Nothing gold can stay

This time of year, as the trees bloom and the daffodils unfold, reminds me of the famous Robert Frost poem.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Yesterday as I got a call from Sophie's school around 1 p.m., telling me she had a headache & was feeling dizzy, I thought of the poem again. My golden days of normal had evaporated again. My girl was back in her dark place. I picked her up, gave her some medicine, and thankfully she felt better but didn't go back to school. I didn't run, either, and generally had a really crappy night.

Then, this morning, everything has changed again.

Mark's brother died suddenly this morning of a heart attack. Keith had had two previous heart attacks in the past 3 years, so he was on medication & watching his diet & excercising. But the damage was already done & the genetic deck remained stacked against him; their dad died at age 51 of a massive heart attack, and heart disease runs through almost every family in the N. family tree.

Keith had the heart attack at work (he works--worked--night shifts) like the other two, but this time he didn't make it. He was 57. He died almost 3 years to the day from when Mark's mom died, which was on March 21, 2006.

Obviously this is going to be a very difficult weekend, & the funeral is likely going to be Monday or Tuesday. I have to be honest, though. My tears are not just for Keith & his family. I'm crying for myself, out of pure fear.

I cannot begin to express how concerned I am about my own husband's health. He's 46, is struggling with a weight gain over the past year, and hasn't exercised in months. His stress level is insane & he rarely sleeps well. Clearly, he's a walking time bomb.

It's terrifying.

He knows & I know what he needs to do to change his health. Will his brother's death make a difference? I honestly don't know.

I do know that I have always believed in my husband. I have two mottos for him that I've used to support him through the years.

The first is "Perseverance prevails when all else fails."

And, "You make the impossible, possible."

I pray that these apply to his health. I pray that despite everything that's fighting against him, God will find a way to make Mark the exception to the rule. I pray that God protects his heart while we can get his lifestyle fixed. I pray for healing of the damage in his heart that's already done. I pray that Mark doesn't let the seemingly inevitable destroy him. I pray he is lifted above this impossible situation & made whole.

Most of all, I just pray that he's not taken from me and my children until he's old, grey, crotchety, and senile. Then it will be okay. Anytime before that is simply unthinkable.