Not so great. I feel like I shouldn't even post because I've not got much positive to say, but when did I ever let that stop me. Ha.
I did get a 4 mile run in on Saturday. It was gorgeous. Windy, but I ran in a tank top & shorts. I even got hot a few times! But that was the most healthy thing I did from Friday - Sunday.
I'm still in that no man's land between medications. I'm taking my new med, but my old one is still wearing off, I suppose, & my new one hasn't kicked in. Friday I came home around 5 p.m., got in bed, and didn't get out except for bodily necessities. Thankfully my Mom took care of the kids until Mark got home, then he took care of them. I felt like I had the flu, only without any body aches or sore throat or headache. Basically, I just couldn't move my body. At all.
It was awful.
Saturday was a teeny bit better, but only because I had to get out of bed. I'd volunteered with my Sunday School class to prepare & serve breakfast at a downtown shelter (the count was around 210 people that we served), so I was out the door at 7 a.m. It was good to be around people from church & realize how freaking blessed I am. I got home around 11 and went for a run. Then I took the kids & picked up a friend of Sophie's for a sleep over. Then I was back in bed from around 3 to 5 p.m. Two hours is about Mark's threshold for handling the kids, so I had to get up & help out after that.
Sunday we made it to church (after the time change--which kills me for the first few days), & then grocery shopped for a couple of hours then went home & put everything away & made lunch, and by then I was wiped again. I didn't lay in bed, but I camped in the recliner for the rest of the afternoon. Finally around 6 p.m. I started cleaning Sophie's room & gave her a bath.
I ate horribly all weekend, and Sunday morning I stepped on the scale, dreading what I'd see. 159.2.
I've got a lot of ground to make up. It's scary how quickly bad habits can add back the pounds. It was just a little over a week ago that I was at 151.4.
And running with the extra weight is a killer. I had mild shin splints on and off for the first 3 miles of my run Saturday.
But honestly, my energy is still in the tank & I feel like I'm barely functional. I'm praying these meds get straightened out quickly. I did take my blood pressure at Walmart Sunday and it was much better--the bottom number was 71 (down from 90 before medication).
Other bad news--Sophie woke up with another dizzy spell this morning. She also described a type of aura around objects for the first time today, and when I asked if she's had that before she said maybe twice before, just recently. That's a new development & to me says these episodes are truly leaning toward migraine, even though they are atypical. I'm still waiting for the St Louis Children's Hospital to call & get us an appointment. It should be soon. The good news with Sophie is her ADHD meds are going great. She got an A on her spelling test Friday, and that's the first A on a spelling test she's had all year. The side affects seem to be mostly gone now, too. I'm hopeful we'll luck out & the first med will be the right one.
Mark's on spring break this week, so he doesn't have class the next 3 nights. That should help. Maybe I'll have it in me to go for a run after work today.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Right place, right time
After I wrote a guest post for MizFit, an associate editor for PBS contacted me about being included for an article he was writing about dieting bloggers. And even though I had my suspicions at first, turns out he was legit & had a lot of articles on the PBS.org/mediashift website.
So I talked with him the weekend before last (on a Saturday while sitting on the bathroom floor with the door locked--the only place a mom of two can get some privacy) and spilled my guts about my blog.
It's an interesting article. The writer, Simon Owens, asked insightful questions & was genuinely interested in the whole blogger/dieter phenomenon. Go have a look when you have a chance.
So I talked with him the weekend before last (on a Saturday while sitting on the bathroom floor with the door locked--the only place a mom of two can get some privacy) and spilled my guts about my blog.
It's an interesting article. The writer, Simon Owens, asked insightful questions & was genuinely interested in the whole blogger/dieter phenomenon. Go have a look when you have a chance.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Doctors, doctors everywhere
I'm going to see my doctor this afternoon, for two big issues.
First, I think I have high/borderline high blood pressure. My mom & sister both have high BP problems, and I am nothing if not my mother's daughter. She had to get glasses at age 40 after having perfect vision her whole life; I had to get glasses when I turned 38 (I'm such an overachiever & had to beat her on that one). She's been on BP meds for years & years, she thinks since her early 40s; I've been having headaches for months (which was the symptom that caused her to go to the doctor way back when) and I finally took my BP at Walmart yesterday. The first time it was 140/81 & the second time it was 131/93. So it's up there. It's time to get it addressed officially. I'm tired of these headaches & I'd really like to avoid having a stroke.
Second, I'm going to ask to see a psychiatrist. My emotional state is completely bizarre lately. I increased my depression med back in January, but what I've been going through lately isn't just depression. It's panic attacks, crying for no reason, horribly awful thoughts that come from nowhere. I can be completely UP for a few days--like last week I had some really really good days & felt wonderful--but then am in the basement again. But it's not the basement--it's the deep dark wet root cellar.
These aren't my normal ups & downs, which I've *always* gone through. They are more extreme. And I'm getting to the point where I can't function properly. I've got to get my head fixed now, before things get worse.
Partly I think it's situational. Seen the market lately? But we are doing OK right now & I'm letting go of my fear & worry on a daily basis, and asking God to fill me with love & peace. And He is. So it's not just situational. It's chemical. And I need help.
**Edit** Just got back from the doctor. He put me on a low dose (5 mg) of a BP med to see if it helps with the headaches. My bottom number was consistently 90 while I was there. And I explained how I've been feeling after having my anti-depressant increased & he said that it's possible for anxiety to be amplified in some people on the medicine I am taking. Which makes complete sense--the extremes started about when the increased dose would be nice & solidly established in my system. So we are switching my med to a different one completely & I don't have to see a psychiatrist at this point. I feel relieved to learn that I'm not suffering a total mental breakdown & the medicine is likely responsible for what I've been feeling. A few weeks from now, I hope I'm on a more even keel. **End Edit**
And the other Doctor's issue is with Sophie. This is all good news. He diagnosed her with attention deficit ADHD & we started her on medicine Friday. She is experiencing several side affects but they aren't horrible & so far she's dealing with them OK. She is, thankfully, responding positively so far to what it's supposed to do for her--give her focus & attention. I've noticed a difference at home already. Her teacher is going to give me daily updates on how she's doing in class, as well.
We are also going to take her to the St Louis Children's Hospital in about a month (as soon as they can get us in, but the nurse said it should be close to the end of March) for her dizzy spells. Our pediatrician thinks it's in the migraine realm, but agrees that we need more specialized doctors to confirm that they are migraine, since if they are, then they are extremely atypical.
I'm so thankful we live in a time when doctors can help all of us with these health issues. I'm praying things go well, on all fronts.
First, I think I have high/borderline high blood pressure. My mom & sister both have high BP problems, and I am nothing if not my mother's daughter. She had to get glasses at age 40 after having perfect vision her whole life; I had to get glasses when I turned 38 (I'm such an overachiever & had to beat her on that one). She's been on BP meds for years & years, she thinks since her early 40s; I've been having headaches for months (which was the symptom that caused her to go to the doctor way back when) and I finally took my BP at Walmart yesterday. The first time it was 140/81 & the second time it was 131/93. So it's up there. It's time to get it addressed officially. I'm tired of these headaches & I'd really like to avoid having a stroke.
Second, I'm going to ask to see a psychiatrist. My emotional state is completely bizarre lately. I increased my depression med back in January, but what I've been going through lately isn't just depression. It's panic attacks, crying for no reason, horribly awful thoughts that come from nowhere. I can be completely UP for a few days--like last week I had some really really good days & felt wonderful--but then am in the basement again. But it's not the basement--it's the deep dark wet root cellar.
These aren't my normal ups & downs, which I've *always* gone through. They are more extreme. And I'm getting to the point where I can't function properly. I've got to get my head fixed now, before things get worse.
Partly I think it's situational. Seen the market lately? But we are doing OK right now & I'm letting go of my fear & worry on a daily basis, and asking God to fill me with love & peace. And He is. So it's not just situational. It's chemical. And I need help.
**Edit** Just got back from the doctor. He put me on a low dose (5 mg) of a BP med to see if it helps with the headaches. My bottom number was consistently 90 while I was there. And I explained how I've been feeling after having my anti-depressant increased & he said that it's possible for anxiety to be amplified in some people on the medicine I am taking. Which makes complete sense--the extremes started about when the increased dose would be nice & solidly established in my system. So we are switching my med to a different one completely & I don't have to see a psychiatrist at this point. I feel relieved to learn that I'm not suffering a total mental breakdown & the medicine is likely responsible for what I've been feeling. A few weeks from now, I hope I'm on a more even keel. **End Edit**
And the other Doctor's issue is with Sophie. This is all good news. He diagnosed her with attention deficit ADHD & we started her on medicine Friday. She is experiencing several side affects but they aren't horrible & so far she's dealing with them OK. She is, thankfully, responding positively so far to what it's supposed to do for her--give her focus & attention. I've noticed a difference at home already. Her teacher is going to give me daily updates on how she's doing in class, as well.
We are also going to take her to the St Louis Children's Hospital in about a month (as soon as they can get us in, but the nurse said it should be close to the end of March) for her dizzy spells. Our pediatrician thinks it's in the migraine realm, but agrees that we need more specialized doctors to confirm that they are migraine, since if they are, then they are extremely atypical.
I'm so thankful we live in a time when doctors can help all of us with these health issues. I'm praying things go well, on all fronts.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Mid week update
Wait, is it Thursday already? That's the kind of week it's been.
But relative to recent weeks, it's been stellar. Nobody's sick, everyone's in school & at work. No (more) major technology failures. And as far as I know, I haven't pissed anyone off recently.
Food & exercise are perfectly acceptable. I'm on Day 11 of the crack diet & I'm sticking to the plan. I weighed 151.4 this morning. My jeans that were cutting off my circulation a couple weeks ago now fit much more easily and I'm not straining against all the seams any more.
And I have run the past 2 days--3 miles Tuesday & 4 miles Wednesday. I have yet to do the Shred video again, which is silly really because it's only 20 minutes. But seriously, the only 20 minutes I'd have is at 5:30 a.m. (which isn't happening...yet) or at 9 p.m. I'm not quite ready to commit exercise to either of those times yet, so it's going to be running after work/before kid pickup for now.
This afternoon I'm meeting with Sophie's doctor about her dizzy spells & my suspicions of her ADD (attention deficit, not hyper activity). I'm hoping it's a productive meeting & we get some solid next steps.
Then tonight I'm going to a friend's house for a Southern Living at Home party. I've never been to one of these, and really I couldn't care less about what they have to sell. Unless it's a kitchen multi-tasker that I can't live without, I'm not buying anything. I'm so over *consuming* stuff. I don't want anything for my home, my yard, my car, my body. I'm satisfied with what I've got. I don't need no more.
But I'll get to visit with my girlfriends, and that's why I'm going. Time with the girls without kids is, unfortunately, very rare.
Not much else to report. Good stuff is good stuff & I'm thankful to not be whining and complaining any longer. I hope it lasts for a while. :)
But relative to recent weeks, it's been stellar. Nobody's sick, everyone's in school & at work. No (more) major technology failures. And as far as I know, I haven't pissed anyone off recently.
Food & exercise are perfectly acceptable. I'm on Day 11 of the crack diet & I'm sticking to the plan. I weighed 151.4 this morning. My jeans that were cutting off my circulation a couple weeks ago now fit much more easily and I'm not straining against all the seams any more.
And I have run the past 2 days--3 miles Tuesday & 4 miles Wednesday. I have yet to do the Shred video again, which is silly really because it's only 20 minutes. But seriously, the only 20 minutes I'd have is at 5:30 a.m. (which isn't happening...yet) or at 9 p.m. I'm not quite ready to commit exercise to either of those times yet, so it's going to be running after work/before kid pickup for now.
This afternoon I'm meeting with Sophie's doctor about her dizzy spells & my suspicions of her ADD (attention deficit, not hyper activity). I'm hoping it's a productive meeting & we get some solid next steps.
Then tonight I'm going to a friend's house for a Southern Living at Home party. I've never been to one of these, and really I couldn't care less about what they have to sell. Unless it's a kitchen multi-tasker that I can't live without, I'm not buying anything. I'm so over *consuming* stuff. I don't want anything for my home, my yard, my car, my body. I'm satisfied with what I've got. I don't need no more.
But I'll get to visit with my girlfriends, and that's why I'm going. Time with the girls without kids is, unfortunately, very rare.
Not much else to report. Good stuff is good stuff & I'm thankful to not be whining and complaining any longer. I hope it lasts for a while. :)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Still on the wagon, but hanging on with my fingernails
Life has been crazy lately. Thankfully, this low carb diet helps keep the food cravings away even when I'm under stressful conditions that would normally trigger a carb binge.
Work is nuts. I've had multiple technology failures since last Thursday. The printer & my email have taken up countless hours and money. I hate it when things don't work, because it makes me a grouchy girl & I get absolutely nothing done.
All this plus the stock market tanking is making me a big bottle of nerves.
Oh, and did I mention I haven't run in over a week?
It's all just been too much.
But, again, thank God I'm on this diet plan because otherwise I'm sure I'd be pushing 160 by now. Instead, I weighed 151.2 this morning! Woohoo!
My pants are already looser. I still have the muffin top (sometimes I truly wish we'd go back to high waisted pants from the 80's), and that doesn't go away until I get into the mid 140s. At least it went away the last time I visited 146 in October.
I ended the first low carb week at 5 days. Sunday night I had a little slip--a few vanilla wafers, a couple bites of ice cream, but that's it. And Monday when I woke up I just could not take eggs again for breakfast. So I made an executive decision to skip the 2 days I had left of low carbing, and go straight to week 2.
Which means I had grits with protein powder for breakfast yesterday, and I just had rice & beans for lunch today. Tomorrow I get 2 carbs before 3 p.m.
I love this plan. I love the variety. I love that I can stick to it. I love that I have energy & don't feel bloated. I love that my waist is already back to 29 1/2". (Like the true tracking freak I am, I started measuring every day when I started this diet. I had no idea that water weight affected my "size" so much. I really just thought it was a scale thing. It's not.) And I love that in a few more days I can have a few fun foods.
I'm praying I can get out of work by 4 p.m. today so I can go running. It's gorgeous... cold, but not windy and it's sunny. I have been having runner's envy for days & days--you know, when you see a runner on the road & you wish with your whole heart that was you out there. Yeah, I saw 3 people this morning running and I about hopped out of my car & ran in my high heals. I just can't contain myself anymore.
I have been a very bad blogging friend because I've had no time to visit with any of you. I'm thinking of you, though, and hope that your health journey is gearing up in a very positive way, as the weather starts to turn toward Spring. Oh, it cannot get here soon enough!
Work is nuts. I've had multiple technology failures since last Thursday. The printer & my email have taken up countless hours and money. I hate it when things don't work, because it makes me a grouchy girl & I get absolutely nothing done.
All this plus the stock market tanking is making me a big bottle of nerves.
Oh, and did I mention I haven't run in over a week?
It's all just been too much.
But, again, thank God I'm on this diet plan because otherwise I'm sure I'd be pushing 160 by now. Instead, I weighed 151.2 this morning! Woohoo!
My pants are already looser. I still have the muffin top (sometimes I truly wish we'd go back to high waisted pants from the 80's), and that doesn't go away until I get into the mid 140s. At least it went away the last time I visited 146 in October.
I ended the first low carb week at 5 days. Sunday night I had a little slip--a few vanilla wafers, a couple bites of ice cream, but that's it. And Monday when I woke up I just could not take eggs again for breakfast. So I made an executive decision to skip the 2 days I had left of low carbing, and go straight to week 2.
Which means I had grits with protein powder for breakfast yesterday, and I just had rice & beans for lunch today. Tomorrow I get 2 carbs before 3 p.m.
I love this plan. I love the variety. I love that I can stick to it. I love that I have energy & don't feel bloated. I love that my waist is already back to 29 1/2". (Like the true tracking freak I am, I started measuring every day when I started this diet. I had no idea that water weight affected my "size" so much. I really just thought it was a scale thing. It's not.) And I love that in a few more days I can have a few fun foods.
I'm praying I can get out of work by 4 p.m. today so I can go running. It's gorgeous... cold, but not windy and it's sunny. I have been having runner's envy for days & days--you know, when you see a runner on the road & you wish with your whole heart that was you out there. Yeah, I saw 3 people this morning running and I about hopped out of my car & ran in my high heals. I just can't contain myself anymore.
I have been a very bad blogging friend because I've had no time to visit with any of you. I'm thinking of you, though, and hope that your health journey is gearing up in a very positive way, as the weather starts to turn toward Spring. Oh, it cannot get here soon enough!
Friday, February 20, 2009
So the food...
...is going well. There is something powerful in eliminating bad carbs for a week. I'm basically not hungry and not craving anything. I'M EATING, don't get me wrong. It's not like I've picked up an eating disorder the past few days. But getting the crap out of my body & brain and eating protein & veggies & fat can cause remarkable change in a short period of time.
The trick, of course, is making the change stick.
If you recall from my last journey on the Crack diet, week 1 is the strictest week. Under 20 carbs a day for 7 days. I'm on day 3. I weighed 152.6 this morning. And my waist is already 2 1/2 inches smaller. It blows my mind how water weight impacts the body so much. The first couple of days can be tough, but strangely after the first day I've felt OK and really haven't lost that much energy.
The 2nd week starts carb cycling. As much as the low carb week feels good for a while, you really do get excited about that first morning when you can eat oatmeal or have Ezekial bread.
The exercise.... not so much. I miss running so badly. But it's been one thing after another this week and I haven't fit it in. Ah well. I know eventually I'll get time again for me. At the very least I'll do some 30 Day Shred this weekend.
