Friday, January 30, 2009

Still no power

I will never, ever take my house for granted again.

It's surreal--going home to make sure the water's still flowing through the pipes slowly, unplugging the TV's & computer, setting out fresh water for the cat, picking up the newspaper & the mail. And then not being able to stay in my home.

I have no clue when we'll be back. There are still over 50,000 people in our power company's service area without power. They've brought in workers from all over the midwest, but it's going to take a long time to get us all back on. I drove down one of the roads that leads to our neighborhood, and there are massively huge trees down on powerlines. One huge tree was completely uprooted and laying across a power line.

Our lines are buried in our neighborhood so I can't tell if the power is brought in from the war-zone area, or if it's from a less damaged area. Either way, I'm concerned now that it will be "well into next week," as the power company website states, before we get our power back. Frankly, at this point I'll be surprised if it's that quick. There were no trucks anywhere near our area when I went home at lunch.

So our home has no power. And I feel like I am powerless.

The kids are at my mom's another night and tomorrow all day, the dog is at the doggie sitter's house, and we are in the hotel for one more night. Then Saturday we'll move in to our friends' home, since they graciously invited us and have an extra bedroom & wireless internet. They also have 3 1/2 year old twins & a 1 year old, so our kids will have plenty to do there.

I'm not very good at taking things a day at a time. I'm a planner. I need to know what's happening next. Uncertainty makes me jumpy. And bitchy. And hungry. And sad.

I know this is only temporary. I know I could have it much, much worse. I'm clinging to the fact that my children are safe & warm & fed & active at my Mom's house. But life is so beyond normal right now.

Normal is a beautiful thing. I can't wait for normal to be back in my life once again.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

January Strikes Again (and Again)

I wrote this last night (Tuesday) around midnight. Before the power went out.
Man, I hate this time of year.

But before I go into the Woe Is Me report, I have to tell you about Friday.

Our 4 p.m. appointment rescheduled & my mom had the kids, so I had a free late afternoon & what did I do? I went running, of course!

It had been a gorgeous day--upper 50s, sunshine. But by the time I was ready to roll at 4:30, it was grey & colder & windy. No way was I not getting my run in, though. I set out from home & put in a solid 4 miles. I felt fabulous. Strong. Glad I'd gotten an unplanned run in & put in 14 miles in 3 days.

Then Friday night around 10 p.m., I felt that tell tale tickle in the back of my throat. I was getting a cold. I started the zicam right away, but by Saturday morning I had a raging sore throat & congested sinuses. The weekend was spent in my PJ's, with me popping ibuprofen for my aching head instead of sore muscles. I even skipped church Sunday, I felt so lousy.

By Monday I still felt awful and didn't get to work until after 1 p.m. We had a client appointment at 4, and by the time I got home with the kids I was wiped out. The weather people were sounding pretty sure we were going to get clobbered by the vast winter storm hitting the U.S. and I figured we'd be stuck at home on Tuesday, so I skipped Monday bath night for the kiddos and let them watch TV instead of doing Sophie's homework. It was definitely an "all system shut down" kind of night.

Which basically meant I've had almost 4 days of being in slog mode. And that means I eat. And I don't work out. And I feel lousy about it. But I feel lousy from the cold that won't die (hello zicam? why aren't you working yet?!) and that pretty much trumps my ability to do much healthy for myself.

I'm not calling myself a failure. I'm not all upset about losing the momentum I was building last week. I'll get back on plan & hit the road running soon enough. As soon as the darn ice melts anyway.

It's just a typical January.

And January bites.
So guys, I'm finally at long last watching a season of The Biggest Loser from the (almost) beginning. I've watched last week's and now tonight's show, so I missed the first two weeks but I'm still going to get to see them virtually from the beginning. I thank my DVR for finally allowing me to catch TBL & American Idol. I usually am watching from 9 - 10 (or 11 on 2 hour nights).

I was so glad Joelle got to stay last week. Carla & Bob were way too hard on her. I think Jen really summed it up best in this post. And now look at her this week! You go girl. (Although I think Carla might get on my nerves pretty quickly.) And I thought it was a no win for everyone tonight on who had to go home. I hope they pull a surprise & bring back the one person who really wanted to stay but had to go home. I truly think it's possible that person wins the runner up $100,000. The couple who got to stay better work their behinds off. I'm sure they will.

