Monday, June 30, 2008

153.2 - Emotional Eating Sucks

Ah, yes, the scale continues to go up. I am just glad that I lost 10 pounds before Sophie's surgery and am at 153 instead of 163.

I. am. so. tired. It's like having a newborn again, getting up every few hours to give Sophie her pain meds or put drops in her ears. I know we're getting close to the end of this, but it's really sucked the life out of me.

Sorry to be a broken record. I've been whining for days now. I'm even starting to bore myself.

Yesterday I took a long bath and pondered this emotional eating problem I have. I kept trying to pin down what it is that I'm trying to achieve when I eat junk food at 11 p.m. or 3 a.m. What I kept coming back to was the feeling that I was trying to escape, to get numb, to self-medicate. It's usually a feeling that comes on quickly and has to be assuaged immediately. I'm usually stressed, tired, anxious, or sad. And even if I bypass the kitchen at first, within a few minutes I find myself neck-deep in a compulsion I can't step away from until I've finished the job. I know what the consequences will be, yet I don't care.

I kept thinking that this must be what it's like to have a drug addiction. If you've ever seen the HBO series The Wire, you've seen the depiction of heroine addicts and how they live. I know my problem isn't that serious--please don't think I'm equating my food binges with a heroine addiction; I can't die from eating 4 cookies in one night--but the feeling of having to get a fix is what I kept coming back to when I thought and thought and thought WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?

I don't think this is a "just clean your house" or "take a hot bath" type of problem that I can solve from simple behavior modification. Or maybe it is. I don't know. I know that when I'm rested, exercised, and have mental energy reserves, I can keep the demons at bay. It's when I'm the opposite of these that I feel powerless over the food.

There's only so much control I have over my life. I can plan to workout and I can plan to rest, but shit happens and even the planned interruptions can derail me.

I'm thankful this is a temporary blip--that things will be back to normal soon. But what I also kept thinking as I soaked in the bath yesterday was, what if some really bad shit comes down, something that isn't temporary, something that would last for months or years? What then? Will you allow the emotional eating to take over for weeks on end and let yourself gain back 50 (or more) pounds? Hadn't you better get this figured out NOW while you can identify the problem and (eventually will) have the energy and presence of mind to put some proper coping mechanisms in place?

Right now, I'm too exhausted to figure this all out. But I've put the question out there and know I need to find answers. I just hope there are answers I can live with.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

152.4 - What a difference

....a good workout makes. I felt 100% better after I made it to the gym yesterday afternoon. I did a total of 2 miles on the treadmill--the first .1 I walked to warm up, then ran a mile at 10 min/mile, then walked .1, then ran .7 at 10 min/mile, then walked .1 to cool down. Then I took my weights class. And it was awesome.

I can finally, at last, fo really reals do lunges. I can step out wide, go down half way, and then go all the way to where my legs are both at 90 degree angles. I can do lunges with 22 kg of weights on the bar. I can do athletic lunges with weights in my hands. And I can do the entire 5 minute set of lunges without any additional breaks. It's only taken a little over a year of working out regularly and a little over 2 months of consistent weights classes to accomplish this mighty feat!

Last night the kids and I had a great time at our friends' house. It was their twins 3 year old birthday party. They had set up a giant inflatable water slide, and Sophie was able to climb the slide and play without feeling bad. It was such a relief to see her having fun but not overdoing it.

And I had two absolutely fabulous margaritas. I haven't had tequila in months and months, and it was just what I needed after the week I'd had.

Then, after dinner, Luke fell down the stairs. We all heard a loud crashing sound--someone said "what was that?"--and then we heard Luke screaming and Sophie crying. She had seen him fall and tumble head over heels, and she cried more than he did. He was fine, thankfully, just a banged up nose that was a little swollen and bloody. Good thing he's a tough kid.

Sophie continues to heal well, and her ears are giving her the most trouble now. Apparently the adenoids share a nerve with the ear somehow, and it feels like she has a bad earache. The tylenol is only touching the pain for a couple of hours at night, then she wakes up crying. Homeopathic eardrops are helping, along with cold washcloths on both ears. We are so close to being done with this recovery and I am as ready as she is for it to be all over.

Friday, June 27, 2008

152.2 - Derailed but not done in

Last night's workout didn't happen because, like a good Mom who worries about her kids, I called home to check on Sophie before I went to the gym. Big huge massive mistake. She had been totally fine, my mom said, until she talked to me. Then she cried and whined and her ears hurt and wanted me to come home.

I put my needs over the kids' a lot of times--I have to or else I'd be a mommy martyr 24/7-- but I just couldn't see myself doing pilates while my daughter was home feeling miserable. She may have been fine if I'd gone, but she'd have known I chose to workout over comforting her, and I wasn't comfortable with that.

So what did I do when I got home? I ate. And ate. And ate. I ate until I nearly made myself sick. Oh, I'd planned on doing a DVD at home. I even got it out of the case, put it in the player, and watched a few minutes of it while Sophie sat on my lap and I told her she was going to have to give mommy 30 minutes to do my DVD, but I never actually did it.

My mom left around 6:30 and I was on my own with the kids. (DH left yesterday morning for Chicago for a business trip.) In the state I was in, and being a single parent for the night, I just lost all rational thought and control. I did a lot of damage in a mere 30 minutes. Then, at least, I was done. I couldn't have eaten even one thin mint, I was so full.

By the time they were both asleep around 9 p.m., I got online looking for help. This wasn't about gaining weight or not logging my points. This was a serious food binge, a coping strategy for the desperate. I hated feeling that way. Hated being out of control with the food.