I'm swamped at work, haven't been to the grocery store in 2 weeks, and have laundry & dishes piled to the ceiling. Why I thought it would be OK for me to go to sleep last night at 9 p.m. is beyond me.
But today is another day. I'm off to the grocery & then home to snuggle on kiddos (and eventually the hubs).
Kick some ass this weekend, bloggy friends!
The trick, of course, is making the change stick.
If you recall from my last journey on the Crack diet, week 1 is the strictest week. Under 20 carbs a day for 7 days. I'm on day 3. I weighed 152.6 this morning. And my waist is already 2 1/2 inches smaller. It blows my mind how water weight impacts the body so much. The first couple of days can be tough, but strangely after the first day I've felt OK and really haven't lost that much energy.
The 2nd week starts carb cycling. As much as the low carb week feels good for a while, you really do get excited about that first morning when you can eat oatmeal or have Ezekial bread.
The exercise.... not so much. I miss running so badly. But it's been one thing after another this week and I haven't fit it in. Ah well. I know eventually I'll get time again for me. At the very least I'll do some 30 Day Shred this weekend.
I'm swamped at work, haven't been to the grocery store in 2 weeks, and have laundry & dishes piled to the ceiling. Why I thought it would be OK for me to go to sleep last night at 9 p.m. is beyond me.
But today is another day. I'm off to the grocery & then home to snuggle on kiddos (and eventually the hubs).
Kick some ass this weekend, bloggy friends!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A little better
First, I want to thank MizFit for posting my guest blog today. I wrote it about 3 months ago and wouldn't you know it? I'm still pretty much in the same state of mind--fighting to find time & energy to get my winter fat layer off but often losing the battle.
As with all of The Miz's posts, there's lots of engaging conversation going on in the comments. And it seems clear that some folks can do this healthy lifestyle thing with ease (or, at least, the majority of their choices are healthy ones & it's not a massive struggle to make those choices--that's the way it looks like on *this* side of the fence anyway :).
Others of us (ME! ME!) aren't quite to effortless, but we're fighting the good fight and not giving up.
So where am I today on this crazy roller coaster?
Yesterday was much better. I stayed on track with the Crack the Fat Loss Code diet. I already feel the bonds of carbs & sugar loosening their hold. Today has started off well, food wise. I'm still not craving junk & the scale is playing along already (water weight loss is water weight loss, but it's still motivating to see lower numbers on the scale right off the bat).
Exercise has been The Suck, though. No time for myself since Sophie's at the office with me during my normal running time, and Mark has classes on Mon, Tues & Wed nights so I can't run after I pick up kids either. I am so not a morning runner, so that's out. Last night I could have done the 30 day shred but frankly I was so fried from my day long sprint at work I just didn't have it in me.
But. One step at a time. I'm happy I'm getting the carbwants out of my system. Exercise will come again soon, most hopefully tonight. And it won't be soon enough.
***
ETA: Sophie made it to school. I took her in at 10 a.m. & she didn't feel dizzy during the long walk to her class, which is a very good sign that we might be done with this round.
As with all of The Miz's posts, there's lots of engaging conversation going on in the comments. And it seems clear that some folks can do this healthy lifestyle thing with ease (or, at least, the majority of their choices are healthy ones & it's not a massive struggle to make those choices--that's the way it looks like on *this* side of the fence anyway :).
Others of us (ME! ME!) aren't quite to effortless, but we're fighting the good fight and not giving up.
So where am I today on this crazy roller coaster?
Yesterday was much better. I stayed on track with the Crack the Fat Loss Code diet. I already feel the bonds of carbs & sugar loosening their hold. Today has started off well, food wise. I'm still not craving junk & the scale is playing along already (water weight loss is water weight loss, but it's still motivating to see lower numbers on the scale right off the bat).
Exercise has been The Suck, though. No time for myself since Sophie's at the office with me during my normal running time, and Mark has classes on Mon, Tues & Wed nights so I can't run after I pick up kids either. I am so not a morning runner, so that's out. Last night I could have done the 30 day shred but frankly I was so fried from my day long sprint at work I just didn't have it in me.
But. One step at a time. I'm happy I'm getting the carbwants out of my system. Exercise will come again soon, most hopefully tonight. And it won't be soon enough.
***
ETA: Sophie made it to school. I took her in at 10 a.m. & she didn't feel dizzy during the long walk to her class, which is a very good sign that we might be done with this round.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Can't get a break
Last night I'd had enough. Again.
I've been on this roller coaster of "motivation" (truly, I hate that word because I don't really believe in it--you either do, or do not, and that's that, but I'm using it here as a short hand for "I can't get my shit together"). And I've been doing better workout wise (last week I ran 4 days & did the 30 Day Shred once) but my food has still been in the toilet.
I think the food issue is because--I can't do moderate when it comes to food. My brain LOVES carbs. When I'm eating carbs, just like most people who struggle with weight, I want more carbs. And more carbs. And more carbs. Until I've gained 10-12 pounds in about 4 months.
So yesterday I decided, made up my mind, drew up the plan, to do the Crack the Fat Loss Code again. It works for me. It allows for healthy carbs & promotes whole foods. It allows for "cheat days" on occasion--because real life includes cheat days. And I got to my thinnest ever last October (146.2.... ah, I remember you well) on this diet. Yesterday I committed myself, again, to getting it done & was bound & determined that this. was. it.
Then, unfortunately, I got slammed down this morning. Sophie woke up early with a raging dizzy spell. She's been dizzy since last week, but not bad; she's made it to school every day. This morning was the super awful kind--can't move, can't tolerate light, cries & cries because the spinning in her head is so bad. I hate it when she's like this. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for her. She missed her class field trip to see James & the Giant Peach today. I ache for all she's missing out on.
My food & exercise are not my priority today. Sophie is. I haven't face dived into a vat of carbs yet, mainly because I'm just sick of them. I did have a carby breakfast, but I'm done with that food today. I've got a healthy low carb lunch & I'll have a decent dinner. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to focus on me & my goals.
Today is another story.
Sophie's dizzy spells have gotten worse the past 6 months. She's had a spell every single month since October. Next week I have conference with her pediatrician, which I'd intended to primarily focus on her possibly having attention deficit disorder (not hyperactivity, the attention & focus problem of ADD). And we'll talk about that. But I'm going to ask him to refer us to Vanderbilt. I've had it with this disorder & the lack of answers from the tests we've done over the past 3 1/2 years . My daughter deserves more than a life like this. I just pray God opens the doors we need opened so we can find a cure.
I've been on this roller coaster of "motivation" (truly, I hate that word because I don't really believe in it--you either do, or do not, and that's that, but I'm using it here as a short hand for "I can't get my shit together"). And I've been doing better workout wise (last week I ran 4 days & did the 30 Day Shred once) but my food has still been in the toilet.
I think the food issue is because--I can't do moderate when it comes to food. My brain LOVES carbs. When I'm eating carbs, just like most people who struggle with weight, I want more carbs. And more carbs. And more carbs. Until I've gained 10-12 pounds in about 4 months.
So yesterday I decided, made up my mind, drew up the plan, to do the Crack the Fat Loss Code again. It works for me. It allows for healthy carbs & promotes whole foods. It allows for "cheat days" on occasion--because real life includes cheat days. And I got to my thinnest ever last October (146.2.... ah, I remember you well) on this diet. Yesterday I committed myself, again, to getting it done & was bound & determined that this. was. it.
Then, unfortunately, I got slammed down this morning. Sophie woke up early with a raging dizzy spell. She's been dizzy since last week, but not bad; she's made it to school every day. This morning was the super awful kind--can't move, can't tolerate light, cries & cries because the spinning in her head is so bad. I hate it when she's like this. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for her. She missed her class field trip to see James & the Giant Peach today. I ache for all she's missing out on.
My food & exercise are not my priority today. Sophie is. I haven't face dived into a vat of carbs yet, mainly because I'm just sick of them. I did have a carby breakfast, but I'm done with that food today. I've got a healthy low carb lunch & I'll have a decent dinner. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to focus on me & my goals.
Today is another story.
Sophie's dizzy spells have gotten worse the past 6 months. She's had a spell every single month since October. Next week I have conference with her pediatrician, which I'd intended to primarily focus on her possibly having attention deficit disorder (not hyperactivity, the attention & focus problem of ADD). And we'll talk about that. But I'm going to ask him to refer us to Vanderbilt. I've had it with this disorder & the lack of answers from the tests we've done over the past 3 1/2 years . My daughter deserves more than a life like this. I just pray God opens the doors we need opened so we can find a cure.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Freakishly Flexible 5K-- For Nancy
Wanna join me in a 5k this weekend?
Nancy has been one of the most inspirational blogger's I know. She's upbeat, shares the running love to the point of putting in hours and hours of her time with many virtual races, and is all around a super cool chick.
So reading her post today about the official diagnosis of her hip problem choked me up. Running means more to me than I can fully express. It does to her too. I know she's mourning the loss. I know she's in shock. I would be. It's a majorly "life's not fair" kind of deal.
But I know she'll find her way back, through another sport that complements her body, because she is who she is.
Another blogger created the virtual Freakishly Flexible 5K race in Nancy's honor. If you go to his website you'll see that you don't have to be a runner to join in.
I'm running a 5k this weekend for Nancy. And thanking God every step of the way for my 38 year old body that can run, and praying that Nancy has a successful surgery & heals well, and then comes back & kicks some ass.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Old School
So I've gone back to writing down in a journal everything I put in my mouth and the corresponding calories, just like in the good old days. And thankfully for the past two days, it's worked.
I'm shooting for 1800 calories a day and have actually been under that--Monday it was 1510 & Tuesday, 1390. I ran 4 miles Monday & did the 30 Day Shred video Tuesday.
I've lost 2.4 pounds so far. Boy, does that feel good.
Just like every other time I've gone from mindless, emotional eating to controlled, planned eating--I feel free & at peace. There is so much freedom in doing what's good for you, it makes my head spin to wonder why in the world I stray in the first place.
Yet I'm not taking any of this for granted. I still feel fragile & a day at a time is what I'm focusing on.
Spring teasing us this week is making a big difference in how I feel. It was mid February of 2007 when I joined LA Weight Loss. And it's mid February now. Something about leading up to a season of renewal that helps kick start my determination.
Next up: half marathon training for my May 2 race in Indy. I want to weigh 145 by then.
Because it is damn hard to run at 158 pounds. I found that out on Monday. Shedding those extra pounds so I can run faster & easier is extremely motivating.
How are you holding up? What's kicking your motivation up a notch?
I'm shooting for 1800 calories a day and have actually been under that--Monday it was 1510 & Tuesday, 1390. I ran 4 miles Monday & did the 30 Day Shred video Tuesday.
I've lost 2.4 pounds so far. Boy, does that feel good.
Just like every other time I've gone from mindless, emotional eating to controlled, planned eating--I feel free & at peace. There is so much freedom in doing what's good for you, it makes my head spin to wonder why in the world I stray in the first place.
Yet I'm not taking any of this for granted. I still feel fragile & a day at a time is what I'm focusing on.
Spring teasing us this week is making a big difference in how I feel. It was mid February of 2007 when I joined LA Weight Loss. And it's mid February now. Something about leading up to a season of renewal that helps kick start my determination.
Next up: half marathon training for my May 2 race in Indy. I want to weigh 145 by then.
Because it is damn hard to run at 158 pounds. I found that out on Monday. Shedding those extra pounds so I can run faster & easier is extremely motivating.
How are you holding up? What's kicking your motivation up a notch?
Monday, February 09, 2009
Monday
The weekend was more of the same from Friday's post, but today was MONDAY. A day for new beginnings, right?
I've written down all my food so far & am counting calories. I'm getting ready to change my clothes & go running in (wait for it) 70 degree weather. It could not be a more different start to this week than two weeks ago.
I'll post more when I have more time.
I do want to thank you all for your comments. Holy cow, what amazing friends you all are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I've written down all my food so far & am counting calories. I'm getting ready to change my clothes & go running in (wait for it) 70 degree weather. It could not be a more different start to this week than two weeks ago.
I'll post more when I have more time.
I do want to thank you all for your comments. Holy cow, what amazing friends you all are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Friday, February 06, 2009
A Lesson from Cool Hand Luke
I've seen a lot of Guy Movies over the past 15 years that I've known my husband. The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Maltese Falcon, & Cool Hand Luke are a few of my favorites.
This morning as I was walking in to work, a line from Cool Hand Luke flickered through my memory. "You've got to get your mind right," the Boss says to Luke as Luke's digging his own grave in the prison yard.
While I've not committed any crimes & I don't have an SOB prison guard standing over me, I feel like I'm in a prison of my own making right now. And I need to get my mind right or I'm going to be shoveling my way out of my own deep hole, very soon.
Before I joined LA Weight Loss in February 2007, I was always playing the mind game of "I'll eat this box of donuts now, but tomorrow I will definitely stop! I'm just going to eat this now to get through the _____________(insert the mood of the moment--boredom, anger, sadness, happiness, stress, busyness, overwhelmedness, depression, rain, sunshine, winter blahs, blah blah blah). Tomorrow I will, I WILL, start to eat right & won't do this anymore."
For a good solid year, I didn't play this game. And really, I guess it's been almost two years since it's now February of 2009.
But I guess two years is my Statute of Limitations on the Give Up the Bullshit Thinking issue.
Because it's back. In full force. And I'm smack dab back in the self-imposed prison of denial & misery.
I haven't bought a box of powdered donuts yet--they were a huge problem for me & I simply loved everything about the little bastards (except for how fat they helped make me). But I've been looking longingly at them while grocery shopping, and last night I even picked up a bag and considered putting it in my cart.
Instead I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish food, hid it in the back of the freezer when I got home, and ate it in secret while the kids played with the hubs. I then hid the empty container at the bottom of the trash can.
I even ate some cookie dough in the bathroom the other day, hiding from the kids so they wouldn't want any.
This is some seriously f*cked up behavior. And I can't believe I'm living it again.
I know it's hard--unbearably hard--to change life long coping mechanisms. It's practically heroic to establish new coping mechanisms that won't slip away and be replaced by the old ones. I used to feel like a hero, and felt like I'd mostly replaced my food issues with running & strength training.
But since the exercise & the endorphins it provides has been virtually non-existent the past couple of weeks, the bad old coping strategies are back.
And I hate them. I hate everything about the after. The before & during, I'm pretty much back to being a zombie & in robot mode. Not in control--like the foods are putting themselves in my hands and I have no choice but to accept them.
Ultimately, I think this is about control. I have completely lost control over so many things in my life right now. And the way I'm dealing with the lack of control is to say "F*ck it, I don't care about my weight, my body, my health. All I want is to feel better NOW. NOW is all that matters. Later will have to wait because I can't deal with later. Food makes me feel better now. So I will eat what I need now, because I can. To hell with the consequences."
Obviously, I've gotta get my mind right. I know this. I know that living like this is the path to weighing 200 pounds again. I know that living in denial is going to only get me tighter clothes & more unhappiness. I know that, in the end, this destructive behavior leads me to hate myself. Not just because of the fat, but because of the shame of the addiction.
Getting my mind right is what I'm working on right now. I'm not feeling all that strong, though, so I'm simply taking things a moment at a time. And praying like crazy for strength, purpose, and a desire to remember that my actions, whether good or bad, have consequences.
I don't want to stay in these chains any longer. I'll get my mind right, and then I'll be set free.
This morning as I was walking in to work, a line from Cool Hand Luke flickered through my memory. "You've got to get your mind right," the Boss says to Luke as Luke's digging his own grave in the prison yard.
While I've not committed any crimes & I don't have an SOB prison guard standing over me, I feel like I'm in a prison of my own making right now. And I need to get my mind right or I'm going to be shoveling my way out of my own deep hole, very soon.
Before I joined LA Weight Loss in February 2007, I was always playing the mind game of "I'll eat this box of donuts now, but tomorrow I will definitely stop! I'm just going to eat this now to get through the _____________(insert the mood of the moment--boredom, anger, sadness, happiness, stress, busyness, overwhelmedness, depression, rain, sunshine, winter blahs, blah blah blah). Tomorrow I will, I WILL, start to eat right & won't do this anymore."
For a good solid year, I didn't play this game. And really, I guess it's been almost two years since it's now February of 2009.
But I guess two years is my Statute of Limitations on the Give Up the Bullshit Thinking issue.
Because it's back. In full force. And I'm smack dab back in the self-imposed prison of denial & misery.
I haven't bought a box of powdered donuts yet--they were a huge problem for me & I simply loved everything about the little bastards (except for how fat they helped make me). But I've been looking longingly at them while grocery shopping, and last night I even picked up a bag and considered putting it in my cart.
Instead I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish food, hid it in the back of the freezer when I got home, and ate it in secret while the kids played with the hubs. I then hid the empty container at the bottom of the trash can.
I even ate some cookie dough in the bathroom the other day, hiding from the kids so they wouldn't want any.
This is some seriously f*cked up behavior. And I can't believe I'm living it again.
I know it's hard--unbearably hard--to change life long coping mechanisms. It's practically heroic to establish new coping mechanisms that won't slip away and be replaced by the old ones. I used to feel like a hero, and felt like I'd mostly replaced my food issues with running & strength training.
But since the exercise & the endorphins it provides has been virtually non-existent the past couple of weeks, the bad old coping strategies are back.
And I hate them. I hate everything about the after. The before & during, I'm pretty much back to being a zombie & in robot mode. Not in control--like the foods are putting themselves in my hands and I have no choice but to accept them.
Ultimately, I think this is about control. I have completely lost control over so many things in my life right now. And the way I'm dealing with the lack of control is to say "F*ck it, I don't care about my weight, my body, my health. All I want is to feel better NOW. NOW is all that matters. Later will have to wait because I can't deal with later. Food makes me feel better now. So I will eat what I need now, because I can. To hell with the consequences."
