The meds started working a smidge better a couple days ago. I know they are working better because I can cook and clean the kitchen and it's not a monumental effort to live my daily life.
Night time eating is better. I've been going to bed after putting the kids to bed, instead of sitting on the couch with food only a few feet away. That conditioned response--of eating when it's bed time and I'm sitting on the couch--is powerful, and the only way to break it, that I can see, is to remove myself from the situation.
What's not better are my intrusive thoughts. I still imagine myself or other people getting hurt (or worse) or having accidents. If these aren't gone in a couple more weeks, I'm going back to the psych and probably will ask to increase the meds again. The thoughts are not controllable; they come and go.
I haven't had time or energy to go running or walking and haven't been to yoga in over a week. Mark is very busy and often doesn't get home until 6, and by then I'm done for the day (at least, done as far as working out... I still have an hour or more of kid duty before bed).
We are still planning on going to Colorado next week. I'm excited by I'm also dreading it. It's going to be a ton of work, a long drive, a long time away from home, and everyone out there is super healthy & skinny. I feel bad about myself when I'm this heavy & around Mark's family. Sigh.
The kids will have fun though and they are really excited. Despite my body issues, I can't wait to spend time with everyone. We haven't seen this part of our family since Thanksgiving. So that will be nice.
So I guess I'm okay--not great, but not in the pit. That's something at least.
And weight is staying stable around 170. Not happy about that at all. Just not enough energy (or in enough misery) to do anything about it yet.