Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Acceptance

It's difficult to accept that I can't eat sugar. Ever.

Giving up chocolate is probably the hardest part right now.

Not having pumpkin pie or birthday cake or ice cream--ever--is more
than I can wrap my head around.

Yet I keep thinking of the alcoholic that quits drinking and thinks
the same thing. I can't have alcohol--ever.

Comparing my sugar addiction to alcoholism is, no pun intended,
sobering. My addiction is no less significant. No less painful to
conquer. My pain is real.

I'm in mourning for the loss of sugar. And in doubt as to whether I
can do this for the rest of my life.

That's where the AA tenants come in. I simply can't worry about the
rest of my life. I can only take on today. And I need to practice
living each day through the serenity prayer.

Still, it messes with my head-- "I can never have _______ again."

I'm starting a grateful list today. Writing down 10 things I'm
grateful for every day. I will include the reasons I'm grateful for
sugar free living. I hope they will help me focus on acceptance.

Eventually I'll get to acceptance and abundance. But right now, this
mourning process has me feeling the loss of what I'm giving up.
*****
I weighed today and I'm back to 168.8. I didn't weigh when I was at my
height of binging a couple weeks ago. My guess is I was a good 5
pounds heavier. While weight loss isn't the focus right now--Karly
advises against focusing on weight loss as you may over eat non sugar
foods in the beginning--it will hopefully be a benefit of giving up
sugar.

2 comments:

Vickie said...

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

Your post made me think of the stages of grieving

It is so much easier to stay on plan (vs getting back on plan) under any circumstances (addiction or no addiction) and that is what I focus on - doing myself a favor by doing what is so much easier in the end. I also focus on what I CAN DO vs what I had to give up. I have always done that. But that being said, my mind immediately went to the stages of grief thing.

Jill said...

It's okay Laura. Karly often talks about change being messy, and right now you are going through the messy. Take comfort in the fact that all this uncomfortable-ness means you are on the right track. You'll get there sister, it just takes time (one day at a time). xoxo