Monday, April 28, 2008

155.0 - Half Marathon: T minus 5 days and counting

Holy cow, it's only 5 days from my first half marathon. I guess I'm ready. I didn't get in a 6 miler this weekend like I was supposed to, but I have done my "real" long runs (a 10 and a 9) so I suppose it will be fine.

The Story of My Shoes
I had bought new shoes a little over a week ago and ran my 9 miles on the treadmill in them and my feet and legs felt fine. But when I ran 5 and 3 this past week outside, my shins hurt a little and I just felt off. So I'm going to go back to my Brooks this week and will run the Half in those.

The Brooks are motion control shoes, which I needed last summer when I bought them and was still a "heavy runner" (Runner's World says women who weigh over 160 are heavy runners and probably need motion control shoes). My new shoes are New Balance 768s, which are stability shoes. I got them from a local running store and the sales guy said on a scale of 1 to 10, I over-pronate at a 4. My Brooks correct over-pronation at a level 8, so I don't need that much correction, and by running in the motion control shoes I'm putting more stress on the outsides of my hips and legs.

Which makes sense, because when I ran 9 miles in the NB, I could feel the middle of my glutes and hamstrings working a lot harder than they usually do.

I had asked at the running store if I could run the Half in the new shoes, and they said I should be fine with 2 weeks of breaking them in. But I think I'm not going to, because if I have the slightest hesitation about them and run in them anyway, and then I end up with shin splints or other pain, then it's going to be my shoes fault and a stupid mistake. And it's not worth taking a risk.

So my good ole Brooks with 214 miles on them get the honor of taking me around the Indianapolis 500 track. Aren't they lucky.

***
Saturday was busy. My mom had a Mary Kay party at her house, and I picked up Sophie at 9:30 a.m. from her friend's house where she'd had a sleep over, then drove 30 minutes to my mom's. Luke had had a horrible night and not slept from 1 a.m to 4 a.m., so he was a wreck. I helped mom clean and get ready, then took Luke for a drive to get him to take his nap. When kids are overtired, ironically they don't go to sleep easily, so he needed a car ride to knock him out. When I got back he slept for a while, then woke up and I had to hold him and sleep next to him for an hour and a half so he would stay asleep. I missed the MK party (they did pedicures, which would have been fun but oh well), but got to spend time with friends and family afterwards.

Then, something awful happened. And I wasn't going to write about this but I can't let it go and I'm hoping if I put it out there it will be cathartic, just like all the other stuff I put out here.

I lost Sophie. For about 5 minutes, we had no idea where she was. I was talking with my cousin and realized I hadn't seen her for probably 20 minutes or so, and when I started asking everyone "Have you seen Sophie?" no one had. We looked all over the house, in the basement, and couldn't find her. My mom's house is small, so it didn't take me long to freak out when we called and called and she didn't answer.

So several of us ran outside and yelled her name and asked my step-dad if he had seen her (he was working in the yard all afternoon), and when he didn't know where she was, I really panicked. Full on, Oh my God my child is missing freak out panic.

I screamed and screamed her name, ran around like a crazy woman, while other rational family members were walking the neighborhood calling her name and asking neighbors (who by this time were coming out of their houses to see what all the commotion was) if they had seen a little girl.

It was only about 5 minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime that someone called from the house "WE FOUND HER!"

She had been playing hide and seek, and had found the perfect hiding place and then fallen asleep (which is uncharacteristic of my almost-7 year old, but her sleepover didn't involve a lot of sleep so I guess she was worn out). And it was in a spot that was tough to see her. My mom has a twin day bed, and under the day bed is another twin mattress, like a trundle bed but it's just a mattress on the floor that slides in and out. The mattress was under the bed, and Sophie had crawled up on the mattress and was asleep under the bed. Several of us, including me, had looked under the bed and didn't see her--all you could see was the mattress unless you got all the way down on the floor and looked UP toward the bottom of the bed. Thankfully one of the girls who stayed inside to search for her saw her foot barely peaking out the end of the bed. Otherwise we'd have been calling the police within minutes.

