Monday, October 03, 2011

the insanity will be over soon (171.2)

The stress is starting to get to me.  I had sugar this weekend, and it turned me into quite the bitchy wife & mom.  Not pretty.  Yes, it was a good lesson.  Sugar makes me miserable.  But it also soothes the pain, like a drug.  It is a vicious master.  I'm tired of learning the lesson over and over again.  I just need to remember the awfulness of its affects and stop myself before I start. 

Weekends seem to be harder for me, because they are less structured.  Something I need to work on... but it's hard to be continually "working on" stuff, you know?  I just want some mindless down time.  Mindless down time is often when the sugar crazies hit.

I kept thinking of it as "demon sugar," because I am a big fan of the series "Boardwalk Empire," which is set during the temperance movement in Atlantic City.  The movement to get rid of "demon liquor" was obviously not successful, and mostly inflamed organized crime and the mob. 

There will never be a movement to rid the world of demon sugar, but I do want to rid myself of it.  I failed this weekend.

It's not hopeless by any means.  I'm eating real meals--but I am letting the stress consume me at night and I am obviously not yet impervious to my drug of choice.

I have a lot going on between now and Friday.  I will likely not be around much until then.

I may get to take a yoga class tonight. I'm hoping to at least squeeze in some exercise to alleviate some of the stress and anxiety.

I am going to eat the best that I can, and go to bed on time, and take care of myself, and work really hard to do all these things so I don't lose it again.

No comments: