So Monday, after an emotional & binge filled Sunday, I hit 180.4.
I was pretty freaking depressed Monday. I’d been doing great. I either walked/ran or did yoga 7 out of 8 days, then took the weekend off for no good reason other than I just didn’t get around to exercising. Sunday night I felt the usual looming MONDAY, unusually heavy for some reason.
I think it’s because I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders right now. A lot of unfinished business, a lot of unfinished projects, a lot of unfolded laundry. Mark isn’t much help lately—he’s taking the CFP exam on March 18 & 19th (which happens to be our 16th wedding anniversary on the 18th), and he’s studying 5-6 hours a day, on top of working and earning our income. So I’m just shy of being a single parent the past month or so.
I’m still grieving my dad, and the lack of relationship I had with him the past 10 years. I see a commercial or TV show or movie about fathers & daughters, & it gets to me. I ran yesterday outside & was pushing pretty hard, and that always brings out emotions. I started crying and couldn’t stop, so I had to quit running after only 30 minutes.
Even though I had a crappy food filled weekend, I’m not giving up. I’m listening to my sugar addiction CDs, I’m working on eating right, I’m working out and training for a half marathon on May 7th.
I ordered LA Weight Loss material from their website last week. It worked in the past. It will work again. I need a program I can stick with and not have to count anything (like points or calories), & that’s been the only thing that’s done it for me… ever. The materials & accompanying LA Lite bars & Take Off juice should arrive today.
I still haven’t bought any clothes, aside from one pair of capri pants from Goodwill that don’t really fit me right (they are 14W, too baggy in the crotch area) and a couple of XL tops from Goodwill. I’m wearing the same two pairs of jeans almost every day, and have one other pair of black pants that fit if we have meetings with clients. I just can’t bring myself to buy size 14s. I tried on some jeans at JC Penney last Friday afternoon when they were having a sale, & nothing looked good. Instead, I did get several pairs of workout capri bottoms & some nice tops for yoga and summer running. At least I have stuff to workout in.
Today I finally lost a pound and am out of the 180s. I have been watching The Biggest Loser season 6 on Hulu.com, and I can’t decide if it’s inspiring or discouraging. To see women who weigh less than I do & they still look really big… puts what I must look like into perspective. I know it’s stupid to compare myself to others, but it’s a long ingrained habit that I doubt will ever go away.
Anyway, I’m doing better today. The weather is warmer & the sun is shining, and it’s staying light well after 5 pm. I can feel the hopefulness of Spring. It was this time of year in 2007 that I first joined LA Weight Loss. I was almost to goal in only 7 months. This time I’m starting the process weighing 27 pounds less than I did in 2007. That’s something, at least.
My clothes are packed to run again today.