You TBL fans are surely desensitized to it, but I am just floored at the overt product placements. How bloody annoying. I guess everyone has to pay the bills.


Now it's Wednesday night and we are in a hotel because we have no power. Half the city is without power & it looks like an ice bomb went off. We drove around tonight, going to Walmart, then the office to see if power was back on there (it is, so Mark will be going in tomorrow), and then to Walgreens for meds. So many trees have been damaged. I didn't see many homes that were smashed, so that's a blessing. But it could take a week to get our power back on. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's only another day or so.

Life is no where near normal right now. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am that we have a warm room and food & are all safe. I know there are many, many people in this city (and the country) who can't say that right now. But this is not easy for any of us.

The kids are going to my mom's tomorrow, and will stay with her for a couple days. The poor doggie is at home by herself. I'm getting her tomorrow & will take her to our cousin or to the puppy hotel. I'm hoping we have power back by the weekend. I'm not sure where we'll go if we don't. We have my mom or my sister we could stay with. I'm sure some of our friends would set us up if we needed them to. I just don't know what's best for us. I think for now, it's going to be one day at a time.

Food & exercise are out the window right now. I'm in survival mode.

Like I said when I wrote this post yesterday, I hate January. This ice storm just gives me one more reason to be ready for February.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Day 3 - Success

Another day, another notch on my slowly-loosening belt.

Food was good. Not terribly low carb, but I didn't over do it on anything & had plenty of protein. I did have one little brownie after dinner--the last of the batch from the weekend which I'd forgotten about but stumbled upon while looking for a small bite of a Hershey bar. But it's all good. Gotta have a treat once in a while, and, after all, it's been 3 days since I had anything decadent.

And I ran another 5 miles today in just over 59 minutes. I'm still not as fast as I was in October, which is a bummer, but I can totally tell it's because I'm lugging around an extra 10 pounds. Oh, and because cardiovascularly I'm not as well conditioned. And the cold air messes with my exercise-induced asthma. And, let's see, any other excuses? I kid. I'm just glad to be out there for 60 minutes moving my body.

It was so gorgeous tonight. 51 degrees when I set out. The sun was shining & I ran the whole time in the light. It didn't get truly dark until almost 5:30. Love it. Spring feels like it's on its way. Tomorrow the temp is going to be even warmer. Unfortunately I'll be taking a rest day because we have 3 client annual review appointments tomorrow, that run up until 5 p.m. And really, I need a rest after two hard running days in a row.

Maybe tomorrow would be a good day to do that Jillian Michael's DVD, ya think? I haven't had time to watch it. Heck, I haven't had time to clean my kitchen for 2 days. Life gets that way sometimes.

So it's getting late & I still have work to get done for tomorrow's meetings. I hope to catch up with you all this weekend.

Much love & thanks so much for all your support!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Looking Up

Well it's day 2 of eating like I need to be eating to lose this layer of winter fat.

Which is good because I weighed in this morning at 155.6, and that's after a day of cleaning out a good deal of the water retention. I've got a ways to go to be where I want to be.

Last night I stuck to my guns and didn't eat carbs or junk or eat at night. I had dinner at 8:30, which was late but it actually helped keep me away from the middle of the night junk, I think. I had a cheese stick while putting the kids to bed because I was about ready to pass out from hunger, and then dinner was 6 oz. salmon with handful of broccoli slaw, mixed with T light mayo, 2 T lemon juice, and 3/4 tsp curry. I eat half and save the other half for another meal. It's yummy, quick, & healthy. I had 2 cups of diet jello (10 calories each? are you kidding? what a deal) for my snack & went to bed. In bed. Not the family room couch.

And I slept all night, without the aid of a xanax or benadryl. I don't know how that happened. Especially since I fell asleep at 10:30 which is about an hour or so earlier than usual.

Then I woke up this morning at 6:15 a.m., and made it to work by 8:30. Woohoo! I know for the majority of you, this is a joke. But y'all know I'm not a morning person and have no one enforcing my work schedule, so 8:30 is a big deal around here for me. :)

This afternoon is sunny & "warm"--as in 35 degrees. So I'm running, hopefully 5 miles. I can't wait.

My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD came in today (love Amazon, love it), so I'll check it out tonight. Gotta figure out a way to work that in on 3 or 4 mornings a week. It's ONLY 20ish minutes. For crying out loud, I just need to suck it up and get up in the morning.

