All Thanksgiving, All The Time

Have I told you peeps that we are having 20 people come to our house for Thanksgiving?

Oh, yeah, I think I've whined about that already.

So family is awesome, and I love Mark's family. Couldn't ask for better. Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays because it's all about family & food & giving thanks. No presents, no pressure, just warm homey feelings. And lots of good food.

And I think I'm stressing myself out more than I need to. But still. 20 people! Which doesn't include us, and we make it 24.

Food we are making:
Homemade turkey gravy (Mark is making this--and he's all about being gourmet, because he's a great cook and he has a high standard to live up to).

I am making: Sweet potatoes (maple glazed, no marshmallows), au gratin potatoes, green beans (3 pounds of them!), pumpkin pie, veggie tray, and spinach-artichoke dip. Each potato dish will serve 8-10, so that's why I'm doubling up. Plus my au gratin potatoes are an absolutely fabulous recipe I made several years ago and everyone loves them.

Various family members are bringing The Turkey, salad, a vegan dish, stuffing, cranberries, salad, bread, pecan pies, & gingerbread cake.

Carpets get cleaned tomorrow morning (I'm not doing that, but I have to make sure the house is all picked up so they can reach the floor).

My brother in law from Colorado is staying Tuesday night. He's only staying this night, and we won't have anyone else any other night. I've already told Mark that Jeff is going to have to fend for himself.

I have to find a folding table & chairs to borrow. I am not buying chairs to seat all these people for one dinner. We have 3 old folding chairs & one folding table, but I need more. Obviously.

I will also clean our bedroom because the coats will go in there, and have to clean my bathroom because it's the guest bathroom.

I made my grocery list last night. I have to also go buy some cookware because we don't own a roasting pan or fat separator (for the gravy).

Thankfully, Mark is letting me take the time I need away from work to get all this done. Except I also have to mail our office Holiday open house invitations this week. So, that has to be done, too.

It's likely I won't be around the blog world much this week. I'm going to miss you all. I will do my best not to eat my weight in carbohydrates between now and next Monday. And I promise to workout at least a few times so I don't drive myself totally insane.

As my mom used to say, it's a pretty short trip. Get it? Drive myself insane...short trip? Oh never mind.

:)

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you know how very thankful I am for each of you who read my blog and whose blog I read. You mean so much to me. Thank you for your generous support and encouragement.

xoxo,
Laura

149.2 - Tequila & Cookie Dough

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Yesterday. Sucked.

I didn't get to go to the gym or run. I barely got to eat right. The markets & the world are scaring the crap out of me (way too many people using the "D" word on CNBC). I'm overwhelmed by how much work Thanksgiving is going to be. My husband is a stressed out mess. I yelled at my kids last night and made my daughter cry.

And when I just couldn't take anymore, I turned to Cuervo and Toll House to soothe my nerves.

While I only had one margarita and 4 squares of break & bake cookie dough, I still felt icky about going back to the food for comfort. I'm just no where near mature enough, diet wise, to completely move away from The Food when I'm in The Despair.

I know I'm not alone in this need, so thank you in advance, oh fellow commiseraters, for your empathy. And those of you who don't eat when you're emotionally a mess, I am in awe of your fortitude.*

Today's not much better on the freaked out front. I've eaten better and plan to do something tonight at the gym while Sophie swims (as long as things don't blow up at work like they did Tuesday and we get to go to the gym). So at least I'll get some release and/or endorphins from that.

But I don't see the worry letting up anytime soon. I really really hate this.

At least, thankfully, for now, we are all healthy. I just pray we don't lose that.


*I looked up this word to make sure it was an apt choice here. It is. I think I'm going to start praying for this, too:

for·ti·tude
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin fortitudin-, fortitudo, from fortis
Date: 12th century
1: strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage

148.2 - Three good days under my (loosening) belt

Monday was a successful day. Ran 4 miles (in the cold! It was 39 degrees, brrrr). Ate well, didn't eat junk at night. It paid off this morning with a nice loss on the scale.

No workout today, but my food has been good. Hopefully I'll at least hang onto the loss I've got right now.

The rest of this week is going to be nuts. Busy work day tomorrow, and I'm organizing Thanksgiving plans.

On the getting the house ready for 20 guests front, I spent 3 hours Monday night after the kids went to bed (yes, I was up until after midnight) removing toys and cleaning and reorganizing furniture in our "front" room. Our house was built in the 80s, when it was the norm to have a fancy living room in the front of the house. Ours was a lovely sitting room until we had kids. Then of course we had to move the computer stuff to the fancy living room and it became more of an office with a piano and a loveseat included. Then when the toys were overflowing in the kids' rooms, we moved the excess toys into the fancy living room and renamed it the Toy Room.

After taking a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and moving the sentimental/good stuff to the garage (didn't I just clean that thing out?!), there are no more toys in there and it's mostly back to a lovely sitting room. There's still a computer/printer on a desk, and my desk with my untouched-for-almost-2-years scrap booking stuff. But the love seat and two rocking chairs are facing each other in a conversation area, so it will be a nice place for folks to talk if they want a break from the kitchen/family room chaos. Rounding out the room are my piano and a tall chifferobe, which is the 3rd piece of Sophie's bedroom furniture set, and it just won't fit in her room with all her toys (I bought her furniture from my best girlfriend when she moved to Texas, and it's Art Deco and gorgeous) .

Annyyywwayyy, I'm feeling like I'm getting there, with time to spare. I set out my few Thanksgiving decorations tonight and have the dining room table ready with a new table cloth and centerpiece (two candle sticks with flower rings, Male & Female Pilgrim figurines, and a small flower arrangement in the middle--it's all what I had on hand, except the table cloth).

