Vickie asked "Is it absolutely amazing to you how easily your weight is coming off? Does it feel easy/quick to you?"
YES and YES.
It is also very humbling. I am working hard to view the quick loss as a GIFT and not something that *I* am doing. Part of the "I am powerless over food" idea. I am following a program, and the program is taking care of the weight.
I don't know if that's how it's supposed to be in OA or not, but it's helping to take my EGO out of the process.
Does that mean I have no responsibility? Absolutely not.
I am responsible for calling my sponsor if I'm struggling, and calling her on a regular basis just to check in.
I am responsible for going to meetings.
I am responsible for reading literature.
I am responsible for writing and answering the 30 Questions (part of the OA process).
I am responsible for physical activity.
I am responsible for not eating the foods on my binge list.
I am responsible for eating 3 healthy meals a day.
Everything else is left up to God.
Long time OA members talk about relooking at their food when their weight starts to get wonky. I think that has to do with getting older and metabolism changing, or letting foods creep in that aren't triggers but might be a weight-gain issue. It's never, ever about being on a diet.
The first 15 minutes of a meeting is the same thing every time...several readings including the steps and traditions. One part says "many of us find that the obsession with food is lifted as a result of working the program." That is what has happened for me. I have had a brief longing for a treat when my family has had ice cream, but it has been fleeting and not a pull on me.
I know in my bones that it is also a result of not eating sugar/fat/flour foods, which for me are a drug. A sugar addicted brain has no shot at overcoming food obsession if it's being fed a continuous diet of sugar/flour/fat foods.
At my last appointment with my therapist, she talked to me about how addiction works. How a person can be reasonable, in control, driven, motivated, conscientious, intelligent, thoughtful, and whatever other descriptors fit an emotionally healthy human being.
But when their addictive brain takes over, those things go out the window.
She said doctors have studied addicts' brains, and when the addiction area of the brain lights up--and it lights up like wild fire when the addictive substance is consumed--the other, rational, "emotionally healthy" part of the brain DOES NOT FUNCTION as it should.
It doesn't stand a chance of contradicting the raging demon of the addiction.
I haven't read the studies, and I don't know the science. But I know from my own experience that THIS explains why, when I'm in the sugar, I can't stop myself from eating more sugar. The experience of walking into the kitchen and eating sugary foods and the whole time I'm thinking "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! WHY CAN'T YOU STOP?!"
Like I'm watching myself from outside my body, not in control and not able to regain control.
That description of how the brain works also helps me accept that my sugar addiction is a disease that I am powerless over. And if I want to get better, make the disease not make me sicker, I have to stop feeding the disease.
It also explains why this feels so easy.
I am not fighting the raging demon any longer.
The addiction is always there. That part of my brain didn't get cut out. I can't feed it what it wants if I want the healthy part of my brain to stay in control.
I am still and will always be addicted to sugar, and I am still and will always be powerless over food.
But I am not powerless.