Friday, May 11, 2007

Day 83 - 181.2 - Binge yesterday

So yesterday I had my first real binge since being on LAWL. Everything just got to be too much-- My son was sick and I was home all day with him, sitting on my big butt watching TV. I didn't get to do my Thursday Step class. DH has been out of town since Tuesday. My house is a freaking disaster.

After I put the baby down to sleep at 6:30 pm, I had my LA Lite, and had been on plan all day. But I couldn't stop after eating the LA Lite. I just wanted to get NUMB. Here's the laundry list:
1/3 of a tub of frozen cool whip free
2 pkgs of LAWL cookies (90 cals each)
1 LA Lite (not OP, 160 calories)
2 mini 3 musketeers

It could have been worse. But it was bad enough that I was in a food coma for a few hours and made my daughter watch TV while I slept on the couch. I was just at such an emotional low and had no way out. I want to cry now thinking about it-- not because I ate the food, but because I just felt so alone and helpless.

Going through this has shown me a couple of things.

1) I NEED the gym for my feel-good hormones and to keep me on track. A big reason why I wanted to eat was I felt resentful I didn't get to go to MY Thursday step class.

2) I'm not immune to binge or emotional eating. Yes, I've been "good" for almost 3 months. No, I'm not perfect or a diet saint. I've still got issues with food. And they are obviously very close to the surface.

Thank God DH will be home this afternoon and I will get to go to the gym for a date with the treadmill. I think I'll throw in some crunches and push ups for good measure.


Vickie said...

I totally identify with this - I can't tell you what extremes I have to go to inorder to make it to classes.

I am having a garage sale next week and have to find someone to come sit at it Friday morning - for an hour and 15 minutes so I can make it to yoga. My husband looked at me like I was nuts - I said - if I let every little thing stop me - I would NEVER get there.

Sick kids are tough. Little kids are tough. Stuff happens.

Do you have tapes/DVD's at home? Put a note somewhere that you will see it every day - and say something like - "stuff happens - when it does - and I feel so let down - I am getting out a tape/DVD and doing it immediately - and then seeing how I feel."

Because my guess is - that if you did a tape/DVD when you have to miss a class - it will get you over the hump and you will be okay.

ONE time of blow out food - will not do a thing - if the scale goes up - it will be water. In a couple days you will be back to where you were.

Grumpy Chair said...

I hope you were able to get to the gym today.

I know I feel resentful when I am unable to walk on treadmill at night when I want to.'

Your binge doesn't sound that bad. Plus, I think you had a control binge - I have had those the day before TTOM is due.

Vickie- is right, any gain will be water weight.