Thursday, December 27, 2012

The best gift (155.8)

The best gift I received this year was abstinence.

I had no problem resisting desserts at my mom's or not eating sugar cookies that Sophie & I made on Christmas day (she likes to decorate more than eat... I think she's had 3 since Tuesday).

Funny story...  When we arrived at  my mom's on Christmas eve, I went straight to the kitchen to toss my salad.   Everyone had already started eating.  My sister came up to me and held a fork up to my mouth with a small bite of food.  I didn't pay any attention to it and I really couldn't see it that well since it was so close to my face & I have "old eyes" now that can't see that up close. 

I assumed it was dinner food, since everyone had just started eating--so I just took the bite. 

It was chocolate pie! 
Chocolate pie is THE dessert for me at my family's gatherings.  I loved it when I was a little kid and loved it as an adult.  I'd eat slice after slice, usually 2 slices after dinner and 2 slices a couple hours later.  Crystal made the pies this year, and she's a "food is love" person. 
As soon as I tasted the chocolate, I panicked and spit it out in the sink.  I'm pretty sure she knew I wasn't eating sugar, but I think she probably just forgot or didn't realize what I'm doing now with my food. It's not like I talk about it around her.  She's very overweight and very unhealthy and has no interest in me getting thinner.  

But after I spit it out and said I can't eat dessert, she said "you're weird.  You can't even have one bite?"  I said no, I wish I could have just one bite, but I can't stop at one bite.  She said "you're weird" again and let it drop. 

No one else even noticed when I didn't eat dessert.  I didn't notice that I didn't eat dessert.  There were too many other things going on with the kids and family conversations.  The food just didn't matter. 

I had a small serving of chicken and dumplins and a huge portion of my salad (it was the only green thing there). I skipped the rest of the food--chili, potato soup, rolls, ham, cheese slices. I was perfectly content and full enough.

Christmas day was just us four.  It was lovely.  The kids had a great Christmas and were happy campers.  I went for a five mile run that afternoon, which was another great gift I gave myself.

Yesterday was not so easy.  I kept myself busy with laundry and reading and movies.  I shoveled the drive way, which took about half an hour and was a butt load of work (I'm sore today in my back and arms and shoulders). 

I went outside with the kids and Mark and built a snowman. I rarely play in the snow with them.  I don't have snow pants, I don't like being cold and wet, and I usually crave the alone time.  But not this year.  This year I wanted to be with my kids and wanted to LIVE and not just exist.  It was fun.

But we were basically couped up for two days in a row, and I got a little stir crazy.  I did OK with food all day, but had a couple handfuls of peanuts around 8:30 pm.  Peanuts make me retain water (these are unsalted, unroasted, but there must be something in them that messes with my body).  I ate them because I wanted a snack and they don't trigger cravings for me.

But I still ate them out of boredom.   And out of the post-Christmas melancholy that set in after the snowman building.  It was a big AFTER.  And I think not being in front of my SAD light for 5 days caught up with me (it's at work). 

The peanuts were not the end of the world.  I'm aware of it. I need to start paying attention and redirect when it happens again.

Today I'm working a half day, then going grocery shopping and making au gratin potatoes for dinner with Mark's family tonight.  I am glad to get out of the house. 

And I'm ready for spring.  We've had Christmas. We had a good snow.  I hate January and February.  They are like one big AFTER.  Recouping from November and December.  Waiting for Spring.  Waiting for the sun.

I'm glad I have the half marathon at the end of February to keep me running and have something to look forward to. 

3 comments:

Vickie said...

Dick's Sporting Goods (which is no longer selling multi round assault rifles) has inexpensive snow pants. I think mine might have bibs. I wear them tobaggoning, over my yoga clothes on really blowy days, put them in trunk for emergency in winter. You could wear them sledding with kids.

Very smart for you to realize that your sister is not going to understand. Very smart (I think) to not get into discussions with people. Also very smart to spit. There are a lot of people here in blog land who would not understand spitting it out either. I do understand.

Your sister made me think of a story from my aunt. She said if either one of her girls told her close her eyes and open her mouth, she would. She said her son, when he was a certain age, not so much. One day he tried to get her to close eyes and open mouth, but she refused. It was a booger.

Jill said...

When I was losing weight, my sister (who is also overweight) became cold and detached. Whenever I called her, her first question was always "are you still losing weight?" and the conversation went downhill from there. When I finally answered that question with "no, I've actually started gaining again" the difference in her voice was unmistakable. Suddenly we could talk again. I never confronted her about it, but it hurts to think that my own sister wanted me to stay fat. I guess misery loves company and misery gets pissed when it no longer has anyone to kill the buffet with. :/ Good for you for sticking to your guns. xoxo

simply me said...

I love the gift of the 5mile run you gave yourself!!
And I think you have found the key to dealing with family dinners, bring your own food. That's what I do too. And I don't miss deserts anymore either. I have found I enjoy the conversation more that goes with eating desert, and I'm happy with my bottle of water while they eat :)