Obviously, I've gotta get my mind right. I know this. I know that living like this is the path to weighing 200 pounds again. I know that living in denial is going to only get me tighter clothes & more unhappiness. I know that, in the end, this destructive behavior leads me to hate myself. Not just because of the fat, but because of the shame of the addiction.
Getting my mind right is what I'm working on right now. I'm not feeling all that strong, though, so I'm simply taking things a moment at a time. And praying like crazy for strength, purpose, and a desire to remember that my actions, whether good or bad, have consequences.
I don't want to stay in these chains any longer. I'll get my mind right, and then I'll be set free.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Roller Coaster
Yesterday was not a good day. I didn't have time to blog about it, but Sophie woke up with a stomach ache & then threw up before getting on the school bus. I was thankful she got sick at home instead of school, at least. She came into the office with me & was an angel, and luckily she didn't throw up again. She did have/still does have diarrhea now, but it's not horrible and I'm guessing she's almost done with this virus.
Work is crazy, since we are doing annual reviews with clients. So I'm not getting to have my blogging time like normal. That always kinda bums me out a bit.
After work, we had to go to Walmart to buy bread & other essentials and the kids were very well behaved. But after we got to the car & had everything unloaded, Sophie's diarrhea kicked in and we had to go back inside. It was around 10 degrees last night, so we were cold cold cold. And we were in the Walmart bathroom for a good 20 minutes (poor Soph!). We still had to pick up Mark's dry cleaning & didn't get home until after 7 p.m.
It was a frozen pizza night, obviously! We had dinner around 7:30, and I was just fried by then. Didn't clean the kitchen, didn't give kids baths, didn't workout. Basically I pretty much just gave up.
Which is usually when my food goes to hell too.
So today, I'm feeling down again. Sophie was still sick this morning & is with me again at work. She should make it to school tomorrow. It's still really cold but tomorrow it's supposed to be warmer & as God is my witness, I'm going running. Tonight if life doesn't blow up in my face, I'll do the Shred DVD again. I'm still sore from my first time through, which is a good sign. Those 20 minutes were very effective--I think it's going to be an awesome muscle building routine.
I'm pretty much in just-get-by mode. I'm hopeful for the future, but getting tired of living there instead of in the here & now.
Work is crazy, since we are doing annual reviews with clients. So I'm not getting to have my blogging time like normal. That always kinda bums me out a bit.
After work, we had to go to Walmart to buy bread & other essentials and the kids were very well behaved. But after we got to the car & had everything unloaded, Sophie's diarrhea kicked in and we had to go back inside. It was around 10 degrees last night, so we were cold cold cold. And we were in the Walmart bathroom for a good 20 minutes (poor Soph!). We still had to pick up Mark's dry cleaning & didn't get home until after 7 p.m.
It was a frozen pizza night, obviously! We had dinner around 7:30, and I was just fried by then. Didn't clean the kitchen, didn't give kids baths, didn't workout. Basically I pretty much just gave up.
Which is usually when my food goes to hell too.
So today, I'm feeling down again. Sophie was still sick this morning & is with me again at work. She should make it to school tomorrow. It's still really cold but tomorrow it's supposed to be warmer & as God is my witness, I'm going running. Tonight if life doesn't blow up in my face, I'll do the Shred DVD again. I'm still sore from my first time through, which is a good sign. Those 20 minutes were very effective--I think it's going to be an awesome muscle building routine.
I'm pretty much in just-get-by mode. I'm hopeful for the future, but getting tired of living there instead of in the here & now.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Better
Quick update today because we're swamped at work.
Today's weight was 154.6. The past 2 days have been decent, food wise. And I did the 30 Day Shred video last night! I really liked it--a tough workout in 20 minutes.
It's supposed to be in the 60s by the weekend. I am so looking forward to running again.
*******BIGGEST LOSER SPOILER BELOW*******
(sorry this wasn't here earlier, Vickie!)
TBL fans--were you happy to see Joelle go? I have really mixed feelings about her. I'll have to write more on that when I have some time.
Today's weight was 154.6. The past 2 days have been decent, food wise. And I did the 30 Day Shred video last night! I really liked it--a tough workout in 20 minutes.
It's supposed to be in the 60s by the weekend. I am so looking forward to running again.
*******BIGGEST LOSER SPOILER BELOW*******
(sorry this wasn't here earlier, Vickie!)
TBL fans--were you happy to see Joelle go? I have really mixed feelings about her. I'll have to write more on that when I have some time.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Holy crap
Well, an ice storm is about as bad as the holiday's for weight gain.
I hadn't weighed in a week, still haven't run since a week ago last Friday (that's a whopping 10 days now), and I've been eating like a 10 year old boy on summer vacation.
I finally bit the bullet this morning, the first weekday we've been back in our house, and got on the scale. It was ugly.
157.8
I have some serious ass kicking to do on myself. Which is tough when I still feel pretty wrung out emotionally, & physically still feel rough from the cold that will not die.
But I'm not burying my head in the sand & not letting this get worse. I've scaled back the food today big time, and am having hot tea with honey while I finish some work tonight. I'm likely going to have to white knuckle through the night time eating cravings later. Whatever. I want to see some water weight lost in the morning.
Hopefully I will get to do some kind of physical activity soon. The park where I usually run is blocked off because of trees down, I guess, and the sidewalks--everywhere--are still covered in ice & snow. So if I want to run it will have to be on the street, and I'm not overly fond of taking my life into my own hands like that. If I have to dodge a car and run off the road, I could slip & fall on the ice. It may be a while until I get on the pavement again.
I've got the Jillian Michael's DVD that I need to do. Was going to try tonight but I've got a monster headache & my sinuses are hurting, so (yada yada yada excuse excuse excuse), no workout today.
Life is my workout right now. Soon enough it will be spring.
Even though the Groundhog saw his shadow today, warmer weather is only 6 weeks away.
I hadn't weighed in a week, still haven't run since a week ago last Friday (that's a whopping 10 days now), and I've been eating like a 10 year old boy on summer vacation.
I finally bit the bullet this morning, the first weekday we've been back in our house, and got on the scale. It was ugly.
157.8
I have some serious ass kicking to do on myself. Which is tough when I still feel pretty wrung out emotionally, & physically still feel rough from the cold that will not die.
But I'm not burying my head in the sand & not letting this get worse. I've scaled back the food today big time, and am having hot tea with honey while I finish some work tonight. I'm likely going to have to white knuckle through the night time eating cravings later. Whatever. I want to see some water weight lost in the morning.
Hopefully I will get to do some kind of physical activity soon. The park where I usually run is blocked off because of trees down, I guess, and the sidewalks--everywhere--are still covered in ice & snow. So if I want to run it will have to be on the street, and I'm not overly fond of taking my life into my own hands like that. If I have to dodge a car and run off the road, I could slip & fall on the ice. It may be a while until I get on the pavement again.
I've got the Jillian Michael's DVD that I need to do. Was going to try tonight but I've got a monster headache & my sinuses are hurting, so (yada yada yada excuse excuse excuse), no workout today.
Life is my workout right now. Soon enough it will be spring.
Even though the Groundhog saw his shadow today, warmer weather is only 6 weeks away.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
It's Back!
Power came on last night around 8 p.m. We stayed at our friends' house because we were already settled in and wanted to let the house warm up. Came home this morning & all is well.
I'll be posting more. Lots to do with kiddos & gotta go get the dog.
I'll be posting more. Lots to do with kiddos & gotta go get the dog.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Still no power
I will never, ever take my house for granted again.
It's surreal--going home to make sure the water's still flowing through the pipes slowly, unplugging the TV's & computer, setting out fresh water for the cat, picking up the newspaper & the mail. And then not being able to stay in my home.
I have no clue when we'll be back. There are still over 50,000 people in our power company's service area without power. They've brought in workers from all over the midwest, but it's going to take a long time to get us all back on. I drove down one of the roads that leads to our neighborhood, and there are massively huge trees down on powerlines. One huge tree was completely uprooted and laying across a power line.
Our lines are buried in our neighborhood so I can't tell if the power is brought in from the war-zone area, or if it's from a less damaged area. Either way, I'm concerned now that it will be "well into next week," as the power company website states, before we get our power back. Frankly, at this point I'll be surprised if it's that quick. There were no trucks anywhere near our area when I went home at lunch.
So our home has no power. And I feel like I am powerless.
The kids are at my mom's another night and tomorrow all day, the dog is at the doggie sitter's house, and we are in the hotel for one more night. Then Saturday we'll move in to our friends' home, since they graciously invited us and have an extra bedroom & wireless internet. They also have 3 1/2 year old twins & a 1 year old, so our kids will have plenty to do there.
I'm not very good at taking things a day at a time. I'm a planner. I need to know what's happening next. Uncertainty makes me jumpy. And bitchy. And hungry. And sad.
I know this is only temporary. I know I could have it much, much worse. I'm clinging to the fact that my children are safe & warm & fed & active at my Mom's house. But life is so beyond normal right now.
Normal is a beautiful thing. I can't wait for normal to be back in my life once again.
It's surreal--going home to make sure the water's still flowing through the pipes slowly, unplugging the TV's & computer, setting out fresh water for the cat, picking up the newspaper & the mail. And then not being able to stay in my home.
I have no clue when we'll be back. There are still over 50,000 people in our power company's service area without power. They've brought in workers from all over the midwest, but it's going to take a long time to get us all back on. I drove down one of the roads that leads to our neighborhood, and there are massively huge trees down on powerlines. One huge tree was completely uprooted and laying across a power line.
Our lines are buried in our neighborhood so I can't tell if the power is brought in from the war-zone area, or if it's from a less damaged area. Either way, I'm concerned now that it will be "well into next week," as the power company website states, before we get our power back. Frankly, at this point I'll be surprised if it's that quick. There were no trucks anywhere near our area when I went home at lunch.
So our home has no power. And I feel like I am powerless.
The kids are at my mom's another night and tomorrow all day, the dog is at the doggie sitter's house, and we are in the hotel for one more night. Then Saturday we'll move in to our friends' home, since they graciously invited us and have an extra bedroom & wireless internet. They also have 3 1/2 year old twins & a 1 year old, so our kids will have plenty to do there.
I'm not very good at taking things a day at a time. I'm a planner. I need to know what's happening next. Uncertainty makes me jumpy. And bitchy. And hungry. And sad.
I know this is only temporary. I know I could have it much, much worse. I'm clinging to the fact that my children are safe & warm & fed & active at my Mom's house. But life is so beyond normal right now.
Normal is a beautiful thing. I can't wait for normal to be back in my life once again.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
January Strikes Again (and Again)
I wrote this last night (Tuesday) around midnight. Before the power went out.
***
Man, I hate this time of year.
But before I go into the Woe Is Me report, I have to tell you about Friday.
Our 4 p.m. appointment rescheduled & my mom had the kids, so I had a free late afternoon & what did I do? I went running, of course!
It had been a gorgeous day--upper 50s, sunshine. But by the time I was ready to roll at 4:30, it was grey & colder & windy. No way was I not getting my run in, though. I set out from home & put in a solid 4 miles. I felt fabulous. Strong. Glad I'd gotten an unplanned run in & put in 14 miles in 3 days.
Then Friday night around 10 p.m., I felt that tell tale tickle in the back of my throat. I was getting a cold. I started the zicam right away, but by Saturday morning I had a raging sore throat & congested sinuses. The weekend was spent in my PJ's, with me popping ibuprofen for my aching head instead of sore muscles. I even skipped church Sunday, I felt so lousy.
By Monday I still felt awful and didn't get to work until after 1 p.m. We had a client appointment at 4, and by the time I got home with the kids I was wiped out. The weather people were sounding pretty sure we were going to get clobbered by the vast winter storm hitting the U.S. and I figured we'd be stuck at home on Tuesday, so I skipped Monday bath night for the kiddos and let them watch TV instead of doing Sophie's homework. It was definitely an "all system shut down" kind of night.
Which basically meant I've had almost 4 days of being in slog mode. And that means I eat. And I don't work out. And I feel lousy about it. But I feel lousy from the cold that won't die (hello zicam? why aren't you working yet?!) and that pretty much trumps my ability to do much healthy for myself.
I'm not calling myself a failure. I'm not all upset about losing the momentum I was building last week. I'll get back on plan & hit the road running soon enough. As soon as the darn ice melts anyway.
It's just a typical January.
And January bites.
***
So guys, I'm finally at long last watching a season of The Biggest Loser from the (almost) beginning. I've watched last week's and now tonight's show, so I missed the first two weeks but I'm still going to get to see them virtually from the beginning. I thank my DVR for finally allowing me to catch TBL & American Idol. I usually am watching from 9 - 10 (or 11 on 2 hour nights).
I was so glad Joelle got to stay last week. Carla & Bob were way too hard on her. I think Jen really summed it up best in this post. And now look at her this week! You go girl. (Although I think Carla might get on my nerves pretty quickly.) And I thought it was a no win for everyone tonight on who had to go home. I hope they pull a surprise & bring back the one person who really wanted to stay but had to go home. I truly think it's possible that person wins the runner up $100,000. The couple who got to stay better work their behinds off. I'm sure they will.
You TBL fans are surely desensitized to it, but I am just floored at the overt product placements. How bloody annoying. I guess everyone has to pay the bills.
***
Now it's Wednesday night and we are in a hotel because we have no power. Half the city is without power & it looks like an ice bomb went off. We drove around tonight, going to Walmart, then the office to see if power was back on there (it is, so Mark will be going in tomorrow), and then to Walgreens for meds. So many trees have been damaged. I didn't see many homes that were smashed, so that's a blessing. But it could take a week to get our power back on. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's only another day or so.
Life is no where near normal right now. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am that we have a warm room and food & are all safe. I know there are many, many people in this city (and the country) who can't say that right now. But this is not easy for any of us.
The kids are going to my mom's tomorrow, and will stay with her for a couple days. The poor doggie is at home by herself. I'm getting her tomorrow & will take her to our cousin or to the puppy hotel. I'm hoping we have power back by the weekend. I'm not sure where we'll go if we don't. We have my mom or my sister we could stay with. I'm sure some of our friends would set us up if we needed them to. I just don't know what's best for us. I think for now, it's going to be one day at a time.
Food & exercise are out the window right now. I'm in survival mode.
Like I said when I wrote this post yesterday, I hate January. This ice storm just gives me one more reason to be ready for February.
***
Man, I hate this time of year.
But before I go into the Woe Is Me report, I have to tell you about Friday.
Our 4 p.m. appointment rescheduled & my mom had the kids, so I had a free late afternoon & what did I do? I went running, of course!
It had been a gorgeous day--upper 50s, sunshine. But by the time I was ready to roll at 4:30, it was grey & colder & windy. No way was I not getting my run in, though. I set out from home & put in a solid 4 miles. I felt fabulous. Strong. Glad I'd gotten an unplanned run in & put in 14 miles in 3 days.
Then Friday night around 10 p.m., I felt that tell tale tickle in the back of my throat. I was getting a cold. I started the zicam right away, but by Saturday morning I had a raging sore throat & congested sinuses. The weekend was spent in my PJ's, with me popping ibuprofen for my aching head instead of sore muscles. I even skipped church Sunday, I felt so lousy.
By Monday I still felt awful and didn't get to work until after 1 p.m. We had a client appointment at 4, and by the time I got home with the kids I was wiped out. The weather people were sounding pretty sure we were going to get clobbered by the vast winter storm hitting the U.S. and I figured we'd be stuck at home on Tuesday, so I skipped Monday bath night for the kiddos and let them watch TV instead of doing Sophie's homework. It was definitely an "all system shut down" kind of night.
Which basically meant I've had almost 4 days of being in slog mode. And that means I eat. And I don't work out. And I feel lousy about it. But I feel lousy from the cold that won't die (hello zicam? why aren't you working yet?!) and that pretty much trumps my ability to do much healthy for myself.
I'm not calling myself a failure. I'm not all upset about losing the momentum I was building last week. I'll get back on plan & hit the road running soon enough. As soon as the darn ice melts anyway.
It's just a typical January.
And January bites.
***
So guys, I'm finally at long last watching a season of The Biggest Loser from the (almost) beginning. I've watched last week's and now tonight's show, so I missed the first two weeks but I'm still going to get to see them virtually from the beginning. I thank my DVR for finally allowing me to catch TBL & American Idol. I usually am watching from 9 - 10 (or 11 on 2 hour nights).
I was so glad Joelle got to stay last week. Carla & Bob were way too hard on her. I think Jen really summed it up best in this post. And now look at her this week! You go girl. (Although I think Carla might get on my nerves pretty quickly.) And I thought it was a no win for everyone tonight on who had to go home. I hope they pull a surprise & bring back the one person who really wanted to stay but had to go home. I truly think it's possible that person wins the runner up $100,000. The couple who got to stay better work their behinds off. I'm sure they will.
You TBL fans are surely desensitized to it, but I am just floored at the overt product placements. How bloody annoying. I guess everyone has to pay the bills.
***
Now it's Wednesday night and we are in a hotel because we have no power. Half the city is without power & it looks like an ice bomb went off. We drove around tonight, going to Walmart, then the office to see if power was back on there (it is, so Mark will be going in tomorrow), and then to Walgreens for meds. So many trees have been damaged. I didn't see many homes that were smashed, so that's a blessing. But it could take a week to get our power back on. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's only another day or so.
Life is no where near normal right now. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am that we have a warm room and food & are all safe. I know there are many, many people in this city (and the country) who can't say that right now. But this is not easy for any of us.
