Wednesday, August 15, 2012
First day of school
I've had good and bad days the past week.
Monday was a "bones feel like lead" day. I talked with Mark and cried on his shoulder Monday night (kids were at my mom's Monday & Tuesday since there was no school and no summer day care). He's in a really good place right now, so he was able to comfort & encourage me. I'm blessed to have him as a husband.
Yesterday was better. This morning I got up at 5:40 (which is a HUGE deal for me) and sat in front of my SAD light for 25 minutes & read my Bible. I prepped the kids' lunches last night (for the week), got them up early, and the morning went smoothly. We started off the school year right. I got to work at 8:05.
I was reading yesterday about melatonin possibly making depression worse. I have been taking melatonin for a couple of years to help me sleep. It REALLY helps me sleep. And sleep. And sleep. I have blamed my not getting up in the morning on depression and laziness (I can hit the snooze button for an hour--not healthy or smart, I know).
I wonder now if melatonin was not getting out of my body soon enough and keeping me asleep too late. I take a low dose--1 mg, in a two-stage release tablet. But, still. I stopped taking it, as of last night, and will see if it helps me get up earlier and possibly help alleviate the depression.
I'll have 5 more sessions of acupuncture, once a week. It was BLISS on Friday. I wish I could have it everyday. Serious relaxation and deeply peaceful. I think the more out of balance I am, the more effective it is.
I'm starting the SAD light early this year. September is when SAD starts to hit me. I figured why wait? Might as well start it up now and see if it helps.
Food still is not great. I am in a rut of night eating for comfort. I know that is going to lift soon. I can feel the desire to change seeping into my conscience. When the depression lightens, it makes room for the good stuff.
School starting will be a big help. Kids are on the bus at 7:30. It is no longer a 45 minute drive to take them to summer camp (45 min from time I left the house to when I got to work). It's a 7 minute drive to work from my house. As long as I'm awake by 5:30-40, I can do everything I need to for the day.
It's the evenings that will take some adjusting and attention, but hopefully we'll at least get on a schedule that will stick.
Tidbits on the kids:
Starting in September, Sophie will be taking acting classes on Tuesdays and possibly another acting class and a voice lesson on Thursday. We have an amazing performing arts studio here, and she flourishes in that atmosphere. She's quite talented (and that's not just me talking--the studio owner and the teachers have been complimentary and their eyes light up when they talk about her future there). She had a small role in the Willy Wonka production this summer; she's in the Winnie the Pooh production that runs the last weekend of September. Her weekends include 8 hours of rehearsals (4 each day). She loves every single minute.
Luke will be starting baseball in September. He's never done a team sport. We want him to try out this instructional league and see if it's a good fit. He's at a good age to find out what his "thing" is. We're trying baseball first.
Mark is supposed to take the kids on Monday and Thursday nights. I start church choir back up next week on Thursday at 7 pm. Choir gives me such a lift, and I have missed that time to myself.
This summer I've had next to no time to myself and very little help from Mark b/c of work and because he has commitments on Tuesday & Wednesday night (men's group and a weekly meeting with a friend of his--these are what have helped him get emotionally healthy, so they are vital). He wants me to have time to myself, too. We just have to work together to make it happen. And to make it happen I have to want to do something at night other than collapse on the couch.
Hopefully I'm moving in that direction.
Posted by Laura N at 10:01 AM