500.01

It's done! 500.01 miles for 2008. I had a great run yesterday. It was 60 degrees when I set off at ten minutes to 4:00. The sun was shining, low in the sky. There was a steady breeze. I had downloaded David Cook's new CD to my iPod (it's awesome! Jill, if you haven't gotten it yet, you need to), and I had just enough time to get in my 5.78 miles by the time it got dark at 5 p.m.

When I got to my last .25 miles I had a big smile on my face and was listening to KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See. I've no aspirations to be a super model, but I love that song. It really gets me moving & feeling like I know exactly why I'm putting my body through the miles on the road.

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you count
She holds you captivated in her pout

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

That 500 mile goal is the reason I've run this past week and a half. Honestly if I didn't have it to meet, I don't know if I'd have made myself get out there.

I love setting & meeting goals. I think I need to set more for 2009.

But not today. Today I'm kicking back, doing a little work from home, shopping for NYE appetizers for tonight's get together with our friends, and generally chillin' with the kids.

One more Happy New Year to ya! See you all in 2009.

New Year's Eve Eve

I am so ready to put 2008 to bed.

In a lot of ways, it was a great year for me.

I claimed my goal weight of 155 in February. I maintained an almost 60 pound weight lost for over a year. I ran a 7k, 2 5ks, and 2 half marathons. My kids are alive & well, growing & thriving, the lights of my life. My husband is alive & hanging in there, & I'm so thankful he has not given up.

Yet, like many people I'm longing for a new start. I'm ready to shed my winter fat. I'm hopeful for a better 2009 financially for our clients & ourselves. I'm praying we all stay safe & sound for another year. Lately I've been hyper-conscious of how precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away.

I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. Last year I made Groundhog Day's resolutions, but I don't think I kept many (if any) of them. But I am big on the metaphorical clean slate of January 1st. Fresh, clean, bright & shiny January 1st.

So let's get 2008 over with already and bring on 2009.
***
I am happy to report I'm going to hit my 500 mile goal for 2008. I've got 5.78 miles to run this afternoon (in 50 degree weather, no less) and I'll hit 500. I am so happy to have two nice round zeros on my yearly mileage. And I've stopped the weight gain. I'm maintaining around 155, which isn't where I want to be but at least my jeans still zip. For now, I'll take it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

Real Quick

Hey gang! Did you all have a good Christmas? Ours was good--nobody got sick, which is a big deal since there's a lot of stomach flu going around our town (just watch, tomorrow one of us is going to be puking our guts out). The kids got what they wanted, but we didn't go overboard.

To be honest, I'm just glad it's all over. I'm ready for normal life to return.

And I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn things around, diet wise. Vickie, you are too right. Another week of eating whatever I want could do another 5 pounds damage, and I'm just not going there. No, I am definitely not going to pull an Oprah on this. 10 pounds up from my lowest weight is where it stops. I'm reversing the upward trend, starting today.

I ran 5ish miles with niece Kate this morning. It was the first decent mileage run since....the last time I ran with Kate at Thanksgiving. She's so great. I very much enjoy running with someone else, especially when it's her.

So we have a get together with friends tonight. Probably another one this weekend with friends who live in London but came home for the holiday. And then next week we'll work some, visit friends out of town some, and party on New Year's some.

Hopefully I'll get more running in so I can meet my 500 mile goal. I still have 15 miles to get there. In one week. It's not impossible, but it's going to take some effort. But worthwhile endeavors take effort, so I'm planning on doing it.

I may not be around much until after New Year's. So don't worry about me if I don't post for a while.

Happy New Year!

Holding Pattern

I feel like I'm stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for Normal to return.

My food is not normal. My workouts & running are not normal. My sleep is not normal. My kids' schedules are not normal. My blog reading is not normal.

All this anti-normal is putting me back into Old Normal mode. You know, the mode where I eat whatever I want and then feel guilty about it later. And of course the by product is excess fat on my body.

I'm not going to whine about it here, though. I've done enough whining lately.

I don't see things getting back to the New Normal any time soon. Today there is ice on the roads (I tried to go to work, but it was so slick I was sliding *up* hills, and I saw one fender bender just a mile from our house, so I turned around and took the kids & me back home), and I most likely won't get to go to the gym. Plus, I'm stuck in the house with two kids--Mark made it to work OK, he's not as nervous driving as I am--and that's a recipe for me to eat for comfort.

So, I'm just accepting what is right now. Christmas is in 2 days. The New Year is a time for fresh starts. I'll jump on the weight loss bandwagon with 90% of the world next week. I know what to do. I've just got to get going & do it.

No weigh in....New trend?

I haven't weighed myself the past two days. Weekends notwithstanding, this is a record length of time for me not to know, to the .2 pound mark, how much I weigh.

Pokey made a comment on my last post that got me thinking. And MizFit answered my comment (read it all below) on her blog that got me really thinking.

I'm way too hard on myself.

I realize this is not a news flash to you, my bloggy friends. And it's not news to me, either. I just tend to live in denial. A lot.

Wait, there I go. Being hard on myself again.

And I'm thinking 2009 is going to be the Year of Self Love. I don't know how exactly, and I don't have a plan yet. But I know the why's. There are many.

I deserve it. I'm a child of God. He loves me and created me. He made me the way I am. And if He can love me, why shouldn't I love myself?

My children need a mom who cares for herself. Especially my daughter. MizFit's comment struck me like a dagger in the heart. The older I get, the more I look like my mom. And often, act like my mom. And most of the time, I hate it. I love my mom, don't get me wrong. She does more for me and my kids than anyone else on the planet. But she drives me nuts sometimes, with her negative self talk and her nagging worry and her frequent complaints about how she looks. HELLO! Wake up Laura! I am becoming my mother. I certainly don't want my daughter to feel the negative feelings about me in the same ways I do about my mom.

I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't so stinking critical of myself. So what if my butt's a little bigger this month? Nobody probably even notices but me. And my contentedness with my weight and body will surely flow into other aspects of my life.

What would happen if I spent more time on other things I care about, besides what I put in my mouth? The idea of not being constantly obsessed with food & how to burn off the extra calories I consume is so radical, I can't quite get my head around it.

I know there are many more I could come up with.

Is it possible I could take the focus off of gaining/losing/gaining/losing.... and find a happy medium?

To weigh or not to weigh. It's an age old dieter's question that will likely be debated forever. I'm still not sure I can go a week (or longer) without checking my weight. But I'm going to experiment. I'll try not eating at night so I feel better in the morning and hungry for my breakfast, instead of working toward a lower number on a scale. I could lift weights with abandon and get rock hard muscles, and not give a flying fig about how much weight it puts on me. I could even, dare I imagine, use my size 6 jeans as my barometer for how I'm doing in the poundage department.

Perhaps hope & change aren't just going to happen in The White House next year. Maybe they can show up in my house, too.

Pokey's comment on my last post:
And hon...you are still doing great with your weight!! Dont be so hard on yourself. You look great, and feel great (right?) in your skin...so that should be all that matters. I think you need to toss that darn scale of yours.Seriously.

My comment on MizFit's post:
Definitely want to keep my daughter from going through what I did in my teens (overweight, but not obese), yet I am afraid her body is built just like mine & I don’t know how to avoid it. Sigh.

MizFit's response:
ok not much time so this shall be short , but I know this thought isnt one only you have, Laura.

Im gonna tough love you, Sister.
*you* need to find your self love. your body love. your I SO COMFY IN MY SKINSUIT I WANNA SHOUT THIS SH*T FROM THE RAFTERS feeling.
that’s your answer.
she will look to you and emulate you.(I know the peers come into play here—but that’s a different post).
she will watch and see how you respect you body and, in turn, view hers as such.
I think one of the most powerful things I have read is how daughters who do not love themselves so often *do* have parents who praise them and who lavish them with love!
when asked why they still couldnt see their inherent value 99% of the time they responded that they saw their mom not love herself and thought: I AM SO MUCH LIKE MY MOM! I MUST NOT BE WORTHY.

153.0 - The pills are working

So my increased med dosage must be kicking in, because despite all the crazyiness, the busyness, the sickness, the overindulgenceness, the lack-of-exerciseness, and the fatness--I don't feel like I'm losing my mind.

At least today.

Our party Friday went really well. I wore my black dress that makes me look skinny and hits above my knees so my legs look good, and I received several compliments, which is always nice.

I spent almost 48 hours recovering afterwards. Saturday at 5 a.m. I woke up with a migraine (stupid, stupid me. I cannot drink wine, of any kind, period). Thankfully I had Sophie's Imitrex nasal spray from her appointment last week, and since it doesn't work for her dizzyness, I used a dose for my headache. And I took a xanax and feel back asleep until noon. Noon! Then I basically stayed in bed until 4:30 p.m. My sister brought the kids home around 6:30. I didn't even take a bath Saturday, I was that lazy.

Sunday we made it to church, then had lunch at Bob Evans (I know, I know), then I spent another afternoon in pajamas. The kids were wonderful all day. Sophie felt fine all day. It was a nice family Sunday.

Yesterday Sophie was sick--not with dizzyness, but with a sore throat (even though her tonsils are out, the back of her soft pallette was red & sore) and a horrible sinus infection. So she stayed home from school with Mark, and I went to work. I felt pretty out of it yesterday still. I guess kind of a lazyness hangover from the weekend.

Last night I was really upset about how much weight I've gained. I got out the tape measure and confirmed I've gained some inches. Then I put on my PJs and made dinner & thought about when I'd get myself back under control.

This morning I expected my weight to be off the charts--I haven't run or worked out since last Monday--but it's not insurmountable. Even though my clothes are tight, they fit fine and still look OK (but just barely). I'm not going to have to buy bigger pants yet.

And thankfully Sophie is feeling better. She even rode the bus to school today (first time in 2 weeks she's done that). Luke is, as always, my sunshine. Seriously, the boy is the epitome of the meaning of his name--light.

Tonight we'll go to Sophie's swim class & I packed my gym bag to take a weights class. Then I've got to bake the first of two 20 pound turkeys for our city's Rescue Mission. Our circle of friends (7 families) provide & serve dinner and do a worship service (the kids help with this--last year we did the Nativity story, and every kid dressed up with church costumes), and that happens this Saturday.

I've got a bit of a more optimistic perspective this morning, and I thank the Pharmaceutical companies for it. Better living through chemicals, yee ha!

P.S.
We watched two new movies this weekend I wanted to share. The first was In Bruges. I absolutely loved this movie. Loved it. It's violent in several parts, but mostly it's a character film. Quirky. Funny. A great winter movie to rent. I'd actually like to see it again, it's that good.

The other was a comedy that I laughed at in spite of the stupidness (or rather, because of it). You Don't Mess with The Zohan is one of those movies where you have to enjoy crass humor. It does start to wane, like most of these movies do, but I still enjoyed it. I needed some stupid humor the night we watched it.

Status Update

Sophie made it to school this morning. Miraculously, she felt only mildly dizzy when she woke up, and she played with Luke with energy & happiness this morning. She said, on her own without my asking, that she wanted to go to school.

Obviously I am beyond relieved.

I no longer feel like I'm in the pit of despair, just perhaps sitting outside by the tree with the hidden knot that only the Count, the Prince, and the Albino know about (go rent The Princess Bride if you don't know what I'm referring to...one of the best movies ever).

But I still haven't run since my measly 2 miles on Monday. And I haven't had a chance to catch up on many of your blogs. I'm not eating myself silly, but did have oreos last night at 4 a.m. Work is stressful. Our office open house is tomorrow and I've got an unreal amount of things to do to get ready.

So my plate is overflowing, but I feel like I can handle it as long as Sophie (and the rest of my family) stays healthy.

If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm swamped. Hope you are all holding up well out there, dear friends. Thank you all for your encouragement.

152.2 - Sophie's sick again

Sophie's dizzy spells came back yesterday with a vengeance. It was pretty bad yesterday morning; we did make it to my office where she played most of the day and was able to walk with some stopping & starting (movement makes it worse).

Then yesterday afternoon I took her to the doctor, just because we haven't been in a while about these and I wanted to talk about it again. We didn't see her regular pediatrician, since he was off for the afternoon. The other doctor in the office talked with us for almost 30 minutes. He said there were no other tests to run--neurologist & ENT were the way to go, and we've done that already. He prescribed Imitrex (a migraine med, the nasal spray), and said to try it, since we hadn't yet. Yesterday afternoon & evening she felt perfectly fine.

This morning she woke up, was dizzy but not horribly bad. We did the Imitrex, and 10 minutes later she felt worse than she has since this round of dizzy spells started. I'm not blaming it on the Imitrex; I'm sure it's a coincidence. When they are really bad, she's dizzy even while lying still. An hour after the Imitrex, she threw up. She's sleeping now, and it's been an hour since she threw up and two hours since the Imitrex. We'll see how she feels when she wakes up.

I feel so horrible about this on many levels. I hate that she's missing school. I hate that she's missing the fun holiday things they are doing at school and in after care. I hate that she's missing her friends, and they are missing her. I hate it that she knows all this, and she's sorry she's missing it all too.

And I feel so trapped, so alone. For the most part it all falls on my shoulders, because Mark has to focus on work (he brings in the money after all, and you all know how the stock market gig is going lately). And he's taking 2 classes to finish his business degree, so that's more on his plate. And so, like most moms, the kids, the house, the groceries, the laundry, all ends up on me. Normally, this is semi-manageable. At least it is when I've got the right chemical & hormonal balance in my brain.

Right now, this is almost more than I can bare.

Thankfully Mark took Luke to day care this morning (obviously I can't leave the house if Sophie can't even move), and I'm not going to the office. I've got work I can do at home while she sleeps. Mark will pick Luke up after work if Sophie's not better (and maybe even if she is better, since I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to leave the house today).

Our office open house is this Friday, and there is so much to do to get ready for that it's nuts. Mark has to give a presentation to our clients at the beginning of the open house (along with 2 other investment guys), so he's got that on his mind also. And if Sophie's not well by Friday... well, I have to be at the open house--that's not even an option--and my mom will take care of her, but Sophie will want me and I'll have to leave anyway. I guess I'll stop worrying about that and just jump off that bridge if we come to it.

So much fun around here! Woohoo, aren't you glad you stopped by today? No, seriously, thank you for listening to my whine fest. I truly am a wreck and just wish I could have you all here in my family room holding my hands and giving me hugs and bringing me margaritas and telling me it will be alright. Since my friends are all over the country, though, I'll still be thrilled with your virtual support.

And what in the world would I do without that?

153.8 - Broken Record

Vickie, you know me so well. Yes, indeed, I pretty much spent the weekend (at least figuratively) with my head under the covers.

Saturday morning we had our family picture taken for our Christmas card. So that required some energy and focus, as both kids needed baths and prettying up (as did I, of course). Here's the result:



Overall, it turned out pretty well. Usually the photographer has to work some magic and switch out at least one of our faces with another picture (we use the same photographer every year, he's a friend of ours). But we all smiled pretty in this shot and we'll send it as is.

After the picture, we went to see Santa at the mall. That was fun! The kids were on their best behavior and our Santa is great--real whiskers, no beard. Then we went to Red Lobster and had a feast. We used to eat there a lot when Mark's mom was alive, but haven't been there in almost 3 years now. They advertised a new wood fired lobster tail, and that sucked Mark right in. We had a nice time together.

Then the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, I spent my time in my PJ's. We all needed a rest Sunday morning so we skipped church. I took a bath around 1 p.m., and put on clean pajamas instead of clothes since we weren't going anywhere. And I laid around & read & watched Christmas TV with the kids.

And ate. And ate. And ate.

The scale doesn't tell the true picture anymore. 6 months ago I'd have been OK with this weight. But then I went and lost some weight in October and found out how great I feel around 146, and of course bought a few fall clothes and new bras at that weight. So everything feels tight & my muffin top is pronounced and overall I just feel yucky.

Yada yada yada. I'm getting tired of hearing myself whine about this.

So you know the drill--it's Monday, a new start, new dedication, new food & exercise choices. But I'm just not feeling it. I don't want this extra fat on my body, but I don't have it in me to do a whole lot about it.

I did call my doctor this morning and they are going to increase my meds. I'll start that new dose tomorrow. I hope it kicks in soon.

And I plan to run this afternoon (haven't since last Monday...I've got some miles to make up to hit my 500 mile goal). It's much warmer today (mid to upper 30s, woohoo!) so it should be a good time to run.

The trick will be keeping it together tonight and not noshing on every carb in my house (which isn't much after this weekend).

That's the deal around here. Sorry to be such a downer. Bring on the good cheer in the comments, friends. I'd love to hear it!

P.S. I do take my own advice and repeat to myself "this is only temporary" on a regular basis. I know this will pass. It always does.

151.2 - In the dumps

Man, it was bad this morning. I slept late, could barely get myself moving, and had to make myself take a bath and get ready for work. It's that moving through sludge feeling--definitely chemical. I get this way every winter. I'm just surprised it's happening so soon this year.

Sophie had a dizzy spell yesterday and had to stay home from school. I stayed with her in the morning and Mark came home and stayed with her in the afternoon while I went to work. It's not a bad one. She's with me today at the office but is walking around now and feeling OK. I'm hesitant to send her back to school yet, because it's hard for her to concentrate and the kids have to move from one thing to another so quickly, and that can cause her to feel dizzy. So, anyway, another day and hopefully tomorrow she'll be better.

I just called my doctor to ask him to up my antidepressant amount, but they are closed this afternoon and Friday, so that will have to wait until Monday. I've been on this dosage for almost a year, I think (I can't even remember when I started on this round). And I've got a SAD light that I can bring into my office, which will hopefully help. Until then, though, I'm in a deep funk that really sucks.

And, of course, I ate oreos & cool whip & pringles last night to push it all away.

I really need a trip to the gym (didn't do anything yesterday because I had to get home to the girl). I'm keeping my fingers crossed I can get work done in time for a yoga class tonight, or at the very least a run on the treadmill. Sophie should be OK for the gym day care, even though she probably won't like it.

So that's the scoop around here. I just pray no one else gets sick or hurt. I don't think I can handle much more right now.

152.0 - A Few Good Things

Since my last post, I've managed to accomplish some good stuff on the road to losing some LB's.

Monday after work, I went running. In the cold. And the wind. And part of the time in the dark. But it was great! Really, it was. Okay, no, it kinda sucked since I hadn't yet figured out my winter running gear needs yet, and my legs were freezing in the 33 degree temp. I'd wardrobed the top part of my body okay--short sleeve running shirt, long sleeve running shirt, fleece pullover, hat, gloves, iPod in my ears, Garmin on my left wrist, Road ID on my right. I guess I figured my legs would be running and wouldn't need an extra layer. Wrongo! Definitely need to wear running tights under my running pants next time. Lesson learned.

Since it was after 4 p.m. when I started, I knew I'd need to run in the park where there isn't much road traffic because I didn't have my reflective vest with me. I did 4 laps, which is 3.25 miles. The last lap was in the dark, but there was absolutely no one else around crazy enough to be out in that weather. Did I mention it was cold and windy?

Monday night I was a good girl and ate broccoli and eggs & turkey. No carbs at dinner, woohoo! Weight loss here I come.

Then, oops, Bad Girl shows up at 1 a.m. when I had to pee and walked straight to the fridge (after the potty break, and yes I washed my hands) and pulled out the crustless pumpkin pie leftover from Thanksgiving. I didn't have much, but I did have several squirts of whip cream from the can. And then a few spoons of cool whip lite from the freezer. Could have been worse, but it was still eating in the middle of the night.