The kids are going to my mom's tomorrow, and will stay with her for a couple days. The poor doggie is at home by herself. I'm getting her tomorrow & will take her to our cousin or to the puppy hotel. I'm hoping we have power back by the weekend. I'm not sure where we'll go if we don't. We have my mom or my sister we could stay with. I'm sure some of our friends would set us up if we needed them to. I just don't know what's best for us. I think for now, it's going to be one day at a time.
Food & exercise are out the window right now. I'm in survival mode.
Like I said when I wrote this post yesterday, I hate January. This ice storm just gives me one more reason to be ready for February.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Day 3 - Success
Another day, another notch on my slowly-loosening belt.
Food was good. Not terribly low carb, but I didn't over do it on anything & had plenty of protein. I did have one little brownie after dinner--the last of the batch from the weekend which I'd forgotten about but stumbled upon while looking for a small bite of a Hershey bar. But it's all good. Gotta have a treat once in a while, and, after all, it's been 3 days since I had anything decadent.
And I ran another 5 miles today in just over 59 minutes. I'm still not as fast as I was in October, which is a bummer, but I can totally tell it's because I'm lugging around an extra 10 pounds. Oh, and because cardiovascularly I'm not as well conditioned. And the cold air messes with my exercise-induced asthma. And, let's see, any other excuses? I kid. I'm just glad to be out there for 60 minutes moving my body.
It was so gorgeous tonight. 51 degrees when I set out. The sun was shining & I ran the whole time in the light. It didn't get truly dark until almost 5:30. Love it. Spring feels like it's on its way. Tomorrow the temp is going to be even warmer. Unfortunately I'll be taking a rest day because we have 3 client annual review appointments tomorrow, that run up until 5 p.m. And really, I need a rest after two hard running days in a row.
Maybe tomorrow would be a good day to do that Jillian Michael's DVD, ya think? I haven't had time to watch it. Heck, I haven't had time to clean my kitchen for 2 days. Life gets that way sometimes.
So it's getting late & I still have work to get done for tomorrow's meetings. I hope to catch up with you all this weekend.
Much love & thanks so much for all your support!
Food was good. Not terribly low carb, but I didn't over do it on anything & had plenty of protein. I did have one little brownie after dinner--the last of the batch from the weekend which I'd forgotten about but stumbled upon while looking for a small bite of a Hershey bar. But it's all good. Gotta have a treat once in a while, and, after all, it's been 3 days since I had anything decadent.
And I ran another 5 miles today in just over 59 minutes. I'm still not as fast as I was in October, which is a bummer, but I can totally tell it's because I'm lugging around an extra 10 pounds. Oh, and because cardiovascularly I'm not as well conditioned. And the cold air messes with my exercise-induced asthma. And, let's see, any other excuses? I kid. I'm just glad to be out there for 60 minutes moving my body.
It was so gorgeous tonight. 51 degrees when I set out. The sun was shining & I ran the whole time in the light. It didn't get truly dark until almost 5:30. Love it. Spring feels like it's on its way. Tomorrow the temp is going to be even warmer. Unfortunately I'll be taking a rest day because we have 3 client annual review appointments tomorrow, that run up until 5 p.m. And really, I need a rest after two hard running days in a row.
Maybe tomorrow would be a good day to do that Jillian Michael's DVD, ya think? I haven't had time to watch it. Heck, I haven't had time to clean my kitchen for 2 days. Life gets that way sometimes.
So it's getting late & I still have work to get done for tomorrow's meetings. I hope to catch up with you all this weekend.
Much love & thanks so much for all your support!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Looking Up
Well it's day 2 of eating like I need to be eating to lose this layer of winter fat.
Which is good because I weighed in this morning at 155.6, and that's after a day of cleaning out a good deal of the water retention. I've got a ways to go to be where I want to be.
Last night I stuck to my guns and didn't eat carbs or junk or eat at night. I had dinner at 8:30, which was late but it actually helped keep me away from the middle of the night junk, I think. I had a cheese stick while putting the kids to bed because I was about ready to pass out from hunger, and then dinner was 6 oz. salmon with handful of broccoli slaw, mixed with T light mayo, 2 T lemon juice, and 3/4 tsp curry. I eat half and save the other half for another meal. It's yummy, quick, & healthy. I had 2 cups of diet jello (10 calories each? are you kidding? what a deal) for my snack & went to bed. In bed. Not the family room couch.
And I slept all night, without the aid of a xanax or benadryl. I don't know how that happened. Especially since I fell asleep at 10:30 which is about an hour or so earlier than usual.
Then I woke up this morning at 6:15 a.m., and made it to work by 8:30. Woohoo! I know for the majority of you, this is a joke. But y'all know I'm not a morning person and have no one enforcing my work schedule, so 8:30 is a big deal around here for me. :)
This afternoon is sunny & "warm"--as in 35 degrees. So I'm running, hopefully 5 miles. I can't wait.
My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD came in today (love Amazon, love it), so I'll check it out tonight. Gotta figure out a way to work that in on 3 or 4 mornings a week. It's ONLY 20ish minutes. For crying out loud, I just need to suck it up and get up in the morning.
The kids are in school, and they are healthy except for winter colds that cropped up yesterday. I've stuck to making meals at home and we aren't eating out. I even vacuumed my floors last night! (that's a big accomplishment, haha)
So that's all the good details going on with me. I feel like things are looking up, at least for now.
Which is good because I weighed in this morning at 155.6, and that's after a day of cleaning out a good deal of the water retention. I've got a ways to go to be where I want to be.
Last night I stuck to my guns and didn't eat carbs or junk or eat at night. I had dinner at 8:30, which was late but it actually helped keep me away from the middle of the night junk, I think. I had a cheese stick while putting the kids to bed because I was about ready to pass out from hunger, and then dinner was 6 oz. salmon with handful of broccoli slaw, mixed with T light mayo, 2 T lemon juice, and 3/4 tsp curry. I eat half and save the other half for another meal. It's yummy, quick, & healthy. I had 2 cups of diet jello (10 calories each? are you kidding? what a deal) for my snack & went to bed. In bed. Not the family room couch.
And I slept all night, without the aid of a xanax or benadryl. I don't know how that happened. Especially since I fell asleep at 10:30 which is about an hour or so earlier than usual.
Then I woke up this morning at 6:15 a.m., and made it to work by 8:30. Woohoo! I know for the majority of you, this is a joke. But y'all know I'm not a morning person and have no one enforcing my work schedule, so 8:30 is a big deal around here for me. :)
This afternoon is sunny & "warm"--as in 35 degrees. So I'm running, hopefully 5 miles. I can't wait.
My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD came in today (love Amazon, love it), so I'll check it out tonight. Gotta figure out a way to work that in on 3 or 4 mornings a week. It's ONLY 20ish minutes. For crying out loud, I just need to suck it up and get up in the morning.
The kids are in school, and they are healthy except for winter colds that cropped up yesterday. I've stuck to making meals at home and we aren't eating out. I even vacuumed my floors last night! (that's a big accomplishment, haha)
So that's all the good details going on with me. I feel like things are looking up, at least for now.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
That's It
I've had it.
I'm putting myself in timeout.
I've been "bad" way too long, and it's time to crack down on this unacceptable behavior.
I'm being punished with tight pants, a muffin top, overflowing 34Cs, and an overall sense of yuckiness & shame.
It's not just the way my body looks & feels. It's the old behaviors coming back that leave me feeling miserable & guilty, and I can't take it anymore. I eyed powdered donuts lustily on Saturday's grocery shopping trip. I made a pan of brownies yesterday on our day off for MLK Jr day "for the kids" and ended up eating almost the entire pan by myself. I bought ice cream sandwiches this weekend, ate 4 of them and threw the rest in the outside trashcan, being sure to cover up the box with a big trash bag--hiding the evidence.
I hate the person I'm becoming. It's the Old Me. And there's no room for her in my size 8 pants. No room at all in my "I've lost 60 pounds and am keeping it off forever" life. No room for her in my half marathon training plans.
I may have lost some battles the past few months, but I am not losing this war. Today I mark the line in the sand. And if the line gets fuzzy & I have to draw it again, so be it.
But that's it. I'm done with Old Me. I want Healthy Happy Feel Good About Myself Me back.
I'm putting myself in timeout.
I've been "bad" way too long, and it's time to crack down on this unacceptable behavior.
I'm being punished with tight pants, a muffin top, overflowing 34Cs, and an overall sense of yuckiness & shame.
It's not just the way my body looks & feels. It's the old behaviors coming back that leave me feeling miserable & guilty, and I can't take it anymore. I eyed powdered donuts lustily on Saturday's grocery shopping trip. I made a pan of brownies yesterday on our day off for MLK Jr day "for the kids" and ended up eating almost the entire pan by myself. I bought ice cream sandwiches this weekend, ate 4 of them and threw the rest in the outside trashcan, being sure to cover up the box with a big trash bag--hiding the evidence.
I hate the person I'm becoming. It's the Old Me. And there's no room for her in my size 8 pants. No room at all in my "I've lost 60 pounds and am keeping it off forever" life. No room for her in my half marathon training plans.
I may have lost some battles the past few months, but I am not losing this war. Today I mark the line in the sand. And if the line gets fuzzy & I have to draw it again, so be it.
But that's it. I'm done with Old Me. I want Healthy Happy Feel Good About Myself Me back.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Random Friday Thoughts
I can't seem to come up with anything cohesive to talk about, so I'm just gonna give you a brain dump.
I've been listening to David Cook's new CD. A lot. And I love it! It's stuck in my head, though, so it's like I'm walking around with an iPod plugged directly into my brain. His music is most excellent. Even if you didn't watch American Idol last year, I highly recommend it to you.
Speaking of Idol, I'm excited it's back on again and I really like the new judge. Last year I didn't watch the first few weeks. I must admit, I'm enjoying the idiots more than I should. It's hard to know yet if there are any really good singers. I was surprised to see Jason Castro's brother try out. What a hoot! I can't wait to see more next week.
If you are a parent of young children (under age 10), please do yourself a favor and get the book Beyond Time Out. It is completely different than any other parenting book I've ever read. Really groundbreaking stuff. But it's not radical. It's simple. It cuts through the BS parenting methods that have been around the past 30 years or so and makes sense of the parent/child relationship in a way I never saw clearly before but now it makes perfect sense. Get the book for yourself & for your child. It's changed our family life so much for the better already.
I did the 2nd day of the 100 push up challenge last night. I'm not that sore today so I'm not sure if I didn't get far enough to the floor or what. I did 9, 8, 7, 6, & 8, with 90 second breaks in between. The kids counted my reps for me, which was fun. Tomorrow I'm doing day 3 which starts with 10 pushups.
My mom has the kids tonight and tomorrow because we have a meeting tonight & a wedding tomorrow afternoon. So I've got some free time! Tomorrow morning I'm going to grocery shop & run (I need to do 8 miles to keep pace with my 750 mile goal in 2009).
You runners who told me not to worry about the cold are right. When I ran Wednesday in 26 degrees & some strong wind, I got too hot after a mile & had to take off my fleece layer & just wear my tech shirt & wind jacket. Running with the wind at my back was awesome. Running against the wind kinda sucks, but it also is cool because you just push through and by the time you turn and have the wind at your back again it feels like you've conquered a mountain. I did 3 miles Wednesday in 36 minutes, and considering I stopped and walked quite a bit and was running into the wind half the time, I was very happy with that. The fact that I made myself get out there when most people would have bagged a run was a victory in itself.
Speaking of victories, I'm doing well on the shop once a week/make meals at home front. I'm failing miserably on the get to sleep at 10 and wake up by 6 front. And I still can't get my night eating under control. At least the oreos are gone now and I'm not buying anymore so those won't be singing their siren song tonight.
I've been trying to figure out why I can't break these bad habits. There has to be some kind of reward for the behavior if it keeps happening over and over. I've got to noodle on this for a while and will probably write about it soon to help work it out.
Sophie's made it to school all week, but she's still dizzy in the morning and somewhat during the day. She's just learning to deal with it. Yet her quality of life is not what it should be for a 7 year old. I feel like we need to do more for her medically. I met with a friend for lunch today who mentioned Vanderbilt and how the doctors there helped a friend of hers whose son had a condition that no one here could figure out. She's the 2nd person who's mentioned Vanderbilt to me recently. I think I'm getting a message from the universe on this and am going to figure out how to pursue it.
I've been all over the place today. I hope you are having a great end of the week & enjoy your weekend. I think the whole country is cold right now (except maybe California--you warm, Helen?), so put on some extra layers and snuggle under the blankets with a loved one.
I've been listening to David Cook's new CD. A lot. And I love it! It's stuck in my head, though, so it's like I'm walking around with an iPod plugged directly into my brain. His music is most excellent. Even if you didn't watch American Idol last year, I highly recommend it to you.
Speaking of Idol, I'm excited it's back on again and I really like the new judge. Last year I didn't watch the first few weeks. I must admit, I'm enjoying the idiots more than I should. It's hard to know yet if there are any really good singers. I was surprised to see Jason Castro's brother try out. What a hoot! I can't wait to see more next week.
If you are a parent of young children (under age 10), please do yourself a favor and get the book Beyond Time Out. It is completely different than any other parenting book I've ever read. Really groundbreaking stuff. But it's not radical. It's simple. It cuts through the BS parenting methods that have been around the past 30 years or so and makes sense of the parent/child relationship in a way I never saw clearly before but now it makes perfect sense. Get the book for yourself & for your child. It's changed our family life so much for the better already.
I did the 2nd day of the 100 push up challenge last night. I'm not that sore today so I'm not sure if I didn't get far enough to the floor or what. I did 9, 8, 7, 6, & 8, with 90 second breaks in between. The kids counted my reps for me, which was fun. Tomorrow I'm doing day 3 which starts with 10 pushups.
My mom has the kids tonight and tomorrow because we have a meeting tonight & a wedding tomorrow afternoon. So I've got some free time! Tomorrow morning I'm going to grocery shop & run (I need to do 8 miles to keep pace with my 750 mile goal in 2009).
You runners who told me not to worry about the cold are right. When I ran Wednesday in 26 degrees & some strong wind, I got too hot after a mile & had to take off my fleece layer & just wear my tech shirt & wind jacket. Running with the wind at my back was awesome. Running against the wind kinda sucks, but it also is cool because you just push through and by the time you turn and have the wind at your back again it feels like you've conquered a mountain. I did 3 miles Wednesday in 36 minutes, and considering I stopped and walked quite a bit and was running into the wind half the time, I was very happy with that. The fact that I made myself get out there when most people would have bagged a run was a victory in itself.
Speaking of victories, I'm doing well on the shop once a week/make meals at home front. I'm failing miserably on the get to sleep at 10 and wake up by 6 front. And I still can't get my night eating under control. At least the oreos are gone now and I'm not buying anymore so those won't be singing their siren song tonight.
I've been trying to figure out why I can't break these bad habits. There has to be some kind of reward for the behavior if it keeps happening over and over. I've got to noodle on this for a while and will probably write about it soon to help work it out.
Sophie's made it to school all week, but she's still dizzy in the morning and somewhat during the day. She's just learning to deal with it. Yet her quality of life is not what it should be for a 7 year old. I feel like we need to do more for her medically. I met with a friend for lunch today who mentioned Vanderbilt and how the doctors there helped a friend of hers whose son had a condition that no one here could figure out. She's the 2nd person who's mentioned Vanderbilt to me recently. I think I'm getting a message from the universe on this and am going to figure out how to pursue it.
I've been all over the place today. I hope you are having a great end of the week & enjoy your weekend. I think the whole country is cold right now (except maybe California--you warm, Helen?), so put on some extra layers and snuggle under the blankets with a loved one.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Baby, it's cold (and windy) outside
So my new non-gym work out routine now includes running in the cold.
And it's not too bad! At least, not yet anyway.
Sunday and Monday I ran 5 and 4 miles, respectively, and both days the temps were in the mid 30s. It was a smidge windy but not bad, and a base layer plus fleece is all it really takes to stay warm. I wear gloves, of course, and usually start out with a fleece cap but after the first mile I'm almost always too warm to keep it on. I actually really enjoy the cold runs. Very refreshing and peaceful.
Today, even though it will be in the mid 30s when I head out, we've got wind in the 20 mph range. If I get to run like I plan to, it's going to be interesting to say the least.
We don't have any ice or snow to deal with, and if we did I'd not run. I wanna work out, but I'm not equipped to deal with that kind of terrain. Plus I'm a big baby when it comes to pain and would hate it if I fell & got hurt.
Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 14 degrees. 14! And the wind chill is going to be in the negative numbers.
Guess who's not running tomorrow? :)
Other random babble:
I'm happy to report that my weight this morning was 153.4. I haven't seen that for a while. It's crazy how much of a difference a few pounds make in the way my clothes fit.
I've set two more goals for 2009. I want to run 750 miles this year, and I want to complete the 100 pushup challenge. And I've got a weight goal of 145 (with a super secret goal of 140) when we go to St John in June. I want to be in the best shape of my life for this trip, and I've got to get busy now. You know how I am with goals--I'm gonna git r done, yessirree!
I'm still cooking & sticking to my no fast food purchases rule (so is the hubs!). I've not gotten everything cooked in the time I'd like to, mostly because those darn kids take up a lot of time at night, even after they are supposed to be asleep (Sophie had a bad reaction to her zyrtec Monday night and couldn't sleep, so I was up with her until after 11 p.m. Poor kid. We are doing zyrtec in the a.m. from now on). But I'm keeping enough stocked that we are eating home cooked meals. I'm allowing for a frozen pizza on one week night (Tombstone pizzas are $3.50 at WalMart), and last night was pizza night. Tonight I plan to cook up 3 pounds of lean ground beef--a meatloaf & 2 pounds of a Mexican filling that I have a recipe for. Hopefully my plans will not be derailed.
