Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Can't get a break

Last night I'd had enough. Again.

I've been on this roller coaster of "motivation" (truly, I hate that word because I don't really believe in it--you either do, or do not, and that's that, but I'm using it here as a short hand for "I can't get my shit together"). And I've been doing better workout wise (last week I ran 4 days & did the 30 Day Shred once) but my food has still been in the toilet.

I think the food issue is because--I can't do moderate when it comes to food. My brain LOVES carbs. When I'm eating carbs, just like most people who struggle with weight, I want more carbs. And more carbs. And more carbs. Until I've gained 10-12 pounds in about 4 months.

So yesterday I decided, made up my mind, drew up the plan, to do the Crack the Fat Loss Code again. It works for me. It allows for healthy carbs & promotes whole foods. It allows for "cheat days" on occasion--because real life includes cheat days. And I got to my thinnest ever last October (146.2.... ah, I remember you well) on this diet. Yesterday I committed myself, again, to getting it done & was bound & determined that this. was. it.

Then, unfortunately, I got slammed down this morning. Sophie woke up early with a raging dizzy spell. She's been dizzy since last week, but not bad; she's made it to school every day. This morning was the super awful kind--can't move, can't tolerate light, cries & cries because the spinning in her head is so bad. I hate it when she's like this. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for her. She missed her class field trip to see James & the Giant Peach today. I ache for all she's missing out on.

My food & exercise are not my priority today. Sophie is. I haven't face dived into a vat of carbs yet, mainly because I'm just sick of them. I did have a carby breakfast, but I'm done with that food today. I've got a healthy low carb lunch & I'll have a decent dinner. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to focus on me & my goals.

Today is another story.

Sophie's dizzy spells have gotten worse the past 6 months. She's had a spell every single month since October. Next week I have conference with her pediatrician, which I'd intended to primarily focus on her possibly having attention deficit disorder (not hyperactivity, the attention & focus problem of ADD). And we'll talk about that. But I'm going to ask him to refer us to Vanderbilt. I've had it with this disorder & the lack of answers from the tests we've done over the past 3 1/2 years . My daughter deserves more than a life like this. I just pray God opens the doors we need opened so we can find a cure.


Doc Manette said...

I am so sorry to read about Sophie's dizzy spell. I know it is heart-wrenching not knowing what the cause is and not having any answers from the doctors.

Something is causing her migraine- like symptoms and dizzy spells, so I pray that Vanderbilt will have the answer.

I went through misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis when the 12 year old had a chicken pox rash for almost six months. It was such a big relief to finally get an answer from a dermatologist.

Hang in there!

Vickie said...

I had totally forgotten about doc's 12 year old's rash - and that went on for a long time.

I have been on both sides of your fence - the child with unknown diagnosis and the parent looking for answers for a child. Neither one are fun. You are very fortunate to live in a time when there are answers. They might not be readily found/easy - but they are out there.

do you have detailed logs and copies of all her tests?

If you haven't already - track EVERYTHING for this kid - from now until you go - sleep - weather - food - water - poop/pee - activities - symptoms - her temperature - every single thing that you can think of day by day - so that they have as much data as possible.

Heather said...

sounds like its hard to get a good start on things! but I know you will, and am glad that even though it never seems like you do get a break, you at least keep trying and thats what really matters.

MCM Mama said...

{{{HUGS}}} for all the stress. Hope you get a diagnosis soon for Sophie. And good for you for realizing what you need to do for you.

Jill said...

Hopefully Vbilt will have some answers for you, and your doc won't give you any flack about the referral.

Hang in there Sweets, your time will come.

Jilligan said...

Don't know when you plan to start up with the crackin' but I am in week 7 so I will be restarting soon.

debbyweighsin said...

Wow, Laura, I really feel for you and Sophie. Its so terrible to be dealing with a problem so bad and have no answers or explanations. I hope they will be able to help you at Vanderbilt. Sorry to be ignorant, but is this a specialty of Vanderbilt?