Now I'm figuring out The Food. I want to shop early--before the weekend--to avoid the crowds & make sure I get my 10 sweet potatoes. Those always sell out early.

And, we saw Christmas lights tonight. At two different houses. One with just a tree, another with outside lights already turned on. I just want to scream at them--"for the love of pete, put them up if you must, people, but don't turn them on until after Turkey Day." It's all just flying by too fast.

149.0 - That's better

On my way back down the scale.

Really wanted The Junk last night, but ate eggs & turkey instead. It's paying off so far.

Food is planned all day. Maybe I'll get a run in outside, if the wind calms down (no way am I running in 20 mph wind when it's 40* out). Or else I'll hit the gym. We'll see.

It hit me hard last night that we are hosting ~20 people on Thanksgiving. And we will have to be making a ton of the food, even though several families will bring a dish. We have many out-of-towners who can't bring anything, so that leaves the hosting family with the bulk of the food prep.

And I'd really like to pretty much overhaul my entire house, organization wise, so it's not so damned cluttered & messy.

Sad thing is, I get home and feed the kids and get them in bed, and I've got nothing left by 9 p.m. I'm going to have to dig deep to find the energy and get things done over the next week and a half. Maybe I'll start drinking coffee at 6 p.m. every night. Ha.

Busy Monday. Hope you all had a noneventful and/or fun weekend.

Still in the Food, and Facebook Invitation

I'm still in The Food. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm just about sick of it. I think. I've yet to make my lo carb foods, and truly that's what's going to get me clean of the junk. I guess I'm more "all or nothing" than I give myself credit for.

Today should be a good family day. Luke's big boy bed arrives this afternoon. Don't ask me how I got away with this, but he's still in his crib at age 3. It's been really nice, since we just put him in and he has to stay put (never figured out he could climb out if he wanted to, what a good boy!). But it's time to move on to a real bed. We bought a full sized mattress & box spring last Saturday (nothing fancy, it will go on the floor to start) and I ordered Little Einsteins bedding which arrived yesterday. He's in love with the bedding, which is so cute. I need to go take down his crib and move it to the garage, and then go to the store and buy him two pillows since I didn't realize we don't have any extras. He has a little one he sleeps on in his crib.

Tonight DH and I are going to see the new James Bond movie. I so love Daniel Craig, and cannot wait for the movie. I've read it's not as good as the last one, but really he could just tap dance and sing off pitch and I'd still drool over him.

Are any of you on Facebook that I'm not friends with yet? In the MizFit's words, "please to" search for Laura _____ and invite me to be your friend. If you aren't on Facebook yet, what are you waiting for?! It's fun, easy, doesn't take a lot of time, and is a great way to connect with friends. I like it for the lightness of conversation, which is a nice complement to the seriousness of our blogs. Plus, you don't get tons of spam and you can set your profile so you aren't hassled by random people (and if you are, you can ignore them).

Also? I'm currently obsessed with Alton Brown. I've joined his Facebook fan club and am asking for his books for Christmas. I could watch his show 24/7. If he writes another book and has signings in Atlanta, I swear I'd drive 6 hours to see him. I know, I'm a bit mental today.

It's raining and raining, and all I want to do is stay in and do lots of nothing (other than the boy's bed). And that's probably exactly what I'll do today.

What are you up to this weekend?

151.6 - Self Destruct

I am in major self destruct mode. And it's all emotional/stress/worry/hormones.

Food continues to be my place for solace. And margaritas (only one a night, but I'm so tempted to start having two). And last night I even took a whole xanax to ensure I'd fall asleep and stay asleep. I've not been having to take them lately, and when I do it's usually just a half. But yesterday was a really bad day.

I won't get into the food porn (you're welcome, Debby ;). But obviously it's not been great.

I have been cooking a lot lately. Real meals, like every night. Last night I made a simple chicken cordon bleu that I found from Kraft's website (love their recipes--simple & easy, even though they are generally not low calorie, but they are very homey and comforting). And I also made Roni's Big Simple Cupcakes (chocolate fudge cake mix + can of pumpkin + 2/3 cup water; mix for 3 minutes; bake at 325... how simple is that? They are very moist.) The night before I made Roni's black bean/zucchini wontons, which are also yummy. And this morning I made a pizza baked pasta for some friends of ours who recently had a baby.

I'm starting to feel like a for really reals cook.

Now I just gotta get my mind right and my eating will follow.

The worry is eating away at me (no pun intended). It's a lot of thou shalt not blog about stuff, but just look at the stock market from yesterday and you'll probably be able to figure it out if you know me well.

I didn't feel any better after my Food Fest last night. Obviously, I felt worse when I woke up this morning, all cotton mouthed & bloated. I was determined to weigh, damn the numbers.

And it's not horrible. 6 months ago I'd have been thrilled with 151.6. The problem is that I reached my Happy Weight recently--146 really really agreed with me--and now that I've tasted what it's like to have a sub-30" waist, and thighs that don't strain against my pant legs, and boobs that fit nicely inside 34C's (they fit today, but they are quite voluptuous which is not what I'm going for), it kinda sucks to be back here, 5 pounds heavier.

Sigh. Am I ready to get past the emotional shit I'm dealing with and do The Diet again? How much do I want that happy weight anyway?

I've always said it takes energy to lose weight. Energy that you have to find from somewhere, just for you. Right now my energy is drained away, sucked dry from my body like Tom Hank's character in Joe Vs. the Volcano when he thinks he has a brain cloud and the florescent lights in his oppressive office are suck suck sucking the life out of him (LOVE that movie. One of my all time favorites).