The kids are in school, and they are healthy except for winter colds that cropped up yesterday. I've stuck to making meals at home and we aren't eating out. I even vacuumed my floors last night! (that's a big accomplishment, haha)

So that's all the good details going on with me. I feel like things are looking up, at least for now.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

That's It

I've had it.

I'm putting myself in timeout.

I've been "bad" way too long, and it's time to crack down on this unacceptable behavior.

I'm being punished with tight pants, a muffin top, overflowing 34Cs, and an overall sense of yuckiness & shame.

It's not just the way my body looks & feels. It's the old behaviors coming back that leave me feeling miserable & guilty, and I can't take it anymore. I eyed powdered donuts lustily on Saturday's grocery shopping trip. I made a pan of brownies yesterday on our day off for MLK Jr day "for the kids" and ended up eating almost the entire pan by myself. I bought ice cream sandwiches this weekend, ate 4 of them and threw the rest in the outside trashcan, being sure to cover up the box with a big trash bag--hiding the evidence.

I hate the person I'm becoming. It's the Old Me. And there's no room for her in my size 8 pants. No room at all in my "I've lost 60 pounds and am keeping it off forever" life. No room for her in my half marathon training plans.

I may have lost some battles the past few months, but I am not losing this war. Today I mark the line in the sand. And if the line gets fuzzy & I have to draw it again, so be it.

But that's it. I'm done with Old Me. I want Healthy Happy Feel Good About Myself Me back.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Random Friday Thoughts

I can't seem to come up with anything cohesive to talk about, so I'm just gonna give you a brain dump.

I've been listening to David Cook's new CD. A lot. And I love it! It's stuck in my head, though, so it's like I'm walking around with an iPod plugged directly into my brain. His music is most excellent. Even if you didn't watch American Idol last year, I highly recommend it to you.

Speaking of Idol, I'm excited it's back on again and I really like the new judge. Last year I didn't watch the first few weeks. I must admit, I'm enjoying the idiots more than I should. It's hard to know yet if there are any really good singers. I was surprised to see Jason Castro's brother try out. What a hoot! I can't wait to see more next week.

If you are a parent of young children (under age 10), please do yourself a favor and get the book Beyond Time Out. It is completely different than any other parenting book I've ever read. Really groundbreaking stuff. But it's not radical. It's simple. It cuts through the BS parenting methods that have been around the past 30 years or so and makes sense of the parent/child relationship in a way I never saw clearly before but now it makes perfect sense. Get the book for yourself & for your child. It's changed our family life so much for the better already.

I did the 2nd day of the 100 push up challenge last night. I'm not that sore today so I'm not sure if I didn't get far enough to the floor or what. I did 9, 8, 7, 6, & 8, with 90 second breaks in between. The kids counted my reps for me, which was fun. Tomorrow I'm doing day 3 which starts with 10 pushups.

My mom has the kids tonight and tomorrow because we have a meeting tonight & a wedding tomorrow afternoon. So I've got some free time! Tomorrow morning I'm going to grocery shop & run (I need to do 8 miles to keep pace with my 750 mile goal in 2009).

You runners who told me not to worry about the cold are right. When I ran Wednesday in 26 degrees & some strong wind, I got too hot after a mile & had to take off my fleece layer & just wear my tech shirt & wind jacket. Running with the wind at my back was awesome. Running against the wind kinda sucks, but it also is cool because you just push through and by the time you turn and have the wind at your back again it feels like you've conquered a mountain. I did 3 miles Wednesday in 36 minutes, and considering I stopped and walked quite a bit and was running into the wind half the time, I was very happy with that. The fact that I made myself get out there when most people would have bagged a run was a victory in itself.

Speaking of victories, I'm doing well on the shop once a week/make meals at home front. I'm failing miserably on the get to sleep at 10 and wake up by 6 front. And I still can't get my night eating under control. At least the oreos are gone now and I'm not buying anymore so those won't be singing their siren song tonight.

I've been trying to figure out why I can't break these bad habits. There has to be some kind of reward for the behavior if it keeps happening over and over. I've got to noodle on this for a while and will probably write about it soon to help work it out.

Sophie's made it to school all week, but she's still dizzy in the morning and somewhat during the day. She's just learning to deal with it. Yet her quality of life is not what it should be for a 7 year old. I feel like we need to do more for her medically. I met with a friend for lunch today who mentioned Vanderbilt and how the doctors there helped a friend of hers whose son had a condition that no one here could figure out. She's the 2nd person who's mentioned Vanderbilt to me recently. I think I'm getting a message from the universe on this and am going to figure out how to pursue it.

I've been all over the place today. I hope you are having a great end of the week & enjoy your weekend. I think the whole country is cold right now (except maybe California--you warm, Helen?), so put on some extra layers and snuggle under the blankets with a loved one.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Baby, it's cold (and windy) outside

So my new non-gym work out routine now includes running in the cold.

And it's not too bad! At least, not yet anyway.

Sunday and Monday I ran 5 and 4 miles, respectively, and both days the temps were in the mid 30s. It was a smidge windy but not bad, and a base layer plus fleece is all it really takes to stay warm. I wear gloves, of course, and usually start out with a fleece cap but after the first mile I'm almost always too warm to keep it on. I actually really enjoy the cold runs. Very refreshing and peaceful.

Today, even though it will be in the mid 30s when I head out, we've got wind in the 20 mph range. If I get to run like I plan to, it's going to be interesting to say the least.

We don't have any ice or snow to deal with, and if we did I'd not run. I wanna work out, but I'm not equipped to deal with that kind of terrain. Plus I'm a big baby when it comes to pain and would hate it if I fell & got hurt.

Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 14 degrees. 14! And the wind chill is going to be in the negative numbers.

Guess who's not running tomorrow? :)

Other random babble:

I'm happy to report that my weight this morning was 153.4. I haven't seen that for a while. It's crazy how much of a difference a few pounds make in the way my clothes fit.

I've set two more goals for 2009. I want to run 750 miles this year, and I want to complete the 100 pushup challenge. And I've got a weight goal of 145 (with a super secret goal of 140) when we go to St John in June. I want to be in the best shape of my life for this trip, and I've got to get busy now. You know how I am with goals--I'm gonna git r done, yessirree!

I'm still cooking & sticking to my no fast food purchases rule (so is the hubs!). I've not gotten everything cooked in the time I'd like to, mostly because those darn kids take up a lot of time at night, even after they are supposed to be asleep (Sophie had a bad reaction to her zyrtec Monday night and couldn't sleep, so I was up with her until after 11 p.m. Poor kid. We are doing zyrtec in the a.m. from now on). But I'm keeping enough stocked that we are eating home cooked meals. I'm allowing for a frozen pizza on one week night (Tombstone pizzas are $3.50 at WalMart), and last night was pizza night. Tonight I plan to cook up 3 pounds of lean ground beef--a meatloaf & 2 pounds of a Mexican filling that I have a recipe for. Hopefully my plans will not be derailed.

And Sophie has made it to school this week each day. She's not felt very well--headaches, leg aches, and stomach aches have been plaguing her lately--but she's hanging in there. I'm really focusing on getting her to eat better, along with the rest of us, and I think it's helping. But the lack of sleep is a killer. Plus, I talked with Mark last night about how she's feeling, and how she's distracted a lot and has trouble focusing, and he said he was exactly the same way when he was her age. They are both sensitive, artsy people who aren't all that hardy and need special care. Thankfully her special personality and love are as strong as steel.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I think a change, a change would do you good

First let me say thank you for your suggestions on Sophie's dizzy spells. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and, even though they may or may not apply to her situation it's still nice to have you all thinking of her.

Now for today's post:

I've decided to make some radical changes in my life, mainly out of necessity because we need to reign in the household spending. Believe me, I much prefer the status quo because I'm basically lazy, but life is kicking me in the pants and telling me I need to get with the program.

Change #1: So the first radical change is to make a weekly menu plan & grocery list and shop once a week.

Change #2: The weekly menu plan goes hand in hand with no more eating at restaurants, fast food or otherwise, on a regular basis. The hubs is the worst about this, but if I don't have food ready for him that he will eat, then he drives thru. And we have spent way too much money over the years on convenience foods, and that is going to stop.

