Monday, August 29, 2011

A new person (171.0)

The weekend went well, considering how crazy it was.  The way I handled everything was nothing short of a miracle.

We had a house guest (Mark's brother from Colorado) all weekend. He got in Friday night and is leaving this afternoon. We don't have a guest room; Mark set up the air mattress in the family room (I put the bedding on), which stayed there all weekend. I like having my house in order and cleaned up.  The disorder of the family room bothered me a bit, but I decided I could live with it and just let it go, and I did.

I grocery shopped Friday after work, and made a big fruit salad (Jeff helped with that) and dinner that night. The guys went out and smoked cigars and then came home and talked until 3 am. I slept through Mark getting into bed.

My espresso maker died Saturday morning, which was total bummer but I didn't kill anyone over it, haha.  I gathered our swim stuff for pool party #1 (I keep everything in a bag in the front hallway, so I only had to get suits and towels together), and the kids and I left the house at 11: 45 am, picking up Luke's friend on the way.  He came over to spend the night Friday, but didn't make it--poor kid missed his mom so she came and picked him up at 7:30 pm.  Luke handled the disappointment well, mostly because we still included his friend in our Saturday plans.
I was with my mom and sister for 4 hours on Saturday, and not once did I get angry or upset or irritated.  I didn't let my sister & her husband's arguments get to me.  I didn't let mom get to me.  I didn't let the noise and needs of 10 kids (3 of which I was responsible for) in the pool get to me. 

I felt relaxed, unattached but very present, and like a new person.

I showered & cleaned up at my sister's, getting ready for party #2. We left my sister's house at 4 pm, dropped off Luke's friend at his house, then went straight to Mark's cousin's house.  The kids both got back into their wet bathing suits and swam again at our 2nd pool party of the day.  We stayed until 7:30 pm.  I helped both kids get back into dry clothes for the 2nd time that day.  When we got home, they got into PJ's and relaxed for about an hour then went to bed.

Saturday night when we got home, I was worn out.  I was also upset when I saw that the steel cut oats I had made that morning for Jeff that were left on the stove all day, because neither of the guys thought to put it away after they were done.  Plus the kitchen wasn't cleaned because I hadn't had time that morning, and by then it was all a bit much for me.

Mark had done nothing at that point to help me, not with the kids or with the hospitality of his brother.  I lost it a bit, especially after he went straight to the bedroom and laid out on the bed to watch TV while I was getting the kids ready for bed after my marathon Saturday. 

We had a tiff, I finished getting the kids ready for bed, then he came and checked on me in the family room where I'd just collapsed on the couch (Jeff wasn't home, he was out at a friend's reception).  I told him I was upset & why.  I said that I needed him to clean the kitchen at the very minimum, because I was done.  He did, it helped a little bit.  I didn't stay mad.  I moved on.  I didn't binge or even feel like binging.

Yesterday sucked.  Sophie woke up with a sore throat.  I was very tired, mentally and physically.  Mark, Jeff, & Luke went to church, then out to lunch.  When they got home, Mark had a reaction to some medicine he took by mistake (he chewed a timed-release tablet instead of swallowing it, thinking it was a different med--it was in his pocket, not a bottle--he's a mad man sometimes, I tell you--and it released a ton of niacin into his system...and his body had a horrible reaction to it).  So he was out of commission all day and all night. 

Jeff went out with sister Nancy, who came in town from Indy to see him, so it was me and the kids.  I did a couple loads of laundry and that was about it.  It was a stressful, unhappy day.  I still didn't eat to cope, which is a small miracle. 

Last night after the kids were in bed I watched TV and read and feel asleep around 10:30.  I still didn't binge or eat anything to soothe my stress.

I know it's the mood stabilizer doing its job.  Yes, not having sugar in my system is also a big contributor to being more stable.  Yes, therapy has helped me "see" where I have issues and where I can change my behavior to help myself and others.  Even my hormones have not been affecting me like they used to.  I can feel my brain and emotions reacting like a stable, even person.

It truly is nothing short of a miracle.  I hope it continues.  I am not jumping up and down with tons of energy, but I am not in the dumps of depression or the pit of sugar despair either.  I am stable and on an even keel.  I really do feel like a new person.


Vickie said...

what you are writing about I think of as

all favorite topics of mine

what a good job you are doing in a relatively short period of time.

I can see that you REALLY see the steps as you work on your process.

You are doing an excellent job of not stuffing things down or avoiding with food

are you feeling better? did you have any luck with getting a history for yourself with pharmacy?

Laura N said...

Thank you, Vickie. I started feeling much better on Monday. I was OK Sat & Sun, but physically & mentally those days were draining.

I have it on my list of things to do to get our meds list from Walgreens. I have been working my way down that list this week. There is a TON of stuff on it.

Shauna said...

exactly what vicki said... in awe of your progress here :)