Friday, October 12, 2007

Day 232 - 153.4

The best thing about today is.... it's no longer yesterday. I didn't get a run in last night, and can make all kinds of excuses like DH got home late and we were completely out of milk so I had to go to the grocery store instead of running, but basically I just wanted to eat my way through my stress. I did something last night I haven't done in 8 months--I bought a pint of chocolate ice cream and ate it in the bathroom.

Hello, my name is Laura and I'm a food addict.

I was just not in the mood to explain myself to my husband and didn't want my daughter eating my ice cream, so I hid my binge from my family.

I am not proud of this. It was a pretty low moment. And I'm highly aware that the behavior is destructive and unhealthy and a setback. I might as well have been shooting up. Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but it felt like it. It was a 600 calorie pint of Edy's Grand chocolate, and I ate all but about 4 spoonfuls of it. I didn't taste it much, just shoveled it in so I could get as numb as possible.

So. It's done. I'm over it. I'm taking it as a lesson that I'm not impervious to stress eating, and thanking my lucky stars that my normal life is pretty calm and I don't have to self medicate on a regular basis.

Sophie is better today, but not symptom free. Still dizzy and can't walk, but she's sitting up and coloring and with me at the office. I've called the doctor today to let him know she's on day 4, and to see if she's a candidate for any meds that might help make these episodes shorter. The antivert isn't making her symptoms go away completely, and she needs something that treats the migraine anyway, not just the dizziness. We'll see what he comes back with.

Hoping I can get a run in around 2:30 this afternoon, because DH has yoga at 4 and then has a church youth group event tonight, so I'll be with the kids by myself. Tomorrow night my mom's coming down to watch the kids at our house and we are supposed to have a date, probably dinner and a movie.

Thanks for bearing with me and for your supportive words. Sorry to be such a downer the past few days. I'm sure things will look up soon.

10 comments:

Grumpy Chair said...

I hope you got your run in this afternoon.

Yesterday was a bad, stressful day. One pint of ice cream will not cause much weight change, just "mental" damage on the already stressed out psyche.

You wrote it down; now you can forget about it and continue on with your healthy living ways.

Enjoy your weekend and I hope Sophie begins to feel better.

ws said...

I'm one of those people that thinks once you've written something it is out of your head, hopefully that works for you (wait until you see the crap I write next week during the taper).

The other best thing about today is that tomorrow is the weekend and two days to unwind before starting over on Monday.

Enjoy the weekend - hope Sophie feels better and you get your run in...

Debbi said...

Late to the party, as usual.

Hang in there. Hope you got to run today. In the whole scheme of things, a pint of ice cream isn't going to kill you. Hiding it probably felt worse than eating it. But it's over and done with.

Moving on ...

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Oh Honey, so sorry about the food binge. Seems we can't get over the fact that that might make us feel better. It's so hard to be rational at the time. Get right back on it if you can. I am down to 154 and trying to hold although we went to a bar this afternoon and it was definitely not in my plan. Let's not let it snowball. I am planning to get right back on the horse...

Vickie said...

I can't remember who you have seen and what you have tried with Sophie. I am wondering if you have ever considered allergies as part of her trigger.

I have had migraines since childhood. I had allergies and asthma from birth. When I was little allergies and asthma were not really understood. There were almost NO asthma/allergists and the ones that were around were considered sort of like witchdoctors. I am not sure how accurate any of their treatments would have been anyway.

So, I had untreated asthma, allergies and migraines.

I have had dizziness problems and terrible car sickness type problems - this whole time also.

NOW - they think that the dizziness is actually allergy related.

The canals in my ears either don't drain/pass fluid properly and it builds up impacting my balance,

OR

I have too much fluid in there to start with - EVEN IF my nose is not running and I have no other allergy symptoms.

I ended up at ENT with dizziness about 2 years ago. And in the process of trying to figure that all out - she discovered that my nose was structurally blocked on the left side.

I had been getting NO air in the left side of my nose for my whole life. When you add allergy/asthma to that (conjestion, etc). I really wonder how oxygen deprived I really was.

I had surgery to fix the nose - November 2005.

After that everyone tried to wean me off some of my allergy meds and my dizziness got MUCH worse.

THAT is what made us all see the correlation - allergies and dizziness.

Before it was considered a seperate thing or linked to my migraines.

There was a broadcast on NPR this morning (Saturday) on their medical show talking about kids and over the counter allergy medicines. The problem with them is they either knock kids out or make them hyper.

Their suggestion was to talk to doctors about Allegra Oral Suspension.

I am wondering if there is a pattern to her dizziness problems - like spring and fall - which are often allergy times of the year.

Or something like - you turn off the air conditioning and go to windows. Etc.

I also wondered if there might be a food trigger.

bill carter said...

I've been reading your blog for a while and thought I would put in my 2 cents. We all have food binges. I know there are times whre I sit there and kind of mindlessly put away a whole bunch of something.... and I know I don't even really taste it. I look back on it later and think how stupid that was, but at the time my body became this automated food consuming machine. The really great thing is that you are trying to make changes and do things that are better for your body. Best wishes.

Jess said...

I hope you're feeling better by now and that you were able to get your run in.

Marcy said...

I absolutely agree with GC
"One pint of ice cream will not cause much weight change, just "mental" damage on the already stressed out psyche."

Hang in there chica!!! Relax and enjoy the weekend!

Tigerlilly said...

Just because we are gaining control of our bodies does not mean that we understand everything that is going on in our head. So you ate a pint of ice cream.. the good thing is that you admitted to yourself and your fans (us!). We all have our fall backs.. and we all jump back up on the track again.

I hope you have some awesome runs this weekend... I hope your daughter gets better soon.. and I hope that you forget about yesterday and focus on today!

Lori said...

One pint isn't the end of the world.

One of the things that I loved about this one podcast of Jillian's is how she says we suffer from the disease of obesity and she herself still (and will) struggle with wanting to eat food all the time, binge, etc. It's part of our make-up.

You wrote it down, you confess, and you can move forward. It's been pretty stressful for you and it's more than natural that we revert to old habits to calm ourselves. You haven't done anything like this in a very long time, I'm sure.

I hope Sophie is feeling better and you are feeling better too.