Saturday, February 19, 2011

Hopeful Saturday (178.6)

I wanted to talk about Vickie’s comments about therapy to start. I totally agree with you. There’s definitely another component to this weight loss business that has nothing to do with food and exercise. The “fat head” thing is a big deal, and needs to be dealt with. That’s why I have the CD’s and the workbook and book from Karly at the Sugar Addiction website. And I guess it’s why I keep searching for the “why’s” and not just the how’s, since I know the “how’s” very well.

My big problem with a therapist right now is that we are self employed, and my individual policy with Anthem doesn’t cover mental health issues—I didn’t know this when the policy was issued (long story—it wasn’t excluded in the material I signed up with, but when the policy was approved & issued, it wasn’t included… freaking health insurance company). I found it out when my Wellbutrin was a fortune at Walgreens, the first time I had it filled through the policy. I get it filled at Sam’s now for about $40 a month. I pay my psychiatrist $150 for each visit. I’m not sure what the MSW’s charge—I need to check with my psyche’s office and see if it’s something we can afford. Even if it’s $100 a visit, I couldn’t afford more than one visit a month. Is that even worth it? (I’m asking in all serious—let me know what you think, Vickie. And this isn’t a “isn’t your mental health worth anything?” issue. We are stretched pretty thin right now; I can’t fight the bank balance, at least not at the moment.)

So, onto the hopeful stuff. I exercised 6 days in a row this week!!! I just got back from a 4 mile run—outside—and I feel like I can conquer the world. I ran the entire first mile without walking; my pace was 11:48 for that mile. That is fast for my 178.6 pound body. For every 10 pounds I lose, my pace should improve by a full minute (that’s been my experience in the past anyway).

This week alone, my pace has gone from 15 min/miles (3 miles total) on Monday to average of 12:29 min/miles today (and that was with a big ole hill during mile 2—I mean big, like, channel Jillian Michaels on my shoulder yelling at me to run until I puke or die, kind of hill. It was awesome.). I put 12.39 miles on my feet this week. Woot!

I did two 90 minute hot yoga classes this week—Thursday and Friday nights. Vickie, you’ll appreciate this… last night in standing head to knee, I was able to hold my foot & extend my leg with a flat back. My leg wasn’t straight, but it was up & out there. I can get through the whole 90 minutes now without stopping and usually only want to throw up once or twice now. I’ve found I can’t do the floor poses where we lean our heads all the way back—forget hero pose… I get dizzy and feel like I’m going to pass out. One instructor mentioned there’s a syndrome where people can’t lean their heads back because they get dizzy, and I guess that would be me. I really love these classes. They are very difficult, but at every class I’m doing better and better. They are clearly helping my endurance when I run. And my flexibility is going off the charts.

I found that I’m getting headaches from eating Thin Mints, so no more of that “crack in a box” for me. I guess it’s a blessing, really. I haven’t started the LA WL program yet. Waiting till I can get to the store tomorrow and get my food stocked & my week planned. My food is pretty good. I’m making healthy choices, not eating like mad at night, and having good breakfasts every day.

Right now, I feel like if I can keep up the working out, I’m going to be just fine. Mentally I’m doing better, in large part because of the warm sunshine that’s been blessing us, and the nearing of spring is intoxicating. Mark is happier that I’m happier, so he has a vested interest in making sure I get my time to workout every day. It’s important to have a buy-in from the husband, so he can help with the kids.

I guess Sunday will be a rest day, even though I would love to do the afternoon yoga class. But, my body needs the rest, even if my mind says GO.

Here’s hoping for continued hopeful days.


Kara said...

I'm glad that you're back enjoying work outs! I find running outside to be so therapeutic.

Vickie said...

have you asked your psychiatrist if there are any unusual options for therapy in your area? things that one would have to be 'in the know' to realize they are available.

I am thinking of maybe something through a women's clinic or an eating disorders thing or dysfunctional families in bereavement type group. (an actual therapist - not a meeting thing.)

And I wonder about a support group lead by a therapist. my therapist is an eating disorders therapist and she does have support groups that meet. she puts like people together in these groups (who need to work on the same things)

if you can't find anything at all affordable - then I think you need to research a therapist who would work so you literally have a number in your pocket

and then have a pact with yourself that if you keep your food clean and exercise regularly and can sleep and cope - then you are 'stable' (for lack of a better word).

If you roll through 'hitting bottom' again, even one more time, then you need help. Period. And if you can only be seen once a month, it is still help.

Jill said...

Amazing how the warmth and sight of the sun can brighten our moods!! Love it!!

I'm so glad you are getting back in your groove, Stella. ;)

Cindy...154 said...

Your exercise sounds fantastic. I know how up and down it can be with the grieving process. Maybe a grief support group or something through a church would be free or low cost and helpful. I feel like I barely hang on myself sometimes but I have someone I can call. And a Saturday morning group that is supportive. You sound like you are making progress and I am so glad you are blogging more. I know how hard it is. That hot yoga sounds amazing.

Laura I. (G.G.) said...

Huzzah for hope! Sounds like you are on a really good track!

If you slip again, forgive yourself and pick yourself back up and start again. You can always always always start again. There's no deadline for changing your life. If you are working on change, you are working on it. Even moving forward and falling back is still moving as long as you keep getting up.

I agree with Vickie that therapy is important BUT: the year after I had my crash and burn I saw a therapist for about 9 months. It helped me in a lot of ways, but I still felt like I was stuck in the same place--every time I go to therapy it feels like I'm just repeating the same old problems that have tripped me up for so long, and it kept me STUCK in my head. Working with the trainer this last year is what helped me get out of that rut, b/c it wasn't about talk or navel-gazing, it was about ACTION. I want to talk more about that, but I've already written you a book here, so I'll refrain:-) Trainers aren't cheap either, but an online one might be an option?

(Boxing ESPECIALLY helped me--punching something helped me channel the bad energy out of myself and gave me some peace when I was upset.) Sounds silly, but it is effective.

Vickie said...

how did this week go for you?

(Here - Out of the five school days this week - no school 3, delay 1, regular day 1. By the end of the week it was the 'new normal' and I was rolling with it.)

Vickie said...

It has been a whole week again - how are things going?