Wednesday, September 09, 2009

I didn't eat last night

I also didn't run, but that's another story.

I've been back to the night eating habit for a few weeks, since I fell off the wagon. I know this habit is a result of my brain & body wanting more happy brain chemicals. And to a very large extent, I can't control it. Any of you who have gone through the "I just can't stop myself" knows what I'm talking about.

What I can control much better is what I eat during the day time hours. And so, for a little over a week I've been following the Potatoes Not Prozac first step of eating breakfast. I've not been perfect. One morning I didn't eat protein. Another morning it was 90 minutes after I woke up before I ate breakfast (I did have my coffee with 15 minutes, though...go figure).

It's not as easy as it looks, this eating breakfast as prescribed in the book. But I think it may have made a difference last night. I don't have any other explanation for my ability to FIGHT the cravings at bedtime yesterday. The cravings were still there, but they weren't impossible to overcome.

I overcame them. I ate nothing after 9 p.m. This is a huge deal.

It's also a very small step in the very large recovery that I need to go through. But at least it's a step forward.

The running? Not so good on that front. My last post was the last time I ran. The weekend was filled with kids and family & no time for me to spend on me. Monday I was going to go on a long run, and Mark came down with the flu. I couldn't leave the kids with him. Yesterday he was sick so I worked late at the office. I still can't do early morning workouts and I can't make myself go out or put in a DVD at 9 p.m. at night after the kids are in bed. Once I'm in my comfy clothes when I get home from work, I'm done.

Frankly, I'm so mentally tired that I can't summon the seemingly extraordinary measures it would take to move my body beyond the bare minimum requirements.

My half marathon in October is in jeopardy. If I can't get in at least a few runs a week over the next month, I'll scrap it completely. If I can, then I'll likely do the race but will have no time goals and will likely have to walk a good part of it. I really don't want to be a DNS (did not start). I've never bailed on a race. This might be my first.

My life is mentally exhausting right now. I've got no extra energy reserves for weight loss or fitness.

It's been 2 years this month since I hit 155 pounds. I weighed 157.4 this morning, so I'm still maintaining but I'm on dangerous ground.

I will be okay. I'm not eating powdered sugar donuts or Ben & Jerry's. I'm working a plan, even though it's a very simple, slow plan.

Simple & slow may be the only thing I can do right now.

It's better than nothing.

6 comments:

Jill said...

Laura - I think you plan sounds perfect. It's perfect for what you can do RIGHT NOW, and even if that's not as much as you did in the past, at least you are still working a plan and haven't given up entirely! I know you are exhausted (I'm right there with you), so just do the very best you can with what you've got right now. Don't expect more from yourself for right now, just keep following your PNP plan. The running will happen sooner or later.
You are doing GREAT - keep it up!

And maintaing for 2 years is AWESOME!!!!!!! Really, girl, give yourself some credit! :)

Vickie said...

hugs

G.G. said...

Hang in there!

Mama said...

Hang in there... Baby steps!

MCM Mama

debby said...

Laura, I think you are doing great. I don't know what she says about the breakfast eating, but my opinion is that it takes a long time of eating good breakfasts before you notice a real change. And I think that's why most non-breakfast-eaters don't stick with it--they don't see the need for it. I only stuck with it because the statistics said that most long-term maintainers ate a big breakfast.

As for the race, why don't you give yourself a break and plan for one in the spring?

And come on, maintaining a loss for 2 years? You have beat 95% of the people! Now that's a race worth winning!

Lori G. said...

I second what Jill said. You are doing what you can RIGHT NOW and you're really (to me) doing great. Just remember, you're not supposed to be perfect.

PS I'm sorry that I didn't take a photo last night. :-)