Monday, June 11, 2007

Day 114 - 172.6 Crying in Pilates Class

Yesterday I spent 2 hours at the gym-- an awesome cardio class and an hour of mat pilates.

And this is SO weird. I cried during pilates. CRIED. I don't know if it's getting off the lexapro, the fact that I was exhausted and was pushing myself so hard, or what. We were doing a bridge on a stability ball, and I suck at doing bridge (where you lay on your back, knees bent, and lift your butt high in the air). With your feet on the ball, it's really tough. But I was working hard and contracting my hamstrings, and all of the sudden I just felt overwhelmed with emotions--and it poured out my eyes and into my ears. Thank God it was dark in the room. I even had to go in the hallway and get myself together.

I could have just cried and cried and cried, I think, but I went back to class to finish. Afterwards I thought about what happened, and truly, I think I just felt so thankful that I could MOVE my body the way I had been that whole hour. That I was exhausted from it, but it was a happy exhaustion. That I am so BLESSED to be healthy and have the opportunity to build my body into the temple that God made it to be. That I am so different now than I was in February or than I was a year ago.

And I want so desperately and with all my soul to hold onto what I've accomplished so far. And I know how difficult that is. How many people fail. How I don't want to be a statistic.

Emotionally, I am so tender. It's fabulous to lose 31 pounds, but it draws a lot of attention which is bizarre when you've been invisible in size 16s for so many years.

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