So this place I'm in. I haven't been here in a realllly long time.
Feeling more comfortable about how I look and fit into clothes.
Not being a slave to food.
Able to handle difficult emotional situations without thinking of food as a solution.
Able to run--really run, not just "wog." (Not that there's anything wrong with a wog--walk/jog--but when you know what it feels like to "run," you miss it when you can't and it's exciting when you can again.)
Not yelling at my kids or husband on a regular basis because I'm steeped in sugar anger.
Sleeping well and not eating at 2 am.
Waking up in the morning hungry and without a sugar hangover.
Keeping food in it's proper place--as fuel, not as a companion.
I am working hard on living in TODAY and not thinking about tomorrow or the future. 12 step programs teach "one day at a time."
It's ridiculous and sometimes daunting to think I will never eat chocolate again. And while that is a fact--if I want to stay abstinent--it is not my business to think of the "never agains." All I have to worry about is today.
The strength of the program I'm working is in my weakness. I don't have to hold on with tight fists, trying to control my every action or reaction. I can open my hands and be weak, and let God's strength carry me.
I know this might be a turn off to a lot of people. But it's what works for me, and it's working better than anything I've done before.
Random book/music stuff.
I re-read the book Divergent. If you liked the Hunger Games or Matched series, you will love this book (I like it better than The Hunger Games). I rarely re-read anything. But I was talking to Jen on FB about it, and decided I wanted to relive that story. There is a second book, Insurgent, that I'm reading now. Even though I know what happens (although I do not remember detail, so it's still enjoyable), I couldn't put it down last night. The third book comes out late next year. The author is in her early 20s. I hope she gets a movie deal. These would make excellent movies.
I cannot stop listening to Mumford and Sons. Seriously. It's been a month and I have to listen to them every day. Sometimes it's all I listen to. I listen to them when I run. I listen to them at work. I listen to them in the car. I listen to them when I get ready in the morning. I know this is an addiction issue. Mark & I talked about it. It feels good, makes me feel good, and I want to hang on to that feeling all. the. time.
I do listen to other music, too. It's just that 90% of the time, it's M&S.
I'm not really worried about it. I'm not hurting myself or anyone else. It's just an oddity. I've gone through periods similar to this with other bands--recently it's been Gotye, Muse, and Eminem (Spotify makes it really easy to listen to new music)--but not for this length of time.
I did this with Dave Matthews Band when I trained for my first half marathon. I only listened to DMB while training, and it had a Pavlov's dog affect on me. I'd listen to DMB when not running, and I'd want to run. Same thing now. I hear M&S and want to go running. I want to go running so I can listen to M&S without distraction. So that's actually not a bad thing at all.