As usual, you guys come to the rescue when I'm feeling like utter doo-doo. Thank you all for your advice, encouragement, and commiseration.
Last night was miraculous. I took Vickie's wise, insightful advice, and put on some white noise (sound machine--ocean waves setting) while reading blogs. I read until the battery on my laptop ran out and put my PC into hibernation mode. By then, I was ready to hibernate myself.
I had a cup of hot chocolate for my evening snack, and that was it.
It felt so good to go to sleep with only the sound of a pretend ocean in the background, with a warm but mostly empty belly, and the knowledge that I hadn't completely self destructed.
And I'd had a fantastic weights class Wednesday night, too. Felt strong and sure, and when we worked our backs I used 3 medium plates (2.5 Kg. each) on either side of the bar, when I usually use 2 mediums and maybe 1 small (1 Kg.) on each side. I was doing overhead presses with power and feeling like a rockstar.
Running didn't get done today, unfortunately, but it was for a good cause. Today was my husband's 46th birthday and we treated him like a king. I couldn't very well go for a run when we had dinner plans at 5:00 at his favorite restaurant. I could have gone this morning, I suppose, but that would have required (a) foresight and planning and (b) the ability to wake up before 6:30 a.m., neither of which I possessed today.
And yes, I had birthday cake. And ice cream. And they were damn good, too. No regret here.
But it will all be leaving my house when we go to our friends' house tomorrow night for our semi-regular Friday Night Group. I don't regret one night's indulgence on a special occasion, but I know my limits. And chocolate cake and vanilla bean ice cream are, as you likely already know, my kryptonite.
I just gotta make it through tonight without any more.
Fake ocean waves, here I come.