I've not made great food choices today. But I've got my gym bag packed and am planning to run and then take a yoga class while Sophie swims (I did do the weights class Tuesday, and I'm still sore from that. Love it).

Exercise always brings energy back to me. Hopefully it will help me turn a corner, once again.

150.8 - New Pic

I added a new picture to my progress page. It looks like my waist is tiny, with the way I'm standing and with Sophie on the other side.

Trust me, it's an illusion.

But, I still really like the picture. My hair is darker & longer, and I'm just thrilled that I'm at a lower weight this past October than I was in October of 2007. Every year I maintain is a victory.

Last night DH wanted pizza for dinner. He's under so much stress right now, and even though I argued with him a wee bit about how it's not a healthy choice, he needed his fix of cheesy goodness. I don't know how much this makes me an enabler (as Vickie writes about today and has got me thinking big time about how I relate to my kids & husband). But I do know that I cannot make choices for my husband. He's an adult. He makes up his own mind. All I can do is provide healthy alternatives & feed him the best I can.

Anyway, I had pizza for dinner. Really good pizza, not delivery or frozen. And while this wasn't the best diet choice, I at least stopped at that. I didn't eat ice cream (it's still in the freezer, don't ask me why). I didn't eat Oreos. I didn't eat cereal. I stopped eating around 7:00 and that was that. Oh, I wanted to eat. But I read my book instead and just kept the food out of my mouth. It's a small miracle, let me tell you.

And I ran a bit yesterday after work. I had to work until 4:30, so I only had 30 minutes to run. But something is always better than nothing. It was dark by 4:50! The temps are awesome, though. Mid 40s is the best running weather, hands down.

Tonight, Swim Team for Sophie and hopefully I'll take a weights class.

I'd really really like to be back down a couple of pounds by Thanksgiving, so I have some wiggle room for pie. I love pie. Yum, pie.

Tight Pants are Not a Good Thing

I kinda sorta accidentally forgot to weigh myself this morning. I was in the bathtub, after eating breakfast and sipping my coffee, when I realized I hadn't weighed first thing. And I have a rule that I don't weigh unless I've peed, haven't eaten or drunk anything, and am naked.

It's one of those bury- my- head- in- the- sand- and- pretend- I- didn't- eat- my- weight- in- cake- and- ice- cream- the- past- 5- days kind of forgetfulness.

But my loose work pants are tight this morning and, even though my butt is looking strangely high & lifted in them (winter tights are pulling in the buttocks, I suppose), they are still tight. Which is not a good thing.

Sunday's weight was 150.4, and that's not terrible but I'd hoped I'd said goodbye to the 150s for good. Now that I know what my body can look like at 146, it's a bummer to have this extra fat around. I liked the lean & mean feeling. And it's so crazy that it's a mere 5 pounds difference from feeling skinny to feeling just OK.

Remember the old Weight Watchers mind trick of visualizing your fat in sticks of butter? One pound is 4 sticks of butter. So 5 pounds is 20 sticks of butter. Five pounds doesn't sound like that much, but 20 sticks of fat sure does.

And those 20 sticks of fat pretty much go straight to my thighs & stomach & boobs.

Sigh.

So I've got to get my freezer & fridge restocked with low carb foods & get back to Cracking. The birthday cake is gone, and I guess I've got to melt the ice cream down the kitchen sink because I'm frankly powerless over the stuff.

I haven't read any more of the Refuse to Regain book, because I'm engrossed in Pillars of the Earth and because I just didn't want to read a Diet Bible when I was in the midst of committing mortal sins.

Mondays are always good days to start over. So far, I'm on track. Sure it's only 11 a.m. and I'm not feeling very strong, food wise, but I've done it before.

I'll do it again.

Happy 3rd Birthday Luke!

My baby boy is 3 today.

Let's just be shocked at the passage of time here a moment.


And now let's be shocked at how much cake will be consumed.

We had cupcakes & presents last night, because Mark won't see him at all today (early workout and then late class for him tonight). Then tonight my mom and sister are coming over, and of course Mom's bringing a cake. And finally Friday we are having our church friends come over and that's when he'll get his "Little Einsteins" cake I'm having the bakery make.

Three days of cake, people. And this all falls smack dab in the middle of my mid-cycle hormones-dropped-through-the-floor blahs. So it's not like I have any power to Resist the Cake.

That's my excuse anyway. I'm just accepting that my food is the suck right now. The bandwagon to lose this extra poundage will pick me back up next week.

I have squeezed some workouts in. Saturday I ran 3.8 miles (40 minutes) before our Halloween party (which was so much fun I can't even write about it because it's R rated, haha). And then Tuesday I ran 2 miles in the morning from the rental car place to the Saturn dealership to pick up my car (more on that in a minute). I also took a weights class Tuesday night while Sophie had swim team.

So the car--Monday I left work in my running stuff and was going to get in a 60 minute run in the gorgeous Fall setting sun. When I shifted into reverse (I drive a 5 speed manual transmission, which I love & will never drive a mini van unless they start making them with stick shifts), it didn't hit the spot like it should. So I shifted into 1st but there was no 1st. There was nothing. The stick went dead and flopped around pathetically.

I was pissed off, then freaked out, thinking my transmission had died. I called AAA, they had a tow truck to me within 10 minutes, during which time I had called the rental car place and reserved a car. The tow truck driver picked me up and picked up another car that was going to Saturn, and then the Saturn guys took me to the rental car place. I had to pick up Luke by 5:30, and I was only 2 minutes late (I called his day care, they were cool about it). And miraculously the dealership had it fixed the same night, although I couldn't pick it up at 10 p.m. (they work until 11 p.m. every week night, crazy!).