Today was not the best food wise, because I ran out of lettuce and didn't have the makings for my usual healthy lunch. Basically I didn't eat enough during the day and felt weak in the afternoon. A protein shake and an apple with two string cheese sticks isn't much fuel for the bulk of my day.

Especially since I took a weights class tonight at 4:30. Mom picked up the kids since she didn't get to see them over the weekend, so I was FREE to do what I wanted. Lifting weights after being off for a while is hard. But it felt great. I was so glad to be back at it. Even though I didn't feel as strong as usual--I could really tell I was low on good food fuel.

After class I went grocery shopping and stocked up, picking up some key ingredients for two recipes I wanted to try. And after getting the kids to sleep tonight, I made them both. I've got good food for Mark & me for the next few days all ready. Even have my lettuce packed in gladware, ready for lunch tomorrow.

And I think all the Alton Brown shows I've been watching are starting to rub off on me. I'm getting to be a darn good cook, if I do say so myself. Here are the two recipes I made tonight:

Roni's Curried Turkey Salad is simply to die for. My pear isn't ripe yet so I just used a big apple, and I added a couple tablespoons of pecans and omitted the onion (not a raw onion fan), and OMG it is amazing. I only had a few bites but I can't wait to eat it tomorrow for dinner. If you have leftover turkey, you have got to make this recipe.

The first thing I made tonight was a recipe from my girlfriend LeAnne. It was my dinner, even though it's pretty carby and I ate it at 9:30 pm. Oh well. I was starving because I'd had nothing but a few leftover green beans (again, from Thanksgiving) when I got home from working out. This recipe is well worth the fresh basil and even though it looks like a lot of work, it's easy. Use a big bowl to combine everything--it's a lot of food.

Chicken & Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn

1 lb. fresh chicken breast tenderloins
1 (9 oz.) pkg fresh cheese tortellini, uncooked (Bertolli's is in the refrigerated section)
1 (10 oz.) pkg frozen whole kernel corn
1 clove garlic, halved (optional)
2 cups quartered cherry tomatoes (the store had grape tomatoes, and I quartered those just fine)
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil (or more!)
1 teaspoon olive oil (+ however much you need to cook the chicken)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Kosher salt, to taste
2 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

If using garlic, rub the inside of a large serving bowl with garlic halves (Laura's note: I didn't do this), and discard the garlic halves. Cut the tomatoes, slice the green onions, and chop the basil; put these in the serving bowl.

While waiting for water to boil for tortellini, start cooking the chicken (I usually just 'heat' it in pan over med-low heat, with a little olive oil). When it is cooked all the way through, cut it into bite-sized pieces. (Laura's modification--I cooked 1 tsp minced garlic in olive oil until light brown, then added already cut up chicken. I was in a hurry and wanted the chicken to cook quickly.)

Cook tortellini in boiling water 3 minutes, omitting salt and oil. Add corn, and cook additional 3 - 4 minutes; drain well.

Pour tortellini & corn mixture on top of the tomatoes, onions & basil in the serving bowl. Add cubed cooked chicken, tsp. olive oil, a generous pinch of Kosher salt, and black pepper. Toss gently to coat. Sprinkle cheese on top. Serve immediately. (I'm having leftovers for lunch--hopefully it will still be yummy.)

***
So that's been the good stuff over the past two days. Work is still very stressful. I'm trying not to be resentful about how much I have to do for the Holidays. I'm keenly aware this year that all of this could just go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about parties and pictures and open houses and Christmas cards and presents, at all. I'm lucky to be overwhelmed, I keep telling myself. I'm too blessed to be stressed.

***
Holy cow, I just totalled up my miles for the month of November and realized I need to run 28.5 miles in December to run a total of 500 miles in 2008. How cool will that be? It's nice to have a goal this time of year.

154.0 - Ugh, & Random Chattiness

Thanksgiving was good. Too good.

Our dinner with the family turned out to be a lot of work but it was really worth it and everything came out great. Everyone raved about the food. We are a family of good cooks. The gravy was gourmet and fabulous, just as we'd hoped. And I really enjoyed all the cooking on Thanksgiving day. The prep & shopping was the hardest part.

My food intake was simply out of control. Not just during dinner, either. I pretty much had a f*ck it attitude all weekend, and man am I paying for it now. My waist has grown by several inches and I've got a muffin top again. My pants are tight on my thighs & behind. I'm spilling out of my new 34C cups.

I did run twice--3.3 miles on Wednesday and 5 miles on Saturday (with niece in law Kate, which was really super fun).

I really do feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I don't like it one bit. I can also feel the winter depression already coming on, which is a bad thing because it makes me want to eat and eat and eat.

It's gonna be a long 3 months, I'm afraid.

I'm seriously thinking of looking for a February or early March half marathon so I have something to train for and keep me motivated. There's one in California that a few of my blogger friends are running, but I can't justify the cost and travel time, so I'm going to have to figure something else out.

In other bad news, I've got carpal tunnel symptoms in my right hand. I had carpal tunnel with both pregnancies, really badly--both hands were completely numb for 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after delivery of my kids. This isn't that bad now. My fingers are going numb with fine motor work, like putting on eyeliner. And I'm waking up with it numb & sore. So I got my brace out and am wearing it, which helps. It's just a pain in the behind and one more thing to deal with.

I put up the Christmas tree yesterday (random note: I've never had a real tree, always artificial; turns out I'm alergic to pine--gives me a headache-- so it's just as well). I put on the lights, and Sophie put on the ornaments. I adjusted the ornaments to the areas she couldn't reach this morning. The kids each have a 3 foot tree in their rooms, which they love. I haven't dragged anything else out yet. Not sure if I'm up for putting up all the decorations. It's fun to put it out; it's a bitch to put it all away a month from now.

Really behind at work. I basically did nothing last week except Thanksgiving prep, so now I've got two weeks of work to do this week. Plus getting ready for our office open house on December 12th. I look at the calendar and just can't believe it's December already and can feel time catapulting me toward January.

I hope I find a way to slow things down and enjoy life a bit instead of watching it fly by.

All Thanksgiving, All The Time

Have I told you peeps that we are having 20 people come to our house for Thanksgiving?

Oh, yeah, I think I've whined about that already.

So family is awesome, and I love Mark's family. Couldn't ask for better. Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays because it's all about family & food & giving thanks. No presents, no pressure, just warm homey feelings. And lots of good food.

And I think I'm stressing myself out more than I need to. But still. 20 people! Which doesn't include us, and we make it 24.

Food we are making:
Homemade turkey gravy (Mark is making this--and he's all about being gourmet, because he's a great cook and he has a high standard to live up to).

I am making: Sweet potatoes (maple glazed, no marshmallows), au gratin potatoes, green beans (3 pounds of them!), pumpkin pie, veggie tray, and spinach-artichoke dip. Each potato dish will serve 8-10, so that's why I'm doubling up. Plus my au gratin potatoes are an absolutely fabulous recipe I made several years ago and everyone loves them.

Various family members are bringing The Turkey, salad, a vegan dish, stuffing, cranberries, salad, bread, pecan pies, & gingerbread cake.

Carpets get cleaned tomorrow morning (I'm not doing that, but I have to make sure the house is all picked up so they can reach the floor).

My brother in law from Colorado is staying Tuesday night. He's only staying this night, and we won't have anyone else any other night. I've already told Mark that Jeff is going to have to fend for himself.

I have to find a folding table & chairs to borrow. I am not buying chairs to seat all these people for one dinner. We have 3 old folding chairs & one folding table, but I need more. Obviously.

I will also clean our bedroom because the coats will go in there, and have to clean my bathroom because it's the guest bathroom.

I made my grocery list last night. I have to also go buy some cookware because we don't own a roasting pan or fat separator (for the gravy).

Thankfully, Mark is letting me take the time I need away from work to get all this done. Except I also have to mail our office Holiday open house invitations this week. So, that has to be done, too.

It's likely I won't be around the blog world much this week. I'm going to miss you all. I will do my best not to eat my weight in carbohydrates between now and next Monday. And I promise to workout at least a few times so I don't drive myself totally insane.

As my mom used to say, it's a pretty short trip. Get it? Drive myself insane...short trip? Oh never mind.

:)

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you know how very thankful I am for each of you who read my blog and whose blog I read. You mean so much to me. Thank you for your generous support and encouragement.

xoxo,
Laura

149.2 - Tequila & Cookie Dough

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Yesterday. Sucked.

I didn't get to go to the gym or run. I barely got to eat right. The markets & the world are scaring the crap out of me (way too many people using the "D" word on CNBC). I'm overwhelmed by how much work Thanksgiving is going to be. My husband is a stressed out mess. I yelled at my kids last night and made my daughter cry.

And when I just couldn't take anymore, I turned to Cuervo and Toll House to soothe my nerves.

While I only had one margarita and 4 squares of break & bake cookie dough, I still felt icky about going back to the food for comfort. I'm just no where near mature enough, diet wise, to completely move away from The Food when I'm in The Despair.

I know I'm not alone in this need, so thank you in advance, oh fellow commiseraters, for your empathy. And those of you who don't eat when you're emotionally a mess, I am in awe of your fortitude.*

Today's not much better on the freaked out front. I've eaten better and plan to do something tonight at the gym while Sophie swims (as long as things don't blow up at work like they did Tuesday and we get to go to the gym). So at least I'll get some release and/or endorphins from that.

But I don't see the worry letting up anytime soon. I really really hate this.

At least, thankfully, for now, we are all healthy. I just pray we don't lose that.


*I looked up this word to make sure it was an apt choice here. It is. I think I'm going to start praying for this, too:

for·ti·tude
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin fortitudin-, fortitudo, from fortis
Date: 12th century
1: strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage

148.2 - Three good days under my (loosening) belt

Monday was a successful day. Ran 4 miles (in the cold! It was 39 degrees, brrrr). Ate well, didn't eat junk at night. It paid off this morning with a nice loss on the scale.

