It takes talent and sheer drive to gain 4 pounds in 3 days, let me tell you. A terrible cold coupled with the desire to eat everything in sight helps a lot, too.
And I'm feeling every ounce of that gain this morning. My fat head thinking has really been messing with me lately. Like Saturday night, in my size Medium black dress from The Limited which I was excited to wear for the first time (I forgot to take my camera with me, so I don't have any photographic evidence to share, sorry). I know it looked good and fit well, but all I could see and obsess about was the fat roll at my waist. The dress did a good job of camouflaging it mostly, but I could see it and it bugged the hell out of me. And then this morning, I just know that my jeans don't fit like they did Friday, and I feel like I'm as big as a house.
It's not just these couple of examples, either. In the past few weeks, I've been having these unsatisfied glimmers of recognition that my body is not going to look the way I want it to when I reach my goal weight. And instead of being happy with what I've accomplished, I am only seeing what is still left to do.
Weight loss is such a mental game, and I am letting my fat head get the better of me. There's so much crap that goes on in my mind about all this, and I often just choose to shut down rather than deal with it. Shutting down means I don't log my food and I eat to make myself feel better. That's what happened this weekend. And the weekend before that. I've got to get a handle on this before things really start falling apart.
And oh look! It's the holidays, the time of year when things naturally just fall apart because there's so much crap to do and so many people to deal with. I'm going to have to dig down and find that inner skinny girl and get her to help me off this roller coaster ride.