The sun is shining and although it's very cold (15 degrees), I feel so much better in the sunshine and high pressure system. I hate that my moods are so extraordinarily tied to pressure systems & sunshine. But it is who I am so I have to work with it & enjoy the UP times as much as I can.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments to yesterday's post. You are right--I am burying feelings. I haven't seriously examined what feelings I'm having when I turn to mindlessness. My guess is.... anxiety, fear, helplessness, frustration, exhaustion, disappointment. It would help to reflect and WRITE while I'm going through a period like that, so I can concretely identify the WHAT and WHY's. And then devise a plan for next time.
There will always be a next time.
I agree that I set myself up for an avalanche when I don't "just do it." Wednesday was the perfect example. I will learn from it, and the next time I don't wanna, I will remember it's easier to get it over with and not ruminate all night.
It also helps to know that this is just my pattern in life. January is my worst month of the year. Whether it's a self-fulfilling prophecy or not, who knows. Even though it was as tough month, I am thankful I didn't bury myself in food. When I reflect on the month, I have a lot to be thankful for. I was never in bed all day. I didn't move through mud every day of the month. I did run several times and did two long runs. I have been busy with the kids. I have been busy at work. I never put myself in a food coma. I was a good mom. My husband is very understanding when I go through periods like this, and he takes up the slack at home (he does laundry and cleans and does dishes, and is super supportive).
I realize I need to just get over my hatred of the TM. I don't know when I started disliking it so much. It's totally irrational. 3 miles takes me about 35 minutes on the road. I almost always walk more on the TM, though, so it can take longer, probably because I watch TV instead of listening to music. AHA! Listen to music on the TM. Do intervals. Push & challenge & get it over with more quickly. That is how I've made the TM bearable in the past. It's going to take some mental muscle to get past this. I know I can do it.
Last night was another late one. We got home around 8:10 pm. We didn't go home between school and variety show rehearsal. I took an apple, celery, and peanut butter (that I keep at work) with me to rehearsal and ate that at 5:30 pm. When I got home I had some of the couscous/veggie dinner from the night before, and three lavash crackers lightly spread with PB (prob a tsp total). I had hot tea & went to bed. Not the couch. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.
This morning we had a blessed two hour delay at school because we got some snow last night. We all needed those extra two hours at home.
We are closer to spring every day. Two of my Facebook friends posted pics this week of daffodils blooming, which is nuts. But it brings me hope and reminds me that winter is almost behind me.
I am planning to run after work today. Outside if it's not windy. The roads are clear enough for me to run on, and I can avoid any icy patches if it's still light outside. I love running when there is snow on the ground. Hopefully Saturday morning I can run 9 miles before the variety show. It's supposed to be windy Sunday afternoon, so I really don't want to wait until then. I do not want to run 9 miles on the treadmill. I've done it before and it is not easy.
Today is 4 months in OA. I will get my 4 month chip Monday. I am down 3.2 pounds in the past 30 days. Total of 23 pounds since starting the program in September. The small losses each month add up quickly, because time moves so quickly. My husband thinks I look great. I feel great. My size 10 pants are loose. I can wear a pair of my old size 8 jeans (they are stretchy, though... I couldn't wear size 8 Levi's. My size 10 Levi's are comfy and not at all tight).
In three weeks I leave for Orlando. Now that is something to be excited about.