No workout today, but my food has been good. Hopefully I'll at least hang onto the loss I've got right now.

The rest of this week is going to be nuts. Busy work day tomorrow, and I'm organizing Thanksgiving plans.

On the getting the house ready for 20 guests front, I spent 3 hours Monday night after the kids went to bed (yes, I was up until after midnight) removing toys and cleaning and reorganizing furniture in our "front" room. Our house was built in the 80s, when it was the norm to have a fancy living room in the front of the house. Ours was a lovely sitting room until we had kids. Then of course we had to move the computer stuff to the fancy living room and it became more of an office with a piano and a loveseat included. Then when the toys were overflowing in the kids' rooms, we moved the excess toys into the fancy living room and renamed it the Toy Room.

After taking a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and moving the sentimental/good stuff to the garage (didn't I just clean that thing out?!), there are no more toys in there and it's mostly back to a lovely sitting room. There's still a computer/printer on a desk, and my desk with my untouched-for-almost-2-years scrap booking stuff. But the love seat and two rocking chairs are facing each other in a conversation area, so it will be a nice place for folks to talk if they want a break from the kitchen/family room chaos. Rounding out the room are my piano and a tall chifferobe, which is the 3rd piece of Sophie's bedroom furniture set, and it just won't fit in her room with all her toys (I bought her furniture from my best girlfriend when she moved to Texas, and it's Art Deco and gorgeous) .

Annyyywwayyy, I'm feeling like I'm getting there, with time to spare. I set out my few Thanksgiving decorations tonight and have the dining room table ready with a new table cloth and centerpiece (two candle sticks with flower rings, Male & Female Pilgrim figurines, and a small flower arrangement in the middle--it's all what I had on hand, except the table cloth).

Now I'm figuring out The Food. I want to shop early--before the weekend--to avoid the crowds & make sure I get my 10 sweet potatoes. Those always sell out early.

And, we saw Christmas lights tonight. At two different houses. One with just a tree, another with outside lights already turned on. I just want to scream at them--"for the love of pete, put them up if you must, people, but don't turn them on until after Turkey Day." It's all just flying by too fast.

149.0 - That's better

On my way back down the scale.

Really wanted The Junk last night, but ate eggs & turkey instead. It's paying off so far.

Food is planned all day. Maybe I'll get a run in outside, if the wind calms down (no way am I running in 20 mph wind when it's 40* out). Or else I'll hit the gym. We'll see.

It hit me hard last night that we are hosting ~20 people on Thanksgiving. And we will have to be making a ton of the food, even though several families will bring a dish. We have many out-of-towners who can't bring anything, so that leaves the hosting family with the bulk of the food prep.

And I'd really like to pretty much overhaul my entire house, organization wise, so it's not so damned cluttered & messy.

Sad thing is, I get home and feed the kids and get them in bed, and I've got nothing left by 9 p.m. I'm going to have to dig deep to find the energy and get things done over the next week and a half. Maybe I'll start drinking coffee at 6 p.m. every night. Ha.

Busy Monday. Hope you all had a noneventful and/or fun weekend.

Still in the Food, and Facebook Invitation

I'm still in The Food. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm just about sick of it. I think. I've yet to make my lo carb foods, and truly that's what's going to get me clean of the junk. I guess I'm more "all or nothing" than I give myself credit for.

Today should be a good family day. Luke's big boy bed arrives this afternoon. Don't ask me how I got away with this, but he's still in his crib at age 3. It's been really nice, since we just put him in and he has to stay put (never figured out he could climb out if he wanted to, what a good boy!). But it's time to move on to a real bed. We bought a full sized mattress & box spring last Saturday (nothing fancy, it will go on the floor to start) and I ordered Little Einsteins bedding which arrived yesterday. He's in love with the bedding, which is so cute. I need to go take down his crib and move it to the garage, and then go to the store and buy him two pillows since I didn't realize we don't have any extras. He has a little one he sleeps on in his crib.

Tonight DH and I are going to see the new James Bond movie. I so love Daniel Craig, and cannot wait for the movie. I've read it's not as good as the last one, but really he could just tap dance and sing off pitch and I'd still drool over him.

Are any of you on Facebook that I'm not friends with yet? In the MizFit's words, "please to" search for Laura _____ and invite me to be your friend. If you aren't on Facebook yet, what are you waiting for?! It's fun, easy, doesn't take a lot of time, and is a great way to connect with friends. I like it for the lightness of conversation, which is a nice complement to the seriousness of our blogs. Plus, you don't get tons of spam and you can set your profile so you aren't hassled by random people (and if you are, you can ignore them).

Also? I'm currently obsessed with Alton Brown. I've joined his Facebook fan club and am asking for his books for Christmas. I could watch his show 24/7. If he writes another book and has signings in Atlanta, I swear I'd drive 6 hours to see him. I know, I'm a bit mental today.

It's raining and raining, and all I want to do is stay in and do lots of nothing (other than the boy's bed). And that's probably exactly what I'll do today.

What are you up to this weekend?

151.6 - Self Destruct

I am in major self destruct mode. And it's all emotional/stress/worry/hormones.

Food continues to be my place for solace. And margaritas (only one a night, but I'm so tempted to start having two). And last night I even took a whole xanax to ensure I'd fall asleep and stay asleep. I've not been having to take them lately, and when I do it's usually just a half. But yesterday was a really bad day.

I won't get into the food porn (you're welcome, Debby ;). But obviously it's not been great.

I have been cooking a lot lately. Real meals, like every night. Last night I made a simple chicken cordon bleu that I found from Kraft's website (love their recipes--simple & easy, even though they are generally not low calorie, but they are very homey and comforting). And I also made Roni's Big Simple Cupcakes (chocolate fudge cake mix + can of pumpkin + 2/3 cup water; mix for 3 minutes; bake at 325... how simple is that? They are very moist.) The night before I made Roni's black bean/zucchini wontons, which are also yummy. And this morning I made a pizza baked pasta for some friends of ours who recently had a baby.

I'm starting to feel like a for really reals cook.

Now I just gotta get my mind right and my eating will follow.

The worry is eating away at me (no pun intended). It's a lot of thou shalt not blog about stuff, but just look at the stock market from yesterday and you'll probably be able to figure it out if you know me well.

I didn't feel any better after my Food Fest last night. Obviously, I felt worse when I woke up this morning, all cotton mouthed & bloated. I was determined to weigh, damn the numbers.

And it's not horrible. 6 months ago I'd have been thrilled with 151.6. The problem is that I reached my Happy Weight recently--146 really really agreed with me--and now that I've tasted what it's like to have a sub-30" waist, and thighs that don't strain against my pant legs, and boobs that fit nicely inside 34C's (they fit today, but they are quite voluptuous which is not what I'm going for), it kinda sucks to be back here, 5 pounds heavier.

Sigh. Am I ready to get past the emotional shit I'm dealing with and do The Diet again? How much do I want that happy weight anyway?

I've always said it takes energy to lose weight. Energy that you have to find from somewhere, just for you. Right now my energy is drained away, sucked dry from my body like Tom Hank's character in Joe Vs. the Volcano when he thinks he has a brain cloud and the florescent lights in his oppressive office are suck suck sucking the life out of him (LOVE that movie. One of my all time favorites).

I've not made great food choices today. But I've got my gym bag packed and am planning to run and then take a yoga class while Sophie swims (I did do the weights class Tuesday, and I'm still sore from that. Love it).

Exercise always brings energy back to me. Hopefully it will help me turn a corner, once again.

150.8 - New Pic

I added a new picture to my progress page. It looks like my waist is tiny, with the way I'm standing and with Sophie on the other side.

Trust me, it's an illusion.

But, I still really like the picture. My hair is darker & longer, and I'm just thrilled that I'm at a lower weight this past October than I was in October of 2007. Every year I maintain is a victory.

Last night DH wanted pizza for dinner. He's under so much stress right now, and even though I argued with him a wee bit about how it's not a healthy choice, he needed his fix of cheesy goodness. I don't know how much this makes me an enabler (as Vickie writes about today and has got me thinking big time about how I relate to my kids & husband). But I do know that I cannot make choices for my husband. He's an adult. He makes up his own mind. All I can do is provide healthy alternatives & feed him the best I can.

Anyway, I had pizza for dinner. Really good pizza, not delivery or frozen. And while this wasn't the best diet choice, I at least stopped at that. I didn't eat ice cream (it's still in the freezer, don't ask me why). I didn't eat Oreos. I didn't eat cereal. I stopped eating around 7:00 and that was that. Oh, I wanted to eat. But I read my book instead and just kept the food out of my mouth. It's a small miracle, let me tell you.

And I ran a bit yesterday after work. I had to work until 4:30, so I only had 30 minutes to run. But something is always better than nothing. It was dark by 4:50! The temps are awesome, though. Mid 40s is the best running weather, hands down.

Tonight, Swim Team for Sophie and hopefully I'll take a weights class.

I'd really really like to be back down a couple of pounds by Thanksgiving, so I have some wiggle room for pie. I love pie. Yum, pie.

Tight Pants are Not a Good Thing

I kinda sorta accidentally forgot to weigh myself this morning. I was in the bathtub, after eating breakfast and sipping my coffee, when I realized I hadn't weighed first thing. And I have a rule that I don't weigh unless I've peed, haven't eaten or drunk anything, and am naked.

It's one of those bury- my- head- in- the- sand- and- pretend- I- didn't- eat- my- weight- in- cake- and- ice- cream- the- past- 5- days kind of forgetfulness.

But my loose work pants are tight this morning and, even though my butt is looking strangely high & lifted in them (winter tights are pulling in the buttocks, I suppose), they are still tight. Which is not a good thing.