It was by far the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life. And when we found her I got on the floor and bawled my eyes out. Then I held her while she slept for about 30 minutes. Then I was a wreck the rest of the day and most of Sunday.

I wouldn't have freaked out so badly, I don't think, if we hadn't learned on Friday that a man in Mark's men's group lost his 4 year old daughter last week. She had been walking across a KMart parking lot, with her mom and 3 siblings, when an 89 year old man got confused and drove back into his parking spot that he had just backed out of, and hit the little girl, and instead of breaking he stepped on the accelerator. She died an hour later at the hospital. I spent most of Friday afternoon in a funk, crying and upset over how pointless her death was, imagining how unimaginable something like that is. And how it could happen to any of us, at any time.

So when Sophie was "missing" for that brief time period, it all came rushing in on me--this can't be happening, how could I have lost my child, where is she, is she okay, did someone take her, is she lost, is she hurt, is she alive, what kind of mother am I, Mark is going to kill me, I lost her on my watch, oh my God where's my baby girl?!

So Saturday night and Sunday I was extra sensitive and caring and on my Best Mom behavior. Mark had been dealing with his own demons, since he went to the funeral home visitation and saw the little girl and her family. He didn't have to go through what I did with Sophie missing, but he felt my terror just the same.

I'm going to be really paranoid for a while--I wouldn't let them play in the back yard by themselves yesterday, even though it's fenced in and I've let them out there by themselves lots of times in the past--and maybe that's not such a bad thing.

I'm just so thankful she is okay and everyone is healthy and safe. But I'm still weepy and fragile and had a hard time putting her on the bus this morning. I don't want the unimaginable happening, ever again.

15 comments:

Jill said...

Oh my gosh Laura, I am SO sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure it felt like an eternity!! That is the WORST feeling when you think they are missing! I'm so glad she is okay, and I'm sure your nerves are fragile and shaky more than hers are!! I had to smile when you said you were on your Best Mom behavior - I've felt the need to do that too once in a while.

I am so so sorry about the little girl who died. That is just awful and unimaginable! I could get on my soapbox about elderly drivers, but I don't think this is the time or place, but I'm sure he felf awful too.

What a stressful weekend you had! I think I need a margarita just reading about it! I'm glad all is well with your family. It's okay to be alittle paranoid for awhile - it makes you feel more in control, so you be as paranoid as you need to be for awhile.

(((big hugs)))

Laura N said...

Thanks, Jill. The elderly driver issue is such a tragedy, too. Old people often don't feel old until something awful happens. Then it's usually too late for either them or someone else.

P.O.M. said...

Oh my gosh! That is so scary. I remember doing that to my friends parents one time. We were renting a vacation home and my girlfriend and I wanted to stay up late and talk (we were like 14 yrs old). So we went into the closet. We both fell asleep in there. In the morning, nobody could find us for hours - thinking we didn't come home that night. They called the police and everything.

I'm glad you blogged about. Thanks for sharing. It's definately ok to freak out and be paranoid sometimes.

Marcy said...

(((HUGS))) I TOTALLY know how frightening it is. 2 weeks ago we all went to the park (me, Mr McG, and the kids) so the kids could play at the playground. The place was mobbed so we decided I would look after Cam and Mr McG would look after Keira. Easy and simple, right? Someone Mr. McG knows stops by and strikes up a convo with him and he's not paying attention to where Keira is. Yup, she's outta sight and no where to be found. I'm running around like a freak-o frantic calling and looking all over. I instantly thought of the worst case scenerio, ya know? Some pedophile snatches her up and she's gone for good. But after about 5 minutes of frantic searching, we find her away from the playground with some other kids *sigh* It truly is a frightening. Don't worry you're not alone :-)

Cindy154 said...

I am in awe that you run. Inspiration to me!

