From AFG blog:
"Refined carbohydrates -- all sugars, all oils, all flours -- increase the production of serotonin (the body's chemical calmers and pain relievers that make us feel secure and OK) and endorphins (the chemical uppers that make us feel good -- and makes us want to eat). As well, compulsive eaters often have more or less than normal amounts of enkephalin and leptins, chemicals that stimulate appetite and tell us when we're full.I'm going to spare my own brain chemicals in trying to make all these -ins understandable. The long and the short of it is that the brain, Bartley Hoebel, a psychology professor at Princeton, reacts to sugar the way it does to cocaine and heroine."

I knew this about sugars already. I had read it before in Frances' book and others. But reading this just now reminds me that I am a full fledged addict. My brain is craving sugar and flour and fat to sooth my pain, just like a heroine addict's body craves the needle.

I'm at a scary place again, and I don't like it. I ate an entire box of powdered sugar donuts today. I am numb right now after finishing it off and washing those little suckers down with a glass of cold milk. The numbness is welcome. My tight waistband is not. I can't imagine being abstinent right now, though. I need the numbness so desparately. Finding a way to relieve the pain without using food needs to be my priority if I want to avoid gaining more weight back.