And Sophie has made it to school this week each day. She's not felt very well--headaches, leg aches, and stomach aches have been plaguing her lately--but she's hanging in there. I'm really focusing on getting her to eat better, along with the rest of us, and I think it's helping. But the lack of sleep is a killer. Plus, I talked with Mark last night about how she's feeling, and how she's distracted a lot and has trouble focusing, and he said he was exactly the same way when he was her age. They are both sensitive, artsy people who aren't all that hardy and need special care. Thankfully her special personality and love are as strong as steel.
And it's not too bad! At least, not yet anyway.
Sunday and Monday I ran 5 and 4 miles, respectively, and both days the temps were in the mid 30s. It was a smidge windy but not bad, and a base layer plus fleece is all it really takes to stay warm. I wear gloves, of course, and usually start out with a fleece cap but after the first mile I'm almost always too warm to keep it on. I actually really enjoy the cold runs. Very refreshing and peaceful.
Today, even though it will be in the mid 30s when I head out, we've got wind in the 20 mph range. If I get to run like I plan to, it's going to be interesting to say the least.
We don't have any ice or snow to deal with, and if we did I'd not run. I wanna work out, but I'm not equipped to deal with that kind of terrain. Plus I'm a big baby when it comes to pain and would hate it if I fell & got hurt.
Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 14 degrees. 14! And the wind chill is going to be in the negative numbers.
Guess who's not running tomorrow? :)
Other random babble:
I'm happy to report that my weight this morning was 153.4. I haven't seen that for a while. It's crazy how much of a difference a few pounds make in the way my clothes fit.
I've set two more goals for 2009. I want to run 750 miles this year, and I want to complete the 100 pushup challenge. And I've got a weight goal of 145 (with a super secret goal of 140) when we go to St John in June. I want to be in the best shape of my life for this trip, and I've got to get busy now. You know how I am with goals--I'm gonna git r done, yessirree!
I'm still cooking & sticking to my no fast food purchases rule (so is the hubs!). I've not gotten everything cooked in the time I'd like to, mostly because those darn kids take up a lot of time at night, even after they are supposed to be asleep (Sophie had a bad reaction to her zyrtec Monday night and couldn't sleep, so I was up with her until after 11 p.m. Poor kid. We are doing zyrtec in the a.m. from now on). But I'm keeping enough stocked that we are eating home cooked meals. I'm allowing for a frozen pizza on one week night (Tombstone pizzas are $3.50 at WalMart), and last night was pizza night. Tonight I plan to cook up 3 pounds of lean ground beef--a meatloaf & 2 pounds of a Mexican filling that I have a recipe for. Hopefully my plans will not be derailed.
And Sophie has made it to school this week each day. She's not felt very well--headaches, leg aches, and stomach aches have been plaguing her lately--but she's hanging in there. I'm really focusing on getting her to eat better, along with the rest of us, and I think it's helping. But the lack of sleep is a killer. Plus, I talked with Mark last night about how she's feeling, and how she's distracted a lot and has trouble focusing, and he said he was exactly the same way when he was her age. They are both sensitive, artsy people who aren't all that hardy and need special care. Thankfully her special personality and love are as strong as steel.
Monday, January 12, 2009
I think a change, a change would do you good
First let me say thank you for your suggestions on Sophie's dizzy spells. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and, even though they may or may not apply to her situation it's still nice to have you all thinking of her.
Now for today's post:
I've decided to make some radical changes in my life, mainly out of necessity because we need to reign in the household spending. Believe me, I much prefer the status quo because I'm basically lazy, but life is kicking me in the pants and telling me I need to get with the program.
Change #1: So the first radical change is to make a weekly menu plan & grocery list and shop once a week.
Change #2: The weekly menu plan goes hand in hand with no more eating at restaurants, fast food or otherwise, on a regular basis. The hubs is the worst about this, but if I don't have food ready for him that he will eat, then he drives thru. And we have spent way too much money over the years on convenience foods, and that is going to stop.
Change #3: I figured out how many meals I'd need to make this week, then created a grocery list, and spent two hours shopping on Saturday afternoon at 3 different stores. I used to do all our shopping at two stores--Schnucks (a St Louis based grocery chain, the best our town has to offer) and Target--on week nights with kids in tow. I despise Wal-Mart, but I have gone over to the dark side because I'm now in money saving mode. And we also now have an Aldi, which has crazy low prices. I'll still shop at Schnucks because they have good meat and produce, but that's all I'm buying there. Saturday I spent around $150 for all our food for the week. And I don't care what I run out of--I'm not shopping again until next Saturday.
Change #4: I'm cooking like it's nobody's business. I made a pork roast Saturday night in the crock pot. First time ever! I know, I know, but still, I'm just learning to cook and a roast, to me, is intimidating. Turns out I cooked the darn thing too long and ended up with about half the meat I should have, but oh well. I'm learning. Mark liked it anyway. Tonight I'm making meatloaf. First time for that, too.
Change #5: Making a budget and sticking to it. This is going to be the toughest. But I'm serious about this money saving stuff and we're cracking down just like the rest of the country. No more impulse buying or spending unnecessary money on myself or the kiddos. I should have been doing this 5 years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
Change #6: We cancelled our gym membership. Scratch #5 being the toughest. This is the toughest. No more swim lessons for Sophie. No more treadmill for me. No more body pump classes. No more easy summer-time pool for the family. It's going to be hard, but seriously? I just need to get over myself. Many, many people survive & thrive without a membership to the most expensive gym in town. I think we'll live.
Change #7: I'm clipping coupons! And using them!
Change #8: The little things that I used to think were no big deal, I realize all add up. As in: I'm not using mousse in my hair anymore. I tried it one day without it, and it looks exactly the same. And I'm not going to buy $15 a can hairspray any more. Understand, my hair has always been my thing, ever since I was in junior high. But it's stick straight, and the only thing that needs a spray is my bangs, so why do I need Big Sexy Hair hairspray? I don't. And my mascara is now L'oreal instead of Estee Lauder. Also, I'm not using paper towels for every little thing in the kitchen. I got one of our chamois cloths and am using a new one each day (a new one every day will hopefully keep the nasty germies away). We go through so many paper towels, it's nuts. This is going to cut that back big time. And I'm using half the laundry detergent I used to, and so far the clothes are just as clean as before. And I'm turning down the thermostat to 65 while we're at work. I'm sure there are more things I'll think of along the way.
Change #9: I'm implementing the parent skill lessons I've learned in Beyond Time Out. I'm still on a learning curve but I'm serious about changing things for the better for my kids. And my sanity.
Change #10: This one I have yet to implement, but it starts tonight. I'm going to bed at a decent time and waking up at a decent time. My habit has been to stay up until 11 or midnight (or later, like last night) and then sleep until Sophie needs to get up for school at 7 a.m. This means I don't get to work until 10 or 10:30, which is fine since I don't have a boss yelling at me, but it's not helping me be as productive or helpful to Mark as I need to be. My plan is to leave the house at 8 a.m. and be at work by 8:30. I'll let you know tomorrow how that one goes.
Notice there are no radical diet or exercise changes. I made those in 2007! This year, I'm sticking to running (ran 5 miles Sunday in 54 minutes, which is darn good considering I'm almost 10 pounds heavier than I was when I ran my half in October, and I've not been running regularly since October either) and I'm going to do the 100 push up challenge (started that yesterday, too). I'll probably throw in some pilates DVDs as needed, which Sophie will do with me. On the diet side, I really just need to focus on not eating at night. That's where I sabotage myself. And if I stick to change #10, this shouldn't be a problem because I'll be asleep by 10 p.m. instead of eating oreos.
These are not New Year's resolutions. I don't want to set myself up for failure by labeling these resolutions. They are lifestyle changes that I have to make for the sake of our family's future well being. I'm sure there will be missteps along the way, because change is hard. But for now, I feel really good about what we are doing.
Are you making any radical changes in your life this year?
Now for today's post:
I've decided to make some radical changes in my life, mainly out of necessity because we need to reign in the household spending. Believe me, I much prefer the status quo because I'm basically lazy, but life is kicking me in the pants and telling me I need to get with the program.
Change #1: So the first radical change is to make a weekly menu plan & grocery list and shop once a week.
Change #2: The weekly menu plan goes hand in hand with no more eating at restaurants, fast food or otherwise, on a regular basis. The hubs is the worst about this, but if I don't have food ready for him that he will eat, then he drives thru. And we have spent way too much money over the years on convenience foods, and that is going to stop.
Change #3: I figured out how many meals I'd need to make this week, then created a grocery list, and spent two hours shopping on Saturday afternoon at 3 different stores. I used to do all our shopping at two stores--Schnucks (a St Louis based grocery chain, the best our town has to offer) and Target--on week nights with kids in tow. I despise Wal-Mart, but I have gone over to the dark side because I'm now in money saving mode. And we also now have an Aldi, which has crazy low prices. I'll still shop at Schnucks because they have good meat and produce, but that's all I'm buying there. Saturday I spent around $150 for all our food for the week. And I don't care what I run out of--I'm not shopping again until next Saturday.
Change #4: I'm cooking like it's nobody's business. I made a pork roast Saturday night in the crock pot. First time ever! I know, I know, but still, I'm just learning to cook and a roast, to me, is intimidating. Turns out I cooked the darn thing too long and ended up with about half the meat I should have, but oh well. I'm learning. Mark liked it anyway. Tonight I'm making meatloaf. First time for that, too.
Change #5: Making a budget and sticking to it. This is going to be the toughest. But I'm serious about this money saving stuff and we're cracking down just like the rest of the country. No more impulse buying or spending unnecessary money on myself or the kiddos. I should have been doing this 5 years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.
Change #6: We cancelled our gym membership. Scratch #5 being the toughest. This is the toughest. No more swim lessons for Sophie. No more treadmill for me. No more body pump classes. No more easy summer-time pool for the family. It's going to be hard, but seriously? I just need to get over myself. Many, many people survive & thrive without a membership to the most expensive gym in town. I think we'll live.
Change #7: I'm clipping coupons! And using them!
Change #8: The little things that I used to think were no big deal, I realize all add up. As in: I'm not using mousse in my hair anymore. I tried it one day without it, and it looks exactly the same. And I'm not going to buy $15 a can hairspray any more. Understand, my hair has always been my thing, ever since I was in junior high. But it's stick straight, and the only thing that needs a spray is my bangs, so why do I need Big Sexy Hair hairspray? I don't. And my mascara is now L'oreal instead of Estee Lauder. Also, I'm not using paper towels for every little thing in the kitchen. I got one of our chamois cloths and am using a new one each day (a new one every day will hopefully keep the nasty germies away). We go through so many paper towels, it's nuts. This is going to cut that back big time. And I'm using half the laundry detergent I used to, and so far the clothes are just as clean as before. And I'm turning down the thermostat to 65 while we're at work. I'm sure there are more things I'll think of along the way.
Change #9: I'm implementing the parent skill lessons I've learned in Beyond Time Out. I'm still on a learning curve but I'm serious about changing things for the better for my kids. And my sanity.
Change #10: This one I have yet to implement, but it starts tonight. I'm going to bed at a decent time and waking up at a decent time. My habit has been to stay up until 11 or midnight (or later, like last night) and then sleep until Sophie needs to get up for school at 7 a.m. This means I don't get to work until 10 or 10:30, which is fine since I don't have a boss yelling at me, but it's not helping me be as productive or helpful to Mark as I need to be. My plan is to leave the house at 8 a.m. and be at work by 8:30. I'll let you know tomorrow how that one goes.
Notice there are no radical diet or exercise changes. I made those in 2007! This year, I'm sticking to running (ran 5 miles Sunday in 54 minutes, which is darn good considering I'm almost 10 pounds heavier than I was when I ran my half in October, and I've not been running regularly since October either) and I'm going to do the 100 push up challenge (started that yesterday, too). I'll probably throw in some pilates DVDs as needed, which Sophie will do with me. On the diet side, I really just need to focus on not eating at night. That's where I sabotage myself. And if I stick to change #10, this shouldn't be a problem because I'll be asleep by 10 p.m. instead of eating oreos.
These are not New Year's resolutions. I don't want to set myself up for failure by labeling these resolutions. They are lifestyle changes that I have to make for the sake of our family's future well being. I'm sure there will be missteps along the way, because change is hard. But for now, I feel really good about what we are doing.
Are you making any radical changes in your life this year?
Friday, January 09, 2009
31 degrees + No wind + 3.5 miles = Magic
(I wrote this on Thursday but ran out of time to post it....)
So yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Sophie woke up dizzy and I was PMS'ing, big time. I still hadn't run or worked out (my Tuesday night run got derailed because Sophie was feeling sick after school). And I felt like I was behind in everything. After all, the Christmas decorations are all still up.
I spent the day at home with Sophie, and Mark took Luke to day care. It wasn't a very productive day, I was pretty out of it. By the time Mark got home with Luke, I had at least done a load of laundry & made dinner from scratch (nothing frozen or processed, woohoo!).
Mark knew something was wrong with me, but there wasn't really any one specific thing "wrong." I just needed to go running.
And that's what I told him. I need to run. But I can't run. Because I'm stuck here with kids. And he said--just go run, now.
So I did.
By the time I was dressed and had my iPod in my ears playing Jack Ingram, I was already feeling better before I'd even turned on my Garmin.
I checked the weather before I got my running stuff on to see how many layers I needed. 31 degrees and no wind = base layer of tech fabrics + fleece + hat & gloves. I left around 20 minutes to 7 p.m., so I figured I'd run a few laps around the neighborhood and see how many miles I could put in before 7:30.
By the end of the first lap (1.1 miles around our neighborhood), I took off my fleece pants. I was starting to feel more human. By the second lap, I took off my hat & gloves. By the end of the third lap and the end of my run, which I added a few tenths to so I could finish at 3.5 miles, I felt 100% better.
And I also felt silly for not getting out there sooner.
Now I want to run again tonight.
***
Friday's addition: No running last night. Sophie was dizzy again Thursday, but not horribly. She stayed at my sister's who lives 25 minutes north of us and we didn't get home until almost 7 p.m. And she's better today. Made it to school, even though an hour late because I have to give her time to adjust and move slowly on days when she wakes up a little dizzy but it goes away.
I'm still really really in need of more running. I can feel myself losing my mind because I've not gotten in enough mileage. I have yet to figure out a cure. I know I could get up early. I know I could run after the kids are in bed. But neither time is ideal and it's more of a force myself thing at those times. I may be getting close, though, to needing to force myself.
Tonight we are taking the kids to the Monster Truck rally. We've never been before, but thought Luke would like it. We have got earplugs and ear "muffs" before you warn me it's loud! I hope we all have fun.
A note on Sophie's dizzy spells for Helen and anyone else who's interested: We've had Sophie tested for the major dizzy causers--BPPV, menier's, brain tumor, other inner ear stuff, seizures (although there is one more EEG we'll probably do this summer after school's out for more on this type of thing). Nothing is positive, which is good and bad. The bad news is that we have no way to cure it. The Epley maneuver unfortunately only works with BPPV and she doesn't have it, so that is no help. Thankfully the episodes at least seem to be lessening in severity and duration as she gets older, and we've found that a small dose of ativan seems to help somewhat (although not completely, 100% of the time). Perhaps we'll do more testing. I'm just not sure how much I want to put us all through just to have the doctors tell us they still can't figure it out.
So yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Sophie woke up dizzy and I was PMS'ing, big time. I still hadn't run or worked out (my Tuesday night run got derailed because Sophie was feeling sick after school). And I felt like I was behind in everything. After all, the Christmas decorations are all still up.
I spent the day at home with Sophie, and Mark took Luke to day care. It wasn't a very productive day, I was pretty out of it. By the time Mark got home with Luke, I had at least done a load of laundry & made dinner from scratch (nothing frozen or processed, woohoo!).
Mark knew something was wrong with me, but there wasn't really any one specific thing "wrong." I just needed to go running.
And that's what I told him. I need to run. But I can't run. Because I'm stuck here with kids. And he said--just go run, now.
So I did.
By the time I was dressed and had my iPod in my ears playing Jack Ingram, I was already feeling better before I'd even turned on my Garmin.
I checked the weather before I got my running stuff on to see how many layers I needed. 31 degrees and no wind = base layer of tech fabrics + fleece + hat & gloves. I left around 20 minutes to 7 p.m., so I figured I'd run a few laps around the neighborhood and see how many miles I could put in before 7:30.
By the end of the first lap (1.1 miles around our neighborhood), I took off my fleece pants. I was starting to feel more human. By the second lap, I took off my hat & gloves. By the end of the third lap and the end of my run, which I added a few tenths to so I could finish at 3.5 miles, I felt 100% better.
And I also felt silly for not getting out there sooner.
Now I want to run again tonight.
***
Friday's addition: No running last night. Sophie was dizzy again Thursday, but not horribly. She stayed at my sister's who lives 25 minutes north of us and we didn't get home until almost 7 p.m. And she's better today. Made it to school, even though an hour late because I have to give her time to adjust and move slowly on days when she wakes up a little dizzy but it goes away.
I'm still really really in need of more running. I can feel myself losing my mind because I've not gotten in enough mileage. I have yet to figure out a cure. I know I could get up early. I know I could run after the kids are in bed. But neither time is ideal and it's more of a force myself thing at those times. I may be getting close, though, to needing to force myself.
Tonight we are taking the kids to the Monster Truck rally. We've never been before, but thought Luke would like it. We have got earplugs and ear "muffs" before you warn me it's loud! I hope we all have fun.
