Last night I'd had enough. Again.
I've been on this roller coaster of "motivation" (truly, I hate that word because I don't really believe in it--you either do, or do not, and that's that, but I'm using it here as a short hand for "I can't get my shit together"). And I've been doing better workout wise (last week I ran 4 days & did the 30 Day Shred once) but my food has still been in the toilet.
I think the food issue is because--I can't do moderate when it comes to food. My brain LOVES carbs. When I'm eating carbs, just like most people who struggle with weight, I want more carbs. And more carbs. And more carbs. Until I've gained 10-12 pounds in about 4 months.
So yesterday I decided, made up my mind, drew up the plan, to do the Crack the Fat Loss Code again. It works for me. It allows for healthy carbs & promotes whole foods. It allows for "cheat days" on occasion--because real life includes cheat days. And I got to my thinnest ever last October (146.2.... ah, I remember you well) on this diet. Yesterday I committed myself, again, to getting it done & was bound & determined that this. was. it.
Then, unfortunately, I got slammed down this morning. Sophie woke up early with a raging dizzy spell. She's been dizzy since last week, but not bad; she's made it to school every day. This morning was the super awful kind--can't move, can't tolerate light, cries & cries because the spinning in her head is so bad. I hate it when she's like this. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for her. She missed her class field trip to see James & the Giant Peach today. I ache for all she's missing out on.
My food & exercise are not my priority today. Sophie is. I haven't face dived into a vat of carbs yet, mainly because I'm just sick of them. I did have a carby breakfast, but I'm done with that food today. I've got a healthy low carb lunch & I'll have a decent dinner. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to focus on me & my goals.
Today is another story.
Sophie's dizzy spells have gotten worse the past 6 months. She's had a spell every single month since October. Next week I have conference with her pediatrician, which I'd intended to primarily focus on her possibly having attention deficit disorder (not hyperactivity, the attention & focus problem of ADD). And we'll talk about that. But I'm going to ask him to refer us to Vanderbilt. I've had it with this disorder & the lack of answers from the tests we've done over the past 3 1/2 years . My daughter deserves more than a life like this. I just pray God opens the doors we need opened so we can find a cure.