Wednesday, September 05, 2012

One week

Still no binging. Seeking peace through my higher power (can't help but use that phrase, I'm reading it so much in the literature).

Still one day at a time. Still recognizing this is a disease. Not a default of character. Not a "make up my mind and I can stop binging" thing. Not something any diet will fix.

Definitely something that gets progressively worse when not treated.

Which explains SO much of the last few years.

If I'm not managing/treating the disease, it just makes me sicker.

I've been sick for almost my whole life with this disease. I've played around and thought I had control. Only to find it got worse.

Of course, I didn't understand until the past couple of weeks what was truly going on with me. Reading AA and OA books is eye opening.

And I'm not alone anymore. There are people just like me who KNOW and who care and who are in recovery.

No one beats this disease. No one is cured. The minute you think you are cured, you are doomed to relapse.

I feel like step one has sunk in: I am powerless over food and my life has become unmanageable. I'm almost ready for step two--came to believe a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Has to be greater than me. I have proven over and over I can't do it.

5 comments:

Laura N said...

And the moving through mud feelings are gone. Thank God. Wellbutrin seems to be working. Light therapy everyday at work is helping. Go started on that early this year. No sugar is absolutely positively helping

Jill said...

You are moving forward and that is good! Keep going! :)

Vickie said...

Here I am. I am not commenting on very many blogs these days, and mostly only people who I hear from nearly every day.

Curious how many people are at your meetings.

I went to (maybe 3) meetings here and it was very low attendance and very, very, very heavy people who considered themselves (sort of) cured, so it made me cringe. I did not have a work in progress feeling from them. One thing I did love was that food was never discussed. No debates about different plans or viewpoints. If they had been large meetings with a much wider variety of people, I think I would have kept going.

I originally went just to see what Frances' Rooms were like.

Laura N said...

YAY VICKIE! Thank you for letting me know & commenting today. As long as I know you're still out there....

There are 3 meetings a week in town. I go to the Monday night @ 7 pm and it is very well attended. 4 tables in a square, all seats filled, usu some overflow to seats outside of tables. The majority of people there are thin and have been in program for years. Which is very, very encouraging.

As far as I can tell, no one who comes to meetings--even & esp the thin ones--don't consider themselves "cured." "Grateful recovering compulsive overeater" is how they describe themselves. I say "compulsive overeater/sugar addict" when we go around the table and introduce ourselves.

Several have lost over 100 pounds. A couple have lost over 100 pounds & are still losing (one lady has been absitent for almost a year, has prob 50 more pounds to lose, has lost over 100 lbs so far). One lady this Monday (we met on Labor Day, which was great) said she'd been coming to meetings for 53 weeks, and she was still very heavy. Upset with herself that she still hadn't made progress. But she's still coming back.

I went to the Sat 8:30 am meeting once and there were several from the Monday group there, and more heavily attended than the Monday mtg. More heavy people there, more newbies, is my guess. But still a lot of grateful recovery people.

Men & women. I was shocked at how many men are there. There have been 6-7 at each meeting. One guy is also a recovering alcoholic in AA (he talked to me after my first meeting and told me this). I think he may go to a meeting of some sort every day. He looks great & has a "wise" aura about him.

Several people go to all 3 meetings a week.

The best part of the meetings is how understanding & encouraging everyone is. Lots of hugs, lots of love, lots of peace, lots of wisdom. I don't have to hide anything about my eating issues or emotional issues that cause me to binge. That is so different from my "real" life.

Vickie said...

I have often wondered this - when people get themselves upset with OA, it is never over the meetings. It is always over sponsors and food.

Always.

And usually they get themselves upset to the point that they stop going to meetings.

At this point they THINK they have a negative opinion of OA (being so strict about food), but it is actually not about OA at all, because food is never discussed at OA.

Are people too hasty in thinking they have to have a sponsor? Or too hasty in chosing a sponsor?

Do you think it is possible to clean up ones own food and go to the meetings regularly for support?