Sunday's weight was 150.4, and that's not terrible but I'd hoped I'd said goodbye to the 150s for good. Now that I know what my body can look like at 146, it's a bummer to have this extra fat around. I liked the lean & mean feeling. And it's so crazy that it's a mere 5 pounds difference from feeling skinny to feeling just OK.

Remember the old Weight Watchers mind trick of visualizing your fat in sticks of butter? One pound is 4 sticks of butter. So 5 pounds is 20 sticks of butter. Five pounds doesn't sound like that much, but 20 sticks of fat sure does.

And those 20 sticks of fat pretty much go straight to my thighs & stomach & boobs.

Sigh.

So I've got to get my freezer & fridge restocked with low carb foods & get back to Cracking. The birthday cake is gone, and I guess I've got to melt the ice cream down the kitchen sink because I'm frankly powerless over the stuff.

I haven't read any more of the Refuse to Regain book, because I'm engrossed in Pillars of the Earth and because I just didn't want to read a Diet Bible when I was in the midst of committing mortal sins.

Mondays are always good days to start over. So far, I'm on track. Sure it's only 11 a.m. and I'm not feeling very strong, food wise, but I've done it before.

I'll do it again.

Happy 3rd Birthday Luke!

My baby boy is 3 today.

Let's just be shocked at the passage of time here a moment.


And now let's be shocked at how much cake will be consumed.

We had cupcakes & presents last night, because Mark won't see him at all today (early workout and then late class for him tonight). Then tonight my mom and sister are coming over, and of course Mom's bringing a cake. And finally Friday we are having our church friends come over and that's when he'll get his "Little Einsteins" cake I'm having the bakery make.

Three days of cake, people. And this all falls smack dab in the middle of my mid-cycle hormones-dropped-through-the-floor blahs. So it's not like I have any power to Resist the Cake.

That's my excuse anyway. I'm just accepting that my food is the suck right now. The bandwagon to lose this extra poundage will pick me back up next week.

I have squeezed some workouts in. Saturday I ran 3.8 miles (40 minutes) before our Halloween party (which was so much fun I can't even write about it because it's R rated, haha). And then Tuesday I ran 2 miles in the morning from the rental car place to the Saturn dealership to pick up my car (more on that in a minute). I also took a weights class Tuesday night while Sophie had swim team.

So the car--Monday I left work in my running stuff and was going to get in a 60 minute run in the gorgeous Fall setting sun. When I shifted into reverse (I drive a 5 speed manual transmission, which I love & will never drive a mini van unless they start making them with stick shifts), it didn't hit the spot like it should. So I shifted into 1st but there was no 1st. There was nothing. The stick went dead and flopped around pathetically.

I was pissed off, then freaked out, thinking my transmission had died. I called AAA, they had a tow truck to me within 10 minutes, during which time I had called the rental car place and reserved a car. The tow truck driver picked me up and picked up another car that was going to Saturn, and then the Saturn guys took me to the rental car place. I had to pick up Luke by 5:30, and I was only 2 minutes late (I called his day care, they were cool about it). And miraculously the dealership had it fixed the same night, although I couldn't pick it up at 10 p.m. (they work until 11 p.m. every week night, crazy!).

Turns out my shifter cable broke and while it wasn't cheap, it wasn't thousands of dollars. What I finally had a chance to appreciate Tuesday morning after things settled down, was how fortunate I was that it broke in the parking lot. What if I'd been in 5th gear going 60 MPH? I shudder to think. God was watching out for me.

And I finally thanked him Tuesday on my run from the rental car place to the dealership, which was too cool. I didn't need a car or anyone's help to get from point A to point B. I just ran. It was only 2 miles, but it was 2 heavily car-congested miles. Yet it was still easy and felt really cool to be running with a purpose.

I voted in my sweaty clothes before I went home to get ready for work Tuesday mid morning. Again I was blessed, having to wait only 20 minutes to cast my historic vote.

Blessings. They are in abundance.

I need to be focusing on those right now instead of my whiny assed moodiness.

But I'm still going to eat cake.

150.0 - A big change....and some hope

We interrupt our regularly scheduled diet & exercise rambles for the following political commentary:

I don't usually talk about politics here. Primarily because I'm a Republican Conservative and most of the folks who read my blog are on the other side of the fence and wouldn't want to hear it, and because, well, this is a diet & exercise blog.

But I can't help but write something today. Because I'm frankly shocked at myself at the 180 degree turn I've made in the past month.

It started with the financial crisis, when the Republicans insisted on choosing their ideologies over the rescue package. The smartest economists in our country were saying we were headed for a depression--we were on the edge of a precipice and God help us if the package didn't pass, one of them said. Yet John McCain and the majority of Republicans (and the talk radio people I regularly listened to--past tense) voted NO.

I was very unimpressed with McCain's handling of the situation, suspending his campaign and going to Washington to stir up trouble, asking Obama to delay the first debate. I thought that was a huge mistake even before the talking heads made their commentaries about it.

Then the debates themselves proved that Obama was smarter than I'd thought he was. I was not impressed with him in media interviews, which is likely because I was watching with a hugely conservative slant, with Rush Limbaugh preaching in my ear to influence my opinions (yeah, I don't listen to him anymore, either).

But after watching all the debates, there was no denying (for me) how McCain's responses to our problems (a spending freeze in January? buy the bad home mortgages, without consulting Paulson? $5000 health insurance credit? we paid $12,000 in health insurance premiums last year, so how is $5000 going to make a difference for ANYONE?) weren't what I wanted in a president.

And, even though I think she has potential, I was not happy with Sarah Palin as the VP choice.

In no small part, my decision to vote for Obama was influenced by my husband and my conservative/moderate friends from church. Saturday night we had a long discussion about the election, and a few people I thought were voting for McCain explained why there were voting for Obama.

It was enough to seal the deal.

After watching the speeches last night, I know in my heart it's the right choice for our country. I was not swept away by Obama during the campaign, but even I had tears in my eyes last night during his speech. IMHO, it's just a bonus he's black. A freaking huge historic bonus, but it's not what's going to make the difference. He is a self made man. Not part of the Bush or Clinton machines, or married to a wealthy heiress. I truly think he's the real deal.

And my word. The outpouring for him is unreal. When was the last time people cried over their President? JFK? Reagan? The excitement, enthusiasm, and involvement of our citizens are just as important as who our next leader is. And man, we've sure got that right now.

I'm praying for this man, like I've never prayed for a President before. He, and our country, have a rough ride ahead. But I'm so thankful that he's the one in the drivers seat. Because I think he's the right man for our time.

God bless America, and God bless our new President.

149.2 - Refuse to Regain sneak peak

This is the first Monday since mid September (when I had just started the Crack diet) that I haven't gained from the weekend. It's not because I was super good Saturday and Sunday. I think it's more because I stopped eating last night around 6 p.m. and drank lots of water before bed (yes, I had to get up to pee like 3 times in the night).

I started reading Refuse to Regain this weekend, and what I read last night influenced my decision to stay out of the kitchen after dinner. I'll post an in depth review once I'm finished reading the book carefully, but I wanted to share some initial thoughts today.

I've scanned the chapters & read her food plan. And my overall impression is this:

Maintenance is a diet.

This is no big news flash, I realize. We should all know by now that when you reach goal weight, you don't get to go back to the way you lived life before the weight loss began.

As in:
I don't eat powdered sugar donuts by the boxful any more. I don't hide empty Ben & Jerry's Phish Food pints in the bottom of the trash can any more. I don't eat in the bathroom to hide my food from my family any more (well, 99.9% of the time I don't anyway).

But. There's still that feeling that once you reach a certain weight and a certain level of fitness, you should have more lattitude with your eating plan. Afterall, you've worked so stinking hard to lose the weight. It took months and months of writing down everything you put in your mouth, and weekly (or daily) weight tracking, and miles and miles on the treadmill. And gosh darn it, you deserve a break.

NOT SO! Says the author of this book. The first year of maintenance--particularly the first 3 months--should be just as strict (and actually much more so, really, from what I ate on my LA Weight Loss plan) as your weight loss diet.

Her food plan for maintenance is very clean food, which is not surprising. In fact, other than her omitting beans and whole grains, it reminds me very much of Vickie's diet and lifestyle.

Her rules for maintenance are hard core. For example: to maintain your loss, you need to workout 60 minutes, 5-6 days a week. And that's one of the things I agree with. Let's face it: no one can lose 60 pounds just by taking the stairs at work and parking as far as possible from the entrance to Target. Sure, these are good habits to practice, but they aren't what take off the pounds (at least, not in a short amount of time...maybe if you only want to lose 20 pounds over 5 years they would work).

And at least one of her suggestions for handling saboteurs was so far from any "real world" experience in my life that I laughed out loud. To wit: When having coffee with a friend who wants to split a high calorie pastry with you and who gives you a hard time for saying no, you should reply "I feel really great on my Primarian diet. You should try it." I can't see myself ever saying "You should try my diet" to someone trying to split a donut with me. No thank you--I could say. Telling someone else to go on a diet--not gonna happen.

Anyway, that's a teaser for you. The Primarian Diet explanation and plan take up the bulk of the book. It's basically what you already know--eat lean protein, veggies, fruits, some nuts, and very little or no grains. One small low fat/low sugar treat a day. I was surprised that she doesn't allow legumes on the diet; I still think they are OK for most people, even though they are starchy. I've never heard of someone getting fat from eating black beans. But our ancient ancestors didn't eat them, and that's what her plan is based on.

Overall, I think it's important that there is finally a diet book for maintainers. And I'm glad I bought it and am looking forward to reading it carefully. I'm sure I'll be putting a lot of her ideas into practice.

Thankfully, I'm already one year into maintenance so I feel like I have a leg up on it. But I know that I am still a newbie and a light weight, so to speak, when it comes to the real test. Which is keeping it off for good.

149.6 - Happy Halloween

Well the bad news is, Luke has a sinus infection and threw up once last night. The good news is, we live in modern times and he has an antibiotic (I thank God every time one of the kids is sick that we live in the 21st century...can you imagine how horrible life was before antibiotics?). And he slept through the night and has no fever this morning. Looks like we'll get to take him trick or treating after all.

And, more good news--I got to go to yoga last night!

I took Sophie to swim lessons while mom watched Luke, and I noticed there was a yoga class at 4:30. Since I'm disliking the treadmill more and more, I was dreading a run indoors. When I noticed the "Yoga Flow" class on the October schedule, I was thrilled. Just what I needed. Some mindful, in-the-moment exercise.

The instructor was wonderful. I felt relaxed during and after. Really worked my upper body, especially my upper back and shoulders.

After I got Sophie out of the pool and dressed, we raced home and I dropped her off with Mom and picked Luke up for his 6 p.m. appointment with the doctor. An hour and half later, we were home with an antibiotic, Sophie had had her bath and was working on her homework, and I wasn't completely insane because I'd had that magic hour for myself.

So today, I'm home with Luke for the morning until Mom gets here (she works half days on Fridays), and then we are going to see Sophie in her school Halloween play, and then I have lunch with a friend, and then it's Trick or Treat, and then we will go over to our friends' house for soup & chili.

Tomorrow Sophie has swim team again at 9 a.m. and I plan to take the Group Power class at the same time. Then we have our church friends' Halloween party, which I am SO looking forward to (because there will be massive amounts of margaritas consumed, by me).

I have no idea what we are wearing yet. It's a "beg, borrow, and steal" party. Tonight we'll each put 3 items on sheets of paper, then put them in a hat, and we each draw out 3 slips of paper. Whatever items we draw, we have to incorporate into our costume. And we can't buy anything--we have to beg or borrow (I'm assuming there will be no stealing involved) whatever we don't have. Can I just tell you I'm completely stressed over this? Not so much for me--I could care less if I meet the qualifications of the costume. I am hoping Mark doesn't care that much and doesn't end up spending all day trying to figure out a costume. Anyone who spends 3 hours putting on a Viking beard is likely to make a big deal over this thing. We shall see.

I really cannot believe it is November tomorrow. Especially since it's going to be 70 degrees today, which is awesome. I love being able to trick or treat without coats. The kids should have a blast.

Hope you and yours enjoy the weekend.

Plug for Roni

Roni from GreenLiteBites wants to be the next Food Network Star. I visited the Food Network's website and commented on her video. If you love Roni like I do (and I do! Like I told Food Network, I go to her website first for recipes...always), then go to this link and view her video and comment. Wouldn't it be fun to see her on TV? Thanks!

***
Thank you all for your nice comments on the costume. It does feel good to be able to wear that kind of outfit for Halloween now.

***
And now for some whining. Luke got sick yesterday after he'd only been at daycare for an hour and a half. Low fever, not sure what else is wrong with him other than a stuffy nose. He tends to get a virus and have a fever for a day, then is fine. My mom is keeping him today while I'm at the office.

I didn't get to workout Tuesday night because Sophie wasn't feeling up for swim lessons, and I didn't want to dump them both in Kids Club when she was supposed to be swimming. I didn't get to workout yesterday because Luke was sick. I haven't run since Saturday.

And I seriously am losing my mind.

And eating way too much for comfort (in every sense of that expression).

And am planning to remedy all this tonight.

IF the rest of the world cooperates.

Ice cream and cookies just don't do it for me anymore like a long run does.

148.2 - Viking Pic

Here we are before Saturday's Halloween party. I took the wig off half way through the night, and Mark said I looked cuter with just my hair. Wish I'd known that from the start!

It took Mark 3 hours to put on his beard. He glued it on piece by piece with spirit gum. The man really gets into Halloween.

150.6 - Rambling Recap

I'm feeling really spacey today--can't seem to put any coherent thoughts together--so this is going to be just a recap of the past few days.

Friday--John Prine was excellent. I didn't know one of his songs, but it didn't matter. He's a storyteller, and the stories were poignant, funny, and entertaining. I've never been to a concert where I sat on my butt the whole time, which we did at this one, and I really liked it. I'm getting so old! We'd had a big dinner--yummy arctic char fish & creme brulee for dessert--and I had a margarita too, so sitting down for 3 hours was fine by me.

Saturday--I slept until 10:30. Total awesomeness. Then I read my book a while. When it was nearing time for my haircut at 1:30, I decided I'd run there instead of drive. I'd guessed it was about 4 miles there, so it would be a nice run, then a rest while she cut my hair, then a nice run back. Ended up being only 3.1 miles there, and 3.4 miles back (took the long way home). I cannot express how stinking cool it was to run with a destination and a purpose, and leave the car in the garage.

The Halloween party Saturday night was fun. Lots of great costumes. The best was a couple who were Sara Palin & Barack Obama. She was a dead ringer for Palin. He wore a full-head rubber mask of Obama. And here's the best part (forgive me if you don't think this is funny)--the idea was that they were a couple, and she carried a newborn black baby doll. Can you imagine?

Sunday--Halloween party at church for the kids, then lunch at Bob Evans. Then pass out on the couch in the afternoon while the kids watch TV. I was so fried Sunday afternoon. Too much entertaining drains me, and I was out of it completely.

Then Monday--I felt like I was hungover even though I'd had nothing to drink the night before. All day, I was just in a fog. I left work early and went home and cleaned (everything was a mess from my nonattentiveness over the weekend). Then got the kids and went home and lit the first fire of the season in the fireplace, and made grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Needless to say, my weight has gone up.

I feel like such a yo yo right now. My body's a temple during the week; a playground on the weekends. And it's not likely to get better any time soon. We are going into the holidays, afterall. I'm going to have to run and lift weights--a lot--to make sure I keep things under control.

Tonight is Sophie's swim team, and I'm hoping I can swing it so I can do the 4:30 weights class. I'd like to run, too, but there's just not enough time.

And man, autumn has come on with a vengence. It was 40 degrees this morning at 9:30. Brrrrrr.

So, about the weekend

Tonight we are going to see John Prine in concert. Woohoo!

Okay, I have no idea who John Prine is. Mark is a fan of his, and I've heard, I think, one song. Something to do about a picture show. Anyway, it's a night out without children in a grown up setting. I will not complain about that. It's at 8 p.m., so hopefully we will have time for dinner out before hand. But who knows. Mark doesn't have time to talk with me during market hours in times like this. We'll figure it out around 5 or 6, I'm sure.

(Tangent: I am so sick of the words lever and de-lever. Sick sick sick of hearing it over and over and over again. Can you tell I watch CNBC all day?)

Then Saturday I'm getting my hair cut at 1:30. This is good and bad. Good, because I haven't had my hair cut in oh, about two months. Bad, because I was supposed to get it cut AND colored on Wednesday and she cancelled on me. I'd had that appointment for 6 weeks. And wanted to be pampered that day. And wanted a new hair color. Instead, I was disappointed and had to color it myself on Wednesday night. I have always colored my hair myself, and the last time I got my hair cut I'd decided to have her color it so she could make it darker & different. Her loss, my gain. It probably saved me $75. And my hair looks great (thank you L'loreal Colour Expert, color=biscotti).

And then Saturday night we have a grown up Halloween party. Mark is very picky about costumes--he's the creative one, I'd prefer to just go as myself. So even though I gave him some great ideas--Neo & Trinity from The Matrix (I have *always* wanted to be Trinity. She kicks ass), George & Jane Jetson, or Medieval Prince & Princess, he chose.....

Y'all don't really care what he's wearing, right? It's a boy viking costume, obviously.

I ordered the Large in this, because after the Wilma costume from last year (my first EVER feminine, "regular sized" Halloween costume out of a package) I knew they run small.

The Large is a little big! But it looks OK on me. I can't wear the leg things though because I'm only 5'5'' and apparently this costume was designed for women with legs like Julia Roberts. There is no leg exposure between the skirt and the boots on me. So I'm going to wear my brown boots I got from Dress Barn last hear, and maybe will cut the white stuff off the top of the costume boot covers and attach them to the insides of my boots. If I have the energy and time, that is.

And I need a wig. Gotta get that between now and tomorrow night. No sword for me, though. Mark's carrying the sword. Oh, and I won't have that cleavage going on! (Even though, y'all know my 34Ds could pull it off, hahaha.)

The kids will be at my mom's tonight and then she's bringing them back tomorrow so they can see us in our costumes, and she'll stay with them at our house Saturday night (my mom is a champ). Then Sunday we have Halloween at our church. The kids get to wear their costumes, hear the story about the origins of Halloween (our Christian Education director does an awesome job explaining the pagan and religious implications. I love that we don't eschew Halloween like so many other churches around here do), and then there's a little carnival and they hunt for candy in haystacks (candy hidden in bales of hay that have been scattered into haystacks). We might then go to our gym's Halloween party at 1 p.m. We'll see how the kids (and us) are holding up at that point.

On the food front--suckage! I totally caved & ate terribly last night, and then this morning Luke was up at 4:30 a.m. with a soaking wet diaper that had leaked, and I of course had to eat a bowl of grapenuts when I was still awake at 6 a.m. Didn't even bother weighing this morning. Just didn't want to face it.

I did run yesterday while Sophie had swim lessons. 2.5 miles, which isn't much but I'd taken 10 days off and was indoors, and I'll take it. I seriously cannot even do more than a mile on the treadmill anymore (which is what I did, then ran 15 laps on the track). And to think I once ran a 9 miler on the "dredmill." I'd rather run 90 laps around the indoor track now. I also did a pushup-challenge-esque pushup series, which was 7-5-5-5-7. And man I can feel it in my chest this morning.