A note on Sophie's dizzy spells for Helen and anyone else who's interested: We've had Sophie tested for the major dizzy causers--BPPV, menier's, brain tumor, other inner ear stuff, seizures (although there is one more EEG we'll probably do this summer after school's out for more on this type of thing). Nothing is positive, which is good and bad. The bad news is that we have no way to cure it. The Epley maneuver unfortunately only works with BPPV and she doesn't have it, so that is no help. Thankfully the episodes at least seem to be lessening in severity and duration as she gets older, and we've found that a small dose of ativan seems to help somewhat (although not completely, 100% of the time). Perhaps we'll do more testing. I'm just not sure how much I want to put us all through just to have the doctors tell us they still can't figure it out.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Can't get there from here
Man, it's been forever since I've visited Blog World. I feel like I've been away from home for a week and need to reconnect. I miss you guys!
So New Year's was uneventful. Mark worked all day long and didn't get home until after 6 p.m. on NYE. We made it to our friends' house by 8 p.m. (it was a family get together with kids, so no partying going on, although I did take my margaritas with me), and we left at 11 p.m. The kids both fell asleep in the car on the way home. Mark & I rang in the New Year with Dick Clark & Ryan Seacrest (bless Dick Clark's heart for soldering on inspite of his stroke). Very, very low key. And boring. But, what's a 38 year old married mom gonna do?
Monday we were all back to work & school again. It's still tough to get up in the morning & get to bed on time after 2 weeks of a flexible schedule, but it's getting easier.
On the food and exercise front--there's nothing good to report (except that I'm still holding steady at 155ish). I have been a complete slacker since I finished my 500 miles on 12/30 (and yes Lori & Shauna, I love The Proclaimers song by that name!). I've run and lifted weights in my mind dozens of times, but I have yet to get my ever-spreading behind in gear. I feel like I'm stuck, and still can't get out of my end- of- the- year rut. Like I can't get where I want to go from where I am now, mentally.
Mainly it's because I'm focused on other things than diet & exercise right now (which, as I think of it, is that really a bad thing?). Like learning how to be a more effective parent with this book, and figuring out how to stop eating out & cooking more at home & getting my husband to eat at home by reading several cook books. And figuring out how to save money and cut back. Because that's what we're all doing in 2009, right?
And a new year means lots of stuff to do at work. I won't bore you with details, but I've basically no time to visit blogs during the day and by the evening I'm too fried to look at a computer monitor any longer.
So it's going to take some effort to put myself on the priority list again.
I'll get there eventually. It just may take some creative navigation.
So New Year's was uneventful. Mark worked all day long and didn't get home until after 6 p.m. on NYE. We made it to our friends' house by 8 p.m. (it was a family get together with kids, so no partying going on, although I did take my margaritas with me), and we left at 11 p.m. The kids both fell asleep in the car on the way home. Mark & I rang in the New Year with Dick Clark & Ryan Seacrest (bless Dick Clark's heart for soldering on inspite of his stroke). Very, very low key. And boring. But, what's a 38 year old married mom gonna do?
Monday we were all back to work & school again. It's still tough to get up in the morning & get to bed on time after 2 weeks of a flexible schedule, but it's getting easier.
On the food and exercise front--there's nothing good to report (except that I'm still holding steady at 155ish). I have been a complete slacker since I finished my 500 miles on 12/30 (and yes Lori & Shauna, I love The Proclaimers song by that name!). I've run and lifted weights in my mind dozens of times, but I have yet to get my ever-spreading behind in gear. I feel like I'm stuck, and still can't get out of my end- of- the- year rut. Like I can't get where I want to go from where I am now, mentally.
Mainly it's because I'm focused on other things than diet & exercise right now (which, as I think of it, is that really a bad thing?). Like learning how to be a more effective parent with this book, and figuring out how to stop eating out & cooking more at home & getting my husband to eat at home by reading several cook books. And figuring out how to save money and cut back. Because that's what we're all doing in 2009, right?
And a new year means lots of stuff to do at work. I won't bore you with details, but I've basically no time to visit blogs during the day and by the evening I'm too fried to look at a computer monitor any longer.
So it's going to take some effort to put myself on the priority list again.
I'll get there eventually. It just may take some creative navigation.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
500.01
It's done! 500.01 miles for 2008. I had a great run yesterday. It was 60 degrees when I set off at ten minutes to 4:00. The sun was shining, low in the sky. There was a steady breeze. I had downloaded David Cook's new CD to my iPod (it's awesome! Jill, if you haven't gotten it yet, you need to), and I had just enough time to get in my 5.78 miles by the time it got dark at 5 p.m.
When I got to my last .25 miles I had a big smile on my face and was listening to KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See. I've no aspirations to be a super model, but I love that song. It really gets me moving & feeling like I know exactly why I'm putting my body through the miles on the road.
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you count
She holds you captivated in her pout
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
That 500 mile goal is the reason I've run this past week and a half. Honestly if I didn't have it to meet, I don't know if I'd have made myself get out there.
I love setting & meeting goals. I think I need to set more for 2009.
But not today. Today I'm kicking back, doing a little work from home, shopping for NYE appetizers for tonight's get together with our friends, and generally chillin' with the kids.
One more Happy New Year to ya! See you all in 2009.
When I got to my last .25 miles I had a big smile on my face and was listening to KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See. I've no aspirations to be a super model, but I love that song. It really gets me moving & feeling like I know exactly why I'm putting my body through the miles on the road.
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you count
She holds you captivated in her pout
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
That 500 mile goal is the reason I've run this past week and a half. Honestly if I didn't have it to meet, I don't know if I'd have made myself get out there.
I love setting & meeting goals. I think I need to set more for 2009.
But not today. Today I'm kicking back, doing a little work from home, shopping for NYE appetizers for tonight's get together with our friends, and generally chillin' with the kids.
One more Happy New Year to ya! See you all in 2009.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
New Year's Eve Eve
I am so ready to put 2008 to bed.
In a lot of ways, it was a great year for me.
I claimed my goal weight of 155 in February. I maintained an almost 60 pound weight lost for over a year. I ran a 7k, 2 5ks, and 2 half marathons. My kids are alive & well, growing & thriving, the lights of my life. My husband is alive & hanging in there, & I'm so thankful he has not given up.
Yet, like many people I'm longing for a new start. I'm ready to shed my winter fat. I'm hopeful for a better 2009 financially for our clients & ourselves. I'm praying we all stay safe & sound for another year. Lately I've been hyper-conscious of how precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away.
I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. Last year I made Groundhog Day's resolutions, but I don't think I kept many (if any) of them. But I am big on the metaphorical clean slate of January 1st. Fresh, clean, bright & shiny January 1st.
So let's get 2008 over with already and bring on 2009.
***
I am happy to report I'm going to hit my 500 mile goal for 2008. I've got 5.78 miles to run this afternoon (in 50 degree weather, no less) and I'll hit 500. I am so happy to have two nice round zeros on my yearly mileage. And I've stopped the weight gain. I'm maintaining around 155, which isn't where I want to be but at least my jeans still zip. For now, I'll take it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
In a lot of ways, it was a great year for me.
I claimed my goal weight of 155 in February. I maintained an almost 60 pound weight lost for over a year. I ran a 7k, 2 5ks, and 2 half marathons. My kids are alive & well, growing & thriving, the lights of my life. My husband is alive & hanging in there, & I'm so thankful he has not given up.
Yet, like many people I'm longing for a new start. I'm ready to shed my winter fat. I'm hopeful for a better 2009 financially for our clients & ourselves. I'm praying we all stay safe & sound for another year. Lately I've been hyper-conscious of how precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away.
I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. Last year I made Groundhog Day's resolutions, but I don't think I kept many (if any) of them. But I am big on the metaphorical clean slate of January 1st. Fresh, clean, bright & shiny January 1st.
So let's get 2008 over with already and bring on 2009.
***
I am happy to report I'm going to hit my 500 mile goal for 2008. I've got 5.78 miles to run this afternoon (in 50 degree weather, no less) and I'll hit 500. I am so happy to have two nice round zeros on my yearly mileage. And I've stopped the weight gain. I'm maintaining around 155, which isn't where I want to be but at least my jeans still zip. For now, I'll take it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Real Quick
Hey gang! Did you all have a good Christmas? Ours was good--nobody got sick, which is a big deal since there's a lot of stomach flu going around our town (just watch, tomorrow one of us is going to be puking our guts out). The kids got what they wanted, but we didn't go overboard.
To be honest, I'm just glad it's all over. I'm ready for normal life to return.
And I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn things around, diet wise. Vickie, you are too right. Another week of eating whatever I want could do another 5 pounds damage, and I'm just not going there. No, I am definitely not going to pull an Oprah on this. 10 pounds up from my lowest weight is where it stops. I'm reversing the upward trend, starting today.
I ran 5ish miles with niece Kate this morning. It was the first decent mileage run since....the last time I ran with Kate at Thanksgiving. She's so great. I very much enjoy running with someone else, especially when it's her.
So we have a get together with friends tonight. Probably another one this weekend with friends who live in London but came home for the holiday. And then next week we'll work some, visit friends out of town some, and party on New Year's some.
Hopefully I'll get more running in so I can meet my 500 mile goal. I still have 15 miles to get there. In one week. It's not impossible, but it's going to take some effort. But worthwhile endeavors take effort, so I'm planning on doing it.
I may not be around much until after New Year's. So don't worry about me if I don't post for a while.
Happy New Year!
To be honest, I'm just glad it's all over. I'm ready for normal life to return.
And I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn things around, diet wise. Vickie, you are too right. Another week of eating whatever I want could do another 5 pounds damage, and I'm just not going there. No, I am definitely not going to pull an Oprah on this. 10 pounds up from my lowest weight is where it stops. I'm reversing the upward trend, starting today.
I ran 5ish miles with niece Kate this morning. It was the first decent mileage run since....the last time I ran with Kate at Thanksgiving. She's so great. I very much enjoy running with someone else, especially when it's her.
So we have a get together with friends tonight. Probably another one this weekend with friends who live in London but came home for the holiday. And then next week we'll work some, visit friends out of town some, and party on New Year's some.
Hopefully I'll get more running in so I can meet my 500 mile goal. I still have 15 miles to get there. In one week. It's not impossible, but it's going to take some effort. But worthwhile endeavors take effort, so I'm planning on doing it.
I may not be around much until after New Year's. So don't worry about me if I don't post for a while.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Holding Pattern
I feel like I'm stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for Normal to return.
My food is not normal. My workouts & running are not normal. My sleep is not normal. My kids' schedules are not normal. My blog reading is not normal.
All this anti-normal is putting me back into Old Normal mode. You know, the mode where I eat whatever I want and then feel guilty about it later. And of course the by product is excess fat on my body.
I'm not going to whine about it here, though. I've done enough whining lately.
I don't see things getting back to the New Normal any time soon. Today there is ice on the roads (I tried to go to work, but it was so slick I was sliding *up* hills, and I saw one fender bender just a mile from our house, so I turned around and took the kids & me back home), and I most likely won't get to go to the gym. Plus, I'm stuck in the house with two kids--Mark made it to work OK, he's not as nervous driving as I am--and that's a recipe for me to eat for comfort.
So, I'm just accepting what is right now. Christmas is in 2 days. The New Year is a time for fresh starts. I'll jump on the weight loss bandwagon with 90% of the world next week. I know what to do. I've just got to get going & do it.
My food is not normal. My workouts & running are not normal. My sleep is not normal. My kids' schedules are not normal. My blog reading is not normal.
All this anti-normal is putting me back into Old Normal mode. You know, the mode where I eat whatever I want and then feel guilty about it later. And of course the by product is excess fat on my body.
I'm not going to whine about it here, though. I've done enough whining lately.
I don't see things getting back to the New Normal any time soon. Today there is ice on the roads (I tried to go to work, but it was so slick I was sliding *up* hills, and I saw one fender bender just a mile from our house, so I turned around and took the kids & me back home), and I most likely won't get to go to the gym. Plus, I'm stuck in the house with two kids--Mark made it to work OK, he's not as nervous driving as I am--and that's a recipe for me to eat for comfort.
So, I'm just accepting what is right now. Christmas is in 2 days. The New Year is a time for fresh starts. I'll jump on the weight loss bandwagon with 90% of the world next week. I know what to do. I've just got to get going & do it.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
No weigh in....New trend?
I haven't weighed myself the past two days. Weekends notwithstanding, this is a record length of time for me not to know, to the .2 pound mark, how much I weigh.
Pokey made a comment on my last post that got me thinking. And MizFit answered my comment (read it all below) on her blog that got me really thinking.
I'm way too hard on myself.
I realize this is not a news flash to you, my bloggy friends. And it's not news to me, either. I just tend to live in denial. A lot.
Wait, there I go. Being hard on myself again.
And I'm thinking 2009 is going to be the Year of Self Love. I don't know how exactly, and I don't have a plan yet. But I know the why's. There are many.
I deserve it. I'm a child of God. He loves me and created me. He made me the way I am. And if He can love me, why shouldn't I love myself?
My children need a mom who cares for herself. Especially my daughter. MizFit's comment struck me like a dagger in the heart. The older I get, the more I look like my mom. And often, act like my mom. And most of the time, I hate it. I love my mom, don't get me wrong. She does more for me and my kids than anyone else on the planet. But she drives me nuts sometimes, with her negative self talk and her nagging worry and her frequent complaints about how she looks. HELLO! Wake up Laura! I am becoming my mother. I certainly don't want my daughter to feel the negative feelings about me in the same ways I do about my mom.
I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't so stinking critical of myself. So what if my butt's a little bigger this month? Nobody probably even notices but me. And my contentedness with my weight and body will surely flow into other aspects of my life.
What would happen if I spent more time on other things I care about, besides what I put in my mouth? The idea of not being constantly obsessed with food & how to burn off the extra calories I consume is so radical, I can't quite get my head around it.
I know there are many more I could come up with.
Is it possible I could take the focus off of gaining/losing/gaining/losing.... and find a happy medium?
To weigh or not to weigh. It's an age old dieter's question that will likely be debated forever. I'm still not sure I can go a week (or longer) without checking my weight. But I'm going to experiment. I'll try not eating at night so I feel better in the morning and hungry for my breakfast, instead of working toward a lower number on a scale. I could lift weights with abandon and get rock hard muscles, and not give a flying fig about how much weight it puts on me. I could even, dare I imagine, use my size 6 jeans as my barometer for how I'm doing in the poundage department.
Perhaps hope & change aren't just going to happen in The White House next year. Maybe they can show up in my house, too.
Pokey's comment on my last post:
And hon...you are still doing great with your weight!! Dont be so hard on yourself. You look great, and feel great (right?) in your skin...so that should be all that matters. I think you need to toss that darn scale of yours.Seriously.
My comment on MizFit's post:
Definitely want to keep my daughter from going through what I did in my teens (overweight, but not obese), yet I am afraid her body is built just like mine & I don’t know how to avoid it. Sigh.
MizFit's response:
ok not much time so this shall be short , but I know this thought isnt one only you have, Laura.
Im gonna tough love you, Sister.
*you* need to find your self love. your body love. your I SO COMFY IN MY SKINSUIT I WANNA SHOUT THIS SH*T FROM THE RAFTERS feeling.
that’s your answer.
she will look to you and emulate you.(I know the peers come into play here—but that’s a different post).
she will watch and see how you respect you body and, in turn, view hers as such.
I think one of the most powerful things I have read is how daughters who do not love themselves so often *do* have parents who praise them and who lavish them with love!
when asked why they still couldnt see their inherent value 99% of the time they responded that they saw their mom not love herself and thought: I AM SO MUCH LIKE MY MOM! I MUST NOT BE WORTHY.
Pokey made a comment on my last post that got me thinking. And MizFit answered my comment (read it all below) on her blog that got me really thinking.
I'm way too hard on myself.
I realize this is not a news flash to you, my bloggy friends. And it's not news to me, either. I just tend to live in denial. A lot.
Wait, there I go. Being hard on myself again.
And I'm thinking 2009 is going to be the Year of Self Love. I don't know how exactly, and I don't have a plan yet. But I know the why's. There are many.
I deserve it. I'm a child of God. He loves me and created me. He made me the way I am. And if He can love me, why shouldn't I love myself?
My children need a mom who cares for herself. Especially my daughter. MizFit's comment struck me like a dagger in the heart. The older I get, the more I look like my mom. And often, act like my mom. And most of the time, I hate it. I love my mom, don't get me wrong. She does more for me and my kids than anyone else on the planet. But she drives me nuts sometimes, with her negative self talk and her nagging worry and her frequent complaints about how she looks. HELLO! Wake up Laura! I am becoming my mother. I certainly don't want my daughter to feel the negative feelings about me in the same ways I do about my mom.
I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't so stinking critical of myself. So what if my butt's a little bigger this month? Nobody probably even notices but me. And my contentedness with my weight and body will surely flow into other aspects of my life.
What would happen if I spent more time on other things I care about, besides what I put in my mouth? The idea of not being constantly obsessed with food & how to burn off the extra calories I consume is so radical, I can't quite get my head around it.
I know there are many more I could come up with.
Is it possible I could take the focus off of gaining/losing/gaining/losing.... and find a happy medium?
To weigh or not to weigh. It's an age old dieter's question that will likely be debated forever. I'm still not sure I can go a week (or longer) without checking my weight. But I'm going to experiment. I'll try not eating at night so I feel better in the morning and hungry for my breakfast, instead of working toward a lower number on a scale. I could lift weights with abandon and get rock hard muscles, and not give a flying fig about how much weight it puts on me. I could even, dare I imagine, use my size 6 jeans as my barometer for how I'm doing in the poundage department.
