After hitting a plateau for a couple of weeks, my weight has started to come down again. This is consistent from what I've experienced in the past--go no where, then drop, then go nowhere again, then drop again.
Monday will be 60 days of continual abstinence, and I'll get my 60 day chip (I've actually not eaten sugary trigger foods for 90 days, but the pizza incident caused me to start over my day count after 30 days).
It is SO much easier living my life this way! Yes, I still occasionally struggle with wanting to comfort myself with food. A few times I have overeaten foods that aren't on my trigger foods list. But when I don't eat the sugar/fat/white flour combo, I don't crave it.
I am retraining my brain to not eat after dinner, to eat only at meals, and to sit with uncomfortable emotions, or at least to work out those emotions with something other than food.
I'm also approaching this from a place of surrender and powerlessness. Living with open hands instead of clenched fists. Open hands represent accepting the gifts being given to me and accepting what IS instead of struggling for something out of reach. Clenched fists are the opposite: striving to control, holding on too tight, never having enough.
I am soooo not perfect with any of this. It's a learning process and I have to continually remind myself of these things. Weekly meetings with people who have lived this way for years and talking with my sponsor a few times a week makes all the difference.
I am not doing my 30 questions or writing and reading like I should be. That is an area I will be improving.
I didn't get to run Tuesday as planned, and by Wednesday night I was so wound up I was ready to pop. Last night I didn't have choir practice, and I took advantage of the free time by going to a hot yoga class.
I first ran 2 miles on the treadmill. I can control my speed and usually do intervals on the TM. I ran 10 min/mile for .25 or .2 miles several times. I still ended up with an avg of 12 min/miles, because of my recovery walks. But I love interval training because I like running fast & I know it's good for calorie burning and makes my cardio system stronger.
After my run I headed to the yoga studio. I haven't taken a yoga class in forever--at least 6 weeks, maybe 2 months. I was super excited.
We had a wonderful instructor--the kind who walks around the room and tells you the little things that improve poses in ways you wouldn't expect. Such as, in down dog, press your fingers to the floor so your second knuckles are pushing into the ground, and pull your hands toward each other, so your shoulders will go down your back and relax more. It works.
The poses we did led us to doing the Big Pose, bird of paradise.
We approached it from the floor. I don't think I can fully explain how we did it, but I'll try. We started in a lunge position, then got our arms in the bind, then scooted in our back foot, then lifted the front leg in the air.
Now, I did NOT get my leg straight and I did not get my back all the way straight. My inner thighs are the least flexible part of my lower body. But I did the bind, I did stand up without falling, and I did get my knee in the air. And this was after 45 minutes of hard work. I was only able to do it on one side. By the time we got to the other side I was spent. I also couldn't get into it from a standing position. I think I needed the bind to happen when I was stable on the ground, instead of trying to bind while balancing on one leg.
When she first showed us the pose, at the beginning of class, it bummed me out. I thought "OMG there is no way I can do that. Oh well, I'll just enjoy the rest of the class and it's no big deal. I won't be the only one who can't."
It is an amazing feeling to do something you never thought you could.
I felt smaller and looked smaller in the yoga mirrors. My tank top is getting too big. My hips don't look as deformed (they are still deformed, but not as bad, stupid saddle bags). I'm starting to see light between my thighs when we are in forward bend. My shoulders are starting to get definition. My beloved collar bones--this is one of my favorite parts of my body, probably because I couldn't see them for over a decade--are coming to the surface more and more.
And I felt strong. Very strong. I didn't have to rest once during the hour long class, and it was 100 degrees in there, which sometimes puts me on my butt at least a couple of times to catch my breath and rest.
I also did something very brave in the gym. I ran on the treadmill in my yoga pants & tank top--nothing covering my behind. I am so self conscious about my back side (really, Laura? you are? you never talk about it, I had no idea :). But I was hot in my baggy t-shirt after the first mile and I decided I didn't care what I looked like. I just wanted to feel good while I ran.
Busy weekend. Dinner with a client tonight, Christmas tree tomorrow, church Sunday morning and then advent dinner that night. I'll be doing a long run of 4 or 5 miles and am going to try to do a yoga class tomorrow morning.
I'm thankful I am in this place right now. December is almost always something I dread. This year, I'm working on being grateful and living with open hands instead.
***new profile pic
I started doing my hair differently, for the first time in years. Trying to be more up to date. I really like it and it's easier than using a straight iron all over.