I might run tonight. I don't know. I've still eaten poorly today (chocolate pie for lunch! OMG, I've lost it completely, haven't I?). And I just don't know if it's in me. Tomorrow, for really reals I'm going to the 9 a.m. weights class. I miss lifting weights so badly. Hopefully I'll remember that when it's time to get up tomorrow morning.

So that's the dealio around here. We're all healthy right now, which is a big deal and I'm thankful for it. I'm struggling with worry, though, which I hate because I know it's stealing my joy. When I hug my kids every morning and every night, it brings me some peace. They are such a gift.

147.6 - Quickie

Had to post that weight today, before it goes up on me again.

I have little time to post right now, but I don't like going a long time without an update. Y'all might think I jumped off a roof because of the stock market continuing to crash, and I sure don't want you to worry if I'm gone too long.

You would worry, right?

;)

So I have yet to do any kind of workout since the half marathon. I feel all squishy again and hate it that I've been so inactive for so long. TONIGHT while Sophie swims, I will run. And do some pushups.

Food is OK. Not perfect, but 90% good, which is alright by me for the time being.

Today I have the first grading period teacher's conference with Sophie's teacher. She got her report card yesterday and they always have conferences with every parent the first report card. She did great--only needing improvement on "listens attentively" and "organized & prepared." She gets both those issues from her dad. haha

We (Mark and I) have big weekend plans--without kids!--and I'll update you on those tomorrow. I'll check in with you all when I have some time.

Smooches!

149.6* - Cooking as an Investment

When my husband and I talked about what he needed to do to improve his health so he could avoid having a heart attack like his two brothers have had recently, one of the things he said he needed was a personal chef. He just doesn't have time to cook for himself. Hell, most days he barely has time to even eat. (Seriously. He'll go all day long until he gets home after 6 or 7 p.m., and not have eaten a thing because he was "too busy." Oy.)

Since we aren't Oprah, there was no personal chef to be hired. So I appointed myself as his new food preparer extraordinaire.

This is no small feat. I'm not a natural cook. I usually only get enjoyment from cooking when it involves sugar, flour, butter, eggs, chocolate, and the oven (I like to bake. A lot). I do, however, have a vested interest in keeping my husband of 13 years and the father to my two young children alive and healthy for as long as possible.

And I'm learning to love cooking. I'm cooking with love. Even if that means the only time I can cook is at 10:30 p.m. on a Monday night.

The weekend being what it was, I didn't have time to grocery shop. So after the kids were in bed last night, I headed out with my mile-long list and bought healthy food at 9 p.m. at night.

Home and with groceries put away by 10 p.m., I was ready to collapse but knew that if I didn't make something healthy, I would be falling down on my commitment to the hubs' new lifestyle.

So I put on the rice cooker (extra long brown rice) and set to opening cans and measuring spices. It was a simple recipe I found on foodnetwork.com, for Black and Red Fiesta Beans and Rice. I've never made it before, but I found two cans of red beans in the cupboard and needed to use them since they expired in August of 2008 (what? they were fine).

I think it only took me about 10 minutes to assemble the food, and I let it cook about 20 minutes or so. The rice cooker did its thing while I watched Alton Brown on Good Eats. And by 11:30ish everything was done and put in the fridge, ready for several meals over the next few days. (And the beans and rice ROCK. I had some for lunch and I highly recommend this recipe. I tweaked it a bit, thanks to the comments on the website. I used 6 oz tomato paste instead of tomato sauce, and I used a can of Rotel Original instead of salsa. And instead of cayenne pepper I used paprika.)

This is the third new recipe in a week that I've made. Last week it was Roni's turkey burgers and turkey chili (both turned out awesome, as all Roni's recipes do).

And I'm secretly starting to enjoy cooking, even though it doesn't involve dropping cookie dough by rounded spoonfuls. I even looked for butternut squash last night at the grocery--they didn't have any, what's up with that?--and if I ever find some, I'm going to make Roni's butternut squash soup.

Why the new found joy of cooking? Perhaps it's the thrill of taking a bite of something *I* made and having it actually tastes good. And knowing I'm doing my husband some real good by feeding him healthy meals. And realizing I'm hopefully giving my kids the gift of more years with their dad by helping him get healthy.

It's a strange thing, learning to love to cook at age 38. But then, it was strange for me to become a runner at age 37, too. I'm learning to love the strange things in life.

Which better include a N. man who lives well into his 90s.

***
*I had a massive migraine this morning. One of the worst I've had in ages. I think I know why, and I'm embarrassed to admit I had 8 Oreos in the middle of the night. Yesterday was a stressful day, I still feel kind of crappy from last week's sinus infection, and I woke myself up with a coughing fit. I went to pee and then the Oreos sang their siren song. I've never had an Oreo headache, but I have had dark chocolate headaches, and I'm thinking my body is developing yet another aversion to food that's bad for me. First it was Taco Bell, then McD's salads, now it's Oreos. It's a bloody bad food mutiny, I tell you!

Okay, so here's the reason for the * in my title today. Even though my head was about to explode, someone had to get Sophie off to school, and that someone was me. I weighed after my first morning pee, as usual, and got 149.6. After Sophie got on the bus, I lost it and had to lay down with an ice pack on my head. Mark took Luke to day care, and I napped for about 45 minutes. 3 advil and 3 tylenol later, the pain was mostly all gone. And before I got in the shower, I weighed again, because it's what I do. As I've seen before, napping causes weight loss. My 2nd weigh in was 148.4. Isn't that a hoot? The body is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

151.2 - Trying to get back to normal

Last week was so far from my new normal, it went full circle back to my old normal.

Bad food (oh so much bad food), no exercise, not enough sleep, and lots of stress.

I don't like the old normal. At all. It's scary how easy it is to fall back into old habits. Turns out, no matter how long I've been "good," the bad habits are not far under the surface. All it takes to let them out is sick kids, my own sickness, and an out of town husband.

Rarely am I excited about Mondays. But today, I was. The hubs got home last night at 9 p.m. I finally am starting to feel better. The kids are all better (knock wood). The weather is gorgeous. And today is a fresh start for my new normal.

My food today is carb down style, since I ate my young son's weight in sugar and starch this weekend. I'm planning for a few carb down days to get the water weight off and get my body used to good food again. Exercise may have to wait until tomorrow. We have a client coming in today at 4, so I can't run until after the kids are in bed (unfortunately, the grocery store wins out over the gym at 5:30 p.m. today, because we need some good food in the house), and I'm not holding out for that to happen.

I'm not letting the weight gain bother me. My clothes still fit. One week off isn't the end of the world. If anything, it taught me a good lesson. I felt like crap eating all that junk and not working out (of course, the sinus infection/cold didn't help).

And I don't want the old normal to become my normal normal, ever again.

148.4 - Feed a cold, and other ramblings

It's the best of seasons. It's the worst of seasons.

I love this time of year. But man, the germs do come on with a vengeance.

My mom took the kids to McD's playland last Friday when she picked them up from school. I had neglected to tell her that we don't go to places like that any more. No Chuck E Cheese's (a.k.a. Yucky Sneezes), no McD's playland, no Pizza Hut indoor playground, no Simon Mall indoor playground. Every single time we take the kids to one of those things, one or both of them get sick.

Sure enough, Sophie and Luke were both extra snotty (their heads, not their behavior) this past weekend, and Sophie had a scratchy, coughy throat. The kids are both better--just the regular allergy stuff now (despite their nightly zyrtec & benadryl doses; I can't imagine what it would be like without those meds). Mark had a bad head cold yesterday and stayed home from work, and mine started late last night.

Just in time for me to feel sorry for myself and, you guessed it, drown myself in junk food. Feed a cold, indeed!

I've not run since Sunday's half. Didn't have it in me to run in the extra warm temps yesterday afternoon. And I'm sure the lack of endorphins is part of the reason I ran to the food in the first place. This afternoon if it doesn't rain, I plan to remedy that situation and get in a nice healthy run.

I also have been pretty much off my Crack Diet plan since the 2 days before the race. I'm eating semi-on-plan during the day, but every night I've had minor discretions and last night was a major one.

The reasons for my food ambivalence are varied & complex.

This is gonna sound weird, but I'm afraid to lose much more weight. Mark is really struggling right now with his weight and lack of opportunity to exercise, and I remember when I was over 200 pounds and he was teaching kick boxing and was super fit & skinny. I resented the hell out of him. I think now, the tables are turned and while he appreciates and enjoys my new body, there seems to be an unspoken limit to how thin I "should" get.

He and I had a big talk on Monday night, when he had an emotional break down (and I had a food meltdown that night, too). Today he's leaving to visit his brother in Colorado who had the heart attack a few weeks ago. The imminence of a heart attack is terrifying Mark right now, which frankly is a good thing. He's serious about changing his food intake (and he just went to the doctor and got his cholesterol Rx increased). But he's scared because he said he doesn't know how. And of course, he's scared he could die in as little as 5 years time (his dad died at age 51, and Mark is 46). I told him I'd cook for him and provide his food, and he needs to stay away from fast food. So far, it's working.

Even though it should be natural for a wife to cook for her husband, that's never been the dynamic in our family. Mark is the chef; I cook by recipes. I have no natural abilities in the kitchen and can only make things turn out well when I follow directions. Which is fine, if your tastes (like mine) are simple. Mark, on the other hand, has very complex tastes & is finicky about food. He's like the rat in Ratatouille... tasting his way through a recipe and making a fabulous dish out of next to nothing in the fridge.

But. He has no time for this. So he's going to be stuck with my recipes and my food, until he figures out another healthy way. And I have to give big props to Roni, who is my go-to recipe source. I cooked her Southwestern turkey burgers last night and they are awesome.

So I've got this mindset that I better just get in maintenance mode for now, and keep my weight around 147-148 for a while. Perhaps in the spring I'll shoot for another 8 pounds down. I'd really like to weigh 140 for the Indy half in May so I can see how much faster I can run (yeah, yeah....better, stronger, faster! It's the American way =).