The first site I visited was Frances Kuffel's. Frances posts a few times a week, sometimes less often, and so I check her site about once a week. On Monday she wrote exactly what I needed to read last night. This sentence, which is a twist on the OA first step, hit me in the gut:

"My life is unmanageable and I'm using food to get some power."

I almost started crying, her post was so powerful and exactly what I needed to read. My life has been really out of control this week--from Sophie's surgery and pain to my lack of sleep to our situation with work (my husband has been a real PITA to work with lately). And I've been using food to gain some control. As f*cked up as that is, it is what it is.

So, it is yet again another new day to try again to make things better. One of my other blogger favorites wrote on Monday and I just read it last night:

"It is disgustingly optimistic of me to say this, but I truly believe you can always start over tomorrow. Even if you eat a half-gallon of ice cream and a loaf of banana bread on Friday night, you can start fresh on Saturday. It is never too late to lose weight."

Today, then, my food choices are planned and I told my mom I'm not going to call home to check on Sophie. She can call me if she needs me, and I won't be available from 3:45 to 5:30 because I am going to run and do a weights class at the gym. Then tonight Mom is taking Luke to spend the night with her, and Sophie and I are going to get together with our church family group that gathers on Friday nights so I can talk with my friends and decompress a bit.

I'm thankful Sophie is doing so well. I know it could have been a much more difficult recovery. But this has been a bitch of a week. I'm ready for my normal again.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

151.2 - Back at it

Tuesday, despite my best intentions, continued to be a food nightmare. I ate whatever the heck I wanted, and tried really hard not to beat myself up about it. I didn't weigh yesterday because I didn't want the guilt, and had a half-way decent food day and hoped that today's weigh in would not be horrific.

Sophie had a much better day yesterday. We switched her to regular Tylenol yesterday morning--the Rx med tastes like poison, even though the pharmacy flavored it with bubble gum flavor, and it took 10 minutes for her to choke down 1 tsp.--and it controlled her pain just fine. We even went to Target in the afternoon and picked up Luke from day care. She had a really good night sleeping (I'm still waking her every 4 hours for Tylenol, but at least it's not "poison" she has to swallow) and felt rough but okay this morning. I'm quite relieved that she is doing so well at this point.

My mom is with her today and I'm at the office. I hated to leave her, but I'm glad to be out of the house and back into a somewhat more normal routine for me. I'm going to the gym this afternoon to run and take a pilates class, as long as Sophie has a good day and doesn't need me sooner than 6 p.m.

I'm also back to tracking my points. I just gave up on it Tuesday and Wednesday, despite my heroic (haha) efforts tracking my 59 point day. I just couldn't handle documenting the downward spiral any longer, and figured the damage would only amount to a few pounds and I'd be back at it earnestly today.

For whatever reason, my body gave me a gift and is keeping me at a favorable level. Today I'm going to work hard to keep it that way. Because right now, it's truly one day at a time.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

151.2 - A Net Force

The other day, as I was rhapsodizing on how fantastic it felt to be on track for two weeks, I quoted one of Newton's Laws, which Vickie keeps on the side bar of her blog: "An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force."

I had left off the "unless acted upon" part, because I felt invincible at the time. You know that feeling--when all is right with the world and nothing's gonna hold you back.

That's usually when the rug gets yanked out from under you.

My net force this week is Sophie's tonsil surgery. Obviously, I knew going in that it would be a major disruption to my routine. And I knew there would be dangerous food in my house and I'd come up with a plan of sorts to stay away from her stash.

But last night, when she was having a horrible reaction to her pain medication (she couldn't sleep, felt agitated, and worst of all, dizzy when she closed her eyes), I lost it. I'd been strong all day, watching my baby struggle to swallow, being so brave but still in pain. She'd had a decent day, considering all she'd gone through. And then at 8:30 it all fell apart.

I couldn't handle it any more after 2 hours of her being in utter misery. We finally gave her a phenegran suppository (a major drama in and of itself) which stopped the dizziness and put her to sleep. And then I needed to be medicated.

So I turned to my drug of choice and didn't stop eating until I felt numb. I logged it all in WW Online this morning, and estimate I ate 59 points for the day.

The good news is, I'm not burying my head in the sand and pretending it didn't happen. The other good news is, it was one day and I didn't regain 55 pounds overnight. I'll be back on track--today--and will manage to pull out a decent week, even if it's not perfect.

The bad news is, I'm pretty sure we're not out of the woods yet with her tonsils. I've read that days 3-5 can be the worst. We did get her some different pain meds last night (had to call the doc at 9 p.m. to get a new Rx, and thankfully the liquid tylenol with codeine is not causing problems like the lortab liquid did), and she slept all night (I woke her up every 4 hours to give her pain medicine at night, but she fell right back to sleep).

So my motion is currently on hold. And I'm going to have to repeat one of my favorite mantras for a while..."this is only temporary."

Monday, June 23, 2008

Tonsil update

Sophie's surgery went well. We are already home. She's had a popsicle and 2 glasses of sprite and half a cookie. And pain medicine. She's watching a movie and resting. I'm hopeful she'll sleep soon until her next dose of pain meds at 1:15 p.m.

All in all it went smoothly. She was pretty uncomfortable for about the first hour afterwards, but then the numbness in her throat went away and she could feel herself swallow again, and the pain meds kicked in, and it was much better.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks again for all the helpful ideas and well wishes!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

149.4 - It's not a fluke! And weekly recap

It's worth another weekend post (especially since I'm probably not going to be here much Monday after Sophie's tonsil surgery) to put that 149 up there again. And it's a smidge closer to .0, which makes me quite motivated to stay on track.

