Friday, September 18, 2009

There may be hope after all

Thank you all for your encouragement. I should know by now I can spill my ugly guts & you all will still be nothing but supportive.

Clearly I have not reacquired my 200 pound body. I have not had to buy new clothes (but it's getting close). My body is closer to the weight I've been the majority of my life. The 145-151 pound range is the anomaly here. Not 158.

And at 158 I've got the body of someone you see as the "before" shot on the P90X commercials. Not horrible, I grant you. But obviously there's room for lots of improvement. If you believe in the BMI, I'm "overweight" at anything above 149.

And I feel overweight right now. I AM overweight right now. I'm eating like I'm overweight. I'm not exercising enough. It's the same old slippery slope all over again.

The crap of it is, I've got no energy to deal with it right now. Jill's right. I've got to just hang on to what I can, maintain, not go nutso with the food (I have not succumbed to powdered sugar donuts or DQ blizzards, so there's still hope), and run when I can.

I did run yesterday. It was kind of neat actually. I just couldn't start out running. I was so tired, feeling so out of shape. So I walked a quick mile--about 14:30 min/mile according to Garmin. Then I felt like I could run. Well, jog actually. Mile 2 was around 12 mins. Then I walked the 3rd mile again. Then I ran the 4th mile.

Funny thing about that 4th mile. I did it in 10:30.

Huh. Slow down to go faster. There's a novel idea.

If I didn't have to pick up the kids from day care, I could have kept going another 4 miles, easy. I barely felt winded, tired, bored, or otherwise. I felt energized. I haven't felt like that in a long time.

During the 1st mile it hit me like a Mack truck that I could do this half marathon in October if I walked a good portion of it. I could alternate miles or half miles, whatever I felt like. I know I can run 6.5 miles. I know I can walk 6.5 miles. I can put them together and do the half. It won't be fast, but at least it won't be a total loss. I do have to get some miles on the bod between now and October 11, but I've got enough time that I won't hurt myself if I just slow it down.

Obviously I reserve the right to change my mind at any time & bow the hell out of this thing, but for now it's back on and the t-shirt I pick up on October 9th will at least mean something to me if I show up on October 11. What? You don't think I'd pay $55 and not get the free stuff, do you? I'm getting the free stuff no matter what.

In other news.... Sophie woke up this morning with a dizzy spell, but I gave her an ativan & ibuprofen and within 90 minutes it was gone. GONE! I think we have found the magic medicine combination for this girl. I took her to school only an hour & a half late. Mark is starting to feel better, after 12 days of having the flu. He's no where near 100%, but at least he's not struggling to talk and breathe at the same time.

My dad's ALS is getting much worse, very quickly. I haven't seen him for quite a while, but we email each other, which is better anyway because his speech is nearly unintelligible. We were all supposed to see him the Sunday before his birthday, which was the day before Labor Day. He had to cancel because he'd had other family (his wife's) up that weekend and was exhausted by Sunday night. It was an intervention from God, because Mark woke up that Monday with the flu. My dad would not survive a respiratory infection.

The kids start swim lessons tomorrow again. Sophie is at the top level - Shark - & Luke will take his first swim lesson ever. He really got used to the water this summer, in his floaty vest of course. I'm so excited to see them both in the pool at the same time.

It's coming on fall. I love the cooler temps and gorgeous leaves, but hate the lack of sunlight. I am going to start using my SAD lamp soon, or else I'm going to be in trouble.


Vickie said...

did you figure out somewhere to put your sad lamp so that it works for you and is not a hassle?

middle child sits under the hair dryer for about 20-30 minutes each morning. She reads, she eats her breakfast, it is like meditation for her. She has long, thick hair. she likes to wash it in the morning - so we have an old fashioned 'hard hat' hair dryer (like at a beauty salon only it isn't on a stand - it sits on the table). This works so great for her. Is there some time of the day or some thing you do (daily) that can incorporate the light? I still think that mark should just figure out a way to hook it up at work - or switch the light bulbs out at work for your ceiling light fixtures.

do you remember the old hair dryers where it was like a shower cap hooked up to a hose that ran to the motor/blower??? They still make those. when I bought the hard hat kind - lady at store asked if I wanted hard or soft hat - she showed me both types. I couldn't believe it - I thought that went out in the late 60's early 70's.

Cindy...154 said...

I am right there with you. Ten pounds over my BMI. Overweight technically and feeling it. My clothes still fit but the belly is tight and pooching over. I look at those weight loss before photos that flash at me sometimes on the internet and say hey, that's my after picture! But you are right, I am not 200 pounds again. I am still far far better off than I was but I am scared, that if I don't halt and get back down, I can get back there. Plus my right now is uncomfortable. I start obsessing about my body again. but there is HOPE and that was my thought for today. Hope for my body came when I loaded up the bike and took an evening ride at sunset. ten pounds to lose is very very easy to do. We have taken off way more than that. I am thinking I might join a local TOPS club to weigh in each week and make taking this ten pounds off fun. I just need something right now, something social and supportive. Anyway, lots and lots of hope. On another note, I hope to hear more about the sad lamp. My daughter's friend has one. Also, I'd love to have a hair dryer to sit under like Vickie's daughter. Hang in there and we are always here!!

Doc Manette said...

Jill is a very smart woman and I too, would have voiced how awesome you are, maintaining your weight-loss. Give or take 5 or so pounds. It's still maintaining.

But, I also understand that a few pounds can make the pants tighter which might cause a little stress, especially with all the things going on . . . hang in there.

Jill said...

There's always hope, sweetie. And you are still waaaaayyyyy ahead of me - I would have dropped dead after the second mile!

If you feel like you can handle the half, then I say go for it, if it won't cause you additional stress. Having something to look forward to is usually what it takes to get me back on track. And who doesn't love a free $55 t-shirt!

So glad Sophie's spell only lasted a short while! That's great. And Mark is on the mend, that's got to be a relief too. The light at the end of the tunnel is there, even if it is a bit dim.

So sorry about your dad. That's got to be weighing on your mind as well.

Get that SAD lamp out and just keep plugging away - you are doing great, even if it doesn't seem that way.

I love your ugly guts sister!!! :)

One of these days, come hell or high water, you and I are going to meet somewhere and share a giant pitcher of margaritas! It must happen!!!