Monday, November 19, 2007

Day 270 - 154.6 Fat Head

It takes talent and sheer drive to gain 4 pounds in 3 days, let me tell you. A terrible cold coupled with the desire to eat everything in sight helps a lot, too.

And I'm feeling every ounce of that gain this morning. My fat head thinking has really been messing with me lately. Like Saturday night, in my size Medium black dress from The Limited which I was excited to wear for the first time (I forgot to take my camera with me, so I don't have any photographic evidence to share, sorry). I know it looked good and fit well, but all I could see and obsess about was the fat roll at my waist. The dress did a good job of camouflaging it mostly, but I could see it and it bugged the hell out of me. And then this morning, I just know that my jeans don't fit like they did Friday, and I feel like I'm as big as a house.

It's not just these couple of examples, either. In the past few weeks, I've been having these unsatisfied glimmers of recognition that my body is not going to look the way I want it to when I reach my goal weight. And instead of being happy with what I've accomplished, I am only seeing what is still left to do.

Weight loss is such a mental game, and I am letting my fat head get the better of me. There's so much crap that goes on in my mind about all this, and I often just choose to shut down rather than deal with it. Shutting down means I don't log my food and I eat to make myself feel better. That's what happened this weekend. And the weekend before that. I've got to get a handle on this before things really start falling apart.

And oh look! It's the holidays, the time of year when things naturally just fall apart because there's so much crap to do and so many people to deal with. I'm going to have to dig down and find that inner skinny girl and get her to help me off this roller coaster ride.

6 comments:

ws said...

Life is a mental game and it sucks sometimes. Speaking for myself, I know the best thing for me is to find a routine and stick with it...

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Marcy said...

You already ARE a skinny girl!!!

(((HUGS))) I TOTALLY understand what you mean. Even at my ideal weight I still frown. Damn extra skin :-/ Seriously I probably have at least 5 pounds of it on me :-X

This is justt a little setback. It happens to everyone :-) You'll be be on track before you know it!!

ElleTeeJay said...

Stick with it, sister. I've been going through the same thing lately. It's times like this that the old "marathon, not a sprint" mantra returns to my head. At least you've recognized what's going on...that's an accomplishment in itself.

Grumpy Chair said...

Water retention, ttom, blah blah - don't sweat it, it will come off in a couple of days, maybe even one day.

I know what you mean about the fat head thinking. I feel like I did that for the entire year of 2007. Last November I saw 167 pounds on the scale and everyone started to notice the weightloss. It freaked me out and then I stopped losing because I started the Fat Head inner monologue.

I'm making up Stop/Go bracelets for December for all of us to help remind me/us that December will be a month of temptations and we can make good choices and stop the bad choices.

I think you are totally awesome and that you are such a beautiful person and look great. Look at all your faithful readers you have too!

I bet you looked super in your black dress.

Tigerlilly said...

Ahhhhh... so we are on the same roller coaster ride... and it seems like we're only on the first loop. (I had ice cream today..wtf?)

You are facing what I am dreading.. the 'what if I dont look good when I reach goal?'.. well, I can tell you this... YOU LOOK FANTASTIC... Everyone has spacific things they want to be perfect on their bodies...and that is what you can focus on once you reach goal... (ie. you want flat abs, I want awesome arms!) I dont think the number 140 means PERFECT BODY... its more like 'you just started'. LOL..I'm not sure that was motivating!!..LOL

All I know is that we both need to push the big red STOP button and get off this ride... I'm starting to feel nauseaus...and start busting some a$$ this holiday season. I dont know about you, but my goal is to drop 10 more lbs by Christmas!

Ok... so I am now going to go hop on the treadmill and walk 5 more miles to burn those fat cells!!

Lori said...

You look so good and you have come so far. Five pounds, sfive pounds. Like Grumpy said -- water retention, PMS, cold -- give yourself a break. It's good to be careful but I honestly don't think you gained 4 pounds in 3 days -- at least not permanent fat.

I know what you mean about "my body is not going to look the way I want it to" when you reach goal weight. But after watching way too many What Not To Wear, there's a lot of ordinary women who think their bodies should snap back to pre-pregnancy looks. So I suppose losing weight is no different. I would love for me to look a certain way after losing my weight. But remember, it still looks fantastic and you have come a long way. Don't be hating yourself.

Our WW leader said that Thanksgiving holiday was a DAY not a week. So we can get through this first one. We may not lose but we can at least maintain.

Your fatheaded friend in Virginia who has fat myopia too....