Turns out my shifter cable broke and while it wasn't cheap, it wasn't thousands of dollars. What I finally had a chance to appreciate Tuesday morning after things settled down, was how fortunate I was that it broke in the parking lot. What if I'd been in 5th gear going 60 MPH? I shudder to think. God was watching out for me.

And I finally thanked him Tuesday on my run from the rental car place to the dealership, which was too cool. I didn't need a car or anyone's help to get from point A to point B. I just ran. It was only 2 miles, but it was 2 heavily car-congested miles. Yet it was still easy and felt really cool to be running with a purpose.

I voted in my sweaty clothes before I went home to get ready for work Tuesday mid morning. Again I was blessed, having to wait only 20 minutes to cast my historic vote.

Blessings. They are in abundance.

I need to be focusing on those right now instead of my whiny assed moodiness.

But I'm still going to eat cake.

150.0 - A big change....and some hope

We interrupt our regularly scheduled diet & exercise rambles for the following political commentary:

I don't usually talk about politics here. Primarily because I'm a Republican Conservative and most of the folks who read my blog are on the other side of the fence and wouldn't want to hear it, and because, well, this is a diet & exercise blog.

But I can't help but write something today. Because I'm frankly shocked at myself at the 180 degree turn I've made in the past month.

It started with the financial crisis, when the Republicans insisted on choosing their ideologies over the rescue package. The smartest economists in our country were saying we were headed for a depression--we were on the edge of a precipice and God help us if the package didn't pass, one of them said. Yet John McCain and the majority of Republicans (and the talk radio people I regularly listened to--past tense) voted NO.

I was very unimpressed with McCain's handling of the situation, suspending his campaign and going to Washington to stir up trouble, asking Obama to delay the first debate. I thought that was a huge mistake even before the talking heads made their commentaries about it.

Then the debates themselves proved that Obama was smarter than I'd thought he was. I was not impressed with him in media interviews, which is likely because I was watching with a hugely conservative slant, with Rush Limbaugh preaching in my ear to influence my opinions (yeah, I don't listen to him anymore, either).

But after watching all the debates, there was no denying (for me) how McCain's responses to our problems (a spending freeze in January? buy the bad home mortgages, without consulting Paulson? $5000 health insurance credit? we paid $12,000 in health insurance premiums last year, so how is $5000 going to make a difference for ANYONE?) weren't what I wanted in a president.

And, even though I think she has potential, I was not happy with Sarah Palin as the VP choice.

In no small part, my decision to vote for Obama was influenced by my husband and my conservative/moderate friends from church. Saturday night we had a long discussion about the election, and a few people I thought were voting for McCain explained why there were voting for Obama.

It was enough to seal the deal.

After watching the speeches last night, I know in my heart it's the right choice for our country. I was not swept away by Obama during the campaign, but even I had tears in my eyes last night during his speech. IMHO, it's just a bonus he's black. A freaking huge historic bonus, but it's not what's going to make the difference. He is a self made man. Not part of the Bush or Clinton machines, or married to a wealthy heiress. I truly think he's the real deal.

And my word. The outpouring for him is unreal. When was the last time people cried over their President? JFK? Reagan? The excitement, enthusiasm, and involvement of our citizens are just as important as who our next leader is. And man, we've sure got that right now.

I'm praying for this man, like I've never prayed for a President before. He, and our country, have a rough ride ahead. But I'm so thankful that he's the one in the drivers seat. Because I think he's the right man for our time.

God bless America, and God bless our new President.

149.2 - Refuse to Regain sneak peak

This is the first Monday since mid September (when I had just started the Crack diet) that I haven't gained from the weekend. It's not because I was super good Saturday and Sunday. I think it's more because I stopped eating last night around 6 p.m. and drank lots of water before bed (yes, I had to get up to pee like 3 times in the night).

I started reading Refuse to Regain this weekend, and what I read last night influenced my decision to stay out of the kitchen after dinner. I'll post an in depth review once I'm finished reading the book carefully, but I wanted to share some initial thoughts today.

I've scanned the chapters & read her food plan. And my overall impression is this:

Maintenance is a diet.

This is no big news flash, I realize. We should all know by now that when you reach goal weight, you don't get to go back to the way you lived life before the weight loss began.

As in:
I don't eat powdered sugar donuts by the boxful any more. I don't hide empty Ben & Jerry's Phish Food pints in the bottom of the trash can any more. I don't eat in the bathroom to hide my food from my family any more (well, 99.9% of the time I don't anyway).

But. There's still that feeling that once you reach a certain weight and a certain level of fitness, you should have more lattitude with your eating plan. Afterall, you've worked so stinking hard to lose the weight. It took months and months of writing down everything you put in your mouth, and weekly (or daily) weight tracking, and miles and miles on the treadmill. And gosh darn it, you deserve a break.

NOT SO! Says the author of this book. The first year of maintenance--particularly the first 3 months--should be just as strict (and actually much more so, really, from what I ate on my LA Weight Loss plan) as your weight loss diet.

Her food plan for maintenance is very clean food, which is not surprising. In fact, other than her omitting beans and whole grains, it reminds me very much of Vickie's diet and lifestyle.

Her rules for maintenance are hard core. For example: to maintain your loss, you need to workout 60 minutes, 5-6 days a week. And that's one of the things I agree with. Let's face it: no one can lose 60 pounds just by taking the stairs at work and parking as far as possible from the entrance to Target. Sure, these are good habits to practice, but they aren't what take off the pounds (at least, not in a short amount of time...maybe if you only want to lose 20 pounds over 5 years they would work).

