Skipped the workout yesterday. I got out of the office late, picked up Sophie and we went to the grocery store. It was cold and snowing, I was tired from the lack of sleep from the night before, blah blah blah. Bottom line--I just didn't want to work out badly enough to get myself there with the kids.
And I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm in self-destruct mode lately after 9 p.m. I was this close to not buying any junk food at the grocery store yesterday, and then when we are almost done I remembered I needed coffee creamer. On the way back to the front of the store, I went to the ice cream aisle and picked up some Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. They're only 140 calories! You'll just have one for dessert!
Yeah, right. I ate 4. FOUR. And then I ate 2 100 calorie packs of cinnamon coffee cakes. And then I slept really well, because I'd put myself in a food coma.
This morning I threw away the remaining 2 Skinny Cows and the rest of the box of the 100 calorie cakes. I am too weak right now to have that stuff around. I am acting like I'm powerless over this junk.
Which is my old fat girl thinking. The same crap that had me buying a box of powdered sugar donuts when I was over 200 pounds and eating the entire box--not a 6 pack, a BOX--in one day. I'm just keeping it on a smaller scale right now.
But it's a slippery slope, and these little indiscretions could easily become big ones.
I'm not going to let that happen.
I was telling Heather yesterday that it's times like this that you have to decide that you will work the plan and trust that it will yield results. That it's times like this when you prove what you're made of.
I need to follow my own advice. And I'm going to. I'm not gaining any more weight. I'm not growing out of my clothes. I am going to get my weight back down to where I am more comfortable maintaining and keep running and get strong and powerful, in mind and body.
By golly, this Fat Girl thinking is not going to kick my ass. I'm kicking her ass to the curb.
So it's going to be 5 miles today, writing down my food, eating some fruit and veggies today (there's a novel idea) and white-knuckling it with the food cravings at night, if that's what it takes.
I have the knowledge. I have the support. I have the skinny clothes in my closet.
Game on, baby.