happy to be in them.

After my 14s get loose in 10-15 more pounds, I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe. I haven't been a size 12 for almost 10 years; those clothes got donated to a yard sale ages ago. That shopping trip is going to be fun. And, it's going to be soon! Probably in just two or three months, mid summer.

Speaking of yard sales, my sister is having one on 4/21. She asked me to bring any stuff over I have, which is perfect timing since I can get rid of all my size 16 clothing. It's NOT staying in my closet. First, I have a tiny closet, not a walk in, and there's no room. Second, I don't want those clothes around as a safety net. I'm not gaining this weight back. No no never never uh uh uh.

Gym yesterday-- 2 miles in 27 minutes. I was kickin' it! I ran the last 5 minutes straight at 5 mph. It felt great. I'm surprised how my muscles and heart remember the running. It's going to just keep getting easier the more weight I lose.

This afternoon-- getting my nails done and then going to the gym. Tonight, hope to work on cleaning stuff out of the closets for the yard sale.

Monday, April 02, 2007

D@MN! Down 3.6 pounds this week-- Day 44 - 46.4 lbs to go

In the words of Leo from Little Einsteins (inside preschooler joke), "I canNOT beLIEVE IT!" Since last Monday, I've lost 3.6 pounds. And all I did was start eating real food, very little processed, and walked with a little running (very little) an average of 30 minutes for 5 days last week. Freakin-A, my body wants to lose this weight.

If this were week ONE of my weight loss, I'd have expected it. But at the start of week 7? W-O-W.

This is not me, you see. I am just doing The Plan. (Which, of course, I realize involves me and my choices, but that's not my point.)

The Plan is guiding me in my choices. The Counselors I meet with 3 days a week have corrected my course along the way (cut back on frozen meals! not so much cottage cheese! Oh, the sodium!), keeping me in weight loss mode. The LA Lites are keeping my chocolate and junk food cravings at bay (notwithstanding the 4 pieces of Easter Candy I had yesterday after church). My Monthly Diary provides a record of the food and water and supplements I put in my mouth. And I frankly started going to the gym to work out my stress, with a benefit of losing weight. All I'm doing is the treadmill so far, and not for all that long.

So I'm thrilled. An official 15.6 pounds GONE. Official weight 191.4.

Okay, now I'm going to be totally narcissistic. This is the only place I can do it, after all, so you're stuck with it if you're reading this. Or, take it as a warning and close my blog now.

Yesterday at church I wore my new size 14 crop pants in chocolate brown (My Assets artificially and ever so slightly tightening my bottom), my new size L aqua blue button down shirt with aqua blue tank underneath, and my sexy brown sandals with wedge heal. I thought I was looking hot. NOT ONE, no single person, commented that I looked pretty (not even my husband, the bastage). Am I an attention-loving whore or what? I was so expecting someone to say I looked cute, but I suppose all the kids in their Easter finest for Palm Sunday's egg hunt overshadowed my 15 pound loss and my size smaller clothes. It's part of the reason I ate the candy after the egg hunt-- I was disappointed and more than a bit pissed off.

I suppose I need to get over myself. It's gonna be at least another 10 pounds before it even begins to show to other people. I need to stop investing myself so much in what THEY think, and just enjoy myself with the process of becoming healthier and feeling more confident. I'll revel in the fact that my back fat rolls are almost gone, with me, myself, and I. And you, if you stuck around to read this far. Thank you if you did. I appreciate it!