When I lost weight in 2007 & 2008, I went clothes crazy. The MINUTE I got down to 146, I went on a shopping spree because I could get into a size 6 for the first time in my entire life. I bought adorable clothing--age appropriate, but figure flattering and kind of sexy.
I could wear those clothes for about 6 weeks.
I also bought a lot of clothes when I wore a size 8, which was for about 2 years. I loved those clothes. They were sporty, casual, dressy, gorgeous clothes. I still have some of them--I gave most of the 10s and some of the 8s to my girlfriend Debra. I won't get rid of anything else because I believe I can get back to 148-150.
Last week, when I hit 165, I tried on my skinnier size 12s. Some fit ok, some were still too tight. This week the Levi's w/o spandex fit, when they didn't last week. That made me feel really good about my progress.
After the try-on session, I felt a little nuts. Nuts as in, "I can't wait to be in these skinnier clothes. Where are my 10s? I need to have those ready. When will people notice I'm losing weight again? Why aren't they noticing now? Why don't I have more cute clothes? I need to go shopping, pronto."
I didn't realize it until a couple days later, as I was still obsessing about what to wear--I hate almost everything in my closet...you know how that can be--that I needed to PUT THE BRAKES on this whole clothes thing.
I have to take the focus off the external, and keep it on the internal. I got into trouble the last time I did this, when it was all about how I looked. I rewarded myself with new clothes at every turn. My self-worth was based on how I looked, and on the thought, "am I finally good enough to measure up to the cute girls?"
There are some pretty deep-seated issues here. I didn't have a lot of money growing up. I could never wear Guess jeans, because I had hips as soon as I hit puberty. I wore leggings & long sweaters through most of high school. In middle school I just wanted to disappear, and I wore big baggy clothes, including men's shirts from the Dollar General store (I know....how sad is that?). I felt fat compared to everyone else, although looking back at my prom picture--when I wore a size 11 dress--I was perfectly normal, even on the small side, and not at all fat (although my 80s big hair was fat, haha).
Clothes can affect how we feel about ourselves, and I believe in dressing nicely and confidently and appropriately for my body shape. That's not my issue here.
My concern is that I stay away from the mistakes I made before. Clothing as a reward. Buying clothes that I think will garner attention (even though, subconsciously, I can't yet handle that type of attention, which I didn't realize the first time I went through this). Last time, the minute I could squeeze into a smaller size, I was in it. This time, I'm wearing my baggy dress pants and will move into the smaller ones when they fit comfortably, not when I can first get into them.
I have most of the clothes I need for the trip back down, although when I hit the 10s and 8s, I will need to shop since I gave most of those away. But that's not something I need to worry about right now. I just have to focus on today.
Target had some cute basic tops that I got a couple weeks ago. Two long sleeve v-necks, in black and a cornflower blue, and two short sleeve faux-wrap tees, in black and navy. They were $10 or less each. I love them for work & for casual. I also got a leopard print dress from Target, that I am wearing to our client appreciate event this Friday at the zoo (if it's not too cold). I will have my picture taken and post it after so I have a progress photo. Shopping at Target is another change--I don't have to spend a fortune at Dillards or Ann Taylor Loft to look & feel good.