Friday, April 08, 2011

Chaos

Life is kicking me in the a$$ right now.

The list is stupidly long--Luke is really sick with allergies and has to go to the doctor this afternoon (day care called, he's in bad shape even with OTC eyedrops and Allegra), Sophie had to go to the doctor Monday afternoon for an infection, my husband was in the ER last night with an infection that made half his face swell up, my daughter's been very emotional all week (hormones? after effects of the accident last week?), my mom still can't drive and is not her usual Friday help or emergency back up.  Oh, and the dog has allergies too that I have to give her medicine for twice a day.

I have had physical therapy appointments, therapist appointments, client appointments, an acupuncture appointment (in 45 minutes).  Sophie had music lessons Tuesday night. We had kids' night at church & adult Bible study on Wednesday night.  I had a funeral to make an appearance at yesterday after work (with Sophie in tow) while Mark took Luke to gymnastics.  Now today, I've had both kids' schools call me with complaints about their state of being--Luke's eyes are super itchy (he already had pink eye drops and Zaditor drops and allegra today) and Sophie got hit in the stomach with a ball on the playground and can't stop crying (she told her teacher she's just very emotional and wants to go home).  Mark's face is still horrible and he's in a lot of pain, and we had to cancel a client appointment that was today at 3:30; so he's totally out of commission.

AAAACCCCKKKKK!!

I cannot get a routine going to save my life. 

I haven't been sleeping well, especially when my husband goes to the ER at midnight and I'm scared he's got an infection that's going to spread to his brain (yeah, I know, I can have an active imagination).

I haven't been eating well.  I haven't been exercising.  I've got laundry baskets full of clean clothes and hampers full of dirty clothes.  The season is finally changing, and I need to buy clothes for my son who has grown like an oak tree since last summer, and I need to get my daughter's clothes out from under bed storage.  My house is a disaster--the girl I was going to meet last Friday (before the accident happened) to clean my house, I still need to make new arrangements with her to come over and meet me and our house. 

Our vacation (did I mention we are taking a family vacation from 5/26 - 6/5?) is less than 50 days away.  We are flying to Florida for what promises to be the best trip we've all had together, but it's going to be a lot of work to get ready for it.  I've never taken a family of four on a 10 day vacay on an airplane.  All the reservations are booked, so we know the itinerary, but I have to plan and buy and pack.  And our weekends are (seriously) already overbooked until the day we leave.

Oh, and Sophie's 10th birthday is May 25th, so I also want to plan her birthday party before we leave for Florida.

All this, while I can barely make myself move every morning because the inertia of my depression is getting worse.

Plus, I mourn the idea every day that I'm going to have to buy myself all new summer clothes. And a bathing suit. Ugh. 

The one thing I'm doing for myself is keeping my doctor's appointments.  I went to therapy yesterday, which confirmed that I have THE counselor that I need.  We are uncovering some deep, deep stuff, in just two sessions.  She's very good at her job. I don't know if I'll ever be "finished" with her, really.  So much ground to cover. 

And the acupuncture--well, I'm basically hoping for some miracles from those little needles.  I don't really know what to expect.  I don't care.  I'm desperate.  Any improvement will be a big step forward.

2 comments:

Jill said...

Oh Sweets! ((((hugs)))
You don't have a plateful, you've got a whole buffet table full of stuff going on!! Sheesh, girlfriend.

Good thing #1 - laundry baskets full of clean clothes. It doesn't matter if they are put away, at least they are clean.
Good thing #2 - you are keeping your doctors appts. I think that's probably the kindest thing you can do for yourself right now.
Good thing #3 - VACATION! Even though it's still a couple of months away, at least you have that to look forward to.
There are lots of other good things I'm sure, but I wanted you to have at least couple of things to hold on to. :)
I imagine Sophie IS probably having after effects from the crash (and there are probably hormones in there too). Give her lots of hugs (which means you get hugs right back!).
Is there any way you can get out of some of the extracurricular stuff? At least for the summer? Will things quiet down once school is out? It seems like the months of April and May are so busy for everyone - sucks the energy right out!
I wish I could come help you do laundry or something. We could chat and giggle and listen to music over mountains of towels and socks! Some day, my friend...some day. :)

Really, if there is anything I CAN do (I'm a super good listener) please call me, text me, whatever. I'm here for you. ♥

Vickie said...

(you are not going to want to hear this - but have you checked to see if son is allergic to dogs? maybe you already did and I just don't remember.)

I think you might have to stop thinking of yourself as 'waiting for normal life' or 'waiting to catch a break', because this is sort of normal life with family/kids/work. I think you have to figure out how to prioritize based on the assumption that this is normal life.

I understand, 100% how hard this all is in the beginning.

Getting past reactive and into proactive is super hard.

Yes, there are some things that just plain have to get done in order to get to the proactive state (like buying a growing kid clothes/shoes).

But there are other things on your list that can be ditched or made much much simpler than you would normally do.

and do not assume that everything gets easier when the kids are older. it gets different, but they still require a huge amount of time. that is why I say that reaching a proactive mindset/lifestyle helps a lot, because this is normal life.

hugs