Day 101 - 175.8 Ramblings

I'm in the triple digits, days-wise. 101 days of no ice cream, no pizza, no donuts, no doughy breadsticks, no chips, no cheese, no sugary cereal. 101 days of tracking my food--every day--and being mindful that what I put in my mouth directly affects the outcome of my weight loss efforts. 101 days closer to my ultimate weight loss goal.

And it's truly taken 101 days before my efforts SHOW on my body. Only now, after 28 pounds lost, does it look like I've lost weight. And I finally FEEL like I've lost weight. The image in the mirror looks slimmer. I feel slimmer.

I'm almost half way there. 35.8 pounds away from goal. That seems a lot more achievable than the 62 pounds I started out needing to lose.
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Yesterday I bought a new bathing suit at JC Penney. Thankfully swimsuit designers have caught up with real women's bodies, and there are tons of tankini's and swim skirts available. I got a black swim skirt in size 14, and two tank top suits--one in a black and red poppy floral print that has a lot of chest support, and one in a rainbow stripe that really shows off my cleavage with a string tie around my neck. We took the kids to the pool yesterday and I wore the red floral, and felt comfortable out there. My body's not perfect, but it's okay for a mom of two.
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I played with the dreaded BMI calculator this weekend, to see how I rate now. I'm officially out of the obese category and now am simply overweight. I won't be in the normal range until I weigh 149 pounds.
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I'm trying to get off my antidepressant (Lexapro), and man is it weird. I'm going through the "brain zaps," which are freaky. Last night I felt like I had the flu, with chills and body aches. I felt sick to my stomach yesterday morning. I want to have s e x with my husband, which believe me, is totally not the norm. The brain zaps are the worst part.

I got online last night to figure out the symptoms of withdrawal, and all of these are included. Thankfully I'm not experiencing hallucinations or insomnia. The s e x thing is the funniest to me; I read that when the body is losing seratonin, it craves dopamine, and one way to increase dopamine production is through s e x (also through food, elicit drugs, and exercise--I'll be exercising a lot). Funny, because that's a GOOD side affect. The rest of them suck.

I've tapered down, and am taking 10 mg every 2 - 3 days. I need a pill splitter so I can start taking 5 mg every other day. I read that it can take months to get completely over the symptoms, sometimes up to 6 months! This is powerful stuff, man.

The reasons for getting off this med are many. First, we are self employed now and have health insurance through Cobra for another year. We got several insurance quotes a few months ago, and my antidepressant use was an issue. "It's for post partum depression" isn't going to work when my baby is 2 and 1/2 years old. So I gotta get "clean" from my Rx drug (this is the only Rx I take).

Also, I originally put on my weight 12 years ago when I went on Prozac. It wasn't widely known back then that SSRI's can cause weight gain. In fact, my doc told me I should lose weight on Prozac. Imagine my increased depression, one year later and 40 pounds heavier. It took 3 more years and a good therapist before I got off of Prozac and felt a little less guilt at gaining weight instead of losing.

I've been on and off SSRI's since I was 25. I think they are amazing, lifesaving drugs. I'll go back on one if I need it. I've never been the type to say "Oh, I don't want to be on medicine all my life." Hey, if the science is there and you need it, then use it. But I feel like I'm at a time when I can try to get off of it. And financially and physically, I need to be clean of this drug. I don't want anything hindering my loss, and I want to be at a normal weight and drug free the next time we apply for health insurance.
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I cleaned out my closet Sunday afternoon. I knew most of the clothes that were too big, but had to try on a lot of the "back of the closet skinny clothes." Even most of those were too big! I kept one short black skirt and a couple of dresses that are 14/16's, and they look good--not too tight, not too big, just good. I had several pairs of jeans my sister had given me from her skinny days, and they fit great. So my closet is full now of clothes that fit me, that look good, and are smaller. My feet have even gotten smaller. My size 9's are too big, and I bought a size 8 sandal at Dressbarn Friday. I also went through some old jewelry and rings that haven't fit in years are on my fingers today. How strange to lose weight in feet and fingers.
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We had the kids at the pool on Sunday and Monday. It felt like we were on vacation. So relaxed, lots of fresh air and sunshine. Went to dinner Monday at "Cheeseburger in Paradise," and Sophie played in the sand outside by our table. It really felt like a vacation then, with Jimmy Buffet songs in the background. I had a salad with grilled shrimp, dressing on the side, no wontons. Looked at the desserts on the menu; I'm sure they were delicious, but not for me. Not right now.

This is going to be a great summer.