Thursday, October 13, 2011

Making the most of it (169.2)

Tuesday was the worst day, as far as this work thing goes.  My knee jerk reactions went into my post Tuesday, and I did FEEL all those things at the time, but my first reactions were more dire, I suppose, than reality.

I'm still not happy with the situation, but I'm setting boundaries and I'm determined to take care of myself.

Boundary example:
The broker I'm working with now asked me to access his calendar for client meetings and to see what his schedule is so I can see who he's meeting with and schedule appointments for him.  I will not do this for him.  I asked him to get me names & dates in advance so I can prep his account review material.  He is calling his own clients back when there are issues.  I've heard how he deals with Sara on his calendar--it has been a source of conflict for them, and I'm not getting involved in that. 

I am only doing "account" work for him.  I will not do personal chores for him.  If it's related to sales or service, I will help.  Anything else, I'm telling him I'm not comfortable handing that (such as entering his business and personal expenses from his bank account into Quicken).

I'm tracking every minute I touch the other broker's business. My goal is not to work more than 3.5 hours a day (half my day) on his business, so that I don't feel like I am short changing our business.

Taking care of myself:
Since I have to be here regular business hours, I'm taking a lunch like regular business hours people do.  I never took lunch when I came in at mid-morning, of course.  The past two days, my lunch has been working out at the gym.  Pilates on Tuesday, Weights class on Wednesday.  Those two classes are 45 minutes to accommodate the lunch hour.  Lunch classes are only on Tues & Wed, so I will be going to the gym and walking or running the other days. 

My plan is to go 4 or 5 days each week.  I told Mark I need this hour away from the office to maintain my sanity.  I eat lunch at my desk when I get back from the gym.  I change my clothes at work in the bathroom, drive 5 minutes to the gym, workout, drive back, change back into work clothes (sweaty but not stinky :).  Total time is about 65 minutes.  Totally worth it.

This morning I got up at 5:30 and did my SAD light/Bible reading time.  That helped center my day.

I haven't been able to eat breakfast at home, though.  I need to get up at 5:00 or 5:15 if I want to eat at home (at least, I haven't figured out any other way yet).  I had coffee (1 c. soy milk and espresso) at home, then had steel cut oats with PB and berries at 8:15.  I need to work on breakfast, b/c I'm not happy with the late hour and the lack of significant protein.   It's all part of the adjustment process.

Thank you for all your words of encouragment and support.


Vickie said...

Did you ever answer if he has the job posted and interviews scheduled?

I also thought it was interesting to note if he had communicated and addressed these issues with the former assistant, like he is with you, it sounds like she might have stayed with him.

I would suggest you address a deadline, time limit to how long you will do this for him (in writing). It doesn't have to be a document. It can be a note on your calendar with his signature next to it (this is highly effective with kids too). I have made the kids sign the calendar many a time. It is saying - we all are hearing the same thing the same way.

Laura N said...

He isn't likely to post an ad for the job, at least not for a while. He is a very "networked" kind of guy--extroverted, has a million contacts (his dad is filthy, filthy rich, and his last name carries a lot of weight with some people--with others, they instantly hate him b/c of his name). He's talking to those people and asking around & letting them know he needs someone. He has one lead on a possible interview.

This isn't a reasonable person I'm dealing with. He's a narcissist, is never wrong, regularly yells at service people when he doesn't get his way. The way he treated his own assistant was appalling. He treats me with respect simply b/c Mark is in the office with me & Mark is the manager of the office.

Mark had been planning to move us to another office/partnership/broker-dealer after he completed his CFP. He's already in the works on that, and we aren't planning to move until next year (need for our clients to cycle year-end here, plus January will mark 5 years since we've been in our current situation). This whole deal just makes him want to move faster.

Vickie said...

glad to hear all of that.

word of mouth is reasonable.

Except I wonder if it has occurred to him anyone passing his name on will do so with extreme caution/warning.

I think you still need a date on the calendar.

do you want to go through the holidays like this - ? Do you want to go into your hard/lack of sun light months like this - ? please mention both of those things to your husband immediately.

or might it be that business winds down and he will be less and less trouble for the next 2 1/2 mos?

Laura N said...

Vickie, you are right about not wanting to go through the holidays like this. He doesn't believe his name connotes negativity. And honestly, for people who only know him on the surface, he appears to be quite the person to be friends with. He has two women he has talked to now about interviews. We'll see.

It will slow down. He is particularly busy with new business, but once that's over, it will likely be not as difficult. He goes for months at a time with very little going on (that's a normal sales cycle for him).

The date on the calendar is something we (Mark & me) will have to set for ourselves, of when we will be moving on to another situation.

I am adjusting to the new routine. Yesterday I got up at 5:15, did my SAD light and Bible reading, ate breakfast at home, packed our lunch, got to work on time, and went to the gym at lunch for Pilates. Today I slept till 6, b/c I was still tired, and I'm sitting under my old SAD light at my desk--it works, I just have to sit under it for two hours since the lumens are only 2500.

I am having no SAD symptoms, which is frankly amazing. It's been cloudy & rainy & cold for two days, and I'm fine.

I am taking the positive position that good things can come from bad situations. I am working on seeing positive results from this change. Last week was really hard. This week is (so far) not as bad. Next week will be better still.

The biggest issue I have now is I have no time to read blogs. That sucks. I am making time this morning (even though I don't really have it) b/c I'm going through withdrawals from not knowing what's going on in everyone's lives. :)