Perhaps hope & change aren't just going to happen in The White House next year. Maybe they can show up in my house, too.
Pokey's comment on my last post:
And hon...you are still doing great with your weight!! Dont be so hard on yourself. You look great, and feel great (right?) in your skin...so that should be all that matters. I think you need to toss that darn scale of yours.Seriously.
My comment on MizFit's post:
Definitely want to keep my daughter from going through what I did in my teens (overweight, but not obese), yet I am afraid her body is built just like mine & I don’t know how to avoid it. Sigh.
MizFit's response:
ok not much time so this shall be short , but I know this thought isnt one only you have, Laura.
Im gonna tough love you, Sister.
*you* need to find your self love. your body love. your I SO COMFY IN MY SKINSUIT I WANNA SHOUT THIS SH*T FROM THE RAFTERS feeling.
that’s your answer.
she will look to you and emulate you.(I know the peers come into play here—but that’s a different post).
she will watch and see how you respect you body and, in turn, view hers as such.
I think one of the most powerful things I have read is how daughters who do not love themselves so often *do* have parents who praise them and who lavish them with love!
when asked why they still couldnt see their inherent value 99% of the time they responded that they saw their mom not love herself and thought: I AM SO MUCH LIKE MY MOM! I MUST NOT BE WORTHY.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
153.0 - The pills are working
So my increased med dosage must be kicking in, because despite all the crazyiness, the busyness, the sickness, the overindulgenceness, the lack-of-exerciseness, and the fatness--I don't feel like I'm losing my mind.
At least today.
Our party Friday went really well. I wore my black dress that makes me look skinny and hits above my knees so my legs look good, and I received several compliments, which is always nice.
I spent almost 48 hours recovering afterwards. Saturday at 5 a.m. I woke up with a migraine (stupid, stupid me. I cannot drink wine, of any kind, period). Thankfully I had Sophie's Imitrex nasal spray from her appointment last week, and since it doesn't work for her dizzyness, I used a dose for my headache. And I took a xanax and feel back asleep until noon. Noon! Then I basically stayed in bed until 4:30 p.m. My sister brought the kids home around 6:30. I didn't even take a bath Saturday, I was that lazy.
Sunday we made it to church, then had lunch at Bob Evans (I know, I know), then I spent another afternoon in pajamas. The kids were wonderful all day. Sophie felt fine all day. It was a nice family Sunday.
Yesterday Sophie was sick--not with dizzyness, but with a sore throat (even though her tonsils are out, the back of her soft pallette was red & sore) and a horrible sinus infection. So she stayed home from school with Mark, and I went to work. I felt pretty out of it yesterday still. I guess kind of a lazyness hangover from the weekend.
Last night I was really upset about how much weight I've gained. I got out the tape measure and confirmed I've gained some inches. Then I put on my PJs and made dinner & thought about when I'd get myself back under control.
This morning I expected my weight to be off the charts--I haven't run or worked out since last Monday--but it's not insurmountable. Even though my clothes are tight, they fit fine and still look OK (but just barely). I'm not going to have to buy bigger pants yet.
And thankfully Sophie is feeling better. She even rode the bus to school today (first time in 2 weeks she's done that). Luke is, as always, my sunshine. Seriously, the boy is the epitome of the meaning of his name--light.
Tonight we'll go to Sophie's swim class & I packed my gym bag to take a weights class. Then I've got to bake the first of two 20 pound turkeys for our city's Rescue Mission. Our circle of friends (7 families) provide & serve dinner and do a worship service (the kids help with this--last year we did the Nativity story, and every kid dressed up with church costumes), and that happens this Saturday.
I've got a bit of a more optimistic perspective this morning, and I thank the Pharmaceutical companies for it. Better living through chemicals, yee ha!
P.S.
We watched two new movies this weekend I wanted to share. The first was In Bruges. I absolutely loved this movie. Loved it. It's violent in several parts, but mostly it's a character film. Quirky. Funny. A great winter movie to rent. I'd actually like to see it again, it's that good.
The other was a comedy that I laughed at in spite of the stupidness (or rather, because of it). You Don't Mess with The Zohan is one of those movies where you have to enjoy crass humor. It does start to wane, like most of these movies do, but I still enjoyed it. I needed some stupid humor the night we watched it.
At least today.
Our party Friday went really well. I wore my black dress that makes me look skinny and hits above my knees so my legs look good, and I received several compliments, which is always nice.
I spent almost 48 hours recovering afterwards. Saturday at 5 a.m. I woke up with a migraine (stupid, stupid me. I cannot drink wine, of any kind, period). Thankfully I had Sophie's Imitrex nasal spray from her appointment last week, and since it doesn't work for her dizzyness, I used a dose for my headache. And I took a xanax and feel back asleep until noon. Noon! Then I basically stayed in bed until 4:30 p.m. My sister brought the kids home around 6:30. I didn't even take a bath Saturday, I was that lazy.
Sunday we made it to church, then had lunch at Bob Evans (I know, I know), then I spent another afternoon in pajamas. The kids were wonderful all day. Sophie felt fine all day. It was a nice family Sunday.
Yesterday Sophie was sick--not with dizzyness, but with a sore throat (even though her tonsils are out, the back of her soft pallette was red & sore) and a horrible sinus infection. So she stayed home from school with Mark, and I went to work. I felt pretty out of it yesterday still. I guess kind of a lazyness hangover from the weekend.
Last night I was really upset about how much weight I've gained. I got out the tape measure and confirmed I've gained some inches. Then I put on my PJs and made dinner & thought about when I'd get myself back under control.
This morning I expected my weight to be off the charts--I haven't run or worked out since last Monday--but it's not insurmountable. Even though my clothes are tight, they fit fine and still look OK (but just barely). I'm not going to have to buy bigger pants yet.
And thankfully Sophie is feeling better. She even rode the bus to school today (first time in 2 weeks she's done that). Luke is, as always, my sunshine. Seriously, the boy is the epitome of the meaning of his name--light.
Tonight we'll go to Sophie's swim class & I packed my gym bag to take a weights class. Then I've got to bake the first of two 20 pound turkeys for our city's Rescue Mission. Our circle of friends (7 families) provide & serve dinner and do a worship service (the kids help with this--last year we did the Nativity story, and every kid dressed up with church costumes), and that happens this Saturday.
I've got a bit of a more optimistic perspective this morning, and I thank the Pharmaceutical companies for it. Better living through chemicals, yee ha!
P.S.
We watched two new movies this weekend I wanted to share. The first was In Bruges. I absolutely loved this movie. Loved it. It's violent in several parts, but mostly it's a character film. Quirky. Funny. A great winter movie to rent. I'd actually like to see it again, it's that good.
The other was a comedy that I laughed at in spite of the stupidness (or rather, because of it). You Don't Mess with The Zohan is one of those movies where you have to enjoy crass humor. It does start to wane, like most of these movies do, but I still enjoyed it. I needed some stupid humor the night we watched it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Status Update
Sophie made it to school this morning. Miraculously, she felt only mildly dizzy when she woke up, and she played with Luke with energy & happiness this morning. She said, on her own without my asking, that she wanted to go to school.
Obviously I am beyond relieved.
I no longer feel like I'm in the pit of despair, just perhaps sitting outside by the tree with the hidden knot that only the Count, the Prince, and the Albino know about (go rent The Princess Bride if you don't know what I'm referring to...one of the best movies ever).
But I still haven't run since my measly 2 miles on Monday. And I haven't had a chance to catch up on many of your blogs. I'm not eating myself silly, but did have oreos last night at 4 a.m. Work is stressful. Our office open house is tomorrow and I've got an unreal amount of things to do to get ready.
So my plate is overflowing, but I feel like I can handle it as long as Sophie (and the rest of my family) stays healthy.
If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm swamped. Hope you are all holding up well out there, dear friends. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Obviously I am beyond relieved.
I no longer feel like I'm in the pit of despair, just perhaps sitting outside by the tree with the hidden knot that only the Count, the Prince, and the Albino know about (go rent The Princess Bride if you don't know what I'm referring to...one of the best movies ever).
But I still haven't run since my measly 2 miles on Monday. And I haven't had a chance to catch up on many of your blogs. I'm not eating myself silly, but did have oreos last night at 4 a.m. Work is stressful. Our office open house is tomorrow and I've got an unreal amount of things to do to get ready.
So my plate is overflowing, but I feel like I can handle it as long as Sophie (and the rest of my family) stays healthy.
If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm swamped. Hope you are all holding up well out there, dear friends. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
152.2 - Sophie's sick again
Sophie's dizzy spells came back yesterday with a vengeance. It was pretty bad yesterday morning; we did make it to my office where she played most of the day and was able to walk with some stopping & starting (movement makes it worse).
Then yesterday afternoon I took her to the doctor, just because we haven't been in a while about these and I wanted to talk about it again. We didn't see her regular pediatrician, since he was off for the afternoon. The other doctor in the office talked with us for almost 30 minutes. He said there were no other tests to run--neurologist & ENT were the way to go, and we've done that already. He prescribed Imitrex (a migraine med, the nasal spray), and said to try it, since we hadn't yet. Yesterday afternoon & evening she felt perfectly fine.
This morning she woke up, was dizzy but not horribly bad. We did the Imitrex, and 10 minutes later she felt worse than she has since this round of dizzy spells started. I'm not blaming it on the Imitrex; I'm sure it's a coincidence. When they are really bad, she's dizzy even while lying still. An hour after the Imitrex, she threw up. She's sleeping now, and it's been an hour since she threw up and two hours since the Imitrex. We'll see how she feels when she wakes up.
I feel so horrible about this on many levels. I hate that she's missing school. I hate that she's missing the fun holiday things they are doing at school and in after care. I hate that she's missing her friends, and they are missing her. I hate it that she knows all this, and she's sorry she's missing it all too.
And I feel so trapped, so alone. For the most part it all falls on my shoulders, because Mark has to focus on work (he brings in the money after all, and you all know how the stock market gig is going lately). And he's taking 2 classes to finish his business degree, so that's more on his plate. And so, like most moms, the kids, the house, the groceries, the laundry, all ends up on me. Normally, this is semi-manageable. At least it is when I've got the right chemical & hormonal balance in my brain.
Right now, this is almost more than I can bare.
Thankfully Mark took Luke to day care this morning (obviously I can't leave the house if Sophie can't even move), and I'm not going to the office. I've got work I can do at home while she sleeps. Mark will pick Luke up after work if Sophie's not better (and maybe even if she is better, since I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to leave the house today).
Our office open house is this Friday, and there is so much to do to get ready for that it's nuts. Mark has to give a presentation to our clients at the beginning of the open house (along with 2 other investment guys), so he's got that on his mind also. And if Sophie's not well by Friday... well, I have to be at the open house--that's not even an option--and my mom will take care of her, but Sophie will want me and I'll have to leave anyway. I guess I'll stop worrying about that and just jump off that bridge if we come to it.
So much fun around here! Woohoo, aren't you glad you stopped by today? No, seriously, thank you for listening to my whine fest. I truly am a wreck and just wish I could have you all here in my family room holding my hands and giving me hugs and bringing me margaritas and telling me it will be alright. Since my friends are all over the country, though, I'll still be thrilled with your virtual support.
And what in the world would I do without that?
Then yesterday afternoon I took her to the doctor, just because we haven't been in a while about these and I wanted to talk about it again. We didn't see her regular pediatrician, since he was off for the afternoon. The other doctor in the office talked with us for almost 30 minutes. He said there were no other tests to run--neurologist & ENT were the way to go, and we've done that already. He prescribed Imitrex (a migraine med, the nasal spray), and said to try it, since we hadn't yet. Yesterday afternoon & evening she felt perfectly fine.
This morning she woke up, was dizzy but not horribly bad. We did the Imitrex, and 10 minutes later she felt worse than she has since this round of dizzy spells started. I'm not blaming it on the Imitrex; I'm sure it's a coincidence. When they are really bad, she's dizzy even while lying still. An hour after the Imitrex, she threw up. She's sleeping now, and it's been an hour since she threw up and two hours since the Imitrex. We'll see how she feels when she wakes up.
I feel so horrible about this on many levels. I hate that she's missing school. I hate that she's missing the fun holiday things they are doing at school and in after care. I hate that she's missing her friends, and they are missing her. I hate it that she knows all this, and she's sorry she's missing it all too.
And I feel so trapped, so alone. For the most part it all falls on my shoulders, because Mark has to focus on work (he brings in the money after all, and you all know how the stock market gig is going lately). And he's taking 2 classes to finish his business degree, so that's more on his plate. And so, like most moms, the kids, the house, the groceries, the laundry, all ends up on me. Normally, this is semi-manageable. At least it is when I've got the right chemical & hormonal balance in my brain.
Right now, this is almost more than I can bare.
Thankfully Mark took Luke to day care this morning (obviously I can't leave the house if Sophie can't even move), and I'm not going to the office. I've got work I can do at home while she sleeps. Mark will pick Luke up after work if Sophie's not better (and maybe even if she is better, since I'm not sure if I'll have it in me to leave the house today).
Our office open house is this Friday, and there is so much to do to get ready for that it's nuts. Mark has to give a presentation to our clients at the beginning of the open house (along with 2 other investment guys), so he's got that on his mind also. And if Sophie's not well by Friday... well, I have to be at the open house--that's not even an option--and my mom will take care of her, but Sophie will want me and I'll have to leave anyway. I guess I'll stop worrying about that and just jump off that bridge if we come to it.
So much fun around here! Woohoo, aren't you glad you stopped by today? No, seriously, thank you for listening to my whine fest. I truly am a wreck and just wish I could have you all here in my family room holding my hands and giving me hugs and bringing me margaritas and telling me it will be alright. Since my friends are all over the country, though, I'll still be thrilled with your virtual support.
And what in the world would I do without that?
Monday, December 08, 2008
153.8 - Broken Record
Vickie, you know me so well. Yes, indeed, I pretty much spent the weekend (at least figuratively) with my head under the covers.
Saturday morning we had our family picture taken for our Christmas card. So that required some energy and focus, as both kids needed baths and prettying up (as did I, of course). Here's the result:
Overall, it turned out pretty well. Usually the photographer has to work some magic and switch out at least one of our faces with another picture (we use the same photographer every year, he's a friend of ours). But we all smiled pretty in this shot and we'll send it as is.
After the picture, we went to see Santa at the mall. That was fun! The kids were on their best behavior and our Santa is great--real whiskers, no beard. Then we went to Red Lobster and had a feast. We used to eat there a lot when Mark's mom was alive, but haven't been there in almost 3 years now. They advertised a new wood fired lobster tail, and that sucked Mark right in. We had a nice time together.
Then the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, I spent my time in my PJ's. We all needed a rest Sunday morning so we skipped church. I took a bath around 1 p.m., and put on clean pajamas instead of clothes since we weren't going anywhere. And I laid around & read & watched Christmas TV with the kids.
And ate. And ate. And ate.
The scale doesn't tell the true picture anymore. 6 months ago I'd have been OK with this weight. But then I went and lost some weight in October and found out how great I feel around 146, and of course bought a few fall clothes and new bras at that weight. So everything feels tight & my muffin top is pronounced and overall I just feel yucky.
Yada yada yada. I'm getting tired of hearing myself whine about this.
So you know the drill--it's Monday, a new start, new dedication, new food & exercise choices. But I'm just not feeling it. I don't want this extra fat on my body, but I don't have it in me to do a whole lot about it.
I did call my doctor this morning and they are going to increase my meds. I'll start that new dose tomorrow. I hope it kicks in soon.
And I plan to run this afternoon (haven't since last Monday...I've got some miles to make up to hit my 500 mile goal). It's much warmer today (mid to upper 30s, woohoo!) so it should be a good time to run.
The trick will be keeping it together tonight and not noshing on every carb in my house (which isn't much after this weekend).
That's the deal around here. Sorry to be such a downer. Bring on the good cheer in the comments, friends. I'd love to hear it!
P.S. I do take my own advice and repeat to myself "this is only temporary" on a regular basis. I know this will pass. It always does.
Saturday morning we had our family picture taken for our Christmas card. So that required some energy and focus, as both kids needed baths and prettying up (as did I, of course). Here's the result:
Overall, it turned out pretty well. Usually the photographer has to work some magic and switch out at least one of our faces with another picture (we use the same photographer every year, he's a friend of ours). But we all smiled pretty in this shot and we'll send it as is.
After the picture, we went to see Santa at the mall. That was fun! The kids were on their best behavior and our Santa is great--real whiskers, no beard. Then we went to Red Lobster and had a feast. We used to eat there a lot when Mark's mom was alive, but haven't been there in almost 3 years now. They advertised a new wood fired lobster tail, and that sucked Mark right in. We had a nice time together.
Then the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, I spent my time in my PJ's. We all needed a rest Sunday morning so we skipped church. I took a bath around 1 p.m., and put on clean pajamas instead of clothes since we weren't going anywhere. And I laid around & read & watched Christmas TV with the kids.
And ate. And ate. And ate.
The scale doesn't tell the true picture anymore. 6 months ago I'd have been OK with this weight. But then I went and lost some weight in October and found out how great I feel around 146, and of course bought a few fall clothes and new bras at that weight. So everything feels tight & my muffin top is pronounced and overall I just feel yucky.
Yada yada yada. I'm getting tired of hearing myself whine about this.
So you know the drill--it's Monday, a new start, new dedication, new food & exercise choices. But I'm just not feeling it. I don't want this extra fat on my body, but I don't have it in me to do a whole lot about it.
I did call my doctor this morning and they are going to increase my meds. I'll start that new dose tomorrow. I hope it kicks in soon.
