Wednesday, January 16, 2008

When it rains....

So last night before bedtime, the boy started coughing like a smoker and had a fever. He was up most of the night crying and burning up with a temperature. I'm home with him today, and starting to lose my mind (Sophie, thank God, was all better yesterday and has been back at school the past two days, and no dizzy spells at all). I've called my mom to come tomorrow, because I have to take Sophie (and now Luke) to the doctor in the afternoon and I just can't do all this by myself. Bless her heart, she works full time too, and every time she comes to rescue me has to take a day of vacation.

Yesterday was mostly normal during the day. I went to work, and actually got a workout in--3.5 miles in 41 minutes. I walked a lot, but when I did run I ran hard. It was inside on the treadmill and I didn't use my Garmin to track miles manually because I haven't taken the time to figure out how to do that yet.

Another productive thing I did yesterday was go to the doctor. I have been fighting SAD, PMS, depression, anxiety--whatever--for too long. Instead of outlining my entire history or a long explanation, let me just say that I know myself well enough to recognize when I'm into a "chemical deficit" of happy chemicals in my brain. And with all the shit I've been dealing with since late last year, I'm officially depleted. They don't come back by magic for me, and I'm sinking fast into darkness and becoming a world class bitch.

Dr. Feelgood prescribed a new antidepressent (the one that doesn't cause weight gain--I specifically told him I would not go on something that is shown to cause weight gain, that's the last thing I need) and a lovely little pill that makes me feel all numb for about 4 hours (those are temporary until the antidepressent kicks in). Better living through chemicals--bring it on.

I will eventually get back to being a normal, lovely person who eats well and runs on a regular basis, with children who are healthy and a husband who isn't a giant stressball of nerves (he doesn't handle all this very well--he's at the office without me and doesn't like it, and of course hates being powerless to help when the kids are sick). At least, that's what I'm telling myself right now. This is only temporary, this is only temporary, this is only temporary.......

7 comments:

Vickie said...

hugs

ws said...

feel better soon, Laura. if it is any consolation you are still a lovely person even when you are having a bad day.

Marcy said...

(((HUGS))) and I absolutely agree with Wendy!! You're still the sweetest even in the funk :-)

Tigerlilly said...

Surprise, surprise, surprise. Once again I know exactly what you are going thru. I was on antidepressants for 5 years... and right now am trying to feel better without them.. (no insurance). I have found that because of my hysterectomy using a Progesteron cream helps me a ton.

I hope that you find yourself coming out of the darkness soon. I know how much easier it is to breathe when the meds kick in.

Big (((HUGS))) ... I'll be keeping you and the kiddos in my prayers. Make yourself smile.. sometimes you feel so silly it actually DOES make you feel better.

Grumpy Chair said...

I'm so glad you took care of yourself too. Sometimes, woman ignore symptoms and think "this will pass" and it only gets worse.

Hang in there.

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Well thank God you know what it is and will take something. So many runners are anti- any kind of treatment. I'm glad you aren't one of those right now. I hope you start coming out soon. You have had a lot to deal with lately.

Jess said...

I'm glad you are taking care of not just the kids, but yourself as well. It's the right decision to seek some help when feeling that icky. Winter can be a hard season, but chin up, spring is right around the corner!