I finished week 2 on WW Online with 20 weekly activity points earned (and eaten) and 3.5 weekly allowance points left over. And I lost 2.4 pounds. I'm averaging around 28 points a day, which is 1400 calories, give or take. (If you're not familiar with WW points, here's a quick run down: one point is about 50 calories, but the points system takes fiber and fat content into account as well. So an 80 calorie food can also be 1 point, but a 25 calorie food with 3 grams of fat is also 1 point. A general estimate of calories is 1 point=50 calories.)

I completely expect my loss to slow down, since it's usually the first couple of weeks only with quick weight loss. I also realize how freaking lucky I am that my body is responding to diet and exercise again. I truly think it made a difference that I have been hanging out at 155ish for 9 months. I gave weight loss a good solid break, and I guess that's helped with making the scale move down again.

Three weeks ago on June 2nd, I was up to 159.8. That was a Monday and I was holding on to a lot of water from weekend fun foods. But still. That's a ten pound drop in 3 weeks. Not surprisingly, I've already noticed a difference in how my clothes fit. And a size Medium dress that was too tight in the waist and hips just a few weeks ago looked great this morning when I tried it on.

One of my big problems I have battled for years is eating at night. Since starting WW 15 days ago, not once have I eaten at night (defined as after I've gone to bed--yes, I'd wake up in the middle of the night because I had to pee or a kid needed something, and I'd eat). Not once in 15 days. I'm well on my way to a new 21 day habit being established.

Also, WW Online is confirming that I continue to be motivated by small goals, like following a race training schedule or going to a weights class twice a week to get a free t-shirt. I make food choices, particularly in the evening after my points are mostly gone, based on how many points I have left for the day. And I'm striving to have leftover allowance points and hit a decent number of activity points every week. So far, it's working.

Next week is going to be a challenge, though. I'm going to have Sophie's favorite foods around so she'll eat after recovering from her surgery, and those foods are some of my trigger foods (cake, ice cream, and donuts, oh my!). I'm going to buy small quantities--like a mini-cake, a pint of ice cream, and a 6 pack of donuts--so that if I am tempted to eat her food, I'll be eating a small amount and will hopefully realize I'm consuming her stash and will stop myself before I do much damage.

It's funny how success is self-perpetuating. When you are in a rut and feeling like a failure, it can be hard to find your get up and go. But once you hit a groove and see things start to happen, you just want to keep that good feeling going.

Vickie has Newton's Laws on her blog's sidebar and this one is my favorite--"a body in motion stays in motion." I'm praying nothing gets in my way to stop my motion. Because I like where I'm going.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

149.8!!! 149.8!!! 149.8!!!


When (not if) I lose .8 more pounds, I'll finally at last be "normal" on the BMI tables.

I know, I know, BMI shmeeMI. But I still covet that "normal" label, at least as it applies to my weight.

Thanks for all the info and well wishes on Sophie's surgery. I really appreciate at it, so much.

And thanks for the coffee flavoring alternatives. I'm going to give the skim milk/splenda a go this morning, Jess.

Happy Saturday! (so much joy, so many exclamation points!)

Friday, June 20, 2008

151.0 - Drinking vs. Eating

So since I've been tracking my food on WW for almost two weeks, I've discovered something about myself that I didn't realize before. I have a habit of drinking a good portion of my food.

I have coffee in the morning with a measured tablespoon of creamer & sugar--2 points.

For breakfast I will often have either a SlimFast high protein shake (3 points) or an LAWL SlimDown shake (5 points--with 20 grams of protein and 260 calories, this is a real meal in a can).

Then once or twice a week I'll get a tall skinny latte from Starbucks--2 points.

And what if I feel like a glass of milk at night before bed? That's 2 more points for 8 oz. of skim milk.

That adds up to between 5 to 11 points, depending on the combination of what I have. My daily points allotment is 20, with an additional weekly allowance of 35 points. I usually take in between 23 - 28 points a day, so these liquid points can make up a significant portion of what I don't eat.

I love coffee, but I have to have it flavored and creamy, so I can't drink it black. I'm totally not willing (yet) to give up my java. I would drink more if I could figure out a way to make it calorie free and still enjoyable (and I hate the taste of artificial sweetener in my coffee--the heat does something funky to it).

And some mornings I just don't have the desire to eat, so the protein shake works well for me.

Yet, I look back at my points totals at the end of the day and go "hey! I didn't even get to CHEW those points. That's not fair!"

What's a girl to do? Whine about it on her blog, I suppose, is one option, which I'm doing now.

Another option is to work on a solution. This morning, I did not want food at 7:30 a.m., just my coffee. So I didn't eat at home (I'm a big believer in eating something within an hour of waking up to get your metabolism going, so this was mentally tough for me), and waited to eat breakfast at the office. I brought 1/4 c. of Grape Nuts, an 80 cal. low fat vanilla yogurt, and a banana. I mixed it all together in a big coffee mug and had a satisfying and tasty 5 point breakfast.

I've only had 2 points to drink today, and don't feel nearly as ripped off as I did yesterday when I drank 9 of my 28 points for the day. That was just wrong, man.

Yesterday I got in a good 45 minute run (well, actually it was 47 minutes) for a total of 4 miles on the treadmill. For whatever reason, my lungs weren't playing along and even though I'd hit my inhaler on the way to the gym, my breathing was difficult. Next time I'm going to try to do the inhaler 20 or so minutes before I leave so it has more time to work. And if that doesn't help, I'll be talking with the doctor about what else I need to do. Because it bites to be running 11 min. miles and still be struggling for air.

I had 10.5 points all together last night, after 5:30. It was all very controlled, very healthy, nothing "bad," but I was starving and just couldn't get enough food. I thought I was done after my LF pudding cup snack at 8:30, but by 10 p.m. I felt woozy and sick, like I still needed something to eat. That's when I reviewed my day and went "DOH! I drank 9 points, no wonder I'm hungry." So I had a 3 point snack of 1/2 T. peanut butter, 1/2 banana, and a WW English muffin at 10:30. I felt much better, but knew the scale would be up a bit this morning. It's not a biggie, really. I am not expecting every day to be a losing day. It just doesn't work like that. But, scale 'ho that I am, I still don't like it when I'm this close to 149 and it goes the other way.

Ah, well. Today is another day to git-r-done right. Have a kick-@ss weekend, friends.
I NEED YOUR ADVICE.... Sophie is getting her tonsils & adenoids out on Monday, 6/23. We have to be at the surgery center at 5 a.m. (ugh, but thankfully it's only a 2 minute drive from our house) and the surgery is at 7. Any advice or stories you can share--the good, the bad, and the ugly--would be appreciated.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

150.8 - Recommended Reading

I have absolutely nothing new to say today, other than I had a great workout last night--15 minutes running on the treadmill then my 60 minutes weights class. And eating is still on plan. Weight is holding steady.

Now, go read this post on Angry Fat Girlz. You don't want to miss this one.

And then go read Jill's post on what inspires her, and give her a shout on what inspires you. A little extra inspiration is a good thing.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

150.6 - 5 running facts

Carly tagged me with the 5 Running Facts meme, so I'm playing along at last.

1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago? Nonexistent. I didn't start seriously running until April 2007.

2. What is your best and worst run/race experience? Best: Running on the Indianapolis 500 Track on May 3rd, 2008. I'd been warned by several people that it was going to be rough, so I went in with a PMA and ended up having a great time. It was the most festive place on the race course--cheerleaders & music blaring and video of the finish line--and even though I'm not a big racing fan, I couldn't help but be in awe of where I was running. Worst: A few weeks before the Indy Half, I turned my left ankle on a run, so badly that it made me cry and I was scared I would be injured and not be able to race. Thankfully it wasn't bad and it didn't affect my training or my race.

3. Why do you run? Initially, so I could burn the most amount of calories in the least amount of time. Now, to burn the most amount of calories in the least amount of time. Oh, and I love the endorphins. Gotta get me some natural runner's high on a regular basis, or I go a little nuts.

4. What is the best or worst piece of advice you've been given about running? Best: Get fitted by a running store professional and buy the right shoes for your feet and body. And also get good socks.

5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know. I'm claustrophobic (do you guys know this already?). I went on a caving trip in my mid 20s with our church's high school youth group, and the first thing we did was crawl through a tunnel, military style on our bellies. It took 10 minutes to get through the tunnel, but it seemed like an eternity because that's when I learned I had claustrophobia issues. The rest of the 2 hour spelunking trip was miserable for me. I was never claustrophobic before, but ever since I have real issues with tight spaces. (Going up the St Louis Arch in the tiny egg-shaped elevator wasn't too bad, because I just focused on 4 year old Sophie sitting on my lap, but I could barely keep it together at the top. We had to go back down after about 15 minutes, even though Sophie loved it up there, because I couldn't handle it.)

If you're a runner and you haven't done this meme, I tag you! Go do it now.

Here are the rules:
1. Copy the rules (or your version of them), and the set of questions onto your blog post, provide your own answers, and then tag 5 new people.
2. Be sure that everyone tagged knows they have been invited to play, go to their blogs and leave them a special comment letting them know, and refer them to your blog for details.
3. Once they've answered the questions on their own blog, they should come back to yours to tell you.
I got to run outside yesterday. It was only 79* at 4 p.m. Perfect running weather. Absolutely gorgeous. I'd forgotten my Garmin at home though (hubby used it for a run last weekend and I haven't needed it since because of the heat), so I ran only with my regular watch. It was kind of freeing, not knowing exactly how fast (or, rather, slow) I was running. I just ran/walked for 45 minutes and felt nicely spent afterwards. Ah, the good ole days of running without digits.

Tonight it's my weights class and I'm ready to feel the burn, baby.

Today was the first day since starting WW that I had fast food (Subway roasted chicken on wheat) for lunch. I know that staying away from McD's & ChikFilA salads is helping my weight loss, because I'm controlling my portions & calories (not to mention sodium) so much more when I bring my own food from home. But I ran out of my Southwest Chicken Salad Topper last night (I made a double batch and froze half, and it lasted through a week and a half of lunches), so it's time to go to the store and buy stuff to make more. Hopefully I'll have time and energy tonight to make that happen.

Because between not eating fast food and not eating at night and staying on plan and working out on a regular basis, the weight is melting off. And that's a trend I want to continue.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

151.2 - Bra-less

Saturday night we took the kids to the drive in movie to see "Kung Fu Panda" (which was most excellent, BTW, and I highly recommend it for kids and grown ups alike). I wrote about this last summer...we have a drive in about 40 minutes away and on nice summer nights, you can't beat it for a family evening together.

What was special about the night for me, other than spending Father's Day eve with my fabulous family, was that I went bra less. Yes, my 34D's were technically sans bra.

I wore my new Sporty Spice top from Title 9,

which shows off my shoulders and back muscles. It was hot and muggy so I wanted to be cool (although, by 9:30 it was breezy and I was a little chilled, which doesn't happen often in So. Indiana in the summertime), but I also wanted to test-drive the shirt in a setting where I knew I'd likely not run into anyone we know.

Never in my adult life have I not worn a bra in public (other than with swimsuits, of course), and I've never worn a shirt so revealing of my arms and back, either.

It was freaking awesome.

The weights classes are defining my upper arms and running has given my upper back a nice primer in definition already. The Girls are getting smaller too, I guess, because the size Medium shirt held them up and in nicely. DH said I looked really cute, too.

Non-scale victories like this are so motivating. I can't wait to load up the barbell and wail on my shoulders and lats again Wednesday night.

Monday, June 16, 2008

151.6 - A very good week

You know it's been a good week when:

*you weigh in on Sunday morning with a 5.2 pound loss for the week (my official WW starting weight was 157; yesterday's weight was 151.8).

*you wash four sets of workout clothes in one load of laundry.

*you eat on plan every day of the week.

*you eat on plan, and you still have an occasional treat (chocolate one day, pizza a couple of times).

*you end your first week of WW with 23 activity points and 6.5 weekly allowance points left over.

*you make two weight lifting classes (still on track for that free t-shirt).

*you run/walk four days, for a total of 12.8 miles.

*your clothes that were a little snug a week before are looser.

*you feel comfortable and confident in a bathing suit at the pool.

*your husband said you looked hot in your bathing suit.

*you're still geared up for staying on track this week.

Here's to a second week just like the first.

Edit: I finally updated my blogroll. I've been reading several of you for months and have been too lazy or forgetful to add you. Sorry 'bout that! So I can check that off my to-do list now. Whew.

Friday, June 13, 2008

152.8 - Friday Weigh In

Only 2 hours left in the day--it's been nuts. But good, overall. I had to post today's weight, though, because at last I got to see a "2" again beside that five. Unlike my bloggy friend Vickie who rounds up or down and does not torture herself with the tenths, I like watching those .2 changes in the scale. Which makes sense, I suppose, since I weigh myself every day.

To prove that point, this morning when I got on the scale the first time, it said 153.2. I went to the bathroom, dropped a little weight in the toilet if you know what I mean, and got back on the scale again (what, you guys don't do the same thing?). It said 152.4. I thought, no way, that can't be right, it wasn't that big of a poo. So I started my bath, started my coffee, and weighed again. The third weight was 152.8, which seemed more reasonable and was the middle weight. And it stayed the same after I got back on and off the scale about 3 more times (what, you guys don't do the same thing?). So that's what I settled on.

Hello my name is Laura and I'm a scale addict.

Now on to the diet & exercise report. Yesterday I got in 4 miles in 49 minutes (still running and walking fast, which I swear is working my glutes really well) on the treadmill. Today I ran/walked 3.7 miles in 45 minutes. Tomorrow morning I'm going to do a weights class at 9 a.m., because darn it I want that free t-shirt.

My WW weigh in day is Sunday, which normally I would balk at but I'm hoping it will keep me on track through the weekend. We'll see if that's the day I keep it set on as I progress on this WW journey. I have been treating my body like a temple during the week and like a playground on the weekends for so long (I read that somewhere, and I think it was a guy who said it), that I need something to keep me in line. Nothing like an "official" weigh in day to nudge me along.

But I do have 14 allowance points left for the week which ends tomorrow, which is enough to have a Dairy Queen blizzard, isn't it? Just joshin' y'all. I might have a small treat, but that'll be it.

Because that scale is going down, baby.
Shauna Reid (aka DietGirl) is walking 26.1 miles for breast cancer research this weekend. The ladies start their marathon at midnight Scotland time, and they walk the whole thing in bras. Fancy adorned bras, without shirts on. They're like 7 hours ahead of us, right? I guess that means she'll be starting tomorrow around 5 p.m. CST, so you still have time to go wish her luck. I am mega impressed by anyone putting in that kind of miles, and can't fathom the mental and physical strength it's going to take to walk that distance without a shirt on. Go, Shauna, go!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

153.0 - Words of Wisdom

Yeah, that's right baby--153! I felt lighter this morning and knew the scale was going to be down. The last time I weighed 153.0 was in March.

There's something about the WW Online tracker that is motivating me. I like getting a smiley face when I've checked off all the "healthy habits" tickers for the day. I like seeing how many points I have left for the day or the week and also seeing how I get more points when I workout.

And POINTS have already infected my brain--yesterday as I was running in the 92* heat (would someone please remind me the next time I think it feels okay outside when I walk to my car and I think "sure, no problem, I can run in this, it's not that hot," that your body heats up about 20 degrees after you've run a mile and if it's 92 it's gonna feel like 112 outside after mile 1?!) and I had to stop running after 2 miles and walk a 3rd mile at a slow-assed 16:30 pace because I felt like I was gonna throw up--I was disappointed that I was only going to earn 4 activity points instead of the 6 I'd planned.

Yes, I know, I've drunk the Koolaid and I'm a lost soul.

Whateva. It's working.

Those of you who are in weight loss mode might want to read this post from Trixie Belden. In it she outlines the "secrets" to how she lost 90 pounds in a year and a half. She's been maintaining at around 135 pounds since January, so she's definitely one to emulate.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

154.2 - 5 Things About Me

I got tagged with a meme at the end of May by Monica at Run, Eat, Repeat and am just now getting around to it. I pretty much bare my soul here, so it was hard to come up with 5 things you all don't already know about me.

(1) Link your tagger(s) and post these rules
(2) Share 5 unknown Facts about yourself
(3) Pay it forward! Link 5 more bloggers and include their names in your post
(4) Leave them a comment on their blog and let them know that they've been tagged

Here are my 5:
1) My first car was a 1972 2-door Chevelle Malibu. We called it The Green Bomb. It had green vinyl interior and a green paint job (my dad had it repainted for me, so at least it was a shiny new green). It had a big bench seat in the front, and brakes that I had to push the pedal hard all the way to the floor when I had to stop quickly. It's no wonder I still have dreams about not being able to stop my car. It was in two accidents during the year I drove it, from 1986 to 1987. The first time, I got rear ended as I was sitting at a stop light after leaving school; it just wrecked my bumper though and was repairable. The second time, I ran a stop sign and got t-boned, and that totalled it. I didn't really like the car--it was too green and too old--but I despised the one my folks gave me next. A 4-door 1980-something Caprice Classic. That sucker was huge and downright fugly. But at least I had a car.