And at least one of her suggestions for handling saboteurs was so far from any "real world" experience in my life that I laughed out loud. To wit: When having coffee with a friend who wants to split a high calorie pastry with you and who gives you a hard time for saying no, you should reply "I feel really great on my Primarian diet. You should try it." I can't see myself ever saying "You should try my diet" to someone trying to split a donut with me. No thank you--I could say. Telling someone else to go on a diet--not gonna happen.

Anyway, that's a teaser for you. The Primarian Diet explanation and plan take up the bulk of the book. It's basically what you already know--eat lean protein, veggies, fruits, some nuts, and very little or no grains. One small low fat/low sugar treat a day. I was surprised that she doesn't allow legumes on the diet; I still think they are OK for most people, even though they are starchy. I've never heard of someone getting fat from eating black beans. But our ancient ancestors didn't eat them, and that's what her plan is based on.

Overall, I think it's important that there is finally a diet book for maintainers. And I'm glad I bought it and am looking forward to reading it carefully. I'm sure I'll be putting a lot of her ideas into practice.

Thankfully, I'm already one year into maintenance so I feel like I have a leg up on it. But I know that I am still a newbie and a light weight, so to speak, when it comes to the real test. Which is keeping it off for good.

149.6 - Happy Halloween

Well the bad news is, Luke has a sinus infection and threw up once last night. The good news is, we live in modern times and he has an antibiotic (I thank God every time one of the kids is sick that we live in the 21st century...can you imagine how horrible life was before antibiotics?). And he slept through the night and has no fever this morning. Looks like we'll get to take him trick or treating after all.

And, more good news--I got to go to yoga last night!

I took Sophie to swim lessons while mom watched Luke, and I noticed there was a yoga class at 4:30. Since I'm disliking the treadmill more and more, I was dreading a run indoors. When I noticed the "Yoga Flow" class on the October schedule, I was thrilled. Just what I needed. Some mindful, in-the-moment exercise.

The instructor was wonderful. I felt relaxed during and after. Really worked my upper body, especially my upper back and shoulders.

After I got Sophie out of the pool and dressed, we raced home and I dropped her off with Mom and picked Luke up for his 6 p.m. appointment with the doctor. An hour and half later, we were home with an antibiotic, Sophie had had her bath and was working on her homework, and I wasn't completely insane because I'd had that magic hour for myself.

So today, I'm home with Luke for the morning until Mom gets here (she works half days on Fridays), and then we are going to see Sophie in her school Halloween play, and then I have lunch with a friend, and then it's Trick or Treat, and then we will go over to our friends' house for soup & chili.

Tomorrow Sophie has swim team again at 9 a.m. and I plan to take the Group Power class at the same time. Then we have our church friends' Halloween party, which I am SO looking forward to (because there will be massive amounts of margaritas consumed, by me).

I have no idea what we are wearing yet. It's a "beg, borrow, and steal" party. Tonight we'll each put 3 items on sheets of paper, then put them in a hat, and we each draw out 3 slips of paper. Whatever items we draw, we have to incorporate into our costume. And we can't buy anything--we have to beg or borrow (I'm assuming there will be no stealing involved) whatever we don't have. Can I just tell you I'm completely stressed over this? Not so much for me--I could care less if I meet the qualifications of the costume. I am hoping Mark doesn't care that much and doesn't end up spending all day trying to figure out a costume. Anyone who spends 3 hours putting on a Viking beard is likely to make a big deal over this thing. We shall see.

I really cannot believe it is November tomorrow. Especially since it's going to be 70 degrees today, which is awesome. I love being able to trick or treat without coats. The kids should have a blast.

Hope you and yours enjoy the weekend.

Plug for Roni

Roni from GreenLiteBites wants to be the next Food Network Star. I visited the Food Network's website and commented on her video. If you love Roni like I do (and I do! Like I told Food Network, I go to her website first for recipes...always), then go to this link and view her video and comment. Wouldn't it be fun to see her on TV? Thanks!

***
Thank you all for your nice comments on the costume. It does feel good to be able to wear that kind of outfit for Halloween now.

***
And now for some whining. Luke got sick yesterday after he'd only been at daycare for an hour and a half. Low fever, not sure what else is wrong with him other than a stuffy nose. He tends to get a virus and have a fever for a day, then is fine. My mom is keeping him today while I'm at the office.

I didn't get to workout Tuesday night because Sophie wasn't feeling up for swim lessons, and I didn't want to dump them both in Kids Club when she was supposed to be swimming. I didn't get to workout yesterday because Luke was sick. I haven't run since Saturday.

And I seriously am losing my mind.

And eating way too much for comfort (in every sense of that expression).

And am planning to remedy all this tonight.

IF the rest of the world cooperates.

Ice cream and cookies just don't do it for me anymore like a long run does.

148.2 - Viking Pic

Here we are before Saturday's Halloween party. I took the wig off half way through the night, and Mark said I looked cuter with just my hair. Wish I'd known that from the start!

It took Mark 3 hours to put on his beard. He glued it on piece by piece with spirit gum. The man really gets into Halloween.

150.6 - Rambling Recap

I'm feeling really spacey today--can't seem to put any coherent thoughts together--so this is going to be just a recap of the past few days.

