I had a weird weekend. For the most part it was good--we spent time together as a family, everyone is healthy. I even spent a couple of hours with my mom that were some of the best I've had with her in a long time. But for a good portion of it, I felt out of sync and like I was moving through mud.
I couldn't make myself do more than the bare essentials of cleaning and laundry and taking care of the kids and the dog and grocery shopping and going to church and taking the kids to the pool Saturday....well, I guess the bare essentials are a lot more than I give myself credit for.
But when I wasn't doing those things that I had to do, I did nothing but sit and read or watch TV. I even hit the carbs on Sunday and a little on Monday like I haven't in a long time. I wanted to workout yesterday when the weather had cooled off, but the idea of making myself move my body seemed monumental.
Same with this morning. I had planned on going for a walk/jog after the kids left for school. It was in the upper 50s, partly cloudy and breezy. The perfect antidote to the 100 degrees we had on Saturday. But I could not make myself move. I had my coffee and a piece of toast with peanut butter (not my usual, but I was planning to workout so I didn't eat a big breakfast). I couldn't make myself change my clothes. I gave up and lay down on the bed. I read for an hour before I finally got up to get ready for work.
I once had a therapist who told me she had clients who described depression as moving through mud. Like your limbs and mind meet resistance no matter where you turn. It's easier to lie down than it is to move.
That's how it felt and how it still feels. I've been here many times. But I have been doing so much better, that it has taken me by surprise.
I've had seasonal affective disorder for years. I am taking 1200 calcium and 6 fish oil capsules a day--and have been for a long time, although I only recently increased the fish oil from 2 to 6--to help combat depression and SAD. I don't usually experience symptoms until October. I suppose this year it is starting early.
My acupuncture doctor, who is also a psychiatrist, told me I should use a 10,000 lux light box to treat SAD. I have a 2,500 lux light which is over 10 years old. I just bought a new light box this morning (which killed me on the cost, but it will be worth it if it works) from alaskanorthernlights.com. I will start using it the morning after it arrives. I hope it helps.
There could be something else going on, but it feels like SAD. I'm just surprised at the early timing. I did notice the other night that it was 7 pm and almost dark, and I was a little shocked--wasn't it just yesterday that the sun was out until almost 9 pm?
I should live on an island near the equator. I'd have to deal with hurricanes, but at least I'd get an even dose of sunshine year round.