I finally got a run in yesterday morning after the kids got on the bus. The weather was lovely. Cooler air and lower humidity makes such a difference in my speed and endurance. I alternated running and walking, and ran a total of 2 miles out of 3.
I still have a cough; it is wearing me out. The people I know who have had this have had a cough sometimes for over a month. Joy.
I'm doing well with food. Only had one evening with a misstep this week (last night, hence the uptick in weight; Thursday I was 173.8), and it was "only" 250 calories of chips ahoy cookies (Luke takes one in his lunch to school). I'm going to have to figure out how to Laura-proof them. Maybe the freezer?
The other night, after I'd received yet another letter from a creditor wanting money from Dad's estate--which doesn't exist since it was insolvent and there is no money to pay anyone--I could feel the stirrings of a binge. I kept busy, as is my usual evening routine now, folding laundry on the bed while Mark & the kids were in the family room. This time, though, I sat and thought about what I was feeling, and I let the tears come. It was a short cry, but it was a cry nonetheless. The binge feelings went away.
We are going to our Friday night friends' group from church tonight. We haven't been in months and months. It's the first real social event I've been to in a long time. We are taking our own meat to grill, and the host family is providing everything else. I am planning to take a salad and a piece of fruit with me, too, and stay away from everything else. I'm sure it will all be processed stuff I won't eat.
The kids had a great week at school. Luke loves Kindergarten. He has surprised me by how grown up he has become in the past 3 days. Treat kids like they can do more, and they do.
I have been practicing listening and not trying to solve everyone's problems when they talk. I did that with Sophie last night--listened, gave some feedback when it seemed appropriate, and didn't try to solve every question or problem she had. She talked a lot. I talked very little. She went to sleep smiling.
It's actually been a big weight off my shoulders to not feel responsible for solving everyone's issues. You know? I can listen, and that is enough.
4 comments:
You seem to be doing really well, congrats! I bet if you poke around online a bit you can find a template for a form letter to send when estate-related mail comes in. You are sounding so strong these days!
That paragraph about crying and not bingeing? That is HUGE. I seriously applaud you for that.
I agree with Jen - you sound so much stronger lately! (teehee I accidentally typed "stoner" for "stronger" - no you don't sound like stoner! it made me giggle)
XOXO
I think it was probably good to just go have a cry. Sometimes I do that. If I feel overwhelmed and maybe I am thinking about things too much, I go cry, wash my face and tell myself no thinking about "A" until I can actually do something about it.
My dad stole my money and my credit. Every time I would get a thing in the mail my stomach would knot and I would go into a panic (even if I did not display it all the time). I cannot say I enjoyed going through it, but it certainly made me a better person. You get thru it the best you can, mitigating out of control feelings and by keeping a firm reliance on your husband and god (if you go that way).
Crying is a good thing. You wrote well on this topic. Good that you were able to cry it out and then SEE that you cried it out.
My brother has gone through a tough, tough year with how his ex's decisions impact his kids safety and perceptions. I have had times where I really had to just listen. I have had times where I have needed to speak up. the biggest part of all of it, for me, was realizing that was him and I am me.
Not letting it sink me. Holding it at arms length? Boundaries? not sure the best way to word it, but I do think it is part of the process.
I have heard it described as the 'need to fix'. So I think it goes beyond 'listening and not talking'.
I think the talking was our trying to fix. And I also think that sometimes that need to fix is part of our busy work - being worried about others instead of doing what we need to do ourselves - avoidance.
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