I'm still doing well. Today I finished 60 days of Wellbutrin. It has made a big difference. Also still on 75 mg of lamictal, which keeps my moods stable & even.
No sugar keeps my head clear. It's remarkable how much better I feel when I'm not in the sugar. Not just physically, but mentally.
I had a blip last night. It had been one of those days where I was go go go all day. Got to work before 8, busy all day. Then had a church meeting and choir that night, and had to do a quick grocery shop after, so I didn't get home until 8:45. I didn't stop until almost 9:30 pm.
I sat down to decompress on the couch and watched Parks & Rec and The Office. At 10:30 I was hungry--I had a very light dinner, since I had no time between getting the kids dinner and leaving for my church meeting, and that light dinner plus the "after" of the day caused me to reach for a luna bar and some baked snap peas. Not a binge, but not on my eating plan.
Weight didn't suffer, wasn't bloated, and was hungry for breakfast by 7:30. So nothing to worry about. But something to observe, again, that long days that finish on the couch are a trigger situation for me, even if I haven't had trigger foods during the day. I didn't have cookies or ice cream, which would have pushed me over the edge to a binge. So I'm thankful for that gift of grace.
I'm not starting my day count over when I have one blip. This is about progress, not perfection. I can't be perfect, and I'd feel defeated if I started over every time I'm not perfect.
I wanted to get a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte this morning, very badly. I love those things. But when I had one a week ago, it made me feel sick. There's obviously too much sugar in them. When I left home I had to make the decision--turn left and go to Starbucks or turn right and go to work. I turned right. It felt like the right decision as soon as I did it. And I'm not feeling deprived. Feeling relieved I am not suffering from sugar overdose right now. So, to my mind I'm back on track and no worries about today.
I'm having lunch with my sponsor on Monday, for our first face to face talk.
Random info: I got my hair cut and colored on Tuesday. Had 2 1/2 inches cut off my hair. I love it long, but I'd been wearing it in a pony tail or twist 5 or 6 days a week because it was so much work to dry & style it. Now it's just below my shoulders, doesn't look any different really, and I can style it easily. It will still go in a pony tail if I need it to.
My clothes are fitting better already. I can wear some tops again that I couldn't because they were too tight across my back and waist. I am weighing every day, as a tool to make sure what I'm eating isn't too many calories.
I am not exercising, which bothers me. I haven't been able to fit it in after work, and I haven't got it in me to get up at 5 or 5:30 am to workout. I HAVE to figure this out. I don't want to atrophy. I want to be a runner. I want to do yoga. I have to make this a priority and get this figured out. I have a treadmill at home, so I can do something if I just make the time. Working on psyching myself up to get this part of my life in balance again. I really, really need it.