Change #3: I figured out how many meals I'd need to make this week, then created a grocery list, and spent two hours shopping on Saturday afternoon at 3 different stores. I used to do all our shopping at two stores--Schnucks (a St Louis based grocery chain, the best our town has to offer) and Target--on week nights with kids in tow. I despise Wal-Mart, but I have gone over to the dark side because I'm now in money saving mode. And we also now have an Aldi, which has crazy low prices. I'll still shop at Schnucks because they have good meat and produce, but that's all I'm buying there. Saturday I spent around $150 for all our food for the week. And I don't care what I run out of--I'm not shopping again until next Saturday.

Change #4: I'm cooking like it's nobody's business. I made a pork roast Saturday night in the crock pot. First time ever! I know, I know, but still, I'm just learning to cook and a roast, to me, is intimidating. Turns out I cooked the darn thing too long and ended up with about half the meat I should have, but oh well. I'm learning. Mark liked it anyway. Tonight I'm making meatloaf. First time for that, too.

Change #5: Making a budget and sticking to it. This is going to be the toughest. But I'm serious about this money saving stuff and we're cracking down just like the rest of the country. No more impulse buying or spending unnecessary money on myself or the kiddos. I should have been doing this 5 years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.

Change #6: We cancelled our gym membership. Scratch #5 being the toughest. This is the toughest. No more swim lessons for Sophie. No more treadmill for me. No more body pump classes. No more easy summer-time pool for the family. It's going to be hard, but seriously? I just need to get over myself. Many, many people survive & thrive without a membership to the most expensive gym in town. I think we'll live.

Change #7: I'm clipping coupons! And using them!

Change #8: The little things that I used to think were no big deal, I realize all add up. As in: I'm not using mousse in my hair anymore. I tried it one day without it, and it looks exactly the same. And I'm not going to buy $15 a can hairspray any more. Understand, my hair has always been my thing, ever since I was in junior high. But it's stick straight, and the only thing that needs a spray is my bangs, so why do I need Big Sexy Hair hairspray? I don't. And my mascara is now L'oreal instead of Estee Lauder. Also, I'm not using paper towels for every little thing in the kitchen. I got one of our chamois cloths and am using a new one each day (a new one every day will hopefully keep the nasty germies away). We go through so many paper towels, it's nuts. This is going to cut that back big time. And I'm using half the laundry detergent I used to, and so far the clothes are just as clean as before. And I'm turning down the thermostat to 65 while we're at work. I'm sure there are more things I'll think of along the way.

Change #9: I'm implementing the parent skill lessons I've learned in Beyond Time Out. I'm still on a learning curve but I'm serious about changing things for the better for my kids. And my sanity.

Change #10: This one I have yet to implement, but it starts tonight. I'm going to bed at a decent time and waking up at a decent time. My habit has been to stay up until 11 or midnight (or later, like last night) and then sleep until Sophie needs to get up for school at 7 a.m. This means I don't get to work until 10 or 10:30, which is fine since I don't have a boss yelling at me, but it's not helping me be as productive or helpful to Mark as I need to be. My plan is to leave the house at 8 a.m. and be at work by 8:30. I'll let you know tomorrow how that one goes.

Notice there are no radical diet or exercise changes. I made those in 2007! This year, I'm sticking to running (ran 5 miles Sunday in 54 minutes, which is darn good considering I'm almost 10 pounds heavier than I was when I ran my half in October, and I've not been running regularly since October either) and I'm going to do the 100 push up challenge (started that yesterday, too). I'll probably throw in some pilates DVDs as needed, which Sophie will do with me. On the diet side, I really just need to focus on not eating at night. That's where I sabotage myself. And if I stick to change #10, this shouldn't be a problem because I'll be asleep by 10 p.m. instead of eating oreos.

These are not New Year's resolutions. I don't want to set myself up for failure by labeling these resolutions. They are lifestyle changes that I have to make for the sake of our family's future well being. I'm sure there will be missteps along the way, because change is hard. But for now, I feel really good about what we are doing.

Are you making any radical changes in your life this year?

Friday, January 09, 2009

31 degrees + No wind + 3.5 miles = Magic

(I wrote this on Thursday but ran out of time to post it....)

So yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Sophie woke up dizzy and I was PMS'ing, big time. I still hadn't run or worked out (my Tuesday night run got derailed because Sophie was feeling sick after school). And I felt like I was behind in everything. After all, the Christmas decorations are all still up.

I spent the day at home with Sophie, and Mark took Luke to day care. It wasn't a very productive day, I was pretty out of it. By the time Mark got home with Luke, I had at least done a load of laundry & made dinner from scratch (nothing frozen or processed, woohoo!).

Mark knew something was wrong with me, but there wasn't really any one specific thing "wrong." I just needed to go running.

And that's what I told him. I need to run. But I can't run. Because I'm stuck here with kids. And he said--just go run, now.

So I did.

By the time I was dressed and had my iPod in my ears playing Jack Ingram, I was already feeling better before I'd even turned on my Garmin.

I checked the weather before I got my running stuff on to see how many layers I needed. 31 degrees and no wind = base layer of tech fabrics + fleece + hat & gloves. I left around 20 minutes to 7 p.m., so I figured I'd run a few laps around the neighborhood and see how many miles I could put in before 7:30.

By the end of the first lap (1.1 miles around our neighborhood), I took off my fleece pants. I was starting to feel more human. By the second lap, I took off my hat & gloves. By the end of the third lap and the end of my run, which I added a few tenths to so I could finish at 3.5 miles, I felt 100% better.

And I also felt silly for not getting out there sooner.

Now I want to run again tonight.
Friday's addition: No running last night. Sophie was dizzy again Thursday, but not horribly. She stayed at my sister's who lives 25 minutes north of us and we didn't get home until almost 7 p.m. And she's better today. Made it to school, even though an hour late because I have to give her time to adjust and move slowly on days when she wakes up a little dizzy but it goes away.

I'm still really really in need of more running. I can feel myself losing my mind because I've not gotten in enough mileage. I have yet to figure out a cure. I know I could get up early. I know I could run after the kids are in bed. But neither time is ideal and it's more of a force myself thing at those times. I may be getting close, though, to needing to force myself.

Tonight we are taking the kids to the Monster Truck rally. We've never been before, but thought Luke would like it. We have got earplugs and ear "muffs" before you warn me it's loud! I hope we all have fun.

A note on Sophie's dizzy spells for Helen and anyone else who's interested: We've had Sophie tested for the major dizzy causers--BPPV, menier's, brain tumor, other inner ear stuff, seizures (although there is one more EEG we'll probably do this summer after school's out for more on this type of thing). Nothing is positive, which is good and bad. The bad news is that we have no way to cure it. The Epley maneuver unfortunately only works with BPPV and she doesn't have it, so that is no help. Thankfully the episodes at least seem to be lessening in severity and duration as she gets older, and we've found that a small dose of ativan seems to help somewhat (although not completely, 100% of the time). Perhaps we'll do more testing. I'm just not sure how much I want to put us all through just to have the doctors tell us they still can't figure it out.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Can't get there from here

Man, it's been forever since I've visited Blog World. I feel like I've been away from home for a week and need to reconnect. I miss you guys!

So New Year's was uneventful. Mark worked all day long and didn't get home until after 6 p.m. on NYE. We made it to our friends' house by 8 p.m. (it was a family get together with kids, so no partying going on, although I did take my margaritas with me), and we left at 11 p.m. The kids both fell asleep in the car on the way home. Mark & I rang in the New Year with Dick Clark & Ryan Seacrest (bless Dick Clark's heart for soldering on inspite of his stroke). Very, very low key. And boring. But, what's a 38 year old married mom gonna do?

Monday we were all back to work & school again. It's still tough to get up in the morning & get to bed on time after 2 weeks of a flexible schedule, but it's getting easier.

On the food and exercise front--there's nothing good to report (except that I'm still holding steady at 155ish). I have been a complete slacker since I finished my 500 miles on 12/30 (and yes Lori & Shauna, I love The Proclaimers song by that name!). I've run and lifted weights in my mind dozens of times, but I have yet to get my ever-spreading behind in gear. I feel like I'm stuck, and still can't get out of my end- of- the- year rut. Like I can't get where I want to go from where I am now, mentally.

Mainly it's because I'm focused on other things than diet & exercise right now (which, as I think of it, is that really a bad thing?). Like learning how to be a more effective parent with this book, and figuring out how to stop eating out & cooking more at home & getting my husband to eat at home by reading several cook books. And figuring out how to save money and cut back. Because that's what we're all doing in 2009, right?

And a new year means lots of stuff to do at work. I won't bore you with details, but I've basically no time to visit blogs during the day and by the evening I'm too fried to look at a computer monitor any longer.

So it's going to take some effort to put myself on the priority list again.

I'll get there eventually. It just may take some creative navigation.