Wednesday, February 27, 2008

154.2 - Gotta get my game back on

Skipped the workout yesterday. I got out of the office late, picked up Sophie and we went to the grocery store. It was cold and snowing, I was tired from the lack of sleep from the night before, blah blah blah. Bottom line--I just didn't want to work out badly enough to get myself there with the kids.

And I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm in self-destruct mode lately after 9 p.m. I was this close to not buying any junk food at the grocery store yesterday, and then when we are almost done I remembered I needed coffee creamer. On the way back to the front of the store, I went to the ice cream aisle and picked up some Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. They're only 140 calories! You'll just have one for dessert!

Yeah, right. I ate 4. FOUR. And then I ate 2 100 calorie packs of cinnamon coffee cakes. And then I slept really well, because I'd put myself in a food coma.

This morning I threw away the remaining 2 Skinny Cows and the rest of the box of the 100 calorie cakes. I am too weak right now to have that stuff around. I am acting like I'm powerless over this junk.

Which is my old fat girl thinking. The same crap that had me buying a box of powdered sugar donuts when I was over 200 pounds and eating the entire box--not a 6 pack, a BOX--in one day. I'm just keeping it on a smaller scale right now.

But it's a slippery slope, and these little indiscretions could easily become big ones.

I'm not going to let that happen.

I was telling Heather yesterday that it's times like this that you have to decide that you will work the plan and trust that it will yield results. That it's times like this when you prove what you're made of.

I need to follow my own advice. And I'm going to. I'm not gaining any more weight. I'm not growing out of my clothes. I am going to get my weight back down to where I am more comfortable maintaining and keep running and get strong and powerful, in mind and body.

By golly, this Fat Girl thinking is not going to kick my ass. I'm kicking her ass to the curb.

So it's going to be 5 miles today, writing down my food, eating some fruit and veggies today (there's a novel idea) and white-knuckling it with the food cravings at night, if that's what it takes.

I have the knowledge. I have the support. I have the skinny clothes in my closet.

Game on, baby.


Jill said...

ooooh!!!!!! I can feel the powah!! And you are so right, you are not powerless against food - it's just FOOD, not some guy with a gun to your head! (I need to remember that myself sometimes).
Hang in there - you are awesome! =)

Lori said...

I really loved the 100-calorie bags of cookies and I justified it by saying "Well, at least it was just THREE of them and not an entire package of Oreos..." But some things cannot be kept in my place. So you were smart to throw them out (and I know that had to be hard to do with the money and the food part).

Some foods are just damned seductive, aren't they?

I've been tempted to buy a book on how to control cravings in the evenings but I don't want to waste my GC for something like that. Hang in there -- and kick that Fat Girl to the curb.

Grumpy Chair said...

Jill is so funny and soooo right - there isn't a gun to our heads demanding us to eat Pringles, doritos or buy a bottle of red wine for Friday night, etc.. . ahem, sorry we aren't talking about me.

You did it before and you will do it again stopping the late night snacking. AND it is tough. You know it and I know it. It's tough! But I rooting for you and great job kicking the fat girl thinking to the curb.

2008 is going to be your year. You are going to run your first 1/2 marathon and you are going to maintain your weightloss and if you want to, lose more.

Go Laura Go!

Heather said...

good for you for throwing those fat foods in the garbage! that is my first instinct whenever I realize I have something in the house that will cause me to binge. its sad I cant keep things like that around, but I just cant. it may be wasteful, but Id rather throw it in the trash than add it to my waistline.

it happens..and I know you have changed your thinking back from the fat girl to the healthy girl. that is all that really matters and I know you will continue to be successful. these bumps in the road really are meaningless in the long run.

Sally Parrott Ashbrook said...

The urge for self-sabotage hits us all sometimes. Good for you for powering through it! But you may also want to ask yourself if you can think of a reason it's going on. (Sometimes I can't when it happens to me, but sometimes I get a bit of illumination about myself.)

Roni said...

I have had many a night like that.

Hang in there you are doing great!

P.O.M. said...

My only advice (not that you asked, so sorry) but DON"T BUY THAT STUFF! If it's not in the house, you won't be tempted to eat it. But good job! You'll get it back. I hvaen't been exercising this week, but I'm hoping the movitation will come back soon, too.