This weight seems to agree with me right now, and I'm happy here.

But we all know that maintenance is a bitch.

And the bitch session is ON!

***
Debby, Gu's are an energy gel that runner's use to keep on keepin' on during long runs. I use them when I run longer than an hour. They've got about 100 calories each and provide fast energy to the body via sugar & (with some flavors) caffeine. They're syrupy goo (hence, the name Gu) and are in little pouches that fit in small pockets in running shorts. There are all kinds of different brands, but my favorite is Gu's Espresso Love. It has extra caffeine! And it tastes yummy, as far as these things go. I had a vanilla one once, and it was disgusting.

EDIT: Dang it, I feel miserable. Sinuses are on fire, scratchy throat, headachy. No run for me today. I can barely keep myself upright at my desk. It's gonna be a fun night with just me and the kids tonight... I'm sure chocolate will be involved in one form or another.

148.8 - Race recap

I'll try not to bore you too many race details. My Indy Half report seriously was the War and Peace of blog posts. Won't do that to y'all this time.

Here's the official stats from the race results website:
overall place: 945 out of 1930
division place: 61 out of 160
gender place: 339 out of 1035
time: 2:15:42
pace: 10:22
5k time: 31:47
10k time: 1:04:20
15k time: 1:36:12

Pretty cool numbers, eh? I'm going to be able to get seeded for the Indy Half next May quite a bit closer because of this faster time, which beats my first half by almost 14 minutes.

How about a one paragraph recap: Got up at 5 a.m. Left the house at 5:45. Drove downtown in 10 minutes. Parked easily. Rode a school bus 15 minutes to the start (haven't been on a school bus in over 20 years!). Walked around in the chilly air for 45 minutes before the 7 a.m. start. Peed twice before the start. Needed to pee again at 6:55 but too late for another pit stop. Lined up between the 10 and 11 min mile pace corrals. First 3 miles were hilly, and I ran every single hill. Peed at mile 2--no waiting at the portapotty, woohoo! Hit my inhaler twice during the race, once around mile 5 and again around mile 10, and that helped my breathing big time. Took 3 Gu's total--one 15 minutes before and then every 45 minutes after (just like the GU package says to do! I'm so easily influenced). Felt really strong the entire race up until mile 12, when I was feeling the ache in my feet & legs. Passed people like crazy from mile 11 on. I walked only during the water & gatorade stations and when I took my Gu's and inhaler hits. I ran this race. The whole blessed thing. And the course was beautiful. I live in a great town.

I am still on a high and can't wait to run the next one.

My Garmin splits tell a fun story too:
Mile 1: 10:22 (hills!)
Mile 2: 9:29
Mile 3: 9:19 (downhills! and felt a little rested after my quick pee break)
Mile 4: 10:04
Mile 5: 10:11
Mile 6: 10:10
Mile 7: 9:41 (yeah baby!)
Mile 8: 10:16
Mile 9: 10:17
Mile 10: 10:48
Mile 11: 10:35
Mile 12: 10:07 (put my head down and sucked it up...this is when I started passing people like mad, and stopped taking water station breaks)
Mile 13: 10:00
Mile 0.1: 10:02

Total: 2:12:26, Avg pace: 10:06

I pretty much ate whatever I wanted on Sunday, and did a whole lot of nothing the rest of the day. Monday my quads were pretty sore but today I feel back to normal. I can't wait to run on Wednesday.

I'll post tomorrow about my food melt down last night--gah!

2:12:36

What an amazing race today! I blew my goal out of the water, unofficially finishing in 2:12:36. Officially it will be around 2:17....I had to pee at mile 2 and my actual mileage at the finish line was probably closer to 13.2. I stopped Garmin at 13.1 miles, though, so I'm not sure exactly how much extra it was.

According to Garmin, my average pace was 10:07 min/mile.

The first 3.1 miles were my fastest 5k yet--30:05.

I ran the last mile in 10:01.

Those are the digits I remember. Garmin's battery's dead so I'll recharge it tomorrow and post more stats & a longer report.

I just got back from Bob Evans where I had cinnamon hotcakes with Mark & Sophie (Luke's at my mom's).

All in all, it was a most excellent day.

Now it's time for a nap.

146.2 - A new low

And I'm not talking about the stock market (although it's obviously there, too, but that's nothing to be happy about).

I was so shocked to see that weight this morning that I got on and off the scale not my usual 3, but 6 times. How does a body lose 2.6 pounds in one day? It's as big a mystery as when the Dow is going to stop falling.

Needless to say, my food yesterday was spot on target--no cheating, no night eating, lots of good protein and veggies--and I ran 3 miles at the gym while Sophie had swim team.

And this morning I'm comfortable in my size 6 Old Navy jeans. I could wear the size 6s anytime I got to around 152, but they were a little snug. Today they are comfy, even a little loose around the waist line. Crazy stuff!

I've got two days of rest today and tomorrow, and two days of filling my glycogen stores back up (aka carbo loading) in anticipation of my race on Sunday.

I'd hoped to be at 145 by now, but 146.2 is close enough for me. I think it's going to be a good run. An early run--7 a.m. start!--but a good one.

I'll be sure to pop in on Monday at the latest to post a report.

And the markets? I told Lori I'm now at the point where things are so ridiculously scary, I can pretty much just sit around and laugh maniacally. I watch CNBC on my PC while I work, so it's in my face constantly. But at this point I'm just metaphorically putting my hands over my ears and singing "LALALALA" until things turn around. They have to soon, or we will be at ZERO in about 12 days at the pace we are headed downward. Men who are smarter than me are saying we are near a bottom, but who the heck knows. Nobody does. So LALALALA and at least the markets can't go lower over the weekend.

148.6 - When you least want to...

...is when you most need to.

That's what I reminded myself of yesterday when I finally made it out for a four mile run.

Wednesdays have become "my afternoon off" from the kids lately, when DH picks them up and does something with them (tangent--how is it fair, in any way whatsoever, that when Mom picks up, it's grocery store/ Target/ swim lessons/ the gym/ and/or home for homework, dinner, play/TV, baths, go to bed. But when Dad picks up it's pizza place/ the park for a picnic/ or (last night) the Fall Festival for carnival rides? Dad = fun & games. Mom = all work & no fun. Bitter much?)

Anyway... I changed into my workout clothes & left the office after 5 p.m. I ran to Target to return some too-big clothes for Sophie (sizes for kids are just as messed up as they are for us women!) and some defective sprinklers, and then of course had to shop for a few things. The entire time I'm walking around Target I'm repeating under my breath "I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run." This attitude was entirely influenced by hormones. I'm in the midcycle BLAH session, which totally bites, as any woman older than 35 well knows.

So my hormones are through the floor and screaming at me "BUY CANDY NOW" and "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RUN." I bought some candy--my fave, candy corn autumn mix--but I didn't open it (still haven't) and got my ass in my car and drove to a friendly neighborhood street and hit the road.

I hated the entire first mile. Hated it so much that I ran myself into the ground and finished it in 9:30. That's what happens to me when I run mad--I run faster to get it the hell over with. The next 3 miles were alternating slow/fast/walk. I was all over the place. By mile 3 I felt much better and by mile 4 I was a new person.

41 minutes of running = happier, healthier, less bitchy Laura. See, this is why I need the night off from the kids. Imagine my poor family had I not gotten in that run. They'd have a lot more to tell Oprah one day had I gone straight home and not let the endorphins kick the grumpy hormones to the curb.

On a high from the run, I got home (the family wasn't there for another 30 minutes, woohoo!) and changed & cleaned the kitchen & made dinner for everyone. I ate on plan. Put the kids down for bed, and while DH talked with his sister on the phone*, I went to the family room and watched my TV boyfriend, Alton Brown. I *heart* Good Eats & DVR it every night. Of course, watching episodes of pancakes & waffles probably isn't the best way to end an evening. But hey, that's what my boy had to offer so I enjoyed every minute of it.

I fell asleep in the recliner which is a big No No on my "no night eating" plan. Wouldn't you know it, I woke up at midnight and ate 6 oreos (double stuffed!) and 2 chips ahoy. Not horrible, but it broke my weeks long streak of no night eating.

So. I'm back on the wagon today. Eating a carb down day in preparation for my carb up days tomorrow and Saturday before the Half on Sunday. I'm just hoping I don't go completely mad and wreck my mental focus on good food. Once it starts, it can be insidious. It's so easy to let a little slip here and there add up to going back to horrible habits.

Today I'm planning on running 3 miles and then the next two days I'll take off. I have to share this new ugly fact--I have a plantar's wart on the bottom of my foot, just south of the ball of my foot near my arch. Just this week have I noticed it, and that's because it hurts. I can't walk barefoot in the house is how bad it hurts; it's OK when I wear my cushioned flip flops. I didn't notice it much on my run yesterday, and I'm hoping that it doesn't get worse before Sunday. Next week I'll get it removed at the doctor, but I'm afraid to do anything with it before the race for fear it will hurt worse.

*DH is going to Colorado next weekend to visit his brother Jeff, who had a heart attack a couple weeks ago. I didn't mention it here before because, well, it just didn't affect me that much yet. Other than, of course, it's just one more thing for me to worry about. Heart disease is a freaking nightmare in DH's family. His dad died of a massive attack at age 50. His brother Keith is 58 and has had 2 heart attacks already. Jeff is only 53, and exercises a lot & is in pretty good shape (of course, he had untreated high cholesterol and a taste for rich foods, so add that to his genes and I guess it's not impossible to imagine him having a heart attack). DH is 46. And about 20 pounds overweight right now. And has a fairly horrible diet (I'm trying to feed him lunch now, but he won't eat what I make for dinner, the doofus). And isn't working out like he wants to. And has massive stress in his life. Recipe for a heart attack? Absolutely. Scary, scary stuff. He is on medicine for cholesterol, but how much that can avert is anyone's guess.