Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Escape (174.6)

I think the food cravings are mostly gone now, after a couple of days back on track.  Geez, sugar gets in and doesn't let its hooks go easily.  I am going to a weight lifting class tonight at 5:30. 

I feel pretty good about how things are going on the food front, even though my weight isn't moving down quickly.  I know it's not a race to get skinny, so I'm not letting the slowish pace get to me. I'm excited to start taking the classes at the gym, and I love the yoga DVD and can't wait to do it again (it is Yoga Challenge 1, Hatha Yoga with Tony Sanchez. I ordered it from Amazon.com).
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I have been reading a ton of escape books all summer.  I've become addicted, for want of  a better word, to the sci-fi/fantasy genre (magic & medieval times, werewolves, shapeshifters, beyond-reality stuff).  I never thought I'd like this type of book, but I found a couple of good authors and now I'm hooked. 

My kindle makes it way to easy to read one after another.  I don't have paperbacks piling up, I don't have embarrassing book covers to hide, I don't have to wait until I get to the bookstore or library for another one.

I know I use the books for escape.  I am not reading them to the exclusion of doing my job at work or at home.  My house is clean, my bed linens are clean, our hampers are empty, my kitchen is clean.  I'm keeping myself and family well fed and cared for.  I'm working out.  I'm sleeping 7 or 8 hours a night.

So, I guess you could say my 1 to 2 hours of reading a day is no big deal.  Except I was thinking on the way into work today--what is it that I'm escaping from? 

Part of it is the shear responsibility of being a wife and mother.  Some days I just don't want to be either.  Part of it is a (small) mid life crisis, I think.  Part of it is a dissatisfaction with life in general, which sets me up to feel guilty because I am so extremely lucky and blessed to have the life I have--how dare I complain or want something else?

I don't have any answers.  It's fodder for therapy next week.

5 comments:

Jill said...

I spend my entire lunch hour reading my Kindle just so I don't have to talk to my coworkers. That's a pretty obvious escape, but it also helps me feel like I've done something just for ME for a little while during the day. :)

Laura N said...

That's probably part of it for me, too, Jill. So much of my day is spent on everyone BUT me. I guess the reading for escape isn't that big of a deal. I think this morning I was feeling particularly oppressed by the "I want another life" thing--sick kids, Mark is home in bed today not feeling well, I'm tired of the responsibility of EVERYTHING on my shoulders (feels that way anyway, even though it's not the truth).

I'm not sure if it's hormones or what, but there are a few times a month that I feel like this, and it is temporary but it's a drag. Ya know?

Julie said...

I read a lot too and don't feel guilty. I think we all need some time to do something that is just for us - especially those of us with family responsibilities. Choosing to read and `zone out' for an hour or two sounds like looking after yourself to me. You could easily be spending that time watching tv and being exposed to all kinds of ads for things that will give you the `wants' for all kinds of things including food. If you are really absorbed in what you are reading you are unlikely to be thinking about eating. I just devoured the Twilight series and am keen to check out the Hunger Games series next. Hardly high literature but so what? Whose approval do I need?

Vickie said...

This was an area I had to address. I read to tune out life. I also ate while I read.

My personal opinion is if you brought it to your own attention, it probably is an issue.

(and how much $$$ are you spending? I am a BIG TIME library person. And I know you have mentioned $ issues in past.)

This is just me:
I did stop reading and made exercise my 'me' time.

I stopped reading for many years.

I went back to reading about a year ago in the form of CD's (library) in the car. I spend a lot of time in the car and this works very well for me.

I also stopped watching TV unless I was on the treadmill for one school year (I watched an hour a day at the gym - I watched CSI Miami reruns at noon, had nver seen the series, made the hour fly).

I went back to TV after that one year but with parameters. I only watch right before bed. And it is only 1 or 2 shows. No TV during day. I watch NO commercials (DVR shows or DVD's from library only).

Eating is not associated with any of these activities. I only eat at meal time.

Vickie said...

I can totally see reading in a controlled environment as Jill mentioned. I assume she can't go power walk or run the stairs for an hour because of sweat issues*.

I can see having this set time and then the trade off is doing what needs to be done later (early morning gym or right after work gym for example).

*I now take a change of clothes and a washcloth/towel and am able to wipe down, change after two hours of sweat and go out to run errands looking and smelling okay.