Ugh. The past two weeks have not been fun. And I'm sorry to complain but this is where my brain download happens. No one in real life wants to hear it (although I do share with my mom & my sponsor and to some extent my husband); no one in blog life wants to read it either, so feel free to stop reading any time. :)
SAD is at it's worst. Even though I'm using my SAD light, I still feel the effects this time of year.
Christmas "afters" at their worst. I still need to take down the Christmas stuff. We have been busy every weekend since Christmas and I haven't had time or energy. We are very busy this weekend, too, but I have tonight & tomorrow morning to myself (Sophie at Honor's Choir, Luke at my mom's) so I get to spend 4 hours putting it all away (probably by myself unless Mark helps with boxing the ornaments).
Unpredictable weather. I couldn't run outside in the snow, and I avoid the treadmill as much as possible. So my running has been nearly nonexistent. I had one run outside with snow on the ground but roads clear and it was lovely. But then the rain came & I've done nothing. I'm planning to run this afternoon if I have time & energy.
I had mid cycle hormone issues last weekend & felt like I was moving through mud. Lasted the whole weekend. I also had a bad headache Sunday morning & skipped church, which I rarely do since I teach Sunday school & sing in choir. Just was a bad weekend.
Mark's back pain has spiked again. It is pretty scary on days like this. He's trying to power through but it's nearly impossible for him to concentrate at work when it's this bad. I hate seeing him in pain. I hate fearing that it's never going to get better. I hate the anxiety of wondering what will happen to us if he can't work or if he just gives up. Chronic pain sufferers like Mark just do not have good solutions.
January is busy. Kids are in the school's variety show, and I am in charge of both their groups. It took a lot of time to put the music together. There were three parent meetings. We have Sunday afternoon rehearsals all month, weekly night-time rehearsals one week, and blocking/dress rehearsal nights the week before the show. Sophie has to be at school 2x a week at 7 am & Luke once a week at 7:30 am for finale rehearsals, which means early mornings & driving them to school. It's a lot of work.
But it is a lot of fun. I am making memories for my kids--and a dozen other kids--that they will enjoy the rest of their lives. I do not regret taking this on. It's just a lot and I have to acknowledge it and then figure out how to best navigate the time required.
Sophie is in the school district's Honor's Choir this weekend. They spend today from 3 - 9 rehearsing, and tomorrow from 8:45 - 3ish rehearsing, concert at 4. Kids are split into elementary, middle, and high school. They bring in a guest conductor for the HS kids. Each group learns 5-6 pieces, which are broken into parts (alto, soprano, etc). Sophie was soprano 2 last year; she is soprano 1 this year. She will be exhausted but she loves performing. A couple of her friends are also going. Only 8 kids were selected from her school (hence, the "honor" :).
Through all this, though, I am not eating my way through it. Today is day 99 of abstinence.
I am thankful beyond words that I don't have to add all the misery associated with overeating sugar to my load.
Monday was my first OA meeting since before the holiday (didn't go Christmas or NY Eve). It was like coming home. After the meeting I talked with Mark about his back pain (he was at a very low point) and I shocked myself with my patience and understanding.
I often have no emotional capacity to be the support he needs when it gets this bad; I just want him to make himself better and start being normal again. And while this is unreasonable and illogical, it is how I often feel. If you've dealt with someone with a chronic condition, you might understand what I'm talking about.
The OA program is helping me not just with food addiction, but also with spiritual and emotional issues that impact other people in my life.
OK, that's all the time I have to whine. I am very unmotivated today but have tons to do. I am getting acupuncture today at 11, so hopefully that will renew my energy reserves.
Happy weekend to you all.
2 comments:
Congrats on your 99 days!!! That is amazing! :)
I hope the acupuncture helps you feel better. Just keep in mind that with the way time seems to be flying by these days, spring will be here before you know it and you'll be back to running in the sunlight. It won't be long, I promise.
xoxo
In my part of Indiana, it WAS spring yesterday. The woman at our Greek Restaurant was lamenting that they had taken all the outside chairs home, because we could have eaten out there.
It is easy to see how so many chronic pain people end up addicted to drugs, isn't it?
I am trying to remember - is he having surgery or something to see if it will help back?
I was just talking to a woman whose mom is going through this with neck. No easy answers.
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