Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Day 1

Today is day 1 of no sugar/flour/fat food. No binge. No stuffing down emotions with food. No eating after dinner. No donuts.

Weight today was 192. It's time to get serious and reverse this weight gain. I'm actually hungry right now, which means my body is finally burning some of this fat. I will go to bed a little hungry and burn some fat while I sleep, and wake up hungry for the first time in months.

One day at a time.

Monday, November 27, 2006

From AFG blog:
"Refined carbohydrates -- all sugars, all oils, all flours -- increase the production of serotonin (the body's chemical calmers and pain relievers that make us feel secure and OK) and endorphins (the chemical uppers that make us feel good -- and makes us want to eat). As well, compulsive eaters often have more or less than normal amounts of enkephalin and leptins, chemicals that stimulate appetite and tell us when we're full.I'm going to spare my own brain chemicals in trying to make all these -ins understandable. The long and the short of it is that the brain, Bartley Hoebel, a psychology professor at Princeton, reacts to sugar the way it does to cocaine and heroine."

I knew this about sugars already. I had read it before in Frances' book and others. But reading this just now reminds me that I am a full fledged addict. My brain is craving sugar and flour and fat to sooth my pain, just like a heroine addict's body craves the needle.

I'm at a scary place again, and I don't like it. I ate an entire box of powdered sugar donuts today. I am numb right now after finishing it off and washing those little suckers down with a glass of cold milk. The numbness is welcome. My tight waistband is not. I can't imagine being abstinent right now, though. I need the numbness so desparately. Finding a way to relieve the pain without using food needs to be my priority if I want to avoid gaining more weight back.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

The Holidays

It's that time of year. We put up the Christmas tree and decorations yesterday, and it is so cozy and festive in the family room. Sophie loves it, and I really do to.

Food wise I am a complete mess. So too with exercise. Only once or twice a week do I manage to get any walking/running in. My shin is so sore from Thursday's walk/run that I can't imagine working out on it again until it heals. The scale is finally going up, too, to reflect my behavior. I've really got to get it under control before I grow out of my clothes again.

It's that time of year. When I'm stressed, emotional, busy busy busy, and should be nothing but happy. I will take it a day at a time for now, and figure out how to make it back to a healthy way of life. Maybe after the holidays....