It's been a tough few weeks.
I do fine during the day. Then I walk into my house at the end of the
day and it's like the air is let out of a balloon.
I deflate. I feel oppressed. I feel the weight of the world.
It makes me eat.
And I've gained 6 pounds.
A lot of this oppression at home is self imposed. I am much harder on
myself about keeping the house up than my family cares about. But *I*
Just the shear fact of getting kids and myself dinner, and baths
(which they only get a few times a week--it's not an every night
thing), and homework (school's out today), picking up clutter, doing
laundry, opening mail and paying bills, and the myriad of "to do's"
that never get done.... Basically I get home and don't sit down or do
anything for me until after 9 pm.
And then I have nothing left. I am in the rut of sitting on the couch
and watching TV and eating sugar. A lot of sugar.
I know it's The Afters. The nights I've done Yoga have been better. I
got to go 3 times last week. That still left 4 nights of severe
I have been thinking all morning how to break the cycle (Vickie, I was
just getting ready to write this when you commented). My pants are
tight today. It's a constant reminder things have to change.
I want to start running again. When I run I do better. It's summer
now. I should have more time. I'll be training soon for a half
marathon in October.
It's the energy that's the issue. It's a monumental task right now to
work all day, then take care of Life at Home, then workout. It's also
impossible for me to get up before work to run--I can't make myself
get out of bed early. Mark can pick up kids one or two days a week,
and I take advantage of it when he does.
Even on those days, though, I struggle with the deflated thing at
home. It's easier in some ways because I had time to recharge a bit.
But not that much easier.
So that's life right now. Work is still great. We love it here. And
I'm not feeling depressed. Just overwhelmed, I guess.
The summer is already packed. That has me anxious because it's going
to cost us a good deal to do everything--summer day camps are a
fortune; a trip to Colorado in July for our niece's wedding; Mark's
50th birthday surprise party at the end of July.
I have to find the energy to change. Today it feels like a huge undertaking.
I pulled up Kay Sheppard's website this morning. I'm taking steps to change.
I know it will get better. It always does. I will find my way out. Again.