Finally, at last, I'm starting to feel human again. And just like I didn't get myself into the downward spiral unaided, I know it's not *willpower* that is getting me out of the pit. It's the drugs.
Thank God for good drugs.
I ran yesterday around 4:30 p.m., for 3.5 miles. They weren't fast miles by any means. But I ran the last full mile --slowly-- with no walk breaks (I still run around 9:30-10:00 m/m, but then I have to walk a bit after about 3-5 minutes of running).
I ate well yesterday. Had a salad last night around 9 p.m. when I felt hungry instead of something carby.
It's paying off. The scale, by some miracle, said 154.8 this morning. I'm STILL squishy & my jeans are still tight. The scale isn't the whole story. I've lost muscle tone that I'd built last year. But at least that number isn't as horrendous as I'd expected.
I'm taking it one day at a time right now. And hoping today is a calm, easy Saturday.
8 comments:
Great job! You're already back on track! I had a lapse around Christmas (surprise, surprise) and when I got back on the treadmill, my run wasn't as great as it could have been, but I told myself "At least I am doing this. A few months ago I couldn't even run this far!" Good for you!
I agree with Kilax -- you're already on track and with the weather getting better, you'll be more motivated to go outside and run. You've had a lot of really heavy duty stressful things in the past few months and this week was just the icing on the cake. I have faith in you, Laura!
Yay! Like you said before, "better living through pharmaceuticals"!!
So glad the drugs are helping you - I was about to give you some tough love!!
Have a good Saturday! :)
My two cents. Not looking at today or a week or a month or even a quarter - but looking at the whole year as a cycle.
I didn't go back and look at other years - just this year - (but it would be interesting to look to see if you have an annual cycle that goes back for a long time) - from what I could see - you appear to have started 'falling apart' right around/just after Halloween.
I really only looked at the title and first couple sentences and your posted weight (of your posts) - and I could 'see it'. And you could see it, feel it too - as you wrote - you could feel that things were not right. It was there - in your writing.
You have a valuable tool in your blog - because you didn't disappear (thank goodness!) and you kept on writing - so it is there - tracked for you.
So this made me wonder about several things.
The season started to change right about then. And then season is changing back - right now.
Holiday food starts right about then. (do I think that someone could have fall out in February from Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years??? - personally I DO).
can't remember WHEN your meds changed (and if that was the 'cart' or the 'horse'). It might be that the need to change the meds - looked like it was the big factor - but the meds might just be PART of it.
I can't remember if you actually went to a psychiatrist or if you just went to your regular doctor and he changed your meds.
After I went back and scanned posts for October-current - I personally think that NOW (this spring, early summer) - you need to go to a psychiatrist (if you haven't already) and have him review your meds before you get back into the fall months.
Because you might be cycling through this every year - and not realizing it fully.
I know that you know you have trouble with the sun thing in January - but I think it is a bigger time span. I think that it is an early November - middle of March time span. And if you think about all the factors - sun, exercise, winter illnesses, time thing, etc - the timing makes a lot of sense.
If you go back and look - just leave your emotions/pride/ego at the door and look at what you SAID as evidence - like tracking a 6 mos science experiment. There is a lot of very valuable data there.
and I am very glad that you are feeling better.
Glad you are feeling better and are getting back on track!
Glad you are feeling better! Keep up the good work!
Congrats on the number. My number this morning was not pretty but I am hoping for better tomorrow. Today's eating was perfect. If I keep it up I will get results. Glad you are feeling better.
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