2) Continuing the car theme, I won't drive anything but a stick shift any more. Back in the mid-90's, I got a used Toyota Paseo 5 speed, and fell in love with the stick. I'd never driven a manual transmission before, but after I learned how to drive it I wanted nothing else. After it got totalled (it was in 2 wrecks, too, and the 2nd one--neither was my fault!--wiped it out), my next car was a 2-door Honda Civic 5 speed. If I could, I'd only drive small little 5 speeds because I love the way they handle and you can park anywhere and turn on a dime, plus they get great gas mileage. Since I gotta have room for the kiddos, though, I now drive the next best thing--a 5 speed Saturn VUE. As far as I know they don't make 5 speed Minivans, so unfortunately I'll never be able to own one of those comfy vehicles because I won't drive an automatic.

3) I was valedictorian of my graduating class in 1988. Because they were recruiting "smart kids" to stay local, the University of Southern Indiana gave me a full ride scholarship (room & board included). But it took me 5 and 1/2 years to get a BA in English/Lit. Only 4 of the years were paid for, of course. I blew off one semester after getting half way through it (personal issues that seemed insurmountable at the time), and I changed my major my senior year because I decided I did not want to teach high school English after I started doing the practical classroom stuff.

4) In the late 90s I worked for our Public Television station as the major gifts fundraising manager. What I loved most about the job was when we had TV pledge drives and I got to be on TV. I was surprised at how much I liked being in front of the camera. I was totally relaxed, could speak off the cuff with relative ease (although the first time I was on, my husband called in after we were done and told me I had to stop saying "wonderful" every other word..."We have a wonderful premium gift, if you would support our wonderful programming, blah blah blah." It's still an old joke between us). The director for that night's pledge drive came down and told me he'd never seen anyone do so well on their first time out. I should note that I weighed about 30 pounds more than I do now, but I didn't let it affect my performance, apparently.

5) I am a lipgloss/chapstick/lipstick junkie. I can't go longer than an hour without putting something on my lips. I have lipgloss everywhere--on the side table in the family room, in my kitchen basket by the sink, in my bathroom, in my bedside table. I have 4 in my desk at work. And I have 3 lipglosses in my easily accesible purse pocket, and 3 or 4 in my makeup bag in my purse. I used to keep a chapstick in my car dashboard holder before the heat melted it. My favorite chapstick is Blistex Silk & Shine. I love Smith's Rosebud Salve, which I found in California the first time I visited a Sephora. And Estee Lauder makes my favorite lipglosses, which I have in coral and berry. I'm also infecting my daughter with this love of gloss--we went to the mall last week and she got 3 glosses from Victoria's Secret and 1 from Bath & Bodyworks. She carries them around in her little purse and has to put some on every day before day camp.

I'm going to tag the first 5 people who commented on my last post, so it's a random decision on who I tag:
MCM Mama

Carly tagged me for a running meme, so it will be up before long.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

154.2 - Mother of the Year

Before I get into the MOTY story, I just wanted to give a big YAHOO to getting more weight off. It's nuts how, when I stop eating carby crap and processed food and stuffing my feelings down at night with cake, the weight comes off. I am still digging the WW online thing. And quickly realizing that I have to get some exercise points in so I don't go over my 35 weekly allowance. I'm only on 20 points a day, which seems like not much, and the past 2 days I've hit 27.5 and 26.5 points. So I have 22 allowance points left for 5 days. Thankfully I'm going to workout at least 3 days (God willing) so it should be all good. But I'm eating as little food as I ever have and I can't imagine trying to shave off more to only eat 25 points a day.

Luke does not have strep throat, which the doctor confirmed this morning at an 8 a.m. appointment. Guess it's just a virus. I got a babysitter for him (my cousin's daughter) and he's at home, having a big ole time I'm sure. Sophie is getting her tonsils & adenoids out on 6/23. So far she hasn't caught Luke's sore throat and I'm keeping my fingers crossed she stays healthy until her surgery.

I am planning on running for 25-35 minutes then taking a weights class today at 4:30, then it's pick up Sophie, take the kids to VBS, take the baby sitter home, and then I'll have about an hour to do something....not sure if it will be run, be lazy, go shopping, or what. I love having time with no set plans, all to myself.

***Why I am Mother of the Year (insert sarcasm here)***
Yesterday after I dropped Sophie off at VBS (Luke couldn't go because of his fever), I locked my keys in the car. In and of itself, this is no big deal.

Except when your toddler is in the car with the windows up and it's 85 degrees outside.

Luke and I had been playing with my key remote, because he said "what's that?" when he heard me unlocking the doors. (He asks "what's that?" about 10 million times a day.) So I put him in his car seat, showed him how the locks worked with my key remote, and we played with locking & unlocking the car, all with his door open.

When that fun was done, I threw my keys in the passenger side seat like I usually do so my hands are free to buckle him into his car seat. I closed his door, walked around to mine, and to my horror realized the door was locked when I couldn't open it.

I have a spare key, but it's in my wallet which was of course in my purse which was also on the passenger seat. I also have AAA, but of course had no cell phone to call them because it was in my purse. But I was at our church so I ran in to use the phone to call AAA. I didn't know the AAA phone number though (for future reference, it's 1-800-AAA-HELP), and asked a few people in the church fellowship hall who had AAA. Thankfully my friend Heather did and she got her card and I called the number.

It took about 2 minutes for an operator to connect with me, another 3 minutes to complete the transaction, and then a mere 7 or 8 minutes for the towing company to arrive to let my little guy out of car.