Cindy154 said...

PS - I had a dream I lost my daughter. Recently. In the dream I had thought she was somewhere else -like a friends - for a couple of days - then I found out she was not there, and was in a hospital. It was horrible. I am so glad your little one was ok.

Grumpy Chair said...

Laura, I know that has got to be the scariest feeling on earth.

But don't think about the what-ifs? Because she was always safe in your mother's house. She was sleepy and fell asleep while playing a game of hide-n-seek. Not your fault.

I remember after reading "The Lovely Bones" I wouldn't let Fang Jr. play outside or ride his bike! It is so sad that our children have no freedom to play outside and be safe.

That must have been awful for your hubby to see the sweet precious little angel girl at the funeral home. I know we see something like that and immediately put our child's face in that situation and make ourselves sick with worry cuz I do it all the time.

Hang in there and have a great week.

Pokey said...

OMG Laura....how scary! As moms, I'm sure many of us can totally relate. You are totally allowed to be fragile for a while and love on your kids as much as you need to! ;)

I am soooo excited for your race this weekend....youre going to do AWESOME!!!

ws said...

glad that everyone is safe and sound. I know it is useless to say but try to get some rest before the weekend. or you can use the half-marathon as a way to let go of some emotion (something I'm quite familiar with...)

thanks for your comment on the Corinthians. that isn't quite what they teach in hebrew school (sarcasm intendend). But, when I re-read it with your variation it is quite powerful and amazing...I'm sure your family knows that "Laura always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Vickie said...

New house - 6+ years ago when youngest was 3 or 4 - she and I lost each other the first week we lived here. the house seemed very big when we first moved in. I was walking around the house one way and she was walking the same direction - so we never crossed each other. Eventually I caught up to her - but for several minutes - I thought she was gone. After that - if she lost someone - she would go IN the house and look out the living room or a front window to see them more easily.

I got lost playing hide and seek at a neighbors when I was little - much the same way as Sophie - it was a closet and I got behind the stuff in the closet - so even when they looked - they didn't see me - and they freaked out for a bit.

so sorry about the little girl - that stuff is just heart breaking for the whole community and I can't imagine what the families of the little girl and the family of the old man are going through right now.

It took super effort to get my mother's husband's license taken away - and I had to get very nasty about it before it was done. so, it might be that the family was trying already - you would think there would be common sense in all driver's licenses - but there is not.

L.G. said...

Oh Laura, I'm so sorry about what you went through and about the little girl who died.

You really did have a stressful weekend (on top of a bit of a stressful week -- I'm catching up here). You kept on with the running, even with your ankle and the shoes.

I'm so very glad everyone in your family is okay and safe.

sheila said...

Oh god, I just teared up, reading your post. It must have been horrible. Virtual hug headed your way.
As for your tender shins, be careful, I struggled with shin problems from Jan. to March after running on the treadmill for almost a month. It could have been your 9 miler on the treadmill, I don't know. I'm with you on wearing your tried and true for the half. I can't wait.

Jess said...

I'm sure you could run the half in your new shoes, but running a race is a lot about the mental game, and if the old shoes make you feel more ocmfortable, go with them.

Heather said...

wow 5 days! I bet you are getting excited.

that is so scary about your daughter. its probably better that she was just off playing and didnt feel scared herself. I was lost once at an amusement park and it was horrible!

Non-Runner Nancy said...

I'm glad your baby was sleeping. This exact thing happened to me. The oldest crawled into the closet under the steps way at the bottom and was having so much fun hiding. He fell asleep too and we were a complete wreck. I, too, finally spotted a shoe. We had stuck our heads in there and called his name several times. The stories like the accident just make it so much worse. Sorry that piled up on you. I know when I hear these stories they have so much meaning now as a mom. Glad I am not the only worrier.

Take care. Love em up. And have a grand time at the HM. Remember to have a blast and marvel at yourself and how far you've come. :D