Friday--John Prine was excellent. I didn't know one of his songs, but it didn't matter. He's a storyteller, and the stories were poignant, funny, and entertaining. I've never been to a concert where I sat on my butt the whole time, which we did at this one, and I really liked it. I'm getting so old! We'd had a big dinner--yummy arctic char fish & creme brulee for dessert--and I had a margarita too, so sitting down for 3 hours was fine by me.

Saturday--I slept until 10:30. Total awesomeness. Then I read my book a while. When it was nearing time for my haircut at 1:30, I decided I'd run there instead of drive. I'd guessed it was about 4 miles there, so it would be a nice run, then a rest while she cut my hair, then a nice run back. Ended up being only 3.1 miles there, and 3.4 miles back (took the long way home). I cannot express how stinking cool it was to run with a destination and a purpose, and leave the car in the garage.

The Halloween party Saturday night was fun. Lots of great costumes. The best was a couple who were Sara Palin & Barack Obama. She was a dead ringer for Palin. He wore a full-head rubber mask of Obama. And here's the best part (forgive me if you don't think this is funny)--the idea was that they were a couple, and she carried a newborn black baby doll. Can you imagine?

Sunday--Halloween party at church for the kids, then lunch at Bob Evans. Then pass out on the couch in the afternoon while the kids watch TV. I was so fried Sunday afternoon. Too much entertaining drains me, and I was out of it completely.

Then Monday--I felt like I was hungover even though I'd had nothing to drink the night before. All day, I was just in a fog. I left work early and went home and cleaned (everything was a mess from my nonattentiveness over the weekend). Then got the kids and went home and lit the first fire of the season in the fireplace, and made grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Needless to say, my weight has gone up.

I feel like such a yo yo right now. My body's a temple during the week; a playground on the weekends. And it's not likely to get better any time soon. We are going into the holidays, afterall. I'm going to have to run and lift weights--a lot--to make sure I keep things under control.

Tonight is Sophie's swim team, and I'm hoping I can swing it so I can do the 4:30 weights class. I'd like to run, too, but there's just not enough time.

And man, autumn has come on with a vengence. It was 40 degrees this morning at 9:30. Brrrrrr.

So, about the weekend

Tonight we are going to see John Prine in concert. Woohoo!

Okay, I have no idea who John Prine is. Mark is a fan of his, and I've heard, I think, one song. Something to do about a picture show. Anyway, it's a night out without children in a grown up setting. I will not complain about that. It's at 8 p.m., so hopefully we will have time for dinner out before hand. But who knows. Mark doesn't have time to talk with me during market hours in times like this. We'll figure it out around 5 or 6, I'm sure.

(Tangent: I am so sick of the words lever and de-lever. Sick sick sick of hearing it over and over and over again. Can you tell I watch CNBC all day?)

Then Saturday I'm getting my hair cut at 1:30. This is good and bad. Good, because I haven't had my hair cut in oh, about two months. Bad, because I was supposed to get it cut AND colored on Wednesday and she cancelled on me. I'd had that appointment for 6 weeks. And wanted to be pampered that day. And wanted a new hair color. Instead, I was disappointed and had to color it myself on Wednesday night. I have always colored my hair myself, and the last time I got my hair cut I'd decided to have her color it so she could make it darker & different. Her loss, my gain. It probably saved me $75. And my hair looks great (thank you L'loreal Colour Expert, color=biscotti).

And then Saturday night we have a grown up Halloween party. Mark is very picky about costumes--he's the creative one, I'd prefer to just go as myself. So even though I gave him some great ideas--Neo & Trinity from The Matrix (I have *always* wanted to be Trinity. She kicks ass), George & Jane Jetson, or Medieval Prince & Princess, he chose.....

Y'all don't really care what he's wearing, right? It's a boy viking costume, obviously.

I ordered the Large in this, because after the Wilma costume from last year (my first EVER feminine, "regular sized" Halloween costume out of a package) I knew they run small.

The Large is a little big! But it looks OK on me. I can't wear the leg things though because I'm only 5'5'' and apparently this costume was designed for women with legs like Julia Roberts. There is no leg exposure between the skirt and the boots on me. So I'm going to wear my brown boots I got from Dress Barn last hear, and maybe will cut the white stuff off the top of the costume boot covers and attach them to the insides of my boots. If I have the energy and time, that is.

And I need a wig. Gotta get that between now and tomorrow night. No sword for me, though. Mark's carrying the sword. Oh, and I won't have that cleavage going on! (Even though, y'all know my 34Ds could pull it off, hahaha.)

The kids will be at my mom's tonight and then she's bringing them back tomorrow so they can see us in our costumes, and she'll stay with them at our house Saturday night (my mom is a champ). Then Sunday we have Halloween at our church. The kids get to wear their costumes, hear the story about the origins of Halloween (our Christian Education director does an awesome job explaining the pagan and religious implications. I love that we don't eschew Halloween like so many other churches around here do), and then there's a little carnival and they hunt for candy in haystacks (candy hidden in bales of hay that have been scattered into haystacks). We might then go to our gym's Halloween party at 1 p.m. We'll see how the kids (and us) are holding up at that point.

On the food front--suckage! I totally caved & ate terribly last night, and then this morning Luke was up at 4:30 a.m. with a soaking wet diaper that had leaked, and I of course had to eat a bowl of grapenuts when I was still awake at 6 a.m. Didn't even bother weighing this morning. Just didn't want to face it.

I did run yesterday while Sophie had swim lessons. 2.5 miles, which isn't much but I'd taken 10 days off and was indoors, and I'll take it. I seriously cannot even do more than a mile on the treadmill anymore (which is what I did, then ran 15 laps on the track). And to think I once ran a 9 miler on the "dredmill." I'd rather run 90 laps around the indoor track now. I also did a pushup-challenge-esque pushup series, which was 7-5-5-5-7. And man I can feel it in my chest this morning.