And I plan to run this afternoon (haven't since last Monday...I've got some miles to make up to hit my 500 mile goal). It's much warmer today (mid to upper 30s, woohoo!) so it should be a good time to run.
The trick will be keeping it together tonight and not noshing on every carb in my house (which isn't much after this weekend).
That's the deal around here. Sorry to be such a downer. Bring on the good cheer in the comments, friends. I'd love to hear it!
P.S. I do take my own advice and repeat to myself "this is only temporary" on a regular basis. I know this will pass. It always does.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
151.2 - In the dumps
Man, it was bad this morning. I slept late, could barely get myself moving, and had to make myself take a bath and get ready for work. It's that moving through sludge feeling--definitely chemical. I get this way every winter. I'm just surprised it's happening so soon this year.
Sophie had a dizzy spell yesterday and had to stay home from school. I stayed with her in the morning and Mark came home and stayed with her in the afternoon while I went to work. It's not a bad one. She's with me today at the office but is walking around now and feeling OK. I'm hesitant to send her back to school yet, because it's hard for her to concentrate and the kids have to move from one thing to another so quickly, and that can cause her to feel dizzy. So, anyway, another day and hopefully tomorrow she'll be better.
I just called my doctor to ask him to up my antidepressant amount, but they are closed this afternoon and Friday, so that will have to wait until Monday. I've been on this dosage for almost a year, I think (I can't even remember when I started on this round). And I've got a SAD light that I can bring into my office, which will hopefully help. Until then, though, I'm in a deep funk that really sucks.
And, of course, I ate oreos & cool whip & pringles last night to push it all away.
I really need a trip to the gym (didn't do anything yesterday because I had to get home to the girl). I'm keeping my fingers crossed I can get work done in time for a yoga class tonight, or at the very least a run on the treadmill. Sophie should be OK for the gym day care, even though she probably won't like it.
So that's the scoop around here. I just pray no one else gets sick or hurt. I don't think I can handle much more right now.
Sophie had a dizzy spell yesterday and had to stay home from school. I stayed with her in the morning and Mark came home and stayed with her in the afternoon while I went to work. It's not a bad one. She's with me today at the office but is walking around now and feeling OK. I'm hesitant to send her back to school yet, because it's hard for her to concentrate and the kids have to move from one thing to another so quickly, and that can cause her to feel dizzy. So, anyway, another day and hopefully tomorrow she'll be better.
I just called my doctor to ask him to up my antidepressant amount, but they are closed this afternoon and Friday, so that will have to wait until Monday. I've been on this dosage for almost a year, I think (I can't even remember when I started on this round). And I've got a SAD light that I can bring into my office, which will hopefully help. Until then, though, I'm in a deep funk that really sucks.
And, of course, I ate oreos & cool whip & pringles last night to push it all away.
I really need a trip to the gym (didn't do anything yesterday because I had to get home to the girl). I'm keeping my fingers crossed I can get work done in time for a yoga class tonight, or at the very least a run on the treadmill. Sophie should be OK for the gym day care, even though she probably won't like it.
So that's the scoop around here. I just pray no one else gets sick or hurt. I don't think I can handle much more right now.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
152.0 - A Few Good Things
Since my last post, I've managed to accomplish some good stuff on the road to losing some LB's.
Monday after work, I went running. In the cold. And the wind. And part of the time in the dark. But it was great! Really, it was. Okay, no, it kinda sucked since I hadn't yet figured out my winter running gear needs yet, and my legs were freezing in the 33 degree temp. I'd wardrobed the top part of my body okay--short sleeve running shirt, long sleeve running shirt, fleece pullover, hat, gloves, iPod in my ears, Garmin on my left wrist, Road ID on my right. I guess I figured my legs would be running and wouldn't need an extra layer. Wrongo! Definitely need to wear running tights under my running pants next time. Lesson learned.
Since it was after 4 p.m. when I started, I knew I'd need to run in the park where there isn't much road traffic because I didn't have my reflective vest with me. I did 4 laps, which is 3.25 miles. The last lap was in the dark, but there was absolutely no one else around crazy enough to be out in that weather. Did I mention it was cold and windy?
Monday night I was a good girl and ate broccoli and eggs & turkey. No carbs at dinner, woohoo! Weight loss here I come.
Then, oops, Bad Girl shows up at 1 a.m. when I had to pee and walked straight to the fridge (after the potty break, and yes I washed my hands) and pulled out the crustless pumpkin pie leftover from Thanksgiving. I didn't have much, but I did have several squirts of whip cream from the can. And then a few spoons of cool whip lite from the freezer. Could have been worse, but it was still eating in the middle of the night.
Today was not the best food wise, because I ran out of lettuce and didn't have the makings for my usual healthy lunch. Basically I didn't eat enough during the day and felt weak in the afternoon. A protein shake and an apple with two string cheese sticks isn't much fuel for the bulk of my day.
Especially since I took a weights class tonight at 4:30. Mom picked up the kids since she didn't get to see them over the weekend, so I was FREE to do what I wanted. Lifting weights after being off for a while is hard. But it felt great. I was so glad to be back at it. Even though I didn't feel as strong as usual--I could really tell I was low on good food fuel.
After class I went grocery shopping and stocked up, picking up some key ingredients for two recipes I wanted to try. And after getting the kids to sleep tonight, I made them both. I've got good food for Mark & me for the next few days all ready. Even have my lettuce packed in gladware, ready for lunch tomorrow.
And I think all the Alton Brown shows I've been watching are starting to rub off on me. I'm getting to be a darn good cook, if I do say so myself. Here are the two recipes I made tonight:
Roni's Curried Turkey Salad is simply to die for. My pear isn't ripe yet so I just used a big apple, and I added a couple tablespoons of pecans and omitted the onion (not a raw onion fan), and OMG it is amazing. I only had a few bites but I can't wait to eat it tomorrow for dinner. If you have leftover turkey, you have got to make this recipe.
The first thing I made tonight was a recipe from my girlfriend LeAnne. It was my dinner, even though it's pretty carby and I ate it at 9:30 pm. Oh well. I was starving because I'd had nothing but a few leftover green beans (again, from Thanksgiving) when I got home from working out. This recipe is well worth the fresh basil and even though it looks like a lot of work, it's easy. Use a big bowl to combine everything--it's a lot of food.
Chicken & Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn
1 lb. fresh chicken breast tenderloins
1 (9 oz.) pkg fresh cheese tortellini, uncooked (Bertolli's is in the refrigerated section)
1 (10 oz.) pkg frozen whole kernel corn
1 clove garlic, halved (optional)
2 cups quartered cherry tomatoes (the store had grape tomatoes, and I quartered those just fine)
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil (or more!)
1 teaspoon olive oil (+ however much you need to cook the chicken)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Kosher salt, to taste
2 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
If using garlic, rub the inside of a large serving bowl with garlic halves (Laura's note: I didn't do this), and discard the garlic halves. Cut the tomatoes, slice the green onions, and chop the basil; put these in the serving bowl.
While waiting for water to boil for tortellini, start cooking the chicken (I usually just 'heat' it in pan over med-low heat, with a little olive oil). When it is cooked all the way through, cut it into bite-sized pieces. (Laura's modification--I cooked 1 tsp minced garlic in olive oil until light brown, then added already cut up chicken. I was in a hurry and wanted the chicken to cook quickly.)
Cook tortellini in boiling water 3 minutes, omitting salt and oil. Add corn, and cook additional 3 - 4 minutes; drain well.
Pour tortellini & corn mixture on top of the tomatoes, onions & basil in the serving bowl. Add cubed cooked chicken, tsp. olive oil, a generous pinch of Kosher salt, and black pepper. Toss gently to coat. Sprinkle cheese on top. Serve immediately. (I'm having leftovers for lunch--hopefully it will still be yummy.)
***
So that's been the good stuff over the past two days. Work is still very stressful. I'm trying not to be resentful about how much I have to do for the Holidays. I'm keenly aware this year that all of this could just go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about parties and pictures and open houses and Christmas cards and presents, at all. I'm lucky to be overwhelmed, I keep telling myself. I'm too blessed to be stressed.
***
Holy cow, I just totalled up my miles for the month of November and realized I need to run 28.5 miles in December to run a total of 500 miles in 2008. How cool will that be? It's nice to have a goal this time of year.
Monday after work, I went running. In the cold. And the wind. And part of the time in the dark. But it was great! Really, it was. Okay, no, it kinda sucked since I hadn't yet figured out my winter running gear needs yet, and my legs were freezing in the 33 degree temp. I'd wardrobed the top part of my body okay--short sleeve running shirt, long sleeve running shirt, fleece pullover, hat, gloves, iPod in my ears, Garmin on my left wrist, Road ID on my right. I guess I figured my legs would be running and wouldn't need an extra layer. Wrongo! Definitely need to wear running tights under my running pants next time. Lesson learned.
Since it was after 4 p.m. when I started, I knew I'd need to run in the park where there isn't much road traffic because I didn't have my reflective vest with me. I did 4 laps, which is 3.25 miles. The last lap was in the dark, but there was absolutely no one else around crazy enough to be out in that weather. Did I mention it was cold and windy?
Monday night I was a good girl and ate broccoli and eggs & turkey. No carbs at dinner, woohoo! Weight loss here I come.
Then, oops, Bad Girl shows up at 1 a.m. when I had to pee and walked straight to the fridge (after the potty break, and yes I washed my hands) and pulled out the crustless pumpkin pie leftover from Thanksgiving. I didn't have much, but I did have several squirts of whip cream from the can. And then a few spoons of cool whip lite from the freezer. Could have been worse, but it was still eating in the middle of the night.
Today was not the best food wise, because I ran out of lettuce and didn't have the makings for my usual healthy lunch. Basically I didn't eat enough during the day and felt weak in the afternoon. A protein shake and an apple with two string cheese sticks isn't much fuel for the bulk of my day.
Especially since I took a weights class tonight at 4:30. Mom picked up the kids since she didn't get to see them over the weekend, so I was FREE to do what I wanted. Lifting weights after being off for a while is hard. But it felt great. I was so glad to be back at it. Even though I didn't feel as strong as usual--I could really tell I was low on good food fuel.
After class I went grocery shopping and stocked up, picking up some key ingredients for two recipes I wanted to try. And after getting the kids to sleep tonight, I made them both. I've got good food for Mark & me for the next few days all ready. Even have my lettuce packed in gladware, ready for lunch tomorrow.
And I think all the Alton Brown shows I've been watching are starting to rub off on me. I'm getting to be a darn good cook, if I do say so myself. Here are the two recipes I made tonight:
Roni's Curried Turkey Salad is simply to die for. My pear isn't ripe yet so I just used a big apple, and I added a couple tablespoons of pecans and omitted the onion (not a raw onion fan), and OMG it is amazing. I only had a few bites but I can't wait to eat it tomorrow for dinner. If you have leftover turkey, you have got to make this recipe.
The first thing I made tonight was a recipe from my girlfriend LeAnne. It was my dinner, even though it's pretty carby and I ate it at 9:30 pm. Oh well. I was starving because I'd had nothing but a few leftover green beans (again, from Thanksgiving) when I got home from working out. This recipe is well worth the fresh basil and even though it looks like a lot of work, it's easy. Use a big bowl to combine everything--it's a lot of food.
Chicken & Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn
1 lb. fresh chicken breast tenderloins
1 (9 oz.) pkg fresh cheese tortellini, uncooked (Bertolli's is in the refrigerated section)
1 (10 oz.) pkg frozen whole kernel corn
1 clove garlic, halved (optional)
2 cups quartered cherry tomatoes (the store had grape tomatoes, and I quartered those just fine)
1/4 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil (or more!)
1 teaspoon olive oil (+ however much you need to cook the chicken)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Kosher salt, to taste
2 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
If using garlic, rub the inside of a large serving bowl with garlic halves (Laura's note: I didn't do this), and discard the garlic halves. Cut the tomatoes, slice the green onions, and chop the basil; put these in the serving bowl.
While waiting for water to boil for tortellini, start cooking the chicken (I usually just 'heat' it in pan over med-low heat, with a little olive oil). When it is cooked all the way through, cut it into bite-sized pieces. (Laura's modification--I cooked 1 tsp minced garlic in olive oil until light brown, then added already cut up chicken. I was in a hurry and wanted the chicken to cook quickly.)
Cook tortellini in boiling water 3 minutes, omitting salt and oil. Add corn, and cook additional 3 - 4 minutes; drain well.
Pour tortellini & corn mixture on top of the tomatoes, onions & basil in the serving bowl. Add cubed cooked chicken, tsp. olive oil, a generous pinch of Kosher salt, and black pepper. Toss gently to coat. Sprinkle cheese on top. Serve immediately. (I'm having leftovers for lunch--hopefully it will still be yummy.)
***
So that's been the good stuff over the past two days. Work is still very stressful. I'm trying not to be resentful about how much I have to do for the Holidays. I'm keenly aware this year that all of this could just go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about parties and pictures and open houses and Christmas cards and presents, at all. I'm lucky to be overwhelmed, I keep telling myself. I'm too blessed to be stressed.
***
Holy cow, I just totalled up my miles for the month of November and realized I need to run 28.5 miles in December to run a total of 500 miles in 2008. How cool will that be? It's nice to have a goal this time of year.
Monday, December 01, 2008
154.0 - Ugh, & Random Chattiness
Thanksgiving was good. Too good.
Our dinner with the family turned out to be a lot of work but it was really worth it and everything came out great. Everyone raved about the food. We are a family of good cooks. The gravy was gourmet and fabulous, just as we'd hoped. And I really enjoyed all the cooking on Thanksgiving day. The prep & shopping was the hardest part.
My food intake was simply out of control. Not just during dinner, either. I pretty much had a f*ck it attitude all weekend, and man am I paying for it now. My waist has grown by several inches and I've got a muffin top again. My pants are tight on my thighs & behind. I'm spilling out of my new 34C cups.
I did run twice--3.3 miles on Wednesday and 5 miles on Saturday (with niece in law Kate, which was really super fun).
I really do feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I don't like it one bit. I can also feel the winter depression already coming on, which is a bad thing because it makes me want to eat and eat and eat.
It's gonna be a long 3 months, I'm afraid.
I'm seriously thinking of looking for a February or early March half marathon so I have something to train for and keep me motivated. There's one in California that a few of my blogger friends are running, but I can't justify the cost and travel time, so I'm going to have to figure something else out.
In other bad news, I've got carpal tunnel symptoms in my right hand. I had carpal tunnel with both pregnancies, really badly--both hands were completely numb for 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after delivery of my kids. This isn't that bad now. My fingers are going numb with fine motor work, like putting on eyeliner. And I'm waking up with it numb & sore. So I got my brace out and am wearing it, which helps. It's just a pain in the behind and one more thing to deal with.
I put up the Christmas tree yesterday (random note: I've never had a real tree, always artificial; turns out I'm alergic to pine--gives me a headache-- so it's just as well). I put on the lights, and Sophie put on the ornaments. I adjusted the ornaments to the areas she couldn't reach this morning. The kids each have a 3 foot tree in their rooms, which they love. I haven't dragged anything else out yet. Not sure if I'm up for putting up all the decorations. It's fun to put it out; it's a bitch to put it all away a month from now.
Really behind at work. I basically did nothing last week except Thanksgiving prep, so now I've got two weeks of work to do this week. Plus getting ready for our office open house on December 12th. I look at the calendar and just can't believe it's December already and can feel time catapulting me toward January.
I hope I find a way to slow things down and enjoy life a bit instead of watching it fly by.
Our dinner with the family turned out to be a lot of work but it was really worth it and everything came out great. Everyone raved about the food. We are a family of good cooks. The gravy was gourmet and fabulous, just as we'd hoped. And I really enjoyed all the cooking on Thanksgiving day. The prep & shopping was the hardest part.
My food intake was simply out of control. Not just during dinner, either. I pretty much had a f*ck it attitude all weekend, and man am I paying for it now. My waist has grown by several inches and I've got a muffin top again. My pants are tight on my thighs & behind. I'm spilling out of my new 34C cups.
I did run twice--3.3 miles on Wednesday and 5 miles on Saturday (with niece in law Kate, which was really super fun).
I really do feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I don't like it one bit. I can also feel the winter depression already coming on, which is a bad thing because it makes me want to eat and eat and eat.
It's gonna be a long 3 months, I'm afraid.
I'm seriously thinking of looking for a February or early March half marathon so I have something to train for and keep me motivated. There's one in California that a few of my blogger friends are running, but I can't justify the cost and travel time, so I'm going to have to figure something else out.
In other bad news, I've got carpal tunnel symptoms in my right hand. I had carpal tunnel with both pregnancies, really badly--both hands were completely numb for 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after delivery of my kids. This isn't that bad now. My fingers are going numb with fine motor work, like putting on eyeliner. And I'm waking up with it numb & sore. So I got my brace out and am wearing it, which helps. It's just a pain in the behind and one more thing to deal with.
I put up the Christmas tree yesterday (random note: I've never had a real tree, always artificial; turns out I'm alergic to pine--gives me a headache-- so it's just as well). I put on the lights, and Sophie put on the ornaments. I adjusted the ornaments to the areas she couldn't reach this morning. The kids each have a 3 foot tree in their rooms, which they love. I haven't dragged anything else out yet. Not sure if I'm up for putting up all the decorations. It's fun to put it out; it's a bitch to put it all away a month from now.
Really behind at work. I basically did nothing last week except Thanksgiving prep, so now I've got two weeks of work to do this week. Plus getting ready for our office open house on December 12th. I look at the calendar and just can't believe it's December already and can feel time catapulting me toward January.
I hope I find a way to slow things down and enjoy life a bit instead of watching it fly by.
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