Friday, September 21, 2012

Day 24 (166.6)

I'm still doing well.  Today I finished 60 days of Wellbutrin.  It has made a big difference.  Also still on 75 mg of lamictal, which keeps my moods stable & even.

No sugar keeps my head clear.  It's remarkable how much better I feel when I'm not in the sugar.  Not just physically, but mentally.

I had a blip last night.  It had been one of those days where I was go go go all day.  Got to work before 8, busy all day. Then had a church meeting and choir that night, and had to do a quick grocery shop after, so I didn't get home until 8:45.  I didn't stop until almost 9:30 pm.

I sat down to decompress on the couch and watched Parks & Rec and The Office.  At 10:30 I was hungry--I had a very light dinner, since I had no time between getting the kids dinner and leaving for my church meeting, and that light dinner plus the "after" of the day caused me to reach for a luna bar and some baked snap peas.  Not a binge, but not on my eating plan.

Weight didn't suffer, wasn't bloated, and was hungry for breakfast by 7:30.  So nothing to worry about.  But something to observe, again, that long days that finish on the couch are a trigger situation for me, even if I haven't had trigger foods during the day.  I didn't have cookies or ice cream, which would have pushed me over the edge to a binge. So I'm thankful for that gift of grace.

I'm not starting my day count over when I have one blip.  This is about progress, not perfection.  I can't be perfect, and I'd feel defeated if I started over every time I'm not perfect. 

I wanted to get a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte this morning, very badly.  I love those things.  But when I had one a week ago, it made me feel sick.  There's obviously too much sugar in them.  When I left home I had to make the decision--turn left and go to Starbucks or turn right and go to work.  I turned right.  It felt like the right decision as soon as I did it.  And I'm not feeling deprived.  Feeling relieved I am not suffering from sugar overdose right now.  So, to my mind I'm back on track and no worries about today.

I'm having lunch with my sponsor on Monday, for our first face to face talk.

Random info: I got my hair cut and colored on Tuesday.  Had 2 1/2 inches cut off my hair.  I love it long, but I'd been wearing it in a pony tail or twist 5 or 6 days a week because it was so much work to dry & style it.  Now it's just below my shoulders, doesn't look any different really, and I can style it easily.  It will still go in a pony tail if I need it to.

My clothes are fitting better already.  I can wear some tops again that I couldn't because they were too tight across my back and waist.  I am weighing every day, as a tool to make sure what I'm eating isn't too many calories.

I am not exercising, which bothers me.  I haven't been able to fit it in after work, and I haven't got it in me to get up at 5 or 5:30 am to workout.  I HAVE to figure this out.  I don't want to atrophy.  I want to be a runner.  I want to do yoga.  I have to make this a priority and get this figured out.  I have a treadmill at home, so I can do something if I just make the time.  Working on psyching myself up to get this part of my life in balance again.  I really, really need it.


Vickie said...

I think you have a typo:
No sugar keeps my head clear.  It's remarkable how much better I feel when I'm in the sugar.  Not just physically, but mentally.

On your church meeting/choir jammed days, I wonder if you might pack your dinner and eat at the meeting.

Oldest is dealing with same workout time issue. And his answer is to do a couple hours on sat and sun mornings.

Gym is packed in late afternoon and early evening. On his other campus it was not (at that time of day) so he has sort of lost his groove time.

Is part of the weekday problem that you are trying to do too long of a workout? Because 20-30 minutes of fast pace on treadmill would probably be help. If you don't even have that much time, I understand, but wonder if you think it has to be more.

Oldest's morning time problem when the gym is empty, is time and shower - has to haul all his stuff and shower/dress at gym on campus as he lives downtown.

Jill said...

Glad you are still doing well! I think you are right to keep counting your days even if you have a blip - it also sounds like you were genuinely hungry, so I think you did the right thing.


Laura N said...

Yep, typo. Thanks for finding that. I added the "not."

Since the weather has been nicer, I have gotten in a few walks/runs on the weekends. But not both days and not every weekend. It would help to just make it a priority on those days & do it no matter what. I have the time then.

You are right--I have a mental block of, "if I'm going to get all my gear on, I need to do at least 40-45 minutes or it won't count or is a waste of time." I could squeeze in 20-30 minutes on the treadmill a couple times a week after we get home, probably.

The other problem after school is we get home late (around 6) on Mon & Tues b/c of Sophie's activities. I am usually zapped by then, mentally. And I still have homework to help with & dinner to provide for everyone. Wednesdays usually are the only night we are home around 4:30-5....and that's still pretty late and I'm still fried by then.

Thursdays are the night Mark is supposed to have the kids. My plan is always to workout between work and choir. It's just not happend for the last month or so because I've worked late or Mark has worked late or I've had a meeting before choir.

And yes, I should prep food on those busy days. It's just one more thing I need to do for myself.

I have lots of good reasons to not workout after work. I have lots of good reasons not to get up at 5 or 5:30 am and not workout. The bottom line is, I have to make up my mind and take action to overcome those reasons.

Because my kids aren't getting less demanding of my time--they are more demanding of my time. My work hours aren't going to get less (I'm working 10-15 more hours a week at the new office than I did before we moved in April). My life isn't going to magically get less hectic and give me big blocks of time to myself on a regular basis. So I just have to make myself make it happen.

Vickie said...