I might run tonight. I don't know. I've still eaten poorly today (chocolate pie for lunch! OMG, I've lost it completely, haven't I?). And I just don't know if it's in me. Tomorrow, for really reals I'm going to the 9 a.m. weights class. I miss lifting weights so badly. Hopefully I'll remember that when it's time to get up tomorrow morning.

So that's the dealio around here. We're all healthy right now, which is a big deal and I'm thankful for it. I'm struggling with worry, though, which I hate because I know it's stealing my joy. When I hug my kids every morning and every night, it brings me some peace. They are such a gift.

147.6 - Quickie

Had to post that weight today, before it goes up on me again.

I have little time to post right now, but I don't like going a long time without an update. Y'all might think I jumped off a roof because of the stock market continuing to crash, and I sure don't want you to worry if I'm gone too long.

You would worry, right?

;)

So I have yet to do any kind of workout since the half marathon. I feel all squishy again and hate it that I've been so inactive for so long. TONIGHT while Sophie swims, I will run. And do some pushups.

Food is OK. Not perfect, but 90% good, which is alright by me for the time being.

Today I have the first grading period teacher's conference with Sophie's teacher. She got her report card yesterday and they always have conferences with every parent the first report card. She did great--only needing improvement on "listens attentively" and "organized & prepared." She gets both those issues from her dad. haha

We (Mark and I) have big weekend plans--without kids!--and I'll update you on those tomorrow. I'll check in with you all when I have some time.

Smooches!

149.6* - Cooking as an Investment

When my husband and I talked about what he needed to do to improve his health so he could avoid having a heart attack like his two brothers have had recently, one of the things he said he needed was a personal chef. He just doesn't have time to cook for himself. Hell, most days he barely has time to even eat. (Seriously. He'll go all day long until he gets home after 6 or 7 p.m., and not have eaten a thing because he was "too busy." Oy.)

Since we aren't Oprah, there was no personal chef to be hired. So I appointed myself as his new food preparer extraordinaire.

This is no small feat. I'm not a natural cook. I usually only get enjoyment from cooking when it involves sugar, flour, butter, eggs, chocolate, and the oven (I like to bake. A lot). I do, however, have a vested interest in keeping my husband of 13 years and the father to my two young children alive and healthy for as long as possible.

And I'm learning to love cooking. I'm cooking with love. Even if that means the only time I can cook is at 10:30 p.m. on a Monday night.

The weekend being what it was, I didn't have time to grocery shop. So after the kids were in bed last night, I headed out with my mile-long list and bought healthy food at 9 p.m. at night.

Home and with groceries put away by 10 p.m., I was ready to collapse but knew that if I didn't make something healthy, I would be falling down on my commitment to the hubs' new lifestyle.

So I put on the rice cooker (extra long brown rice) and set to opening cans and measuring spices. It was a simple recipe I found on foodnetwork.com, for Black and Red Fiesta Beans and Rice. I've never made it before, but I found two cans of red beans in the cupboard and needed to use them since they expired in August of 2008 (what? they were fine).

I think it only took me about 10 minutes to assemble the food, and I let it cook about 20 minutes or so. The rice cooker did its thing while I watched Alton Brown on Good Eats. And by 11:30ish everything was done and put in the fridge, ready for several meals over the next few days. (And the beans and rice ROCK. I had some for lunch and I highly recommend this recipe. I tweaked it a bit, thanks to the comments on the website. I used 6 oz tomato paste instead of tomato sauce, and I used a can of Rotel Original instead of salsa. And instead of cayenne pepper I used paprika.)

This is the third new recipe in a week that I've made. Last week it was Roni's turkey burgers and turkey chili (both turned out awesome, as all Roni's recipes do).

And I'm secretly starting to enjoy cooking, even though it doesn't involve dropping cookie dough by rounded spoonfuls. I even looked for butternut squash last night at the grocery--they didn't have any, what's up with that?--and if I ever find some, I'm going to make Roni's butternut squash soup.

Why the new found joy of cooking? Perhaps it's the thrill of taking a bite of something *I* made and having it actually tastes good. And knowing I'm doing my husband some real good by feeding him healthy meals. And realizing I'm hopefully giving my kids the gift of more years with their dad by helping him get healthy.

It's a strange thing, learning to love to cook at age 38. But then, it was strange for me to become a runner at age 37, too. I'm learning to love the strange things in life.

Which better include a N. man who lives well into his 90s.

***
*I had a massive migraine this morning. One of the worst I've had in ages. I think I know why, and I'm embarrassed to admit I had 8 Oreos in the middle of the night. Yesterday was a stressful day, I still feel kind of crappy from last week's sinus infection, and I woke myself up with a coughing fit. I went to pee and then the Oreos sang their siren song. I've never had an Oreo headache, but I have had dark chocolate headaches, and I'm thinking my body is developing yet another aversion to food that's bad for me. First it was Taco Bell, then McD's salads, now it's Oreos. It's a bloody bad food mutiny, I tell you!

Okay, so here's the reason for the * in my title today. Even though my head was about to explode, someone had to get Sophie off to school, and that someone was me. I weighed after my first morning pee, as usual, and got 149.6. After Sophie got on the bus, I lost it and had to lay down with an ice pack on my head. Mark took Luke to day care, and I napped for about 45 minutes. 3 advil and 3 tylenol later, the pain was mostly all gone. And before I got in the shower, I weighed again, because it's what I do. As I've seen before, napping causes weight loss. My 2nd weigh in was 148.4. Isn't that a hoot? The body is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

151.2 - Trying to get back to normal

Last week was so far from my new normal, it went full circle back to my old normal.