I was completely freaking out while in the church--not knowing if Luke was crying or how he was doing (getting hot, since only the sunroof was popped which isn't much but at least it was some air getting in). It seemed like it took forever.

When I got off the phone I ran to the car and talked to Luke through the closed window. He was totally fine. Wasn't crying at all. He had kicked off his crocoffs (Target Crocs) and told me he took his shoes off. I told him the doors were locked and a guy with a big truck was coming to help. Luke is very verbal for a 2 1/2 year old (complex sentences already), and so we just talked and then made faces at each other.

I couldn't help but cry a little while he was in there, even though I did my damnedest to keep it together so I didn't upset him. I could see his hair getting wet with sweat and knew he had to be really uncomfortable, even though he didn't once say he was hot or sweaty.

Truly, the kid is the best ever.

They make "kid locked in the car" calls their #1 priority at AAA and the towing companies, so it was the fastest AAA call I've ever seen (we've had AAA for years and have used them in enough emergency situations that it's totally worth it). The gentleman from the company said they dropped everything and he got there as fast as he could. He propped my door open with this balloon thingy and eventually just fished my keys out of my purse and pressed the "door open" button. I ran around and opened my door, then opened the rest of the doors, then ran around and got Luke out.

I held him and held him. And his little back and hair were soaked with sweat but he was none the worse for wear. I thanked the gentleman from the towing company, showed Luke the big truck (which he loved) and we went inside and I wet him down with cool paper towels and gave him some lemonade to drink.

My friend Amy said it was okay--she'd done the same thing but in her own driveway where she could go in and get the spare key. But I still lost it and started crying. He wasn't harmed and it wasn't a long time, but I still felt awful and scared and yet relieved that he was alright.

Before that drama occurred, I had planned on taking Luke to the mall and pushing him around in his Little Tykes red car, but by 7 p.m. the weather had turned and the wind was blowing and it had gotten a lot cooler. So I put him in his car and we walked down to the grocery store. It took about 20 minutes to get there (this is one part of town where sidewalks are nice and you can walk to some businesses), and it was a great time for both of us. He got a cookie in the store, I got a banana and some water, and we walked back.

As we were going up the sidewalk back to the church, it started to rain. We'd just missed a downpour, which only lasted about 15 minutes. Then we went outside and Luke jumped in puddles to his heart's content.

It was finally 8 p.m. and time to get Sophie and go home. All in all, it was a good night with Luke & me spending some much needed time together. I'm just glad he's too young to remember this and he won't be able to blackmail me someday with "remember when you locked me in the hot car?" (BTW, I didn't tell Sophie. I did tell my husband. Sophie would freak out if she knew Luke was stuck in the car. She's so sensitive to stuff like that.)

Monday, June 09, 2008

155.8 - Guess who's now a WW member?

Yep, that's me. I joined Weight Watcher's Online yesterday. And it happened in the strangest way.

Yesterday at church, we were ushers (which means we hand out bulletins and pass the plate at offering time), and while I was handing out bulletins a gentleman in his 60s who's a great guy and I know pretty well, came up to me and asked if I was still following my weight loss plan.

This question, which surprisingly I get asked on a fairly frequent basis, kinds of freaks me out, because I never know if someone is asking because they think I need to lose more weight, or if they are asking because they think I look great and need to stop losing weight. Usually I think the former, because my inner fat girl likes to screw with me like that, but in this case, Mr. J. didn't really care about what I was doing (I told him, btw, that I was currently maintaining but would like to lose a few more pounds--how's that for walking a fine line?). He just wanted to share his own success story with me.

He joined WW Online in January after his doctor told him his BP was high and he needed to lose some weight. And he's lost 36 pounds so far. Now, this is a guy with a huge belly still, so it's hard to tell he's lost weight. But I knew how he felt. He's worked his behind (well, belly) off and he's lost a great amount of weight, but people probably aren't noticing yet because he still has so much to lose and unfortunately, 36 pounds just isn't enough to make a big difference in his appearance. I know exactly where he's coming from--it took until I dropped 3 clothing sizes and over 30 pounds (which was over half way to my goal) before anyone really noticed I'd lost weight.

So, he chatted for about 10 minutes about how he loves WW Online, how it's so easy, less than $5 a week, and he's still losing and just loves it.

And he planted a seed in my head that maybe I could use WW Online to get the rest of the weight off that I want to lose. So last night, I went online and registered, and logged my food for the day, and stuck to a decent food plan for the rest of the evening because I wanted my numbers to look good.

Today I've already planned my food and activity for the day, and if I can stick with it, then I'll be golden, points-wise.

I didn't stop to think about it too much before I joined. I know WW well--I've done the Flex plan a couple of times. And I'll probably still go weigh in with LA Weight Loss once every couple of weeks. But I just don't have time any more to meet with them like I'm supposed to, and I feel like I need something else to shake up my diet efforts.

So far, I really like the online tracking system. It's a lot easier to record accurate values for foods when the computer does it for you. And I'm on my laptop all the time anyway, so it's no big thang to record my stuff here instead of in my pocket diary.

I'm optimistic that WW Online will provide the tools I need to stick with a few solid months of hard core dieting, then I can settle back into maintenance mode again. One day at a time is still my motto, and now I can see each day's efforts clearly on my PC screen.

Random Kid Update: Sophie's ENT appointment for her tonsils is this afternoon. And for fits and giggles, Luke decided to have a temperature of 102 today while at day care. I had to pick him up at 11 a.m. and am waiting to see if he exhibits any other symptoms than a fever and saying his head hurts and being very lethargic. The nurse at the Dr's office said to wait to bring him in because they may not be able to pick up what's wrong with him if we bring him in too early. You know your toddler feels crummy when he only eats 1/4 of his PB&J and says "I want to go to bed, mommy," which is what he just did. Poor little guy.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Free t-shirt = motivation

So apparently all it takes to get me to the gym on a Saturday morning at 9 a.m. is the lure of a free t-shirt.

