It's not been a great couple of weeks. Nothing horrible, just the usual.
I had a bad bout of PMS--very moody, didn't want to do anything or see anyone, ate too much for comfort. That lasted a couple of days, then I pulled out of it and felt like I was getting back on track.
Then I injured my upper back (between my shoulder and neck) and I've been in pretty serious pain for this past week. It started as a simple pain when I'd turn my head wrong. It hurt a little, and I thought I'd work it out with a shiatsu massage pillow.
Well, apparently I just made it much, much worse, because the next day (Sunday) my pain was constant and deep and severe. Enough that Monday & Tuesday at work I cried at my desk. Wednesday I took the whole day off. I went to a chiropractor-ish guy and got adjusted, & he said my chest muscles are tight so my back in compensating and I slump forward too much and it's making my back muscles a mess.
I felt better after I left--for about 30 minutes, then the pain was back. I went to the after hours clinic to get some pain meds, and the doctor gave me a muscle relaxer, a steroid pack, tylenol 3, and 800 mg ibuprofen (which I was already taking on my own---200mg x 4 pills, duh dude!). The pain was almost gone this morning, but it came back this afternoon, although it's not as bad as it was. If it's not better by Monday or Tuesday, I'm going to my real doctor.
Anyway, I let it derail me. Mostly because my energy has been directed at just surviving my pain-filled days without crumpling into a ball of helplessness. I will never, ever doubt or question someone who has chronic pain (like, my husband) again.
And I of course gained weight. A stupid amount of weight. 5 pounds worth. I don't even know HOW I ate enough to gain 5 pounds. On Thursday, I weighed my heaviest since 2007 - 183.6. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
So, I'm back at it. I started a new tracking spreadsheet again at the end of January. My old one was lost when my hard drive died. I keep track of workouts, weight, mood, night eating, TTOM, and whether or not I've taken my vitamins. It's invaluable information, to look back and see "OH THAT'S WHY" the scale went up (or down). I also started earnestly following my LAWL plan on Friday....again. Today I've done well. I'm planning on the same tomorrow. 2 or 3 days strung together isn't going to cut it, though. I've got to get consistent, and get consistent NOW, before I weigh 200 pounds again.
I've decided I am going to see a therapist, but I need to shop around the city to see who does eating disorders treatment. I wasn't crazy about my last therapist, who is in my psychiatrist's office, and I don't want to go back to her. I don't want to put off seeing someone much longer. My PMS will return in 3 weeks and I'll be right back to being a weepy, sugar-filled mess before I know it. I don't want that to happen again.
Despite the rain and despite my back pain, mentally I feel pretty good today. Heck, I'll take an "up" mood any day. Doesn't matter why or how. I'm just enjoying my family time and gearing up for a good day tomorrow.