Thank you all for your encouragement. It means so much to me & lifted me up this week.
It's pretty interesting what happens when you stop filling your body with sugar to get numb, and start listening to yourself instead.
Wednesday night I could physically feel the compulsion to EAT after the kids were in bed & the house was quiet & it was just me and the kitchen. I walked from the family room/kitchen with my hot tea & Kindle in hand, into my bedroom, and the compulsion STOPPED. Stopped dead. I had been off sugary junk for two days, so I didn't feel a sugar craving from just having eaten sugar. It was a Pavlov's response craving, a conditioned routine. I knew this happened already--have even blogged about it--but I hadn't *felt it* in my bones before. The startling change that happened when I got into my bed with my tea and book--the need to eat was just gone.
Then last night, I had PMS really bad. It was Luke's gymnastics night, so we got home at 7 p.m. & I still needed to cook dinner & do the usual routine. I was grouchy & tired. I didn't get to workout like I'd planned to after work. I felt crummy. Normally I'd have grabbed some kind of sugary food or an alcoholic beverage to chill out. But, I thought about the self-care that Karly talks about, and that's what I did instead. I cooked a good healthy meal & sat down & ate it. I did allow myself some frozen cool whip as soon as I finished dinner (which was protein & veggies)--this is sugar, I realize, and I know it's potentially dangerous ground, but it was not ice cream (which is what I really wanted), I ate it with a lot of protein, and it stopped the PMS cravings. I had about 20 grams of sugar. It didn't push me into a binge. I didn't eat anything else all night.
I asked the kids to unload the dishwasher. I asked Mark to help them get ready for bed. I cleaned the dishes but left the rest of the kitchen kind of a mess--I was too tired to clean up any more. I got the kids settled down quickly. Mark was having a bad night too, and he had claimed the bedroom already with his TV show, so I was on the couch in the family room. I knew this could be binge triggering but I sat & listened to myself--I felt no cravings, no pulls for more sugar comfort. I laid down at 9:30 p.m. with my Kindle to read but I just kept my eyes closed & prayed & meditated, and fell asleep.
My husband woke me up at 11:30 p.m. to come to bed, which irritated me because I was really sleeping well, but I didn't eat (which I would have done in the past) and just went to bed & back to sleep.
Sorry for the minute detail--just felt like I wanted to write out how a night went that could have ended in disaster, but didn't.
The Big Victories this week are these:
*Ate breakfast every morning, at home
*Ate healthy snacks at work
*Ate lunch at work, of homemade healthy food--NO fast food or restaurant meals. This is a HUGE deal for me.
*Ate healthy dinners that were low or no carb (and again, no fast food or restaurant meals)
*NO night eating at all. None. Another huge deal.
*Exercised (3 miles walk/run) outside in 32 degree weather, and loved it.
*Wrote everything down--food, feelings, weight.
*Weighed 175.6 on Monday-- weighed 172.6 today.
I've got a list of goals/rewards for myself--both scale & non-scale related--that I am hoping will spur me on.
Have a great weekend. Hopefully I'll be around here more often now. I sure need this. It helps a lot to share.
8 comments:
Laura you are doing so great!!!! You faced a lot of demons this week and you beat. them. down!!
Your big victories this week were really awesome!! I'm so proud of you! :)
Awesome, Laura!
men are like dogs, have to tell them what to do. did you think to tell him (later, after it happened) what to do if you are sleeping soundly on the couch - like let me sleep, but be sure to set my alarm clock, and check to make sure the doors are clocked (or whatever).
I think you need to print out phrases from this post and either put them on your bathroom mirror or desk at work or in your car or maybe all of the above and more.
the steps you talk about ARE what has helped you in the past (whole foods, eating from home, eating at planned times, planning your meals, good bedtimes, not drinking your calories, your SAD light, etc).
you are very lucky you KNOW what to do. And you know how to do it.
my post today was my comment to you (first post) and a link back to you. I added this second post. The two together, with such a short time interval, are really good. shows how to face forward and step up to take care of yourself. no self sabotage.
that is doors are LOCKED, but I am sure you figured out what I meant.
I love how aware you are of those trigger points and giving yourself time to think before going for food to fill a hole. Writing it down somehow makes it very clear and real, and I hope you can see the positive steps you are taking, one at a time. I'm very proud of you.
So glad you are posting again. It really helps!
Hi Laura--just home! You are the first one I've taken the time and energy to comment on! Just want to say I am so happy for you. You are taking the right steps, the only steps that I know work. Try to keep in the back of your mind that these are permanent changes that you want to make, not just a means to an end. I will be right there with you on the sugar elimination, and for me wheat elimination too. I gained a little over Christmas and then topped that off on a vacation where healthy choices were not always available, and when they were I stress ate...
Some people tell me I'm a compassionate person, but when it comes to compassion for ME???....well, not so much. It seems I get very weighed down, literally and figuratively, when I'm not perfect-- I struggle with emotional eating as well, so what a vicious cycle! Eat, feel ashamed, eat more to comfort myself...I'm breaking the cycle with some new patterns. I look forward to following you and supporting one another.
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