My gym has a promotion this summer of "do 16 Group Power classes in 60 days and get a free sleeveless GP t-shirt." I've been trying for the past month or so to get 2 weights classes in a week, but have only managed 1 a week. But with this carrot dangled in front of me, I made it twice. And if I can keep up the twice a week routine, then I'll have some nicely shaped arms to show off in that sleeveless tee.

I was still pretty sore yesterday from Wednesday's class, but I made myself hit the treadmill anyway. I did an easy 4.4 miles--walked 1 mile, then ran 2, then walked 1.4, for a total of 60 minutes. It's way to hot already to run outside in the afternoon, and I predict I'll be doing a lot of indoor workouts for a while.

Yesterday's weight was 155.4, but I didn't even bother weighing this morning because first I had corn chips & salsa at my sister's, then I had pizza for dinner. I'm sure I'm up 2 or 3 pounds from the water retention, and I prefer to hide my head in the sand until I can clean up my diet for a few days and get the excess off.

The rest of my Saturday will consist of giving the kids baths, grocery shopping, picking up the dog from the groomers (her first hair cut of the year--she was a shaggy mess), and trying to stay cool. Sunday's gonna be busy busy--first church, then lunch & a nap (for Luke and maybe the grown ups, ha), then we have a picnic at 4 p.m. and finally Vacation Bible School for the kids from 6 - 8 p.m. I'm very excited about VBS, because I'm not helping or teaching, and get to drop off both kids and have 2 hours to myself. Not just Sunday, but also Monday through Thursday.

Good times, my friends, good times.

Hope you all have a super weekend. Catch ya on the flip side.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

155.8 - Oh my, what have I done?

Oh my sweet petunia. That weights class yesterday broke down a few (thousand) too many muscle fibers and I'm already struggling to sit down to pee.

And tomorrow, day 2 post workout, will likely just be worse because it always is on day 2.

So no running today, and I'm going to try like heck to find some time to stretch tomorrow and ease the soreness.

On the non-scale victory front, I ordered a dress and sporty tank top from in size Large--based on the size measurements I figured I needed Large's--and they are too big. So Mediums are on the way.

Looks like I'll be starting training back up in mid July for Evansville's Half Marathon on October 12th. I've got mixed feelings about training in the summer, because it will be a lot of indoor mileage. It's already hit the low 90s and is way to humid to run in the afternoons. Or, I may have to figure a way to get my tired ass out of bed in the morning for a.m. runs. Who knows? Anything's possible.

In other random "what I do when I sit on my behind" news, I'm officially addicted to "The Wire." I'm on season 2 and while it's not as good as season 1, it's still got me hooked. I'm trying to ration myself to 1 or 2 episodes a night with this one (last weekend I watched 6 hours straight to finish off season 1). But it's tough to stop watching Dominic West. That boy is fine.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

155.6 - Midweek Muscle Building

Tonight I made it to a weight lifting class, and I was the only one there (besides the instructor) for the first 20 minutes. I was a few minutes late and was surprised to see it was just the instructor in the room, but was secretly pleased because I thought, "Hey, free personal training session." And even though it might seem awkward, it was actually pretty neat to have just the two of us working the routine.

Another woman joined in a third of the way through, and I felt really good about being the one who showed up to make sure the class happened. If I hadn't have gone to class, the instructor would likely have bailed and the 20-minute-late lady would have missed it completely (and, as an added bonus, I knew her, too, from my daughter's preschool, and she said she was late because she was in a meeting at work but told them she had to leave because she had an appointment. She rushed to the gym as fast as she could. Can you imagine how disappointed she'd have been if there were no class after all that?)

I've been going to the weights class once a week for about a month, so I felt like I could increase my weight load to make it tougher. I did and it was. And it was great. I'd planned on running a bit after the class but my legs were so wasted from squats and lunges I just didn't have it in me.

Unless you count the 5 laps around the track that I "ran" with the kids. One of their favorite things to do after I pick them up from Kids Club after I workout is run the club's indoor track (a mile is a little over 10 laps). I sometimes say no because we just don't have time at the end of the night, but mostly I let them because I figure it's kind of hypocritical of me not to let them run when they want to run. And boy, do they want to run. It cracks me up. I think Luke would run a full mile if I'd let the little guy. I'm going to have to sign them up for a kiddie race this fall.

Food's been spot on the past three days. I'm writing everything down and tracking calories again, because I have got to get serious about losing the rest of this weight. I'm really close, I think, to being mentally prepared to doing what it takes to lose 10 more pounds. And it's weird, really, to think that a year ago it was almost second nature to stay on plan but now it's such a struggle.

I do recall, though, that in those losing days I often adopted a "one day at a time" mind set, because with all the days it was going to take to lose over 50 pounds stretched out in front of me, it seemed impossible. Breaking it down like that worked, day in and day out. I've got 9 food journals full of those strung-together days.

So I'm back to working the plan again, meal by meal, day by day. And I feel like I'm also building up some mental muscle along the way.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

157.6 - Not enough time on my hands

Just too darn busy to post or visit my friends' blogs yesterday or likely today. Wanted to let you all know I am alive and am trying to be a good little dieter after an explosion of eating this past weekend (apparently working out 5 days in a week isn't enough to offset massive quantities of eating whatever the heck you want on the weekends, and yesterday my weight was 159.6... ugh).

So, y'all have a good Tuesday and I hope to catch up with you soon.