Bad food (oh so much bad food), no exercise, not enough sleep, and lots of stress.

I don't like the old normal. At all. It's scary how easy it is to fall back into old habits. Turns out, no matter how long I've been "good," the bad habits are not far under the surface. All it takes to let them out is sick kids, my own sickness, and an out of town husband.

Rarely am I excited about Mondays. But today, I was. The hubs got home last night at 9 p.m. I finally am starting to feel better. The kids are all better (knock wood). The weather is gorgeous. And today is a fresh start for my new normal.

My food today is carb down style, since I ate my young son's weight in sugar and starch this weekend. I'm planning for a few carb down days to get the water weight off and get my body used to good food again. Exercise may have to wait until tomorrow. We have a client coming in today at 4, so I can't run until after the kids are in bed (unfortunately, the grocery store wins out over the gym at 5:30 p.m. today, because we need some good food in the house), and I'm not holding out for that to happen.

I'm not letting the weight gain bother me. My clothes still fit. One week off isn't the end of the world. If anything, it taught me a good lesson. I felt like crap eating all that junk and not working out (of course, the sinus infection/cold didn't help).

And I don't want the old normal to become my normal normal, ever again.

148.4 - Feed a cold, and other ramblings

It's the best of seasons. It's the worst of seasons.

I love this time of year. But man, the germs do come on with a vengeance.

My mom took the kids to McD's playland last Friday when she picked them up from school. I had neglected to tell her that we don't go to places like that any more. No Chuck E Cheese's (a.k.a. Yucky Sneezes), no McD's playland, no Pizza Hut indoor playground, no Simon Mall indoor playground. Every single time we take the kids to one of those things, one or both of them get sick.

Sure enough, Sophie and Luke were both extra snotty (their heads, not their behavior) this past weekend, and Sophie had a scratchy, coughy throat. The kids are both better--just the regular allergy stuff now (despite their nightly zyrtec & benadryl doses; I can't imagine what it would be like without those meds). Mark had a bad head cold yesterday and stayed home from work, and mine started late last night.

Just in time for me to feel sorry for myself and, you guessed it, drown myself in junk food. Feed a cold, indeed!

I've not run since Sunday's half. Didn't have it in me to run in the extra warm temps yesterday afternoon. And I'm sure the lack of endorphins is part of the reason I ran to the food in the first place. This afternoon if it doesn't rain, I plan to remedy that situation and get in a nice healthy run.

I also have been pretty much off my Crack Diet plan since the 2 days before the race. I'm eating semi-on-plan during the day, but every night I've had minor discretions and last night was a major one.

The reasons for my food ambivalence are varied & complex.

This is gonna sound weird, but I'm afraid to lose much more weight. Mark is really struggling right now with his weight and lack of opportunity to exercise, and I remember when I was over 200 pounds and he was teaching kick boxing and was super fit & skinny. I resented the hell out of him. I think now, the tables are turned and while he appreciates and enjoys my new body, there seems to be an unspoken limit to how thin I "should" get.

He and I had a big talk on Monday night, when he had an emotional break down (and I had a food meltdown that night, too). Today he's leaving to visit his brother in Colorado who had the heart attack a few weeks ago. The imminence of a heart attack is terrifying Mark right now, which frankly is a good thing. He's serious about changing his food intake (and he just went to the doctor and got his cholesterol Rx increased). But he's scared because he said he doesn't know how. And of course, he's scared he could die in as little as 5 years time (his dad died at age 51, and Mark is 46). I told him I'd cook for him and provide his food, and he needs to stay away from fast food. So far, it's working.

Even though it should be natural for a wife to cook for her husband, that's never been the dynamic in our family. Mark is the chef; I cook by recipes. I have no natural abilities in the kitchen and can only make things turn out well when I follow directions. Which is fine, if your tastes (like mine) are simple. Mark, on the other hand, has very complex tastes & is finicky about food. He's like the rat in Ratatouille... tasting his way through a recipe and making a fabulous dish out of next to nothing in the fridge.

But. He has no time for this. So he's going to be stuck with my recipes and my food, until he figures out another healthy way. And I have to give big props to Roni, who is my go-to recipe source. I cooked her Southwestern turkey burgers last night and they are awesome.

So I've got this mindset that I better just get in maintenance mode for now, and keep my weight around 147-148 for a while. Perhaps in the spring I'll shoot for another 8 pounds down. I'd really like to weigh 140 for the Indy half in May so I can see how much faster I can run (yeah, yeah....better, stronger, faster! It's the American way =).

This weight seems to agree with me right now, and I'm happy here.

But we all know that maintenance is a bitch.

And the bitch session is ON!

***
Debby, Gu's are an energy gel that runner's use to keep on keepin' on during long runs. I use them when I run longer than an hour. They've got about 100 calories each and provide fast energy to the body via sugar & (with some flavors) caffeine. They're syrupy goo (hence, the name Gu) and are in little pouches that fit in small pockets in running shorts. There are all kinds of different brands, but my favorite is Gu's Espresso Love. It has extra caffeine! And it tastes yummy, as far as these things go. I had a vanilla one once, and it was disgusting.

EDIT: Dang it, I feel miserable. Sinuses are on fire, scratchy throat, headachy. No run for me today. I can barely keep myself upright at my desk. It's gonna be a fun night with just me and the kids tonight... I'm sure chocolate will be involved in one form or another.